Seth’s Blog: The FLASH drives

The ever-brilliant Seth Godin writes:

Fear, loneliness, anger, shame & hunger.

They drive us. They divide us. They take us away from our work, our mission, our ability to make a difference. And yet, sometimes, they fuel our motion, leading to growth and connection.

When a variety of FLASH shows up, it almost never calls itself by name. Instead, it lashes out. It criticizes what we’ve made or done. And mostly, it hides behind words, argument and actions, instead of revealing itself.

As you’ve guessed, correcting the false argument is futile. Logic doesn’t work either. You can’t reason with FLASH because it is, by definition, unreasonable.

Worth repeating that: We’re rarely reasonable. Most of the time, we’re afraid, lonely, angry, shameful or hungry.

Sometimes, we can address those emotions by seeing that reason can help our problem, but mostly, we start and end with the emotion.

Recognize it.

Pause to allow it be seen and heard.

And then, if we’re willing, we can dance with it. We can put the arguments aside, the demands and the expectations and sit with the emotion. Not get defensive, because the emotion isn’t about us or our work at all.

Then, maybe, we can begin to bring civilization back into the conversation, the story of us, the opportunity for growth and connection, and ultimately, the power of thought and reason and forward motion.

Go to the source for more: Seth’s Blog: The FLASH drives

November 29, 2016 0

New Rule: All Purchases Subject to a Mental Quarantine

Overwhelmed by shtuff? Consider this!

My wife and I are setting up a customs screening station in our driveway. No, we’re not starting an international airport. And it’s not for solicitors, strangers or gift-bearing guests. It’s for us and our stuff. From now on, before anything new comes into the house, resident buyers will need to answer a series of questions. How much did it cost? Are you replacing something you already own? Why do you think it’s amazing? And if it’s food, are you sure you’ll eat it? We’re doing this because stuff is taking over our home. And right now we’re in the process of getting rid of things we never use. We’re organizing, sorting and throwing things out from one end of the house to the other. And it feels. So. Good.

Go to the source for the rest of the article: New Rule: All Purchases Subject to a 7-Day Mental Quarantine – The New York Times

It reminds me of the old Paul McCartney song ‘Singalong Junk’: Buy! Buy! Says the sign in the shop window. Why? Why? Says the junk in the yard…

November 29, 2016

4 Questions to Ask Before Wearing a Safety Pin

Are you among the many Americans who are considering wearing a safety pin after this election? This simple object has quickly emerged as a sign that the wearer is willing to offer a safe space for women, immigrants, Muslims, LGBTQ, people of color, and other groups marginalized by the rhetoric of President-elect Donald Trump.Members of marginalized groups have good reason to fear. They have been suffering from a sharp spike in hate crimes after the election, part of a broader wave of hate crimes associated with Trump’s election campaign. The surge of hate crimes in the US parallels a similar rise in hate crimes against immigrants in the UK after Brexit. Indeed, the US safety pin movement is adapted from the post-Brexit UK safety pin movement, which symbolizes support for immigrants there.Progressive US media venues are advocating strongly for the seemingly small step of wearing safety pins. Stores across the United States are running out of stock. Yet there are hidden dangers in wearing safety pins, as shown by the post-Brexit safety pin movement. Here are the 4 questions you need to ask before wearing a safety pin to help you avoid these dangers.

Source: 4 Questions to Ask Before Wearing a Safety Pin | Psychology Today

November 28, 2016 0

Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It’s also a beneficial one if it’s not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.

Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it’s the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.

And, sometimes, anger just is. It doesn’t have to be justified. It usually can’t be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle ourselves or our energy.

We don’t have to feel guilty whenever we experience anger. We don’t have to feel guilty.

Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.
http://melodybeattie.com/letting-go-anger/ from Tumblr via IFTTT

November 28, 2016 0

Here’s my suggestion for what to do when you find yourself in the company of people whose views differ from yours. Grant them the benefit of the doubt as to their intentions unless their views are morally indefensible to you. (My list of morally indefensible includes discrimination against people based on their race, religion, ethnicity, country of birth, gender, sexual orientation, disability.) Prejudice against any of these people is a deal-breaker for me because it’s an attack on our fundamental human right to be who we are and to live as we please so long as we’re not harming others.

I suggest that if a friend or relative crosses your deal-breaker line, speak up—but not in anger. Without attacking the other person—and with as much care as you can muster—state your views as skillfully as you can. Then, if the other person wants to start an argument with you, refuse to contend with him or her. I love these words from the Thai Buddhist monk Ajahn Chah: “If there is no one to receive it, the letter is sent back.”

Source: 3 Suggestions for Responding Wisely to the Election Results | Psychology Today

November 20, 2016 0

October 3, 2016 0

If You Want to Become More Mindful, Check Your Watch

I found this article interesting because thanks to an app I recently installed, I am already doing this and receiving the benefits of it…

So, if the “monkey mind,” as the Eastern practitioners call it, has a mind of its own, how does one become more “mindful?” How can your mind remind itself to be mindful, when it loves to wander? Isn’t mindlessness the more typical – and even normal – condition?Here’s an easy way. Let’s imagine that you have a special relationship with a helpful little bird, one that likes to keep your attention in the now. Imagine that your feathered friend takes on the mission of reminding you, periodically, to just “tune in.” Only you can see and hear her, of course, and she comes to you only during your waking hours.Imagine that once every hour, she lights on your shoulder, politely chirps into your ear, and flies away. That little chirp is your signal to interrupt whatever you’re doing, however engrossing it might be (unless it’s reacting to a dangerous situation), and take five or ten seconds to look around, reorient to your surroundings, and remind yourself how great it is to be alive.This can be your moment of gratitude; or your moment of acknowledging the wonderment of the experience of life; a moment of giving thanks for all that you have in life; taking joy in the rewarding relationships you have with others; recommitting to taking care of your health; and for living wisely and gently. Just five or ten seconds, every waking hour, can have a remarkable effect on your sense of well being, and it can begin to condition you to return to immediate reality more often, and to appreciate what joy there can be in just living.“But,” you ask, “where is this magical little bird, and how do I make a deal with her to wake me from my trance every hour?”

