Category: Wisdom

Drain Pain

Melody Beattie wrote:

No, I don’t mean a clogged kitchen sink or a shower stall that empties slowly.

I’m talking about allowing people, places and things to slowly and insidiously creep in and begin sucking the soul, energy, life force – and resources – out of us.  No matter how many years ago we learned about not being codependent, it can still happen to us. Again.

Drain Pain occurs so slowly and subtly, we may not see it happening.  Following you’ll find a list of symptoms and the remedy for each:

  • We leave our bodies – disconnect from ourselves. We’re experts at fleeing the body. We hover around ourselves doing everything except feeling what we feel and valuing ourselves. When this happens, we often feel numb, confused and afraid.  We may also feel emotional (generalized) pain. The thoughts that accompany this condition include:  I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE.  IT, HE, SHE OR THEY IS OR ARE DRIVING ME INSANE.  This means it’s boundary-setting time again.
  • We complain about the same thing, behavior or person or problem for days, weeks, months or years but nobody hears us.  The cure for this means listening to ourselves.
  • We know that something’s wrong but we aren’t sure what it is (because we’re not listening to ourselves).   When we mention the problem to the Drainer(s) — the people or institutions in the first symptom above — they look at us askance and reassure us that nothing is wrong except us – who we are, how we feel and what we think is going on just isn’t occurring, they insist.  Remember the story from the first Language of Letting Go, about the scene in a movie where a wife catches her husband in his pickup truck?  He’s parked at the drive-in movie theatre all cuddled up and kissing with another woman. When the wife confronts him about having this affair, he denies it vehemently while the other woman sits there kissing his neck, arm, hand and more.  “What are you going to believe?” the infidel asks his wife.  “Me or what you think you see?”  Crazy as that sounds, it can easily describe us when we’re in codependent mode.
  • We feel tired, unfocused and somewhat like a Boxer looks (the dog, not Mohammed Ali) when it’s chasing not a tail, but the remnants of one before the vet clipped or docked it.  We’re caught up in trying to do the impossible. It’s time to assess what we can and can’t change and then put energy into assessing and solving the right problem – the real issue that’s going on.
  • We feel increasingly angry at the people, places or things in our personalized list in the first symptom above, but as soon as we feel anger we also start to feel guilt. The guilt’s not real.  It’s the codependent guilt that’s followed us around for most of our life. The guilt yammers about how there must be something wrong with us because the other person wouldn’t do that — whatever that is. We wonder what’s wrong with us for feeling this angry and then decide that the problem is us. ZZZZZT.   Wrong answer. Solution?  Look in the mirror and tell ourselves that who we are is okay.
  • Of all the signals that someone’s manipulating or lying to us, feeling cruddy and confused after our interactions with this person or institution — if they’ll stand still long enough to talk to us — ranks highest and indicates that it’s time to open our eyes, shake off the denial dust and start a self-care revival.” This is a long post. You can get the rest here: Drain Pain | Melody Beattie.
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3 Mandates To Leadership And Becoming You

English: Motivational speaker Tony Robbins at ...

The Finerminds team shares this:

Who do you think you are? This is a question many people spend years, and in some instances, a lifetime trying to a establish (and accept).

Perhaps this is why this video has gone viral, because when looking for outside wisdom and answers to this very personal journey, not many people are better equipped to point you in the right direction than the legendary Anthony Robbins.

This 8-minute video, filmed at his cornerstone event, Unleash The Power Within You, explains the three important mandates of becoming a great leader (whether you’re a leader as a parent, an entrepreneur or of your body) – and just why the pursuit of happiness is not about changing yourself, it’s about being yourself.” via Anthony Robbins: 3 Mandates To Leadership And Becoming You (video) | FinerMinds.

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I <3 Ryan Star…

Looks like he’s more than a ‘one hit wonder’…

Of course he’s most famous for the ‘lie to me‘ song…

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There are only two mistakes one can make along the road

Simple Reminders

via “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road….

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Forget Perfection: Strive Toward Progress

Chris Freytag writes:

I used to be a total perfectionist, but I have had a total change of heart. I’ve learned that it isn’t worth it to be consumed with the little things, or sweat the small stuff as they say. I no longer bicker with my husband or kids about the stupid stuff. I’ve incorporated a progress over perfection philosophy throughout my life—from how I live to what I teach to my fitness followers.

