The benefits of “I’m sorry…”

Melody Beattie writes:

Did you ever do something stupid that hurt someone’s feelings? Did you ever treat someone wrong and there was no justification for how you behaved? I have. It’s an awful place to be, when we realize what we’ve done.

The more we value that person, the more we want them to know how genuinely sorry we are. We’d give any­thing to see their facial muscles soften and hear them say, “It’s okay.”

I first learned about the value of forgiveness when 1 was in treatment for chemical dependency. I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt other people until I’d been sober for a while. When I became aware of my guilt, it was paralyzing and thick. I just wanted it to go away, and I didn’t think it ever would. The antidote for guilt is forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness from others or God puts us in a vulnerable place. There is nothing we can do except wait until we get word—and believe—that it’s okay.

I recently read a magazine article about the physiolog­ical benefits of saying, “I’m sorry” Acknowledging to someone that we’ve hurt them, saying we’re sorry, and genuinely meaning it improves health.

Recovery programs have known for a long time that becoming aware of the harm we’ve done and making direct amends are essential for the well-being of the person making amends. But making amends doesn’t just benefit us. It helps the other person too.

As hard as I try not to, I still make mistakes and do things that hurt others. Sometimes I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I do it anyway Other times it’s an accident.

Forgiveness isn’t just a value we need if and when we’re recovering. It’s a value we’ll need all our lives.

Value: Forgiveness has many components: self-inspection, self-responsibility compassion, living by a set of ethics, letting go of our defenses, letting go of resentments and judgments, humbling ourselves, wanting to be close to God, acknowledging to other people that they’re impor­tant to us, knowing that others care enough about us. All these aspects of forgiveness are good. Whether we’re extending or receiving forgiveness, it’s the value this week.

via January 8 – from “52 Weeks of Conscious Contact”.