The best of ‘what I see’ for 12/17/2012

Ask someone else how he knows when he’s done a good job.  For some people, the proof comes from outside.  The boss pats you on the back and says your work was great.  You get a raise.  You win a big award.  Your work is noticed and applauded by your peers.  When you get that sort of external approval, you know your work is good.  That’s an external frame of reference. For others, the proof comes from inside.  They “just know inside” when they’ve done well.

And therein lies the answer.  If you aren’t growing, you are dying.  It turns out that happiness that is true and lasting is quite simply this: progress.  Progress = Happiness! If you are growing, and giving, you will be happy.  If you are moving forward in your life, if you are progressing personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually—you will be happy.  It is only in stagnation that we wilt like a flower.

It references once again Dr. Newberg’s theory that “the right words spoken in the right way can bring us love, money, and respect, while the wrong words – or even the right words spoken in the wrong way – can lead a country to war.”

Codependent couples are usually out-of-balance. Frequently, there are struggles for power and control. There may be an imbalance of power or one partner has taken on responsibilities for the other. They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s feelings and moods. Then they try to control one another to feel okay and get their needs met. Rather than respect each other’s separateness and individuality, they can’t tolerate disagreement and blame one another for causing their problems without taking responsibility for themselves. Sometimes, what they dislike in their partner is the very thing they can’t accept in themselves. Despite their pain, they can feel trapped in the relationship because they fear that they can function on their own. Their mutual codependency and insecurity also make intimacy threatening, since being honest and known risks rejection or dissolution of their fragile self.