TSA: A love connection

Am I the only person who’s excited about the new vigorous pat downs the TSA is using?

When I first heard that the TSA would be subjecting some airline travelers to pat downs to screen for potential terrorists, I was overjoyed. As a member of the liberal media elite, this is the kind of freedom-crushing government overreach I was taught to love while being brainwashed by NPR and re-runs of “Maude.”

Also, considering the fact that many TSA agents sort of look like the lunch ladies from my high school, getting felt up by them in the security line would fulfill my long-cherished Nell Carter fantasy.

The great thing is that I don’t have to go online and lie about my age, height, income, interests or personality and general outlook on life to get a good groping anymore. Who needs eHarmony now when we’ve got Travelocity, baby?