Rejecting Shame

51CanjelMjL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-64,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_Melody Beattie writes:

Shame can be a powerful force in our life. It is the trademark of dysfunctional families.

Authentic, legitimate guilt is the feeling or thought that what we did is not okay. It indicates that our behavior needs to be corrected or altered, or an amend needs to be made.

Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isn’t okay. Shame is a no-win situation. We can change our behaviors, but we can’t change who we are. Shame can propel us deeper into self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.

What are the things that can cause us to feel shame? We may feel ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem. We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding. We may feel ashamed about certain feelings or thoughts. We may feel ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to show ourselves to others. Some of us feel ashamed just for being.

Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves.

Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life. It’s okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings are okay. Our past is okay. It’s okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. It’s okay to be human and cherish our humanness.

Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.

Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shame’s trap. If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that it’s okay to be who I am.

Go to the original source: Blog | Just For Today Meditations

If this resonates with you, I’d like to recommend a book I’m currently reading by shame ‘expert’ Brené Brown called ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ – Brown picks up where Melody Beattie left off in this meditation and offers great insight into shame and how to overcome it. Just in case you haven’t seen it [and because it’s so easy to do] here is Brené Brown’s viral talk on vulnerability and shame…

29 thoughts on “Rejecting Shame”

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  1. I love this, but of course you knew I would again..Go check out my recent posts for even more confirmation on shame and how to combat it. I have been swamped with this subject recently.
    http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/healing-the-insecurity/
    http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2013/01/29/beginning-to-undo-the-damage/
    http://innerangelsandenemies.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/fear-of-mistakes/
    I hope you drop in to check them out, sharing shame is hard and many tears were shed as I wrote these, but many more experiences of freedom followed not far behind at all. Blessings to you!

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      1. Not yet, I am in the middle of two other books and Brene’s are next, I’m keeping an eye out for the real thing….I am not a kindle girl, I am a hold it in your hand and appreciate it’s a book, kind of girl. I hardly have time to read the two I am on now cause I read so many blogs. I follow over 140 and they are all so good, Lol I have read lots of extracts though. Have you read her books?

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      2. How do you follow blogs? I use Google Reader. Amazing tool!!! I’m currently reading The Gifts of Imperfection. I started reading Daring Greatly, but there were so many references to The Gifts of Imperfection, I stopped and I’ll go back to it when I’m done with this one…

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      3. Yes that is what I thought would be the case too. Are you liking them so far? I bet they are awesome! I read my blogs on email and through the WordPress reader. I have yet to try Google reader. I haven’t come across it. What is it? Can it hold all the different blog platforms? I have a hard time commenting on those who aren’t with wordpress, takes too long to log in every time. Will Google reader help that?

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      6. If it’s any consolation, let me tell you that by far and away Google Reader is the single most important tool I have mastered in the past 10 years. Through it, good things flow to me from all over the internet. I would not be who I am and do what I do today if not for Google Reader. Here’s a series I did on my business blog on How to get started with Google Reader; http://e1evation.com/series/google-reader-tips/

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      7. HI Todd, I am having fun setting up my Google reader! Yay me! lol …Your Videos are a great help. Thank you. Will let you know if I get stuck, but at the moment I am stepping into something new with much less anxiety than usual, thank to you. Cheers

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      11. Sorry. I will try to be more clear. I have noticed on some wordpress blogs there is the orange and white RSS subscribe button, but I don’t have one on mine. I was wondering if you knew how I could add that button to my blog so my readers can subscribe to my blog via Google reader easily? And is there a way to track how many readers are following you via Google Reader?

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      14. Just for the record, I think it’s much more important to have the follow blog by email widget as only about 10% of American internet users — the top 10% in my opinion — are smart enough to use rss feeds and Google Reader in the first place but everyone uses email…

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      18. My friend is Tim Kastelle; he’s a US national that teaches at the University. This may shock you to know, but I’m a WordPress developer and social media consultant and instructor at the local tech college in Green Bay, WI, USA. Now I have TWO friends in Brisbane — if I ever get to Australia, I know where I’m heading… :-D

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  2. Pingback: Letting go in love… | Wholeheartedness
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  4. Pingback: Writing Without Shame | Writing For Real

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