Category: Wisdom

A Comforting Message for the New Year

Spurgeon near the end of his life.
Image via Wikipedia

Charles Spurgeon said:

But here is the joy, here is the peace of Christians, that our salvation is a finished one! We have not a farthing to pay to complete the ransom of our souls. We have not a stitch to set to finish the robe of our salvation. We have not an act to perform, a prayer to offer, a tear to weep, a thought to think in order to finish the work of our redemption! I know that all these things shall be worked in us and, that by the Spirit of God we shall be made to do them — but all that shall not be with any view to the completion of our salvation — that was finished in the Person of the bleeding Lamb of Calvary! . . .

Either Christ completed all that was necessary for your salvation, or he did not! If he did finish it, then rest in him and be glad, and say, “I am secure forever because my salvation is finished. I have nothing to do but to live to the honor of him who has completely saved me by his Grace, his blood, his righteousness.

Download the entire sermon, “A Comforting Message for the Closing Year” (PDF).

Source: A Comforting Message for the Closing Year – Desiring God

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Happy New YOU! Happy New Year!

I love this guy!

If you want your year to change, and be different, you must change and be different.

What must you change in you?

Be the Change you wish you see in your new year.

Happy New YOU!

Happy new year!

Source: Happy new YOU! Happy new year!! | The Official Blog of Kute Blackson

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The Sobering Effect of Year-Ends

Source: http://vimeo.com/33313457

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Press on toward the goal!

Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

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Why Letting Go Is The Best Way To Hold On!

Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love shares this thought on letting go of 2011…

I love this time of year. This post-Holiday, pre-New Year time. It’s a quiet time, a reflective time when the hustle of the Holidays is winding down and the dawn of a New Year is imminent.

Now, it’s true that we can make a change at any time; it doesn’t take a New Year to have to change – but with a New Year at hand, our minds naturally reflect on where we were a year ago and where we want to be a year from now! And then we think about the things we want to do to change our life circumstance – we call these resolutions. We can resolve to change at any time, but I love this time of year because there is a momentum, a wave, a global event that we can use and harness it’s power.

Tomorrow I will write about how to change and what to do if you want to change, but I want to leave that for tomorrow. Today, on the last day of the year, I just want to encourage us all to look back at the year and reflect on it, learn from it, and let it go.

What did you learn this year? What mistakes did you make? What stories did you create about what’s possible for you? What stories did you create about what’s impossible for you? This time last year, were there changes that you wanted to make, but didn’t? Why not? Did you love yourself just a little bit more this year than you did last year? What’s one habit that you DON’T want to bring into 2012? Can today be the LAST DAY of that habit? When would now be a good time to let it go?

We are all moving ahead into 2012 – it’s close enough. But for this moment, let us think back about the year, let us reflect, take a moment to pause and really give 2011 a conscious goodbye – and with it – the habits, stories and beliefs that should stay with it. The first step to creating something new is letting go of what no longer serves you. What no longer serves you?

This is what I mean when I Tweet that “Letting go is the best way to hold on”. We try to control, we agonize over feeling powerless – but all that stress, anxiety and worry leaves us when we remember that we are truly guided by The Uni-verse. When you let go of what pains you, of what no longer serves you, you step into and tap into an energy that we do not still understand – and probably won’t ever truly fully comprehend. But this Energy, this Force, this Creative Uni-verse is guiding us ever so compassionately, ever so diligently, ever so mindfully to a greater and greater outcome. When we let go of the negatives, we leave room for even more awesomeness to enter.

When we see that EVERYTHING is happening FOR US and never TO US, we see the tremendous amount of Grace that our lives are filled with and we can nestle into that knowing that – indeed, every-little-thing-is-gunna-be-alright – and even better than that, everything is PERFECT as it is! So for today, leave the goal setting aside, leave the achieving at the door and just reflect – reflect on this year that is gone.

What can you let go of? What would feel SO GREAT to be free of? What are you most terrified to admit? Then – step into it and let it go!

Source: Why Letting Go Is The Best Way To Hold On!

All the best for you and me in 2012…

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Resolve to Let Go

One of my lovely clients, Jackie Dumaine, shares this on her blog today…

I always become quite reflective at this time of year – and this year is no exception.

As the final hours of 2011 creep around the corner, I’m choosing to take a different approach to the yearly tradition of writing down my goals and resolutions.

I won’t be scribbling the usual “This year, I will do this/that” into a pretty paisley notebook with a fine tipped pen.

This year, my focus won’t be on how I can change this or how I won’t eat that.  It won’t be on staying more organized or achieving new goals.  It won’t be on saving money (although it should be), or meditating more often (another good one).

This year, my focus will be on letting go.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

What will I be letting go of?  A lot.  I’m talking mountains of “stuff”.