Source: If You Want to Become More Mindful, Check Your Watch | Psychology Today

The app is called Mindbell and you can find it here…

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September 25, 2016 0

August 15, 2016 0

You Can’t Get Rid of Your Anger—And That’s OK

Anger is an agitated state of mind that can easily lead to hatred and violence if unchecked. Yet I don’t believe it’s possible to get rid of anger; it is a universal emotion deeply rooted in ingrained survival reactions. My goal is to live with anger—as well as other difficult emotions—in a skillful way so it doesn’t cause harm.

How do I practice with anger in order to achieve that?

There are many types of anger. For example, there’s the anger I feel after watching or reading about social injustice. The energy of this type of anger can be helpful. Taking action requires experiencing enough outrage that I’m compelled to volunteer, protest, or support the causes that address social injustice—without allowing my indignation to erupt into violence.

Another type of anger is made up of grudges that camouflage grief. I mentor many people who carry around unending resentments at those who’ve abandoned them, whether lovers, spouses, partners, parents, or family members. What I find is that harboring such resentment creates the illusion that we can protect ourselves from ever being abandoned again.

Source: You Can’t Get Rid of Your Anger— And That’s OK – Lion’s Roar

July 23, 2016 0

Against all expectation, in direct contrast to what one might expect: Sunday Read

Against all expectation, in direct contrast to what one might expect of me on paper, I spent most of my teenage life in a perpetual state of anger. There I was, enjoying what can only be described as a privileged white life, with primary concerns being surfing and girls, growing up in Australia at a time when it was called “the land of plenty” (https://goo.gl/gFnbEf) and I could feel myself wanting to rage at the world, blast out at everything in sight. In the long years since I have come to not only temper that sense of anger that has never quite gone away but also step back from it sufficiently to ask: “why”? The Wikipedia definition actually provides some clues (https://goo.gl/yxHjFI). It calls anger an emotional response to a “perceived provocation or threat” and the teenage me (and later the slightly more mature and controlled adult I became) has always felt that there was a larger system at work. One that I could neither directly see nor ever hope to affect and that system ran my life. Determined my future. Defined me. In the 70s the world was locked in a state of tense détente (https://goo.gl/8Ndp27) where the steps that were being taken to reduce the possibility of a nuclear holocaust were also drawing attention to it. There was the feeling that processes were grinding away in backroom deals, decisions taken away from the public scrutiny, the fate of the world was being shaped by men who somehow felt they were more than the rest (and they weren’t).

Go to the source: Emotions Against all expectation, in direct contrast to what one might expect…

July 17, 2016 0

How to Use Your Anger to Help Yourself

pablo

We grew up hearing that anger is a weakness. It’s shameful. It’s a monster. But I’ve learned that anger can actually be helpful if we know how to manage it.

Source: How to Use Your Anger to Help Yourself

July 16, 2016 0

6 Essential Tips to Simplify Life

pablo (16)

Life can be overwhelming. Simplifying life can be a life-changer. Let these 6 practical tips inspire you to change a few things in life to live at your best…

Source: 6 Essential Tips to Simplify Life

July 13, 2016 0

The Enoch Factor

pablo (14)

Never before has this country—indeed this world—faced such a need for a book that unites people, a book that reassures those disillusioned by faith that they can navigate their way back to God and even experience a profound spiritual awakening. For author and entrepreneur Steve McSwain, such an epiphany transformed his life. In The Enoch Factor, readers discover a kindred spirit in an author who understands how religion can subvert a spiritual life. His story will help them navigate their own spiritual journeys.

More than a personal odyssey, The Enoch Factor is also a testimonial to the innate dangers of fundamentalist thinking. It is a persuasive argument for a more enlightened religious dialogue in America, one that affirms the goals of all religions—guiding followers in self-awareness, finding serenity and happiness, and discovering what the author describes as “the sacred art of knowing God.” Unapologetic and moving, McSwain’s take on The Almighty is sure to ignite spirited debate. Full of wisdom, humor, and truth, The Enoch Factor bridges the gap between secular and Christian book titles on spirituality, setting a new standard in both…

Go to the source…

July 6, 2016 0

The Worst Kind of Betrayal

pablo (7)

“When we think about betrayal in terms of the marble jar metaphor [you’ll have to go to the source at the bottom if you want to understand the metaphor], most of us think of someone we trust doing something so terrible that it forces us to grab the jar and dump out every single marble. What’s the worst betrayal of trust? He sleeps with my best friends. She lies about where the money went. He/she chooses someone over me. Someone uses my vulnerability against me [an act of emotional treason that causes most of us to slam the entire jar to the ground rather than just dumping out the marbles]. All terrible betrayals, definitely, but there is a particular sort of betrayal that is more insidious and equally corrosive to trust.In fact, this betrayal usually happens long before the other ones. I’m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship. The word betrayal evokes experiences of cheating, lying, breaking a confidence, failing to defend us to someone else who’s gossiping about us, and not choosing us over other people. These behaviors are certainly betrayals, but they’re not the only form of betrayal. If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement.When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making.”

Go to the source: The Worst Kind of Betrayal « Positively Positive