Tag: Spiritual Health

Letting Go

“There are some things we can control, like what we eat and whether or not we choose to exercise. We can choose how we treat others and how we allow them to treat us. Basically, we can control our actions and reactions and that’s about all.

The most important lesson I learned is that living in fear (aka: control) is not really living at all. It’s more like tiptoeing around life (when you’re not flat-out running away from it). It was empowering to give up the “power” I thought I had.” Get more here: Letting Go | notsalmon.

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Panic

Yup! More Melody Beattie:

“Few situations – no matter how greatly they appear to demand it – can be bettered by us going beserk.” Codependent No More

Don’t Panic!

If a swimmer was crossing a great lake, then suddenly focused too heavily on the distance remaining, he might start to flounder and go under – not because he couldn’t swim, but because he became overwhelmed by panic.

Panic, not the task, is the enemy.

Many of us have moments when we feel crowded and overwhelmed. We have times when we feel like we cannot possibly accomplish all that needs to be done.

We may be facing a task at work, an improvement in ourselves, or change in our family life.

For a moment, it is helpful to look forward and envision the project. It is normal, when we look ahead at what needs to be done, to have moments of panic. Feel the fear, then let it go. Take our eyes off the future and the enormity of the task. If we have envisioned the goal, it will be ours. We do not have to do everything today, or at once.

Focus on today. Focus on the belief that all is well. All we need to do to reach our goal is to focus on what presents itself naturally, and in an orderly way, to us today. We shall be empowered to accomplish, peacefully, what we need to get where we want to be tomorrow.

Panic will stop this process. Trust and guided action will further it. Breathe deeply. Get peaceful. Trust. Act as guided, today.

We can get back on track by treading water until we regain our composure. Once we feel peaceful, we can begin swimming again, with confidence. Keep the focus simple, on one stroke, one movement at a time. If we can make one movement, we have progressed. If we get tired, we can float – but only if we are relaxed. Before we know it, we shall reach the shore.” via THE RECOVERY PROCESS: Panic.

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Living Our Lives

Melody Beattie writes:

“Don’t stop living your life!

So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can posi­tively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn’t work­ing, if we face a difficult decision, if we’re feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold and torment ourselves with obsessive thoughts.

Abandoning our life or routines contributes to the problem and delays us from finding the solution.

Frequently, the solution comes when we let go enough to live our life, return to our routine, and stop obsessing about the problem.

Sometimes, even if we don’t feel like we have let go or can let go, we can “act as if” we have, and that will help bring about the letting go we desire.

You don’t have to give up your power to problems. You can take your focus off your problem and direct it to your life, trusting that doing so will bring you closer to a solution.

Today, I will go on living my life and tending to my routine. I will decide, as often as I need to to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me. If I don’t feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will “act as if” I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior.” via June 9: Living Our Lives.

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Boundaries


Can I go a single day without quoting Melody Beattie? I don’t think so!

“Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Be­cause we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn’t hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.

There’s nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson. The lesson may be that we’ve be­come too controlling. Or maybe were being pushed to own our power to take care of ourselves. The issue is boundaries.

If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that’s exactly what’s happening: we’re being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that’s here to help us explore and set our boundaries.

Today, I will give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.” via June 8: Boundaries.

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The Gift of Readiness

Melody Beattie writes:

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Step Six of Al-Anon.

We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by a Power greater than ourselves – God.

The path to this willingness can be long and hard. Many of us have to struggle with a behavior or feeling before we become ready to let it go. We need to see, over and over again, that the coping device that once protected us is no longer useful.

The defects of character referred to in Step Six are old survival behaviors that once helped us cope with people, life, and ourselves. But now they are getting in our way, and it is time to be willing to have them removed.

Trust in this time. Trust that you are being readied to let go of that which is no longer useful. Trust that a change of heart is being worked out in you.

God, help me become ready to let go of my defects of character. Help me know, in my mind and soul, that I am ready to let go of my self defeating behaviors, the blocks and barriers to my life.” via 6/6 Language of Letting Go – SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.

