Category: Self care

Letting Go of Self Doubt

Melody Beattie writes:

A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. “I want to separate from my husband,” she sobbed. “I can’t stand him or his abuse any longer. But tell me, please tell me,” she said, “do you think I can take care of myself?” Codependent No More

Not only is it okay to take care of ourselves, we can take good care of ourselves.

Many of us, so confident about our ability to take care of others, doubt our inherent strength to care for ourselves. We may have come to believe, from our past or present circumstances, that we need to take care of others and we need others to take care of us. This is the ultimate codependent belief.

No matter where this self-defeating belief was born, we can release it and replace it with a better one, a healthier one, a more accurate one.

We can take care of ourselves — whether we are in or out of a relationship. Everything we need will be provided. We will have loved ones, friends, and our Higher Power to help.

Knowing that we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we won’t have feelings of fear, discomfort, doubt, anger, and fragility at times. It means we practice “courageous vulnerability,” as Colette Dowling called it in Cinderella Complex. We may feel scared, but we do it anyway.

Today, God, help me know how I can take care of myself.” via Daily Meditation ~ Letting Go of Self Doubt – Miracles In Progress Codependents Anonymous Group.

5

…on Patience and Anger

0

Shouting In Anger!

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~ Buddha

Go to the source: Shouting In Anger!.

Related articles
2

5 Steps to Taking Care of YOU

“If you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t take as good care of others either, so taking care of yourself is the best selfish thing to do!” Go to the source: 5 Steps to Taking Care of YOU [BLOG] « Positively Positive.

0

…on Making Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life...

“Many of us do not understand what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for. We may believe we have to get into a tizzy when someone has a problem because it is our responsibility to do that. However, at the heart of most rescues is a demon: low self-worth. We rescue because we don’t feel good about ourselves.. caretaking provides us with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth, and power. Just as a drink helps an alcoholic momentarily feel better, a rescue move momentarily distracts us from the pain of being who we are. We don’t feel loveable, so we settle for being needed. We don’t feel good about ourselves, so we feel compelled to do a particular thing to prove how good we are.” ~ Melody Beattie via Today’s Quotes: What Joy!? Make Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!.

1

Is Personal Growth a Danger to Your Relationship?

Interesting perspective on growth in a relationship. Is it always good?

“We like to think that, in the romantic ideal, people love each other out of a keen appreciation for their partners’ most fundamental selves. They continue to love each other through mutual growth and change based on a profound devotion to who each other really is. As the partners grow, they make choices that enable them to change with each other and their relationship, making it stronger with every change. But we can never know another person (or even ourselves) that perfectly, and since our selves are what we make of them, we can change them. While we hope our partners continue to love and appreciate us as we change, it is important to acknowledge the possibility that we can change them fundamentally enough to make even the most deeply appreciative partner wonder who we are. One can be legitimately surprised when the person he or she loves seems to be slipping away, replaced by another person who looks just the same but behaves very differently. This can be tragic, but in the end it may lead both people, who once may have been a wonderful fit for each other, to find new partners who are better fits for who they are now.” via Is Personal Growth a Danger to Your Relationship? | Psychology Today.

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like the entire context…

0

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Here’s a moral with a story from Melody Beattie…

Jenna started dating a new man. Like many women, she was a little frustrated with all the losers that had come along before. She thought she’d put this one to the test. She wanted to see how good he’d be to her.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do, she told him she thought he should take her on a little trip.

“Hawaii would be nice,” she said. “You get us the tickets. And find someplace nice for us to stay when we get there. I don’t want to be in a cheesy hotel.”

He had enough money in the bank. The trip, she thought, would be exquisite and luxurious. She envisioned the first-class air travel, the limos, and the home he’d rent complete with maid service and a cook.

When the day of the trip arrived, they took a taxi, not a limo, to the airport. And when she boarded the airplane, he led her back to coach. When the flight attendant came around asking if people wanted to rent movies, her boyfriend shook his head and went back to reading his book. She had to dig out the four dollars to pay for the movie.

She sat scrunched up in her seat, all the way to Hawaii. When they got there, he took her to a time-share condo. Then he drove her in the rental car to the grocery store and said, “Pick out what you want to cook.”

