Tag: Wisdom

Standing Up for Ourselves

Melody-Beattie-8x6.jpgMelody Beattie writes:

“We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices” Beyond Codependency

It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.

“You have rights,” we tell them. “And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt.”

Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can’t we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?

There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselves – when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.

Some days, the lesson we’re to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we’re learning is that of fighting for our own rights and ourselves.

Sometimes, the lesson won’t stop until we do.

Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.

via Blog | Just For Today Meditations | Maintaining A Life.

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How to Make 2013 The Best Year of Your Life

Stepcase Lifehack

Full story at: How to Make 2013 The Best Year of Your Life.

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7 Tips to Develop a Daily Practice for Growth, Healing, and Happiness

Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Full story at: 7 Tips to Develop a Daily Practice for Growth, Healing, and Happiness.

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What to do when someone pushes your buttons

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Why We Do What We Do: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

We’ve all heard that money can’t buy us happiness. Or as the Beatles rightly pointed out, it can’t buy you love either.

However, despite this knowledge, we are surrounded by on average 3,000 advertisements a day telling us that success and happiness comes from earning a lot of money, achieving fame and being physically beautiful. It’s little wonder we strive towards achieving these things in hope that they will equal happiness.

In this 4-minute video, Brian Johnson, author of Philosopher’s Notes, explains how we can break this cycle of extrinsic motivation by become more intrinsically motivated; simply by focusing on attaining meaningful relationships, growing as a human being and contributing. Not surprisingly, not only does this make you a better person, research has shown that it also makes you more psychologically happy and stable, too.

via Why We Do What We Do: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation | FinerMinds.

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5 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My Cat Bob

LOL! I thought I was the only one being ‘instructed’ by my cat, but Dayne Stevens has a great post here on a totally different set of lessons than what I’m ‘taking’:

Many of us live with and love animals. But we can learn a great deal from them regarding life, how we face challenges, and how we need to live with less resistance. I personally am more of a cat person versus a dog person, but I think both cats and dogs have things to teach us…if we pay close attention.

Over the last 8 years, I’ve been the proud owner of a big, and I mean BIG, cat named Bob. Bob has been with me through good and bad times, always loyal, always loving.

The other day I was watching him sleep and it got me to thinking about the life lessons he has taught me. They’ve made a huge difference in my life; I hope they do the same for you.

Full story at: 5 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My Cat Bob.

You can read my related cat post here…

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The benefits of “I’m sorry…”

Melody Beattie writes:

Did you ever do something stupid that hurt someone’s feelings? Did you ever treat someone wrong and there was no justification for how you behaved? I have. It’s an awful place to be, when we realize what we’ve done.

The more we value that person, the more we want them to know how genuinely sorry we are. We’d give any­thing to see their facial muscles soften and hear them say, “It’s okay.”

I first learned about the value of forgiveness when 1 was in treatment for chemical dependency. I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt other people until I’d been sober for a while. When I became aware of my guilt, it was paralyzing and thick. I just wanted it to go away, and I didn’t think it ever would. The antidote for guilt is forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness from others or God puts us in a vulnerable place. There is nothing we can do except wait until we get word—and believe—that it’s okay.

I recently read a magazine article about the physiolog­ical benefits of saying, “I’m sorry” Acknowledging to someone that we’ve hurt them, saying we’re sorry, and genuinely meaning it improves health.

Recovery programs have known for a long time that becoming aware of the harm we’ve done and making direct amends are essential for the well-being of the person making amends. But making amends doesn’t just benefit us. It helps the other person too.

As hard as I try not to, I still make mistakes and do things that hurt others. Sometimes I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I do it anyway Other times it’s an accident.

Forgiveness isn’t just a value we need if and when we’re recovering. It’s a value we’ll need all our lives.

Value: Forgiveness has many components: self-inspection, self-responsibility compassion, living by a set of ethics, letting go of our defenses, letting go of resentments and judgments, humbling ourselves, wanting to be close to God, acknowledging to other people that they’re impor­tant to us, knowing that others care enough about us. All these aspects of forgiveness are good. Whether we’re extending or receiving forgiveness, it’s the value this week.

via January 8 – from “52 Weeks of Conscious Contact”.

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Gandhi & Buddha… What About Jesus Christ?