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Attack shame!

Melody Beattie writes:

“Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.” Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame.

Many systems and people reek of shame.  They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them.  They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We dont have to fall into their shame.  Instead, we’ll take the good feelings self, acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors.  If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed.  Its inevitable.  We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed original shame upon us, may try to put shame on us.  This can happen when were all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life.  Dont think.  Dont feel.  Dont grow or change.  Dont be alive.  Dont live life.  Be ashamed!

Be done with shame.  Attack shame.  Go to war with it.  Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world.  If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible.  God, help me know that its OK to love myself and help me refuse to submit to shame.  If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.” via Adult Children Anonymous.

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Honesty

Melody Beattie writes:

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Step Five of Al Anon

Talking openly and honestly to another person about our­selves, in an attitude that reflects self-responsibility, is critical to recovery.

It’s important to admit what we have done wrong to others and to ourselves. Verbalize our beliefs and our behaviors. Get our resentments and fears out in the open.

That’s how we release our pain. That’s how we release old beliefs and feelings. That’s how we are set free. The more clear and specific we can be with our Higher Power, our­selves, and another person, the more quickly we will experience that freedom.

Step Five is an important part of the recovery process. For those of us who have learned to keep secrets from ourselves and others, it is not just a step — it is a leap toward becom­ing healthy.

Today I will remember that it’s okay to talk about the issues that bother me. It is by sharing my issues that I will grow beyond them. I will also remember that it’s okay to be selective about those in whom I confide. I can trust my instincts and choose someone who will not use my disclosures against me, and who will give me healthy feedback.” via June 5: Honesty.

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For the Next 24 Hours…

Melody Beattie writes:

For the next twenty-four hours…

In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount of faith. We refuse to look back—unless healing from the past is part of today’s work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day’s activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, we’ll have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.

…I pray for knowledge of Your will for me only,…

We surrender to God’s will. We stop trying to control, and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power’s will for us—that it’s good, generous, and with direction. We’re learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God’s will. We’re learning that God’s will is not offensive. We’ve learned that sometimes there’s a difference between what others want us to do and God’s will. We’re also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We’re learning to trust ourselves.

…and the power to carry that through.

Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is claiming the power to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater than ourselves to do that. We will never be called upon to do anything that we won’t be empowered to do.

Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 122-123). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Splitting

Split face photo

Splitting creates instability in relationships, because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether he or she gratifies the subject’s needs or frustrates them. This along with similar oscillations in the experience and appraisal of the self lead to chaotic and unstable relationship patterns, identity diffusion, and Other-directed mood swings. Consequently, the therapeutic process can be greatly impeded by these oscillations, because the therapist too can become the target of splitting. To overcome the negative effects on treatment outcome, constant interpretations by the therapist are needed.[1]

Splitting contributes to unstable relationships and intense emotional experiences, something that has been noted especially with narcissists. Alexander Abdennur writes in his book on narcissistic personality disorder, Camouflaged Aggression, that “[t]hrough this splitting mechanism, the narcissist can suddenly and radically shift his allegiance. A trusted friend can become an enemy; the partner may become an adversary.”[2]

Treatment strategies have been developed for individuals and groups based on dialectical behavior therapy, and for couples.[3] There are also self help books on related topics such as mindfulness and emotional regulation that have been helpful for individuals who struggle with the consequences of splitting.[4]” Get more here: Splitting (psychology) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

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Perfection

Melody Beattie writes:

Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recov­ery. We may also have a tendency to pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.

“If I was really recovering, I wouldn’t be doing that again…:’ “I should be further along than I am:’ These are statements that we indulge in when were feeling shame. We don’t need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.

Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done some­thing we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.

Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of think­ing, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That’s how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by sham­ing ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.

Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it’s accepting and lov­ing ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.

Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.” via June 2: Perfection | Language of Letting Go.

