Why Feeling Like a Victim Makes You Unhappy

Shelly Bullard writes:

We all get caught in the victim-trap from time to time. Feeling like we’ve been wronged; like we were right and they were, well, I’m sure we can complete the sentence with lots of words. It’s true, being a victim is not an uncommon stance to take in this world.

But you should know that feeling like a victim only makes you feel worse. Many of us don’t realize this. In fact, often we hang-out in victim-land because we unconsciously believe that it will get us what we want (which is care, concern, and love). On some level we think being a victim will make us feel better! We are sorely mistaken.

If you recognize that sometimes you identify as a victim and you want to stop the pattern, then keep reading. In this article I’m going to discuss why feeling like a victim ultimately leads to more unhappiness, and how to turn the pattern around.

The main reason feeling like a victim leads to unhappiness is because it means you identify with being powerless. And very simply, powerlessness = fear and fear = unhappiness. Always. No one likes to feel powerless! It is impossible to identify as powerless and be happy at the same time. They are basically opposite experiences.

Why is feeling like a victim a powerless position? Because the essence of victimhood is that something other than you has the power to make you feel awful. And it’s true, when something other than you is dictating how you feel, you are powerless.

When you feel like a victim what you are forgetting is this: no one else is responsible for your experience in life. Of course you are affected by what other people say and do, but ultimately your sense of well-being is dependent on YOU. We are majorly conditioned to believe otherwise so this can be a hard concept for us to grasp. But it’s true.

If your happiness is dependent on what other people do or don’t do, then frankly, you’re screwed. But if you take responsibility for how you feel, then you are saying that no matter what you can feel good again. And that makes you very powerful.

Contrary to popular belief, feeling better after we’ve been hurt is not about the other person admitting they were wrong and apologizing or changing. Although of course these things are nice, they are not the way out of feeling helpless. Helplessness is overcome by you taking your power back; this is done by accepting personal responsibility.

Anytime you feel like a victim, the way to regain your power is to own your part in the situation.

Full story at: Soul Full: Why Feeling Like a Victim Makes You Unhappy.