Kelly O’Brien writes:

Happy New Year, everyone! It seems many of us make New Years resolutions and in order to stay inspired as we revamp our diets or workout routines, relationships or careers, we turn to quotes and affirmations. Universally, we all seem to be able to relate to quotes and “life advice” from spiritual leaders throughout history: Gandhi, Buddha, etc. What about advice from Jesus Christ? It seems when many hear the name “Jesus Christ,” they recoil. Sides are taken, much like a debate between a staunch Republican and avid Democratic. People dont want to hear advice from Jesus Christ, yet his advice is as powerful as Buddha and Gandhi. You can put a quote from Gandhi on your Facebook wall and people will hit “Like” but put one from Jesus Christ and you might get defriended. If you can stay open minded, keep reading.

via Gandhi & Buddha…What About Jesus Christ?.

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Want To Live A Long, Healthy Life? Stop Thinking!

…or perhaps thinking so much or overthinking. Donna Gates writes:

Have you ever wondered why your life is one way, when you dream of another?

Have you ever worried that your mistakes in the past may carry into the future?

Or if you will have the resources that you need to take you where you want to go?

We all have had these thoughts. And while they may seem harmless enough, too much worry drains the body of physical health.

It’s like this: If you want the greatest physical health possible, stop the mind chatter.

Or think very little.

Full story at: Want To Live A Long, Healthy Life? Stop Thinking!.

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A Simple Exercise To Help You Live Your Best Life!

Carris Christianson writes:

Rather than making another set of resolutions that will most likely be broken within days, it’s time to create healthy, high-standards for yourself to insure you’re living the New Year right!

I created this Self-Agreement Contract as I began my path to wellness. It holds me accountable for living the life that aligns with my beliefs.

Although I’ve had my missteps, I return to my contract to live my best life daily! I now share this with my clients and have seen wonderful, beneficial results!

Take the time to create your own Self-Agreement Contract and start living the beautiful life you’ve always envisioned for yourself.

via A Simple Exercise To Help You Live Your Best Life!.

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Are You Good Enough?

“I’m not good enough.”

At some point in our lives, we’ve all said it. We use these words to justify our fears and explain our insecurities or the reasons we don’t have the things we want most.

“I’m not good enough to be in a relationship.”

“I’m not good enough to get that job.”

“I’m not good enough to write that book.”

“I’m not good enough to record an album.”

“I’m not good enough [fill in the blank].”

These four vile words strip us of our personal value, our core identity, and any sense of purpose. They represent the epitome of the worst self-inflicted psychological diseases: self-pity.

“Certainly the most destructive vice, if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins—is self-pity. Self-pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred’s a subset of self-pity and not the other way around: ‘It destroys everything around it, except itself.’”

Stephen Fry

It’s time to stop using the term “not good enough” to reinforce some deep-seeded belief that we are insufficient or incomplete. We cannot surrender control of our self-worth to someone else, especially to someone who likely doesn’t deserve or even want that power.

Get more here: Are You Good Enough? « Positively Positive.

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Feeling Stuck? Try This!

Chris Assad writes:

I know the feeling. In fact, I’ve been in the thick of it for the past little while now, too. Perhaps it’s the time of year. As one year comes to a close and another begins, it’s easy to feel the pinch of time passing by. Whether it’s looking back at the year that’s just passed and feeling like there’s so much that you could have done but didn’t, or feeling overwhelmed at the challenge of stepping it up and doing one better in the year ahead, it can weigh on us.

Get the rest here: Feeling Stuck? Try This!.

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Dilbert on making waves

Dilbert Daily Strip

via Comic for January 6, 2013.

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Simplify the Internet

Leo Babauta writes:

The Internet is overwhelming for many people — it never ends, and our connection to it is consuming more and more of our time.

When things get overwhelming, my advice is always the same: simplify.

But how do you simplify such a complicated beast as the Internet? It’s impossible! Actually, no, it’s doable, but it takes a willingness to let go.

Without letting go, there is no simplicity.

Let’s take a look at some ways to simplify the Internet.

Full story at: » Simplify the Internet :zenhabits.

My favorite suggestion? “Pay yourself first. Before you get lost down the digital rabbit hole of distractions and socializing, do the work that matters most to you first. Before you check email and social networks and start online reading, do important work. Find distraction-free spaces, and let go of the need to check your online addictions.”

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Nurturing Self Care

Today you get a double shot of Melody Beattie because I need it!

“…there isn’t a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we’ll love ourselves enough to listen.” Beyond Codependency

What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don’t you trust? What doesn’t feel right? What can’t you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don’t you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good? In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God’s will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it. Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.

Today, I will affirm that gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form.

via Blog | Just For Today Meditations | Maintaining A Life.

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So that’s how it goes…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie has a loooong post on New Year‘s mindfulness. Here’s an excerpt:

I began to list the qualities or skills I applied that helped me go from loser to a winner at something I knew absolutely nothing about when I started.  I didn’t take me long to see that these are identical to the qualities that help me succeed at anything I want to do. While these ideas aren’t revolutionary, it’s easy to forget that each is within our power to do.