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Just in case you missed this for 5/30/2012

  1. Todd’s tweets…

  2. toddlohenry
    Best Money Tips: Easy Ways to Save Money This Summer http://bit.ly/Kc3wlW

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    Wed, May 30 2012 08:20:05

  3. toddlohenry
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    Wed, May 30 2012 08:10:04

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    When Other People Won’t Change http://bit.ly/JUAQHV

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    Wed, May 30 2012 08:00:11

  5. toddlohenry
    Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power? http://bit.ly/JPgotH

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:50:04

  6. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://fb.me/1G2hIbQdo

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:47:18

  7. toddlohenry
    Life Lessons from Solitaire http://bit.ly/JPebi8

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:40:03

  8. toddlohenry
    3 Simple Ways to Follow Your Bliss http://bit.ly/KbQMLu

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:30:31

  9. toddlohenry
    Is Fear of Success Limiting Your Productivity? http://bit.ly/JtzxjD

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:20:06

  10. toddlohenry
    Love Defines You! http://bit.ly/JtzwMC

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:10:12

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    Keep It Glassy: Say Goodbye to Plastic http://bit.ly/JPc7Xt

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    Wed, May 30 2012 07:00:36

  12. toddlohenry
    Stop Blaming Your Parents. Give It Up. Stop. Let It Go! http://bit.ly/LGYZX9

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:50:08

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    Every Day Is A Rite Of Passage! http://bit.ly/LGYY5i

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:40:03

  14. toddlohenry
    “If You’re Happy and You Know It: 6 Ways to Grow Your Child’s Emotional Literacy” http://bit.ly/KbWsWy

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:34:04

  15. toddlohenry
    5 Life Lessons from Solitaire http://bit.ly/LGYYST

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:30:18

  16. toddlohenry
    8 Life Lessons From Yoga Workshop http://bit.ly/KbVt90 @jackiedumaine

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:25:16

  17. toddlohenry
    #014: Building Your Platform, Part 2 [Podcast] http://bit.ly/LFMjeX

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:20:02

  18. toddlohenry
    If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree… http://bit.ly/JT6Bkz

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:40:03

  19. toddlohenry
    Facebook drop reaches 10%, below $29 http://cnnmon.ie/N8k5Nb

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:30:10

  20. toddlohenry
    I’m at Lakeside Community Church (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/M4iXNN

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:29:51

  21. toddlohenry
    Our World Needs More Whimsy, Part 2 http://bit.ly/N8k7Vq

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:20:03

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    Irish Fest brings music to the marina http://bit.ly/N8k4bZ

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:10:06

  23. toddlohenry
    Donald Driver says he’s headed back to Packers – NFL News http://bit.ly/KatJBo

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:00:05

  24. toddlohenry
    What is Pillow Talk and How to Make It Better? http://bit.ly/KatGpr

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:50:08

  25. toddlohenry
    Rural Tourism is More Than Just Agritourism http://bit.ly/N8jTh5

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:40:02

  26. toddlohenry
    A wedding announcement guaranteed to make a white supremacist’s head explode. http://bit.ly/KatG8G

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:30:24

  27. toddlohenry
    Justin Bieber tops cheesiest celeb poll http://bit.ly/N8jOd9

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:20:02

  28. toddlohenry
    The craziest Unhinged Badger http://bit.ly/KatEOh

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:10:05

  29. toddlohenry
    Donald Driver Set To Restructure Deal, Re-Join Packers http://bit.ly/KatExD

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:00:40

  30. toddlohenry
    The wide open future of the art museum: Q&A with William Noel http://bit.ly/KatEhf

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:50:06

  31. toddlohenry
    Soft Drinks http://bit.ly/N8jJGe

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:40:05

  32. toddlohenry
    The Chatter: Did Walker or Barrett Win Debate? http://bit.ly/KatBlD

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:30:26

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    Power to the Pews: Internal Marketing http://bit.ly/KrIP3Y

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:20:04

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:10:13

  35. toddlohenry
    On being connected… http://bit.ly/JSU2FV

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    Tue, May 29 2012 18:00:12