Emotional stuff, physical stuff, tangible stuff and all that stuff that isn’t real but hops on our back and weighs us down (like the stories we make up about how scary life will be if we let go of all this stuff!)

By letting go, we are able to attain a delicious freedom that can propel us into a world of adventure and magic.

By letting go, we discover the wonder and clarity that come with living a simplified life.

By letting go, we create space for shiny new opportunities that make our hearts hum.

By letting go, we are telling the Universe: I AM NOT AFRAID….

And her response?  “Okay sweet brave one, it’s about time.  Are you ready to start your life now?”

I am.  How about you?

What are you willing to let go of in 2012?

Can you have the courage to know that letting go makes you stronger than holding on?

Source: Jackie Dumaine – Resolve to Let Go

Go to the source and follow her blog if you enjoyed the post as much as I did. Oh, and while your there, tell her she needs to write more often…

Open-mouthed smile

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Affirming the Good

Black catFun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful. —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things—for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours. See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment. Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become. Wait, and expect good things. Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 380). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Don’t Look Back In Anger!

Today’s Visual Inspiration: Don’t Look Back In Anger!

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Making New Year’s Resolutions? Ask Yourself 6 Questions.

The Happiness Project
Image by elycefeliz via Flickr

I just stumbled upon Gretche Rubin’s ‘Happiness Project’ the other day. She has some good thoughts on forming resolutions…

Forty-four percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and I know I always do. I’m more inclined to make resolutions than ever, in fact, because if my happiness project has convinced me of anything, it has convinced me that resolutions—made right—can make a huge difference in boosting happiness.

So how do you resolve well? This is trickier than it sounds. Here are some tips for making your resolutions as effective as possible.

Source: The Happiness Project: Making New Year’s Resolutions? Ask Yourself 6 Questions.

Go to the source if you want her 6 questions…

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Taking care of Yourself

Feelings (David Byrne album)
Image via Wikipedia

Anger, fear, sadness, betrayal a lot of emotions can run through us when we stop trying to change the other person and start focusing on taking care of ourselves. The good news is that we’re finally feeling our own feelings instead of trying to figure out what the other person feels.

Maybe all those feelings we’ve been avoiding aren’t the opposite of love. Those feelings could be an important step on the path to love.

Inventory Focus: Is there a relationship in your life right now that is bugging you? Are you willing to explore detachment as a means to improving the relationship and regaining your peace?

Source: December 30: Taking care of Yourself | Language of Letting Go

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Edwards’s Resolutions in Seven Categories

Rev. Jonathan Edwards, a leader of the Great A...
Image via Wikipedia

Jonathan Parnell shares this:

Back in 1723 Jonathan Edwards chartered a list of resolutions for his life. 70 of them. And he read them once a week.

Matt Perman writes:

[Edwards] shows us that a well lived life doesn’t just happen; it requires intentionality. And intentionality manifests itself in certain “mechanisms” that help us maintain our intentionality. Edwards’ resolutions are one example of such a “mechanism.”

So Edwards is a good example not just of a life that is lived well, but also of the “practical side” of how to actually build that intentionality into our lives, rather than just letting it remain a vague wish that never takes deep root and makes a real difference.

Refusing to be vague, Matt has organizedJonathan Edwards’s resolutions into seven specific categories. This approach is a fresh way to help us apply their wisdom where we live. The categories include:

  • Overall Life Mission
  • Good Works
  • Time Management
  • Relationships
  • Suffering
  • Character
  • Spiritual Life

The New Year is upon us. Read through Edwards’s resolutions. Print them out. Consider adopting them as your own for a Christ-exalting, God-entranced vision of all things.

Source: Edwards’s Resolutions in Seven Categories – Desiring God

How will you guide your thinking as you prepare for a new year? Better days don’t just come from singing a song…

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How You Can Use Negative Emotions To Create Massive Positive Change!

We are heading straight into the New Year! 2012 is almost here. If you’re like me and a lot of folks, this time of year can bring up all different types of emotions. The space away from work and the normal routine may put you in touch with emotions you may not feel the rest of the year.

So, if those emotions are there – it’s up to YOU to choose what to do with them. You see, emotions are like fuel. They push us to act – or not act. Many times the emotions we feel influence us to do things, either consciously or unconsciously. Today is a great day to get in touch with the emotions you are feeling. Take a second, breathe, stop what you are doing, try to stop thinking and just feel. Notice what emotions you are feeling. What are you feeling right below the surface? Anxiety? Worry? Joy? Happiness? Fear? Worry? Doubt? Elation? Positive Expectation? Negative Expectation? Whatever it is, notice it.

Now, take a moment and write down what you are feeling. Then ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? If an answer doesn’t come right away, that’s ok. Just sit with the question for a moment.

Now comes the critical choice that up until now you may not have been making consciously. I know that until I discovered I could use the fuel of emotion for good or for bad, I wasn’t consciously deciding to use it for good.