  1. Realize I’m where I am on purpose, even if it’s an accident. Sometimes the most trivial things that happen to us are more important than we believe.  When I look for the big, the exciting and the momentous – I leave empty-handed.  When I surrender to the present moment, understanding the sheer magnificence of each of these in my life – even those that suck — and then follow that with gratitude, my wheelbarrow overflows.  (I use that expression because my entire life, I wanted a wheelbarrow and now I have one, a good one I won one for not much money at all at DealDash and because “cups overflowing” has become a cliché, something writers should avoid.) I really am thrilled about having a wheelbarrow and in my most far-fetched moments of self-love, couldn’t justify buying one.

Full story at: SO THAT’S HOW IT GOES | Melody Beattie.

 

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5 Lies You Tell Yourself That Stop You From Reaching Your Goals

Dreams. Goals. Ambitions. Everyone has them. Even those who say they don’t, are, in essence, setting a goal to not have them.

But what are you doing to reach them? And what’s stopping you?

I have spoken to many, listened to their goals, dreams, ambitions, and I’ve heard the excuses. I want to provide you with something I’d like to call “The 180 Look,” taking a 180-degree turn and thinking differently about what’s blocking you from reaching your goals.

Full story at: 5 Lies You Tell Yourself That Stop You From Reaching Your Goals.

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You Are The Creator

You tell stories. You believe them.

They are just stories you have created, and will continue to create, unless you become “aware” (conscious) or awakened.

You are the creator.

Everything you see is actually revealing about you.

What you see in others, is inside you.

When you realize that, it will help you to SEE.

Then you will have a true UNDERSTANDING.

Full story at:  You Are The Creator.

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Stop Beating Yourself Up… Start Loving Yourself Radically!

kute-blackson-261x3001Kute Blackson writes:

It can be easy to judge yourself at times.

Many of us do it quite well.

We beat ourselves up. Criticize. Treat ourselves harshly. We often strive to make ourselves different from what we are.

From the moment we are born, we get conditioned. We are told who we should and shouldn’t be. We are told repeatedly that who we are isn’t enough. It gets reinforced by the advertising in the media that wants to sell you something.

When you accept yourself for being who you are and who you are not, a powerful freedom is yours.

Beating yourself up to try and fit some idea of who you need to be in order to be loved and accepted by others only creates more stress and suffering.

Beating yourself up to be something often keeps you feeling like nothing and can keep you stuck where you are.

Judging yourself in an effort to change simply reinforces the very patterns you are seeking to change.

No matter what has happened to you, know this:

You are perfect as you are.

So what if you didn’t need to change, improve, or be anything other than what you are already?

What if you were to radically, completely accept who you are and not in this moment?

Not accepting only causes you more suffering.

Acceptance is the key to your freedom. It’s in acceptance of who you are and where you are in your process of being a human being that you create the space to truly be with yourself as you are. It’s this space of non-judgment that is profoundly healing. Even to simply accept your non-acceptance is freedom.

Acting like some idealized version of yourself that you think you should be doesn’t make you authentically who you are or truly free.

The real freedom is in dropping all the “shoulds” of who you think you should or shouldn’t be, and allow yourself to simply be. Then the real you can blossom.

As you begin to accept yourself totally even those parts of yourself that you judge or think are “bad” will heal in the space of love, compassion, and acceptance.

Judging yourself is easy. But it takes real courage to love yourself radically.

To love yourself radically is to not only love just the parts of you that you like, but also the parts that you don’t like.

What parts of yourself have you been judging?

What if you committed to loving that?

What if you committed to loving even the part of you that “can’t” love?

It’s in loving radically that you set yourself free.

It’s time.

Love. Now.

Source: Stop Beating Yourself Up…Start Loving Yourself Radically!

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Caroline Casey: Looking past limits

Activist Caroline Casey tells the story of her extraordinary life, starting with a revelation (no spoilers). In a talk that challenges perceptions, Casey asks us all to move beyond the limits we may think we have.

via Caroline Casey: Looking past limits – YouTube.

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5 Ways To Live The Life You Want In 2013

45% of us make New Year’s resolutions and 8% will be successful in keeping them, according to a recent study from the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology. A very gloomy statistic for sure and I totally get why. We are all amped up in the beginning of the year to lose weight or spend less and then the New Year hits and we get distracted with other commitments and fall back into old habitual patterns. Well, there’s hope. via 5 Ways To Live The Life You Want In 2013.

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