  36. toddlohenry
    What do I do… http://bit.ly/LEE0jD

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    Tue, May 29 2012 17:50:02

  37. toddlohenry
    I’m at Caffé Tlazo (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/Lcpcdi

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    Tue, May 29 2012 17:44:44

  38. toddlohenry
    The best time to start positively changing your life… http://bit.ly/KEIXM3

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    Tue, May 29 2012 17:40:04

  39. toddlohenry
    Be faithful in small things http://bit.ly/LCZmlq

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    Tue, May 29 2012 17:30:25

  40. toddlohenry
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    Tue, May 29 2012 17:20:13

  41. toddlohenry
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Let go and let God

Melody Beattie writes:

A friend was experiencing some financial difficulties. He was getting to the point of despair. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“Why don’t you ask God?” I said.

“I couldn’t do that. I’ve already asked God too many times to bail me out.”

“I don’t mean ask God to bail you out,” I said. “Ask God to show you what to do.”

“I never thought of that,” he said.

We all have access to the greatest resource in the world. We don’t have to sign up, register, or pay dues. Wherever we are, whatever we’re facing, all we need to do is ask our Higher Power what to do next. Why is it that the simplest things in life can be the hardest things to do?

Application: Got financial problems? Relationship problems? Facing a quandary in life? Stepping into the vast wilderness called the unknown? If we’ve run out of our own answers, it is time to ask for guidance. Or better yet, we can ask for guidance before running out of our own resources. Asking for guidance—for knowledge of God’s Will for us and the power to carry that out—is a good thing to do as needed and each day.” via May 30.

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Affirm Yourself…

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Melody Beattie writes:

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don’t wait until you’re successful to tell yourself you’re that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I’m not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there’s a ways to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don’t have to be to say those two little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfill­ing life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be…

via April 23: Affirm Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

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Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?

Mastin Kipp writes:

A definition of interdependence is: “a reciprocal relation between interdependent entities.”

The key word here is: “reciprocal”. Interdependence can be thought of as a relationship where each party gives and receives from his or her own internal overflow. This is TOTALLY different than “codependence” which can be thought of as being “addicted to someone”.

Another way to look at it, spiritually, is this:

A codependent person makes someone else his or her Higher Power. An interdependent person knows that The Uni-verse is their Higher Power and keeps their focus on that, while choosing to be in a relationship with someone else who is also looking to The Uni-verse to fulfill them.” Get more here: Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?.

If any of this gives you pause to think, you might want to take a look at Melody Beattie‘s book Codependent No More — it’s full of pratical thoughts, tools and tactics for taking codependency head on. You can download a free sample here. I first became aware of this issue in my life about a year ago but this book, the accompanying workbook and her meditation book “Language of Letting Go” have been helpful to me in overcoming codependency and having better relationships…

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On being connected…

LOL. ‘Make me one with everything’…

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?

I was buckling my seat belt in the little Cessna one day, get­ting ready for flight training, when my instructor Rob turned to me.

“I just take a second when I strap myself in and tell myself I’m becoming one with the plane as I do,” Rob said. “It really helped me in the beginning when I was nervous and felt so separate from the airplane.”

What a great idea, I thought. That day turned into one of my most comfortable flying sessions. It reminded me of a lesson I had learned a while back.

For most of my life, I felt disconnected from things: from myself, from other people, from life. That feeling of separate­ness haunted me. It explains why I tried so desperately to attach myself codependently to people, places, and things.

Over the years, I began to see that my separateness was an illusion. The same energy, the same life force, that runs through all the universe runs through you and me, too.

We’re connected, whether we know it or not.

Nobody has to make you one with everything. You already are.

Let go of your illusion of separateness.

Connect yourself.

God, help me know my oneness with the world. Help me know how connected I really am so I don’t have to connect in ways that don’t work.

via April 15: Connect Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

Something else I like about Melody Beattie — she’s a pilot, or at least a student pilot…

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Just in case you missed this for 5/29/2012

  1. “I really, deeply believe that dreams do come true. Often, they might not come when you want them. They come in their own time.”