Source: How You Can Use Negative Emotions To Create Massive Positive Change!

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Merry

A pile of Lego blocks, of assorted colours and...

This post by John Gruber of Daring Fireball is so good for where I’m at right now it took my breath away…

Late last night, inspecting Santa’s handiwork, a simple thought occurred to me. A decade or so from now, when, say, I’m waiting for my son to come home from college for his winter break, and, when he does, he wants to spend his time going out with his friends — how much will I be willing to pay then to be able to go back in time, for one day, to now, when he’s eight years old, he wants to go to movies and play games and build Lego kits with me, and he believes in magic?

How much then, for one day with what my family has right now? How much? Everything.

The truth is, I’m the luckiest person in the world today. I hope you are too.

Source: Daring Fireball: Merry

As the father of 6 boys that range in age from 24-7 this made me pause and think about both ends of the spectrum having experienced them both now. How about you?

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Why This Is A GREAT Time Of Year To Kick The B/S To The Curb!

Britney Spears

As we step into the New Year, let’s step into it with a clean slate. That is to say, the stories we’ve been telling ourselves about why we can’t have what we truly want – let’s kick those to the curb.

Let’s take a moment, pause, think and feel our way towards our greatest good and the greatest good for all. What if it were true that your biggest fear was actually total BS? What if it were true that the things that you think are your greatest weaknesses are actually what makes you strong? What if it were true that from this moment forward life would never have to be the same again?

What if it were as simple as simply changing your mind about what you want and what you know you deserve? What if we made it our intention to Love ourselves as much as we Love the thing we Love most in life? And then, what if we went about sharing that Love with others and found that where we thought we would die, be destroyed or that life would come to an end – we actually came to life?

My friend, I’m here to remind you – what was, is GONE and what will be is up to YOU! We get the privilege to decide our way in and out of circumstances! No dark night of the soul lasts forever; but what can last forever is if you get stuck in the story of being in the dark night.

So let us take a moment and think about what would bring us so much joy to create in 2012. Not just for ourselves, but also for others. How can we add value and Love to other people’s lives? What are our gifts? Are we expressing them? Or are we letting them lay dormant? Are we truly walking our Faith and our beliefs or are we letting fear get the best of us? Let’s look over who is in our lives and why? Is there anyone in our life who is there with a hook? Are all of our relationships clean? Are we entering into each relationship with integrity, truth and with the intention to serve? Or are we emotional vampires? Or do we have emotional vampires in our lives that we are allowing to drain our energy?

This is the time to make that change. Sure, we can make the change at any time, but with the symbolic power of the New Year and the collective focus on being brand new, the power of this time of year is huge.

So what changes would you like to make in 2012? And – is there anyone in your life you would like to let go of? And is there anyone in your life that you would like to spend more time with? Are you making the best of life or are you letting fear get the best of you? And what new decision would you like to make now?

Source: Why This Is A GREAT Time Of Year To Kick The B/S To The Curb!

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Inventory Time!

Tony Gaskin, Jr., has some thoughts I’d like to share with you today…

It’s that time of the year to evaluate your life. Evaluate the people in your life. Evaluate the things in your life. Evaluate the habits in your life. Then eliminate the things that are weighing you down, tearing you down, or holding you back.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Do those riding with me on the road to destiny have gas money?
  • Are the people in my life pushing me forward or holding me back?
  • Do I have habits that are hindering my greatness?
  • Am I living the best life I can live at this point in my life?
  • What things can I do to make my life better?

It’s that time to stop making excuses and start making changes. As its been said: our life is a product of our decisions not our conditions. Make new decisions, take action and have a better life. Don’t be afraid of change because in order to grow we must change. Therefore if you want something new, then you have to be willing to do something new!

Don’t go into the New Year with old baggage! Upgrade your life – it’s that time!

If you need a little help getting your New Year’s Resolution together please make sure you read my new ebook-> “The Road To Destiny: Your New Year’s Resolution”

Source: Inventory Time!

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The holidays…

isolation and chaosMore healthy thinking from Melody Beattie…

Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I’ve learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through difficult holidays: Deal with feelings, but try not to dwell unduly on them. Put the holidays in perspective: A holiday is one day out of 365. We can get through any 24-hour period. Get through the day, but be aware that there may be a post-holiday backlash. Sometimes, if we use our survival behaviors to get through the day, the feelings will catch up to us the next day. Deal with them too. Get back on track as quickly as possible. Find and cherish the love that’s available, even if it’s not exactly what we want. Is there someone we can give love to and receive love from? Recovering friends? Is there a family who would enjoy sharing their holiday with us? Don’t be a martyr; go. There may be those who would appreciate our offer to share our day with them. We are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue, to tell ourselves the rest of the world is experiencing the perfect holiday, and we’re alone in conflict. We can create our own holiday agenda. Buy yourself a present. Find someone to whom you you can give. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit. Maybe past holidays haven’t been terrific. Maybe this year wasn’t terrific. But next year can be better, and the next a little better. Work toward a better life—one that meets your needs. Before long, you’ll have it.

