Sixteen Strategies for Combating Rumination

Did you know that goats and cows and other animals that chew their cud are called ‘ruminants’? You learn all kinds of thinks living on a farm! Think about that image as you ruminate about rumination!

Conquering ruminative tendencies can make a big difference in your wellbeing.

Shakespeare said, “Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.”  Many great thinkers and philosophers have articulated, in one form or another that altering your thoughts is the key to wellbeing.  Mind Shift, a technique in The Creativity Cure involves transforming self-defeating thoughts into life affirming ones.  It is possible.

When something terrible has happened it is tempting to ruminate. Over-thinking is a way of trying to attain a sense of mastery or a feeling of control when you feel trammeled, helpless or victimized.  There is a tiny hope that you can get somewhere if you just get to the bottom of it.  Accept that trying to understand what happened is often not a good investment of your time. Some people’s actions will never make sense so you will not uncover a satisfying answer. Pondering other subjects rather than ruminating allows your mood can change. Your creative thoughts can emerge.” Get more here: Sixteen Strategies for Combating Rumination | Psychology Today.

Don’t chew the cud of your past! Stop ruminating and move on…

4 Words to Banish From Your Vocabulary

Caroline Cain writes:

The words we use have a powerful effect on us, way beyond the basic meaning of the words themselves.

We use words to express ourselves. These words create a specific emotion within us. This emotion creates a cascade of reactions in every system of our body: hormonal, nervous, digestive, circulatory, respiratory etc. This physical reaction, created by specific words, is stored as a memory at a cellular level. When repeatedly created, this memory becomes a truth.

The following four words are commonly used and abused on a daily basis, way more than we can imagine. They’re not rude words, or even offensive. Yet they are intricately linked to creating negative truths within us. They are intrinsically tied to judgment, criticism, and defeatism and are fundamentally disempowering through their lack of flexibility and change.

How often do you find yourself using these four words, and do you actually mean them when you use them?

Always: Do you/he/she/they really always do/say this, that, or the other?

Never: Really? Ever, ever? Not even once?

Everyone: Every single body? Surely not, we are a diverse bunch after all.

No one: If you’ve had the thought then most likely ‘someone’ is/does/says…

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! You see, these words may seem innocent enough, but notice what happens next time you use one of them in a negative situation. How does it make you feel about the situation? How does it affect your current state of mind? Does it empower you to resolve the situation? Probably not…

The antidote:

Catch yourself using any of these words in a sentence, whether it’s about you or someone else and immediately replace them – out loud – with ‘no, actually, that’s not true, what I really mean is often/lately/he, she, they/sometimes etc.’ This will help you to put things into perspective, to verbalize them as they really are, in this particular situation. This is your reality here and now, it is not a universal truth.

via 4 Words to Banish From Your Vocabulary.

Lower Your Expectations

You’ve heard it said ‘when all else fails, lower your expectations’ — I say ‘before!’. Why? Long ago I heard this quote and took it with me: “Discouragement is the illegitimate child of false expectations!” Loyd Ogilive. I believe most, if not all, of our disappointment comes from what expect in a certain situation. In jest I say to my wife, “if only you’d lower your expectations, I could be the man of your dreams” and there is some truth in that. The only time I get frustrated with her is when I forget that people are unmanageable and that my expectations are just that; my expectations and not anyone else’s truth or reality…

One of my favorite authors Melody Beattie shares this on the topic:

When you’re starting a first creative project or beginning the study of an art or craft, what I want you to do is lower your standards until they disappear. That’s right. You’re not supposed to be any good at the beginning. So you might as well give your­self the liberating gift of joyously expecting yourself to be bad.

— Barbara Sheer and Annie Gotlieb, Wishcraft

When I first began writing newspaper and magazine arti­cles, it took me anywhere from one to three months to com­plete a short article. After writing for a few years, I brought a timer into my office one day. I told myself I knew how to do what I was doing, now I was going to learn to do it more quickly. Before long, I was able to write in two hours what had previously taken me months to accomplish. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from chemical dependency, it took me eight months of treatment to understand what other people were comprehending in six weeks. In time, I became a chemical dependency counselor. In time, I wrote books on the subject. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from codependency, I couldn’t tell a control gesture from setting a boundary I didn’t know when I was taking care of myself or what that even meant. I didn’t know manipulation from an honest attempt at expressing my emotions. In time, I wrote a best-seller on the subject. Again, the key words here are in time.

Start where you are. Start poorly. Just begin. Let yourself fumble, be awkward and confused. If you already knew how to do it, it wouldn’t be a lesson in your life. And you wouldn’t get the thrill of victory two, five, or ten years from now when you look back and say, “Wow. I’ve gotten good at that over time.”

All things are possible to him or her that believeth, the Bible says. Enjoy those awkward beginnings. Revel in them. They’re the key to your success.

God, help me stop putting off living out of fear of doing it poorly. Help me lower my expectations to allow room for awkward begin­nings.” via September 8: Lower Your Expectations.

