When Other People Won’t Change

Lori Deschene writes:

“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” Jim Rohn

We all want to be loved and accepted, just as we are. We want people to honor our interests, value our needs, and respect our choices in life.

So why, then, do we expect other people to sacrifice theirs for us?

Why do we hope people will change their goals, habits, and values to better align with ours when they haven’t given us any indication they’d be happier for doing it?

Why do we hope for it, bank on it, and then assume it will eventually happen just because of how badly we want it?

Sometimes we think we know what’s best for others, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll likely realize we want people to change when it somehow benefits us.

I’m not talking about people who are violent, dangerous to themselves and others, or in any way abusive.

I’m talking about the boyfriend who isn’t as open-minded as you. Or the girlfriend who doesn’t value fitness like you. Or the husband who isn’t as social as you. Or the wife who doesn’t take risks like you.

I spent most of my twenties dating people who were completely incompatible with me.

I got involved with stoic men hoping they’d become more sentimental. I pursued self-professed bachelors hoping I’d be the one to make them want to commit. I even dated men who said they never wanted kids, hoping they’d change their minds because I did.

And why? Because those were the men who were there, and it felt safer to be with the wrong men than leave and risk not finding the right one.

Relationships are all about compromise, and there’s no such thing as a perfect match.

But we owe it to ourselves to recognize what’s non-negotiable in relationships so we don’t end up resentfully sacrificing our needs while secretly hoping the people we’re with will make it worth our while.

The people we want to change—there are others out there who’d accept and even value them, just as they are. We can choose to do that and appreciate them for all their unique quirks, interests, and preferences. Or we can set them free and create the possibility of finding people we’d never want to change.” via Tiny Wisdom: When Other People Won’t Change | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In.