Throughout the vacation she spent a lot of time stewing in her head, but when they got home, she decided to give him one more chance.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do Friday night, she said she thought a movie would be nice. She hung up the phone, then dressed up and did her hair. She thought maybe he’d take her to a nice theater.

He picked her up, then drove to the nearest Blockbuster. “Go in and pick out whatever video you’d like to rent,” he said. “Do you want to watch it at your place or mine?

The moral of this story is twofold and simple. The first les­son is if you know exactly what you want, you need to spell it out clearly. The second is that it’s better not to expect people to take care of us. Even if they agree to do it, we might not like how they do the job.

While it’s nice to have people love us and do things for us, it’s better to plan on taking care of ourselves.

God, help me remember that it’s my job to take care of myself.

Source: April 18: Remember to Take Care of Yourself | Language of Letting Go

Hmmmm…

Lately I’ve been learning a lot about expectations. I think the simplest way to avoid disappointment is not to have them. Or, as Melody points out if you DO have expectations “you need to spell it [them] out clearly” or be prepared to meet them yourself…

Related articles
0

Taking Care of Ourselves

In The Language of Letting Go Melody Beattie says…

“We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as “self-care.” Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin-off of the “me generation.” It isn’t self-indulgence. It isn’t selfishness—in the negative interpretation of that word. We’re learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obsessively focusing on another person. We’re learning self-responsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Self-care also means tending to our true responsibilities to others; we do this better when we’re not feeling overly responsible. Self-care sometimes means, “me first,” but usually, “me too.” It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims. Self-care means learning to love the person we’re responsible for taking care of—ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and self-indulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s self-esteem. Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling excessively responsible for those around me. Show me what what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.”

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 105-106). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

Feel free today to take care of yourself…

Related articles
0

On taking care of your self…

 

14/52/2012 Me To Infinity

C. M. MacNeil shares this from Melody Beattie…

Our most important focus during times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances; we are better able to be there for others if we’re caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable?
Self-care may not come as easily during times of stress. Self-neglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of us always works.

Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can’t be benefited by taking care of myself.

via April 14, 2012 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden « cmmacneil.

Related articles
4

Don’t look back in anger!

0

Dare to be selfish

pamperyourselfJason Moskovitz writes…

This is not a call to be careless or to be preoccupied with yourself. This is not a call to be full of yourself. I would argue that many of us are far less than full of ourselves. I urge you to fill your self up MORE.

We all have mothers. Many of them are naturally giving—often to a fault. In this day, mothers often find themselves parenting, working, and socializing at the same time, with less support from our communities when compared to traditional times when it literally took a village to raise a child.

Whether you are a parent, an artist, an athlete, or a giver of any kind—many of us can give too much. Maybe we give as part of our nature, maybe we focus on the needs of others as a way to distract from our own needs and desires.We burn ourselves out. We empty ourselves.

Now is the time to become self-centered. Focus on what makes you happy. Focus on what you want. Be that strongest link that holds your family, your workplace, and your community together for the long haul. Here are nine things to assist in filling yourself up…

Source: Dare to Be Selfish [BLOG] « Positively Positive

I have found recently that if you don’t take care of yourself in a healthy way it’s hard to take care of your responsibilities in a healthy way. Go to the source if you’d like to see the 9 ways…

0

Let go of low self esteem

Self esteem

Melody Beattie shares this thought for today…

“Sell-esteem is so illusive,” said Amanda. “I’ve been work­ing on my self-esteem for years. The harder I work at it, the less I seem to have.”

I believe we can let go of low self-esteem. We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves. We can become willing to forgive ourselves. We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn’t feel good to us. We can look at the dangers of defin­ing ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.

Twelve Step programs offer two Steps that can help us build self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of char­acter. Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The work isn’t easy, but it is worthwhile.

For now it’s enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives.

God, please replace my low self-esteem with self-acceptance.

Source: April 2: Let Go of Low Self Esteem | Language of Letting Go

6

Don’t drink the negative Kool-Aid

doomandgloomTerri Cole posted this recently…

The onslaught of bad news in the media continues to fester. The climate of fear has reached epic proportions. We are inundated with bad news about our crumbling economy, the rising unemployment rate, executive greed, lack of affordable healthcare, etc. So the question is how can YOU stay positive and productive in a relentlessly negative climate and NOT drink the Armageddon Kool-Aid?