Do the Work: An Important Message for Labor Day

Click image to go to amazon.com

Katharine Brooks writes:

As a career counselor/coach I listen to your ideas and dreams about the future. You have a project you long to do. It’s a screenplay, a book, or a song you want to write. You have an idea for a new invention or a new business you want to start. It’s that new job, diet or marathon training you keep thinking about. It’s that class you’d like to take or the commitment to something or someone important you’d like to make.Doing any of these activities will likely enrich and enhance your life. And that’s probably why you’re not doing them.

You’ll tell me about self-doubt, procrastination, fear, perfectionism, a lack of support from family or friends, and even how rational thinking stops you from going forward. But Steven Pressfield, in his marvelous book/manifesto Do The Work: Overcome Resistance and Get Out of Your Own Way, will drive a stake through all of that and tell you it’s simply Resistance. With a capital “R.” Get the rest here: Do the Work: An Important Message for Labor Day | Psychology Today.

Note: You can borrow this book free from your Kindle or purchase it for the low cost of $4.99 for Kindle software. Why not get it and read it today? It’s a quick but inspiring read…

If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

Get more here: How to Deal with Unfairness and Change the Things You Can | Tiny Buddha.

7 dangers to human virtue

Self care

Melody Beattie writes:

“When will we become lovable?  When will we feel safe?  When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve?  We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.”Beyond Codependency

The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it’s okay to take care of ourselves.  Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy onto ourselves and our responsibilities is a recovery behavior that can be acquired.  We learn it by daily practice.

We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can.  Then, we ask ourselves:  What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?

What do I need and want to do? What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?

Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me?  Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system.  I am responsible for myself.

Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I’ve been neglecting?  Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.

Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control?  Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.

Have I been working too hard?  Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.

Have I been neglecting my work or daily tasks?  Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.

There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self-care.  We each have a guide, and that guide is within us.  We need to ask the question:  What do I need to do to take living responsible care of myself?  Then, we need to listen to the answer.  Self-care is not that difficult.  The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow.

Today, I will focus on taking care of myself.  I will trust myself and God to guide me in this process.” via Blog Archives – help and hope ministry.

3 Tips for Being Unique

I find this post from Robert Chen fascinating:

According to scientists, we’re 99% the same, genetically.

Yes, the same.

Not similar, not close, not related. Exactly the same. And that’s actually a good thing.

Here’s why:

Imagine a world where we were all very different. What would it be like? Well …

Pharmaceutical companies would have to invent a different drug to cure the same disease for every person in the world. No one would read Stepcase Lifehack or any other personal development and productivity blog because useful tips about being successful for one person won’t work for someone else. Research institutes would collapse overnight. What would our children look like?

You get the point.

But take a look around you. What do you see? Do you see how similar we are or do you see our differences?

We’ve been trained and wired to notice the 1% that makes us different and this is the same 1% that separates ordinary people from extraordinary people. Those who showcase their 1% are the ones who become great.

Think of every remarkable person you know. Were they unique or just like the rest of us?

Despite advantages to being similar, professional and personal success does not come from being generic. You have to be yourself.” How? Get the answer here: William Zinsser’s 3 Tips for Being Unique.

The perils of multitasking

Holy Kaw!

via The perils of multitasking [infographic].

Why We Need Mistakes and Failures

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Get the rest here: Why We Need Mistakes and Failures | Tiny Buddha.

 

 

 

Tall man but short character…

Lead.Learn.Live.

via Tall man but short character….

 

 

 

Note to self; implement idea immediately

The Pain of Anticipating Pain

“If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of troubles.” ~Elbert Hubbard

via Tiny Wisdom: The Pain of Anticipating Pain | Tiny Buddha.

Saying thanks

Melody Beattie writes:

“We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.” Codependent No More

Say thank you, until we mean it.

Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude’s power. We can start with whom we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it.

Today, I will shine the transforming light of gratitude on all the circumstances of my life.” via Just For Today Meditations » Blog.

Use your a.m. to aim you happily into your day…

I have heard and often repeated that the first hour is the rudder of your day. Make the most of it!!!

via Use your a.m. to aim you happily into your day….

 

 

 

Letting Go

Melody Beattie writes:

“For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily.” Beyond Codependency

In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified package of currently unmet wants and needs. We’ve taken the risk to stop denying and to start accepting what we want and need. The problem is, the want or need hangs there, unmet.

This can be a frustrating, painful, annoying, and sometimes obsession-producing place to be.

After identifying our needs, there is a next step in getting our wants and needs met. This step is one of the spiritual ironies of recovery. The next step is letting go of our wants and needs after we have taken painstaking steps to identify them.

We let them go, we give them up – on a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical level. Sometimes, this means we need to give up. It is not always easy to get to this place, but this is usually where we need to go.

How often I have denied a want or need, then gone through the steps to identify my needs, only to become annoyed, frustrated, and challenged because I don’t have what I want and don’t know how to get it. If I then embark on a plan to control or influence getting that want or need met, I usually make things worse. Searching, trying to control the process, does not work. I must, I have learned to my dismay, let go.

