Andrew Marshall writes “If you love someone and they love you, shouldn’t you be able to tell them if something they do upsets you? It is a beautiful thought and something I’m sure most people would agree on.
But how can you do it in a loving way—a way that won’t be heard as criticism? Having spent 35 years listening to couples arguing, I have also had plenty of opportunities to think about how to turn this ambition into a reality.” Source: Why Does My Partner Only Hear Criticism?
First, I’m not a mental health professional but I’m surprised to find an article that addresses this issue without mentioning confirmation bias or non-violent communication. Let’s look into those ideas in hopes it will add to the original article.
What is confirmation bias?
Confirmation bias is a cognitive bias that refers to the tendency of individuals to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms their preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. Essentially, it is the tendency to selectively favor information that supports one’s own perspectives while disregarding or downplaying contradictory evidence. This bias can distort our reasoning and decision-making processes, as it hinders our ability to consider alternative viewpoints or critically evaluate information objectively. It is important to be aware of confirmation bias to promote open-mindedness and strive for more balanced and evidence-based thinking.
What is non-violent communication?
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication approach developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. NVC is based on the concept that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and empathy, and that conflicts arise from miscommunication and unmet needs. NVC training focuses on building skills to communicate effectively, authentically, and without violence or harm.
NVC training teaches individuals to identify and express their feelings and needs with clarity and empathy, and to listen and empathize with others in a non-judgmental manner. It emphasizes open and honest communication, active listening, and finding win-win solutions. By using NVC, individuals can enhance their relationships, resolve conflicts peacefully, and foster mutual understanding and respect.
During NVC training, participants learn to observe without judgment, identify their feelings and needs, express themselves assertively, and make clear, actionable requests. The training provides practical tools and strategies to improve communication, manage conflicts, and cultivate empathy and understanding in personal and professional relationships.
NVC training is applied in various settings, including personal relationships, workplaces, schools, and community organizations. It offers a valuable framework for cultivating compassionate and nonviolent communication, promoting empathy, and fostering harmonious connections among people.
Both of these concepts are important for effective communication in relationship and and I suggest they should be considered in addition to the ideas that Andrew Marshall brings forward. On this topic I also recommend the following books from Susan Scott:
And good luck improving the love relationship in your life. If you’ve read this far, you’re well on your way!
Bright, shiny objects! 
What do you think?