    – Diana Ross

    Today’s Quotes: BEYOND The Dark Night!

    Tue, May 29 2012 06:52:39

  2. Inspirational poster

    toddlohenry

    Thu, Dec 03 2009 19:00:00

  3. Todd’s tweets…

  4. toddlohenry
    Be the Hero of Your Own Life http://bit.ly/JLiR8E

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 08:10:06

  5. toddlohenry
    3 Steps for Riding the Waves of Anger http://bit.ly/JLiQkU

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    Tue, May 29 2012 08:00:16

  6. toddlohenry
    May 29 http://bit.ly/JLiOtm

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:50:02

  7. toddlohenry
    Are You Letting Yourself Be Drained By An Emotional Vampire? http://bit.ly/JLiOd4

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:40:02

  8. toddlohenry
    Your Dreams Are Making You Smarter http://bit.ly/JKr1CK

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:30:03

  9. toddlohenry
    Are You Using Coffee As A Crutch For Happiness? http://bit.ly/JLiMBS

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:20:01

  10. toddlohenry
    How to Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes http://bit.ly/JKr15O

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:10:09

  11. toddlohenry
    Supergirl Photo Op http://chzb.gr/MTSrWs

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    Mon, May 28 2012 20:30:03

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    Mon, May 28 2012 20:20:02

  13. toddlohenry
    Does Optimism Make You Live Longer? http://huff.to/LBn0eb

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    Mon, May 28 2012 20:10:06

  14. toddlohenry
    Quote of the Day; Memorial Day http://bit.ly/KRdi6C

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    Mon, May 28 2012 20:00:34

  15. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/Klql51

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    Mon, May 28 2012 19:50:05

  16. toddlohenry
    Dear Monday… http://bit.ly/KRdeE0

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    Mon, May 28 2012 19:40:02

  17. toddlohenry
    12 “song of the summer” contenders http://bit.ly/L8WFoT

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    Mon, May 28 2012 19:30:17

  18. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/KlpTUq

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:20:05

  19. toddlohenry
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    Mon, May 28 2012 19:10:05

  20. toddlohenry
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  21. toddlohenry
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    Mon, May 28 2012 18:50:03

  22. toddlohenry
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    Mon, May 28 2012 18:40:03

  23. toddlohenry
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    Mon, May 28 2012 18:30:22

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    Mon, Sep 20 2010 20:00:00

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Letting Go of Self Doubt

Melody Beattie writes:

A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. “I want to separate from my husband,” she sobbed. “I can’t stand him or his abuse any longer. But tell me, please tell me,” she said, “do you think I can take care of myself?” Codependent No More

Not only is it okay to take care of ourselves, we can take good care of ourselves.

Many of us, so confident about our ability to take care of others, doubt our inherent strength to care for ourselves. We may have come to believe, from our past or present circumstances, that we need to take care of others and we need others to take care of us. This is the ultimate codependent belief.

No matter where this self-defeating belief was born, we can release it and replace it with a better one, a healthier one, a more accurate one.

We can take care of ourselves — whether we are in or out of a relationship. Everything we need will be provided. We will have loved ones, friends, and our Higher Power to help.

Knowing that we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we won’t have feelings of fear, discomfort, doubt, anger, and fragility at times. It means we practice “courageous vulnerability,” as Colette Dowling called it in Cinderella Complex. We may feel scared, but we do it anyway.

Today, God, help me know how I can take care of myself.” via Daily Meditation ~ Letting Go of Self Doubt – Miracles In Progress Codependents Anonymous Group.

5

Choices

Melody Beattie says:

“We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors — such as caretaking or controlling. Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency.

When we hear ourselves say, “I have to take care of this person…”, “I have to say yes….” ,”I have to try to control that person…”, “I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way…” we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else; recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.” via Inspiration.

