It’s something we started years ago, I’m not sure exactly when or who said it first. But my friend and I lived many states away from each other and when one was really sick or hurting from a large disappointment in life, the other would say, “If I were there, I would make you a pot of your favorite soup” or “If I were there I would clean off your patio and pull out two chairs for us to sit outside, in blankets with coffee”. That last one as one of my favorites spoken over me many years ago.

As my daughters live far away from me now, the tradition has moved on to share with them. Our youngest had strep throat last month and I found myself saying, “If I were there I would play with your hair till you fall asleep” and to our oldest during a very…

My senses are relentless. Because they feed my thoughts. My thoughts lead to speculation. And, eventually, I will ask the question, “Are you okay?”

I’ve lived with this heightened awareness and (excessive?) empathy for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t feel like it’s my choice to look for those signs in others of discomfort, pain, inner struggle.

I just feel it. Notice it.

I see.

And I struggle with deciding who and when to offer some type of support.

I want to fix it all.

I can’t.

I have my own issues that need fixing. I meet very few fellow empaths. People that are willing to carry my struggles with me. But even when others try, I struggle to convey the depth of the pain.

In contrast, I feel the depth of pain in others. Sometimes without them saying a single word.

I see how heavy the darkness…

This is not easy.

A year later, when I follow up with Jade, she emphasizes how the ritual of uncoupling helped her to see the writing on the wall. “At first I thought it was a little New Age-y, but I was also proud to be doing it and even shared it with some friends. We were doing something right, despite all the wrong that had come before. I often wondered, How is he going to leave? Is he just one day going to wake up, say, ‘Okay, bye,’ and walk out the door? The separation ceremony put an end to my ruminations. I desperately needed a way to help me accept that he loved another woman and it was really over.”

The complete article

Esther Perel — Ideas.ted.com

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Do you know how much time I’ve sat there or lay there and thought about things I’ve regretted doing, I would think about them until I was blue in the face and there was tears in my eyes? Too much bloody time.

I struggled so much with forgiving myself for my mistakes. I was always blaming myself for things that happened me in the past or things that went down and yes sometimes things were my fault, but even when they weren’t my fault I’d act like it was my fault. I would over think it so much I would struggle to leave the house.

People have a habit of saying “it’s his/her own fault” or “he/she deserves everything she gets” but I think if they were inside my head back then for five minutes they would know that was worse punishment then anything they could have wished on me…