Well, as you may have guessed, I have a few ideas. Continue reading “Don’t drink the negative Kool-Aid” →

0

A seven-step prescription for self-love

Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love” →

1

Anger at Family Members?

English: A metaphorical visualization of the w...

Yes. Melody Beattie again. I read her every morning. Today’s post included this thought…

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family mem­bers. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on me and my family. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

Source: March 19: Anger at Family Members | Language of Letting Go

Go to the source if you’d like to read her entire post…

0

Expose Yourself To Your Deepest Fear!

Paula Modersohn-Becker. Rainer Maria Rilke, 1906

“Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.”

– Rainier Maria Rilke, was a Bohemian-Austrian poet.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

– Jim Morrison, lead singer of The Doors!

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”

– Richard Bach, is a best-selling author.

“If you let it, life can become a simple pattern of staying in your comfort zone and never wandering out into the unknown to see what lies on the other side of its horizon. Today is Monday, the first day of the week; change your patterns, even slightly today, so that a new world can find you. Do ONE thing that scares you today, ONE thing that makes you a little nervous, ONE thing that you never thought you would do. If you do ONE thing every day you will have done 365 NEW THINGS in a year! Today, don’t try to tackle everything, but please do ONE thing!”

– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

via Today’s Quotes: Expose Yourself To Your Deepest Fear!.

0

Taking care of Ourselves

Places of Self-Care

More Melody Beattie for those who can benefit from it…

We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as “self-care.” Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin-off of the “me generation.” It isn’t self-indulgence. It isn’t selfishness — in the negative interpretation of that word.

We’re learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obses­sively focusing on another person. We’re learning self-responsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Self-care also means tending to our true responsi­bilities to others; we do this better when we’re not feeling overly responsible.

Self-care sometimes means, “me first,” but usually, “me too.” It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims.

Self-care means learning to love the person we’re respon­sible for taking care of — ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and self-indulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us.

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s self-esteem.

Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling exces­sively responsible for those around me. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.

Source: March 8: Taking care of Ourselves | Language of Letting Go

Take care of your self today!

0

Don’t Look Back In Anger!

Today’s Visual Inspiration: Don’t Look Back In Anger!

0

Taking care of Yourself

Feelings (David Byrne album)
Image via Wikipedia

Anger, fear, sadness, betrayal a lot of emotions can run through us when we stop trying to change the other person and start focusing on taking care of ourselves. The good news is that we’re finally feeling our own feelings instead of trying to figure out what the other person feels.

Maybe all those feelings we’ve been avoiding aren’t the opposite of love. Those feelings could be an important step on the path to love.

Inventory Focus: Is there a relationship in your life right now that is bugging you? Are you willing to explore detachment as a means to improving the relationship and regaining your peace?

Source: December 30: Taking care of Yourself | Language of Letting Go

Related articles
0

Taking care of myself emotionally

“What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I’m feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I’m feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I recognize and feel fear when that emotion presents itself. I allow myself to feel happiness, joy, and love when those emotions are available. Taking care of myself means I’ve made a decision that it’s okay to feel. Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it’s time to release it and go on to the next one. I recognize that sometimes my feelings can help point me toward reality, but sometimes my feelings are deceptive. They are important, but I do not have to let them control me. I can feel, and think too. I talk to people about my feelings when that’s appropriate and safe. I reach out for help or guidance if I get stuck in a particular emotion. I’m open to the lessons my emotions may be trying to teach me. After I feel, accept, and release the feeling, I ask myself what it is I want or need to do to take care of myself. Taking care of myself emotionally means I value, treasure, explore, and cherish the emotional part of myself. Today, I will take care of myself emotionally. I will be open to, and accepting of, the emotional part of myself and other people. I will strive for balance by combining emotions with reason, but I will not allow intellect to push the emotional part of myself away.”

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 362-363). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

0

Taking care of ourselves…

A Belgian Westland Sea King at work doing a re...
Image via Wikipedia
A good thought this morning from ‘The Language of Letting Go’…

We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless. Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing. We are our own rescuers.

Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us. Today, I will let go of the fears and self-doubt that block me from taking assertive action in my best interest. I can take care of myself and let others do the same for themselves.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 329). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

0

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