Perfection is unachievable. It often leads to disappointment and it can set you up for failure. Strive for progress, not perfection.

I now call myself a recovering perfectionist and there are so many benefits to letting go of perfection.

You can be less concerned about what others think of you.  I am less worried about what others think about me as long as I’m proud of my behavior. I don’t have to look perfect or act perfect. It is liberating to let go of what other people think. Start to value your own opinion more than anyone else’s. Your confidence will soar when you alone determine how you should feel about you.

Teach your kids progress over perfection. I want my kids to escape the whole perfectionist pursuit, so as long as they are giving their best effort, I am happy. I want my kids to be hard workers and caring citizens, to acknowledge their weaknesses, admit when they are wrong, and strive to be better and improve where they can—progress over perfection.

By letting go of perfectionism, you can stop procrastinating. Fear of making a mistake can keep people stuck. Some people may not even take step one on something they want to accomplish for fear of not doing it flawlessly. Perfection stalls progress. What if you flipped perfection on its head and gave yourself permission that it’s okay to fail miserably, but you are just going to try anyway.  I guarantee if try, you will make progress. Just give it your best and have some compassion for yourself if you aren’t flawless.

Giving up on perfection doesn’t mean you work less hard. I work hard at my job, my family and my relationships; I just don’t expect or need perfection anymore.” via Forget Perfection: Strive Toward Progress.

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Revenge

Melody Beattie writes:

No matter how long we’ve been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.

We want revenge.

We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.

Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it’s not our job to deal justice.

We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings – the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.

We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.

Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.

Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness – not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.

Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness – forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.” via Just For Today Meditations – Daily Recovery Readings – September 16, 2012.

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Life Is Messy

“Control, or lack thereof, is one of the greatest sources of suffering.”

Maggie Lyon writes:

For someone like me, whom I affectionately call a control freak in recovery, with a chaotic walking-on-eggshells childhood, it is obvious why I became (in my teens) so obsessed with having maniacal control over all aspects of my environment. At age sixteen, the most obvious place to start was with my body.

If you haven’t read or heard by now, I became a major anorexic at this time. This brutally domineering mindset lasted on and off in bouts well into my twenties. I’d be lying to say its creepy little ways didn’t present in more feeble moments (and when I got severely ill) in my early thirties.

Anorexia is, of course, all about control, and it has, in various moments, thoroughly taken over my life by leeching out into arenas far beyond what went into my mouth. There have literally been times when I couldn’t stomach any kind of mess. If something didn’t fit into my intense vision of perfection, it got tossed, and fast.” Get the rest here: Life Is Messy « Positively Positive.

Me?

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Take responsibility for your life and choices

Melody Beattie writes:

When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?… Is this what I really want?… Is this what I need?…Does this direction feel right for me?…or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person’s best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God’s intended plan, God’s highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.

Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.” via Just For Today Meditations – Daily Recovery Readings – September 14, 2012.

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Learning is a Series of Steps: 7 Tips to Master a New Skill

“The excitement of learning separates youth from old age. As long as you’re learning, you’re not old.” ~Rosalyn S. Yalow

Get more here: Learning is a Series of Steps: 7 Tips to Master a New Skill | Tiny Buddha.

 

 

 

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Conflict and Detachment

Melody Beattie writes:

In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing – and we need to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues. Both are needy and neither has anything to give.

These are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem. Both people are in the midst of dealing and healing. Neither has much to give, at least at the moment. And both are feeling particularly needy.

That is the problem.

What’s the solution?

There may not be a perfect solution. Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for support rather than offering it.

We can still work toward detachment. We can still work through our feelings. We can accept this as a temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves – even when we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the crisis will not go on endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other person will too. We can stop making ourselves so crazy by looking for the other person to be balanced when he or she isn’t.

Talk things out. Work things out. Keep our expectations of other people, our relationships, and ourselves healthy and reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.

Sometimes, people who are usually there for us cannot be there for us. We can find another way to take care of ourselves.

Today, I will remember that my best relationships have low points. If the low point is the norm, I may want to consider the desirability of the relationship. If the low point is a temporary cycle, I will practice understanding for myself and the other person. God, help me remember that the help and support I want and need does not come in the form of only one person. Help me be open to healthy options for taking care of myself, if any normal support system is not available.” via Just For Today Meditations – Daily Recovery Readings – September 11, 2012.

