To The Voice In My Head…

Robin Lee writes:

To the voice in my head:

I used to believe you when you told me I was ugly and pathetic. I would look into the mirror and notice the lines, the creases, the scars, the circles under my eyes, the gray hairs.
I would look in the mirror and declare to myself, “I am old, undesirable and ugly.”

I used to believe you when you told me I was damaged. You would remind me of all of the things that happened to me — all of the things that I was ashamed about in my past. I would look at my life and all of these things that happened and think about what a broken piece of crap I was.
I would declare to myself, “I am tainted and damaged.”

I used to believe you when you told me that nobody would want to be with me.
I would look at all of my weaknesses and declare to myself, “I am unworthy of love.”

I used to believe you when you would tell me that if only I was better — then I could have what I desperately wanted from you.
I would declare to myself, several times a day, “I am not good enough.”

Then one day, I woke up feeling very depressed. I looked around at my life and easily could see all that I had to be grateful for, but it didn’t seem to matter. I couldn’t seem to stop declaring the horrible things that I chose to believe that you kept telling me — over and over and over again. What we allow will continue — Isn’t this so? I allowed it for so long, it didn’t seem to want to stop. Not even for a second.

Until one day…
I asked myself if all you told me was really true. Was it really true that I was old, undesirable and ugly? Was it really true that I was tainted and damaged? Was it really true that I was unworthy of life and not good enough?
I realized that day — It was only true as long as I declared it to be so.

I began from that day forward writing on sticky notes ….

I AM LOVEABLE. And so it is.
I AM GOOD ENOUGH EXACTLY AS I AM RIGHT NOW. And so it is.
EXPERIENCES IN LIFE BROUGHT ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY. And so it is.
I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE. And so it is.
I AM DESIRABLE. And so it is.
I AM VITAL. And so it is.
I AM BEAUTIFUL. And so it is.

I posted those sticky notes around the house, in my car, on my laptop. Every time I would see them I would take a big deep breath and often find myself in tears. I wanted desperately to believe these things, but the damage was so deeply engrained. Something inside told me to keep affirming, keep breathing — and at some point it would pay off. Like seeds being planted in a garden — in its own time, the intention I had would grow.

Each and every day I would hear your nagging voice tell me the reasons why I wasn’t worthy of enjoying my life — and each time I heard your voice I would put my hands on my chest (heart chakra) — breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth and say out-loud, “Stop!!”

I would breathe again and say out loud one of the positive affirmations I wrote above…
I am beautiful. And so it is.
I am vital. And so it is.
I am desirable. And so it is.

Then one day, I woke up and heard your voice louder than ever. I barely got out of bed and you started nagging me with your, “You look old today. If people only knew the real you, nobody would ever want to be with you.”
I took a deep breath and stated out loud, “Excuse me, are you talking to me?” Following that question was a profound silence.

Thank you for all that you taught me – it’s time to say goodbye.

Source: To The Voice In My Head…!