When it’s too late to tell someone “I’m sorry”

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” I recite that line as part of the Lord’s Prayer most Sunday mornings at church, and yet no matter how familiar it is, that phrase always stings a little. It reminds me that God expects us to forgive others just as he has freely forgiven us. But it’s safe to say that for most of us, our track record when it comes to extending grace and forgiveness to people who have wronged us is decidedly mixed.

But here’s a new wrinkle to consider: what if it’s too late to extend forgiveness, because the person who hurt us is dead or gone? What if we hurt somebody who is no longer around to hear our apology or our plea for forgiveness?

Charles Swindoll addresses this question today in Day by Day:

I suggest you share your burden of guilt with someone whom you can trust—your spouse, a counselor, your pastor. Be specific and completely candid. Pray with that person and confess openly the wrong and the guilt of your soul. In such cases prayer and the presence of an understanding, affirming individual will provide the relief you need so desperately.

After David had indirectly murdered Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, his guilt was enormous. Adultery and hypocrisy on top of murder just about did him in. Finally, when he was caving in, he broke his silence and sought God’s forgiveness but Uriah was not there to hear his confession. He had been dead almost a year. The broken king called on the prophet Nathan and poured out his soul, “I have sinned….” Nathan followed quickly with these words: “The Lord also has taken away your sin; you shall not die.”

Death or geographical distance can disrupt the critical act of reconciliation between two people. But God’s grace is greater yet. If your conscience burns over an apology never offered or forgiveness never extended, it’s not too late to bring it to God and find peace.