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How to Actually Create the Time for Something Important to You

Gretchen Rubin shares this today:

Of all the changes in my daily routine wrought by my happiness project, one of the most fundamental is that I get up at 6:00 a.m., every day. And I get up at 6:00 a.m. every day, even on weekends and vacation, because I love it. I get an hour to myself, at my computer, before my family wakes up for the day. It’s quiet, the light is dim, and the world feels very serene.

I love this time so much that I would get up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m., but that would mean that I’d have to go to bed at 8:00 p.m., and I just can’t live life that way. I’m fuddy-duddy enough as it is.

From what I hear, one of the most common happiness challenges is lack of time for something important.

People want to exercise, work on a novel, meditate, or read for pleasure, and they just can’t fit it into their day. I absolutely know the feeling.

But here’s what I’ve noticed. For many people, the end of the day is a pleasant interlude of free time, when work is done, the office isn’t e-mailing, the kids are in bed, and the TV or internet is at hand. It’s pleasant, so it’s easy to stay up late to watch one more episode of The Wire or to read the most recent article about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s break-up or to do back-to-school shopping or to research the works of J. M. Barrie. And then it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning.” Get the rest here: How to Actually Create the Time for Something Important to You « Positively Positive.

I didn’t realize how lazy I had gotten over the summer until last week when school started again. Because I could be so flexible I was scheduling my bike rides for before dinner but when school started again my schedule was shot. Last week I struggled with moving my bike ride to early morning because a big part of me would rather drink coffee and read news to wake up that get on the bike. Today I decided the right comes first; no ride no coffee. Now THAT’S serious!!! I got tell you though, I really enjoyed it! If you’re struggling with setting the important things into your life read the rest of Gretchen’s article and get intentional about your life. You might also find wisdom in the story of ‘The Mayonnaise Jar‘…

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Discover what works for YOU

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0030UDW9I/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0030UDW9I&linkCode=as2&tag=makrai-20

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0030UDW9I/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0030UDW9I&linkCode=as2&tag=makrai-20More Melody Beattie!

“Enroll in this weight loss program and you’ll lose thirty pounds in five days!” “Come to this free seminar and after spending one hundred dollars on books you’ll be a millionaire!”

There is no quick fix, no panacea that will work for every person. Success rarely happens overnight or in five days. Even the Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Although proven to work, the details and decisions about how we apply those Steps in our lives are left to each one of us.

And few things happen overnight, except the beginning of a new day.

Listen to your mentors. Examine what’s been tried and true, and has worked and helped countless others along their paths. The Twelve Steps are one of those approaches. But don’t be taken in by false claims of overnight success and instant enlightenment along your path.

True change takes time and effort, especially when we’re changing and tackling big issues. We can often get exactly the help we need at times from a therapist, book, or seminar– the best things in life really are free and available to each one of us. The Twelve Steps, again, qualify in this area.

Discover what works for you.

Trust that you’ll be guided along your path and receive exactly the help and guidance you need. Then give it time.

There really isn’t an easier, softer way.

God, give me permission to tackle my problems.” via Just For Today Meditations – Daily Recovery Readings – September 9, 2012.

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See How it Feels to do it Right

Melody Beattie writes:

In skydiving, there’s an activity called dirt diving. At the drop zone, you’ll see people lying on their bellies on contrap­tions that look like skateboards. They make all the moves on the ground as if they were free-falling through the air. They’re training their bodies and themselves to do it right. They’re experiencing how it feels to do it right.

Do you have something you’re trying to learn how to do? Are you struggling to let go of someone? Are you trying to do something for the first time—conquer your fear of flying or write a book? Do you have a meeting scheduled that’s causing you some strain? Maybe you need to approach your boss and ask for a raise.

See yourself doing it. Quiet yourself first by deliberately relaxing each part of your body and mind. Then imagine yourself doing it, whatever it is. See how it feels to do it right. Go into each detail of how you would feel if you were doing it right.

If you encounter a block that keeps you from moving for­ward smoothly in your visualization time, ask your Higher Power or yourself how to remedy or release that block. Do you have a fear that’s blocking you? Is it a new or an old fear? Maybe it’s concern over what somebody told you long ago about your inadequacy. Release that energy, then start all over again, seeing what it feels like to do it right. Keep at your visualization until you can go through the entire process smoothly, from beginning to end.