God, help me enjoy and cherish this holiday. If my situation is less than ideal, help me take what’s good and let go of the rest.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 371). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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12 Tips To Assure You Enjoy The Holidays (Not Just Endure Them)!

Merry Christmas!Here in the midst of the holiday season, we’re so busy attending to others’ needs that it is all too easy to forget to take care of ourselves. While buying presents, cooking, and hosting our families and friends, we often push aside our own needs and desires. While the holidays are a wonderful time to be together with our loved ones, they can also be extremely busy and sometimes emotionally fraught, making the expression of self-love all the more important.

Forgetting to love ourselves can lead to seasonal blues, stress and anxiety. And while we may think we’re helping others, we are actually setting a negative example, especially for the children in our lives. Watching mom, uncle or grandma neglect him or herself is not a model we want our children to emulate.

Self-love does not, however, have to be left out of the holidays. I’m delighted to share these tips to help you navigate the holiday season in a way that is loving and considerate of yourself. I’ve developed these techniques through my own experiences and my work as a Body Image mentor and life coach. Following this advice helps my students remain calm and focused during the holidays.

Source: 12 Tips To Assure You Enjoy The Holidays (Not Just Endure Them)!

Go to the source if you’d like to get the 12 tips in detail and Happy Holidays to you…

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Getting through the holidays…

Christmas lights on Aleksanterinkatu.

These thoughts from Melody Beattie are helpful to me…

For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can’t figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like. Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don’t want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don’t have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended. One of the greatest gifts of recovery is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays as there are those who feel at peace. We’re learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves a little better each holiday season. Our first recovery task during the holidays is to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It’s all okay. There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time. This holiday season, I will give myself permission to take care of myself.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 370). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

This is me — “Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.” — This year, I have healthy boundaries around the holidays and I’m not walking into that dining room and I feel relief already…

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Holiday triggers

A Christmas tree inside a home.

One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control. —Anonymous

There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, “Silent Night,” “Jingle Bells,” wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These “triggers” can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration. There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories. Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses—and we remember. Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting. We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors—the low self-worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us. If something, even something we don’t understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into theby self-care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today. Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 369). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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It’s not you, it’s me: How family karma shapes your relationship

My favorite ‘healthy’ blog of the week is called ‘Loving with Power’ and it’s hosted by my client Michele Lisenbury Christensen. Ah, you say, client! This is just another developer promoting his work. Actually, no – I helped Michele get a grip on her email and although I’m a web developer I had nothing to do with this masterpiece…

Do you ever get the feeling your partner is relating more to someone from her past – say, his mom or her big brother – than to you?  Like you do something and the reaction is out of proportion or out of sync with what you did, as if some old junk is getting triggered?  The good news is, you’re probably right – it’s more about then, and less about now.  The harder to take news?

You do it too, baby.

We’re all reacting to our families every day, even when we think it’s our partner’s actions, words, and presence we’re responding to.

“But I had a nice family!” you say.

Me, too, in so very many ways.  But whomever you grew up among, I believe you came to this planet and picked a situation to help you work on some of the rough edges in your soul, so your family doesn’t have to be drama central or a source of misery to give you “karma” or fodder for development.  They just remind you of what you came here to learn.  As does your current partner, no?

The 3 ways we make sure our karma gets triggered:

– We attract people who let us recreate these dramas
– We elicit behavior from those we’re with that, once again, makes us feel the way we hate feeling but that’s familiar
– We interpret/distort WHATEVER they do, even if it bears no resemblance, as being more of the same

And I’ll be damned if it isn’t reallllllllly compelling to think, when I’m upset with my partner Kurt, that this is a cut-and-dried issue of his, or between us… but surely NOT a dance elegantly orchestrated by my karma so as to help me wake up!  So if you find this karma junk really off-pissing, please know that I feel ya, and agree, and lovingly reiterate: it’s yours.  And it’ll persist till you open its gifts.

Do you really want it gone?

Over time, we can increase our awareness of how this “family karma” shapes our view of our partner, but we’re probably not going to get rid of it 100%.  It’s too rich a territory to utterly eradicate.  What would be the fun in that?  Eric Klein of wisdomheart.org says “the aim is to be in relationship 80% with your partner and only 20% with your past.”  I can hang with 80%, can’t you? We came to this life to heal this stuff, work it out, and release it so we don’t have to spend future lifetimes lamenting it, but staying with the process feels more important (and possible!) to me than getting it “perfect.”

Source: It’s not you, it’s me: How family karma shapes your relationship – Loving With Power

I strongly suggest you follow Michele and put her in Google Reader like I did…

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