Sometimes, I even have to go to the point of saying, “I don’t want it. I realize it’s important to me, but I cannot control obtaining that in my life. Now, I don’t care anymore if I have it or not. In fact, I’m going to be absolutely happy without it and without any hope of getting it, because hoping to get it is making me nuts – the more I hope and try to get it, the more frustrated I feel because I’m not getting it.”

I don’t know why the process works this way.

I know only that this is how the process works for me. I have found no way around the concept of letting go.

We often can have what we really want and need, or something better. Letting go is part of what we do to get it.

Today, I will strive to let go of those wants and needs that are causing me frustration. I will enter them on my goal list, then struggle to let go. I will trust God to bring me the desires of my heart, in God’s time and in God’s way.” via Just For Today Meditations » Blog.

The time has come to forgive your parents…

notsalmon

via The time has come to forgive your parents….

As A Flower To The Sun

Curated from Steve McSwain @ Mindful Living on Huffingtonpost.com who writes:
2012-07-24-flowersinsun.jpg

Benjamin Whichcote said, “The human soul is to God as a flower is to the sun; it opens at its approach; it shuts when it withdraws.”

Today, I will approach the sun; I will open to all that is divine. And the approach? Well, it’s just a simple acknowledgement, perhaps a thought, the awareness of desire, attention to a tiny inclination. It’s like magic really. There is no effort whatsoever.

It was Jesus who purportedly said, “Look at the flowers of the field … they neither toil nor spin … and yet, your heavenly father sees them … knows them” (Matthew 6).

No flower ever struggled to open to the sun. It simply turns and looks — and then, it freely shares its color and fragrance with the world.

How beautiful. I think I’ll be the same. Why must I make knowing God into a struggle? Why would I allow the religion within which I was raised continue to hound me inside my head with a catalogue of reminders of what I must do in order to be? No, instead, I’ll lay aside that narrow conditioning and just do nothing but be. I feel such freedom when I’m doing less and being more — more of who I am: a beautiful human flower, simply and effortlessly, opening to the sun.

Ah, that’s it for me. Which reminds me of something Thomas Merton once whispered: “As soon as a person” — that’s me and perhaps you, too — “As soon as a person is inclined to be with God” — as I am and, again, perhaps you are, too — “As soon as a person is inclined to be with God, they are … no matter where they are … in the monastery, in the city, in the woods.”

“Furthermore,” he continued, “Just when it would seem as if he (or, she) is in the middle of his journey” — and, for me, that’s like, most of the time — “Know this: he has actually arrived at his destination already.”

Already? You mean, I’m there now? In the sun? That this thought of God, this inclination for God that I feel from time to time, that’s all it takes and I’m in full bloom already?

Wow! What a Divine thought! Thank you Thomas. Thank you Whichcote. How could I not thank you? Whisper more, my friends. And do so often, this and every day. I’ll be listening for your reminders.

Will you, too? Yes, you, reading this. Can you lay aside the need to judge, to critique, to complain, to express your disapproval and so, temporarily suspend the insatiable need to evaluate the world — to fix, as if you could, what’s wrong with it? Can you release, at least for now, the impulsive need to see who’s reading what you’ve written, commenting on what you’ve labored over? Can you stop doing long enough to simply be? To look? To listen? To blossom?

I have to remind myself of this often, driven as I am to produce, to please, to proclaim, to complain, to impress, to make certain I’m heard, read and, mostly, admired by somebody — anybody. Even a critic and his criticism is better than nothing.

Today, however, I intend to do nothing. Instead, I plan to listen, to observe, to be open to perspectives other than my own, to watch for the divine reminders. They’re everywhere. But they usually come as whispers and are easily missed.

The same is true for you. Know that the sun is shining and you, my friend, are blossoming into Life itself. You are the color on the canvas of creation that creates what’s beautiful about this world. You are the fragrance that makes all things better. You are the flower that blooms and, in the end, what else could possibly matter more?” via Steve McSwain: As A Flower To The Sun”

Always and Never. Two very dangerous and naughty words.

notsalmon

via Always and Never. Two very dangerous and naughty words. See poster to see why….

 

 

 

7 Ways to Unleash Your Inner Superhero (and Get Insanely Healthy)

Stepcase Lifehack

Get the answer here: 7 Ways to Unleash Your Inner Superhero (and Get Insanely Healthy).

My favorite?

Eat right
Using food as fuel and getting enough water makes everything easier. You’ll move better, feel better, and have more energy — the essentials of good health.
A diet of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats and healthy fats will keep you in fighting form, creating a lean and mean look that can power you through the toughest of days, while giving you the strength to take on any of life’s challenges. While some like to dive all-in, the best approach might be to start small and build the healthy habit. Try to not drink caloric beverages for a week. Only water, green tea, and black coffee. Once you’ve got the hang of that then think about moving on to your next healthy habit — like 30 minutes of exercise daily.

Approval

"Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best." - Andrew Carnegie

Interesting! Immediately after coming across this quote from Andrew Carnegie, this podcast from Joel Osteen came up in ‘random’ rotation. When this happens, I believe the Universe is trying to tell me something. If the quote resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to the podcast…

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