If you try but can’t imagine yourself doing something, much less see how it feels to do it right, maybe you’re trying to do something that’s not right for you. Ask your Higher Power for guidance about that, too.

Visualization can give us time to safely dirt-dive and work through awkwardness, fears, and potential blocks and prob­lems. Sometimes spending quiet time trying to visualize how it feels to do it right can give us a message that either this is or isn’t the right time or thing for us.

God, help me use my mental powers to create the most positive scenes I can imagine taking place in my life.” via September 9: See How it Feels to do it Right | Language of Letting Go.

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Sixteen Strategies for Combating Rumination

Did you know that goats and cows and other animals that chew their cud are called ‘ruminants’? You learn all kinds of thinks living on a farm! Think about that image as you ruminate about rumination!

Conquering ruminative tendencies can make a big difference in your wellbeing.

Shakespeare said, “Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.”  Many great thinkers and philosophers have articulated, in one form or another that altering your thoughts is the key to wellbeing.  Mind Shift, a technique in The Creativity Cure involves transforming self-defeating thoughts into life affirming ones.  It is possible.

When something terrible has happened it is tempting to ruminate. Over-thinking is a way of trying to attain a sense of mastery or a feeling of control when you feel trammeled, helpless or victimized.  There is a tiny hope that you can get somewhere if you just get to the bottom of it.  Accept that trying to understand what happened is often not a good investment of your time. Some people’s actions will never make sense so you will not uncover a satisfying answer. Pondering other subjects rather than ruminating allows your mood can change. Your creative thoughts can emerge.” Get more here: Sixteen Strategies for Combating Rumination | Psychology Today.

Don’t chew the cud of your past! Stop ruminating and move on…

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4 Words to Banish From Your Vocabulary

Caroline Cain writes:

The words we use have a powerful effect on us, way beyond the basic meaning of the words themselves.

We use words to express ourselves. These words create a specific emotion within us. This emotion creates a cascade of reactions in every system of our body: hormonal, nervous, digestive, circulatory, respiratory etc. This physical reaction, created by specific words, is stored as a memory at a cellular level. When repeatedly created, this memory becomes a truth.

The following four words are commonly used and abused on a daily basis, way more than we can imagine. They’re not rude words, or even offensive. Yet they are intricately linked to creating negative truths within us. They are intrinsically tied to judgment, criticism, and defeatism and are fundamentally disempowering through their lack of flexibility and change.

How often do you find yourself using these four words, and do you actually mean them when you use them?

Always: Do you/he/she/they really always do/say this, that, or the other?

Never: Really? Ever, ever? Not even once?

Everyone: Every single body? Surely not, we are a diverse bunch after all.

No one: If you’ve had the thought then most likely ‘someone’ is/does/says…

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! You see, these words may seem innocent enough, but notice what happens next time you use one of them in a negative situation. How does it make you feel about the situation? How does it affect your current state of mind? Does it empower you to resolve the situation? Probably not…

The antidote:

Catch yourself using any of these words in a sentence, whether it’s about you or someone else and immediately replace them – out loud – with ‘no, actually, that’s not true, what I really mean is often/lately/he, she, they/sometimes etc.’ This will help you to put things into perspective, to verbalize them as they really are, in this particular situation. This is your reality here and now, it is not a universal truth.

via 4 Words to Banish From Your Vocabulary.

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Lower Your Expectations

You’ve heard it said ‘when all else fails, lower your expectations’ — I say ‘before!’. Why? Long ago I heard this quote and took it with me: “Discouragement is the illegitimate child of false expectations!” Loyd Ogilive. I believe most, if not all, of our disappointment comes from what expect in a certain situation. In jest I say to my wife, “if only you’d lower your expectations, I could be the man of your dreams” and there is some truth in that. The only time I get frustrated with her is when I forget that people are unmanageable and that my expectations are just that; my expectations and not anyone else’s truth or reality…

One of my favorite authors Melody Beattie shares this on the topic:

When you’re starting a first creative project or beginning the study of an art or craft, what I want you to do is lower your standards until they disappear. That’s right. You’re not supposed to be any good at the beginning. So you might as well give your­self the liberating gift of joyously expecting yourself to be bad.

