Simple Truth to a Richer, Deeper, Lasting Relationship

Healing thoughts from Jeff Cannon:

When a relationship becomes a one-way way street, it ends up at a dead end sooner or later. Learn to keep the traffic flowing both ways with conversation, forgiveness and mindful awareness to keep your relationship growing well into the future. It all starts with that inner conversation you have with yourself. Be aware of it, and find how easy it is to nurture your relationship in the direction you want it to go.

At one time or another, we all transfer the frustrations from our day onto our partners. Don’t get upset, it’s natural. People turn to the ones they trust, to those closest to them, to vent. The problem is your loved one doesn’t always know that you’re venting and can take it very personally.

That doesn’t mean you have to stop venting. It just means you need to be aware that you are venting. That way you can take the guesswork out by telling your partner why you’re venting. When you are mindful of the person across from you, it’s easy to help them understand the “why” behind the “what,” so they’re not left guessing if they are the one you’re angry with.

Just acknowledging that you’ve had a bad day can help you change your tone from exasperation to understanding. Being aware of how short your fuse has become means you can keep yourself from escalating a harmless comment into a full-blown argument. Being aware of your own volatility also puts you in a better place to show your partner how to do the same.

It doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than that. When you feel yourself escalating, take a breath, step back and explain why you’re upset. Take a moment to see where an issue came from. Let them know it’s not them, it’s the world.

If you feel defensive, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. If you are angry, ask yourself where it originated. Then explain it. Because when you are aware of the issues you brought in the door, you can ask your partner where theirs came from, too. You can become the change you want to see in your partner and in your relationship. You’ll find it’s easier to create change when you lead by example, and that starts with simply being aware.

Full story at: Jeff Cannon: Simple Truth to a Richer, Deeper, Lasting Relationship.