Friendship Is Key to Lasting Marriages and Romantic Partners

I don’t often swipe an entire article like this but here’s a great post on marriage and friendship via Psychology Today…

When two people are into each other, whether romantically or platonically, there is a sense of “togetherness” between them. This reflects the sense of intimacy and engagement in the relationship. If you want to get your relationship back on track, perhaps treating your partner with the tenderness and kindness you treat a friend may be helpful. Below are a few suggestions that may help you recharge your own intimate relationship.

Befriending Your Partner

1. When speaking to your partner, listen to the words you use, the tone of voice you use, and the attitude you bring to the encounter. If it’s not reflective of your deep sense of commitment and intimacy you desire, then revamp your communication style! Let your appreciation show through your communications!

2. Reflect on the messages you are sending your own partner by the way you treat them and revise, if needed. Do you show the same respect that you show your friends? Do you make a big public deal of your partner’s decision to order a venti caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream, although you would never say a word to a friend if they went overboard on calories? If these relationship wreckers sound familiar, reflect on the “golden rule” and think about how you’d feel if your cherished partner did these things to you!

3. Encourage your partner in what they do and refrain from criticizing their efforts. Just as friends expect you to provide encouragement and support, do this for your partner. Even if you would rather see a job done right than have the luxury of not having to do it yourself, please be tolerant of your partner’s attempts and accept, accept, accept.

4. Be patient when your partner is dead-set on making a mistake no matter how much foresight, wisdom, and insight you want to impart. We often laugh indulgently about our friends who have to learn lessons the hard way; we need to recognize that our partners might also need to go that route. Acceptable exceptions would include matters of life and limb, bankruptcy or solvency, fire or flood; but a little spackle on the wall should be okay.

5. Offer to be a part of your partner’s projects or hobbies. Don’t fake enthrallment, but offering to hold the flashlight or find the flat blade screwdriver is something any friend would do.

6. Avoid unrealistic expectations. If you ask your partner to help you find a new pair of jeans, be willing to help your partner find a new remote for the DVR, new wiper blades, or new pair of jeans themselves.

7. If your partner just can’t listen to 45 minutes of “why I hate my job,” then simply provide the synopsis. Not all friends like opera.

8. If your partner feels safe enough to open up to you, don’t, beat them down, laugh at their feelings, or tell them to “man up and move on.”

9. If you’ve got a complaint, share it with your partner just as you would a friend.

10. Remember that romance and sexual desire may ebb and flow over the course of a relationship, but friendship and companionship are the fuels that keeps a couple moving forward.

Check out more on friendships of all types in Friends Forever: How Girls and Women Forge Lasting Relationships

via Friendship Is Key to Lasting Marriages and Romantic Partners | Psychology Today.