— Barbara Sheer and Annie Gotlieb, Wishcraft

When I first began writing newspaper and magazine arti­cles, it took me anywhere from one to three months to com­plete a short article. After writing for a few years, I brought a timer into my office one day. I told myself I knew how to do what I was doing, now I was going to learn to do it more quickly. Before long, I was able to write in two hours what had previously taken me months to accomplish. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from chemical dependency, it took me eight months of treatment to understand what other people were comprehending in six weeks. In time, I became a chemical dependency counselor. In time, I wrote books on the subject. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from codependency, I couldn’t tell a control gesture from setting a boundary I didn’t know when I was taking care of myself or what that even meant. I didn’t know manipulation from an honest attempt at expressing my emotions. In time, I wrote a best-seller on the subject. Again, the key words here are in time.

Start where you are. Start poorly. Just begin. Let yourself fumble, be awkward and confused. If you already knew how to do it, it wouldn’t be a lesson in your life. And you wouldn’t get the thrill of victory two, five, or ten years from now when you look back and say, “Wow. I’ve gotten good at that over time.”

All things are possible to him or her that believeth, the Bible says. Enjoy those awkward beginnings. Revel in them. They’re the key to your success.

God, help me stop putting off living out of fear of doing it poorly. Help me lower my expectations to allow room for awkward begin­nings.” via September 8: Lower Your Expectations.

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Do the Work: An Important Message for Labor Day

Click image to go to amazon.com

Katharine Brooks writes:

As a career counselor/coach I listen to your ideas and dreams about the future. You have a project you long to do. It’s a screenplay, a book, or a song you want to write. You have an idea for a new invention or a new business you want to start. It’s that new job, diet or marathon training you keep thinking about. It’s that class you’d like to take or the commitment to something or someone important you’d like to make.Doing any of these activities will likely enrich and enhance your life. And that’s probably why you’re not doing them.

You’ll tell me about self-doubt, procrastination, fear, perfectionism, a lack of support from family or friends, and even how rational thinking stops you from going forward. But Steven Pressfield, in his marvelous book/manifesto Do The Work: Overcome Resistance and Get Out of Your Own Way, will drive a stake through all of that and tell you it’s simply Resistance. With a capital “R.” Get the rest here: Do the Work: An Important Message for Labor Day | Psychology Today.

Note: You can borrow this book free from your Kindle or purchase it for the low cost of $4.99 for Kindle software. Why not get it and read it today? It’s a quick but inspiring read…

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If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

Get more here: How to Deal with Unfairness and Change the Things You Can | Tiny Buddha.

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7 dangers to human virtue

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Self care

Melody Beattie writes:

“When will we become lovable?  When will we feel safe?  When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve?  We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.”Beyond Codependency

The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it’s okay to take care of ourselves.  Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy onto ourselves and our responsibilities is a recovery behavior that can be acquired.  We learn it by daily practice.

We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can.  Then, we ask ourselves:  What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?

What do I need and want to do? What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?

Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me?  Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system.  I am responsible for myself.

Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I’ve been neglecting?  Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.

Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control?  Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.

Have I been working too hard?  Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.

Have I been neglecting my work or daily tasks?  Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.

There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self-care.  We each have a guide, and that guide is within us.  We need to ask the question:  What do I need to do to take living responsible care of myself?  Then, we need to listen to the answer.  Self-care is not that difficult.  The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow.

Today, I will focus on taking care of myself.  I will trust myself and God to guide me in this process.” via Blog Archives – help and hope ministry.

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3 Tips for Being Unique

I find this post from Robert Chen fascinating:

According to scientists, we’re 99% the same, genetically.

Yes, the same.

Not similar, not close, not related. Exactly the same. And that’s actually a good thing.

Here’s why:

Imagine a world where we were all very different. What would it be like? Well …

Pharmaceutical companies would have to invent a different drug to cure the same disease for every person in the world. No one would read Stepcase Lifehack or any other personal development and productivity blog because useful tips about being successful for one person won’t work for someone else. Research institutes would collapse overnight. What would our children look like?

You get the point.

But take a look around you. What do you see? Do you see how similar we are or do you see our differences?

We’ve been trained and wired to notice the 1% that makes us different and this is the same 1% that separates ordinary people from extraordinary people. Those who showcase their 1% are the ones who become great.

Think of every remarkable person you know. Were they unique or just like the rest of us?

Despite advantages to being similar, professional and personal success does not come from being generic. You have to be yourself.” How? Get the answer here: William Zinsser’s 3 Tips for Being Unique.

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