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2

Just in case you missed it for 5/27/12

  1. Todd’s tweets…

  2. toddlohenry
    Tourists flocking to Fond du Lac area http://bit.ly/JFQRrM

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:20:02

  3. toddlohenry
    Choreplay http://fb.me/CodWavQF

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:15:55

  4. toddlohenry
    The TRUE Power of Influence and Emotional Impact http://bit.ly/JEYHNC

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:10:07

  5. toddlohenry
    DNR offers tips to stay healthy while having fun at the beach http://1.usa.gov/JEYGZR

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:00:31

  6. toddlohenry
    High court upholds record Lemon Law award http://bit.ly/JEYGt4

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:50:04

  7. toddlohenry
    Driver brings home the gold on “DWTS” http://bit.ly/JFQNbw

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:40:03

  8. toddlohenry
    Some of Your Worst Days Lie Ahead http://bit.ly/KSCEmQ

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:30:03

  9. toddlohenry
    Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even…. http://bit.ly/JYULv3

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:20:04

  10. toddlohenry
    10 Things Your Dog Would Tell You http://bit.ly/KtTitG

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:10:04

  11. toddlohenry
    50 Inspiring Children’s Books with a Positive Message http://bit.ly/K3LQJg

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:00:35

  12. toddlohenry
    “Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even.” http://bit.ly/KtTjOa

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:50:05

  13. toddlohenry
    Recognizing choices http://bit.ly/LqIXAt

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:40:02

  14. toddlohenry
    4 Tips for when You’re Having One of Those “Why Me?!” Moments http://bit.ly/LzkXY0

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:30:14

  15. toddlohenry
    Missed your work out yesterday? (this week? this month?) Forgetaboutit… http://bit.ly/LqIE8F

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:20:03

  16. toddlohenry
    Cooking At Home Helps You Live Longer http://bit.ly/LzkV24

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:10:04

  17. toddlohenry
    Massage, anyone? http://bit.ly/KchvX5

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 05:30:03

  18. toddlohenry
    Summer fun in Wisconsin http://bit.ly/K2qlIN

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 18:10:07

  19. toddlohenry
    I’m at Krohn’s Lake (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/L3us2N

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:41:47

  20. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… http://bit.ly/JMbZ9b

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:20:03

  21. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… (Taken with instagram) http://bit.ly/K2liZ1

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:14:39

0

We have choices


Melody Beattie says:

“We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.” via Adult Children Anonymous.

Related articles
2

Discovering intimacy

Intimacy is that warm gift of feeling connected to others and enjoying our connection to them.

As we grow in recovery, we find that gift in many, sometimes surprising, places. We may discover we’ve developed intimate relationships with people at work, with friends, with people in our support groups – sometimes with family members. Many of us are discovering intimacy in a special love relationship.

Intimacy is not sex, although sex can be intimate. Intimacy means mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationships – relationships where the other person can be who he or she is and we can be who we are – and both people are valued.

Sometimes there are conflicts. Conflict is inevitable. Sometimes there are troublesome feelings to work through. Sometimes the boundaries or parameters of relationships change. But there is a bond – one of love and trust.

There are many blocks to intimacy and intimate relationships. Addictions and abuse block intimacy. Unresolved family of origin issues prevents intimacy. Controlling blocks intimacy. Off balance relationships, where there is too great a discrepancy in power, prevent intimacy. Caretaking can block intimacy. Nagging, withdrawing, and shutting down can hurt intimacy. So can a simple behavior like gossip — for example, gossiping about another for motives of diminishing him or her in order to build up ourselves or to judge the person. To discuss another person’s issues, shortcomings, or failures with someone else will have a predictable negative impact on the relationship.

We deserve to enjoy intimacy in as many of our relationships as possible. We deserve relationships that have not been sabotaged. That does not mean we walk around with our heads in the clouds; it means we strive to keep our motives clean when it comes to discussing other people.

If we have a serious issue with someone, the best way to resolve it is to bring the issue to that person.

Direct, clean conversation clears the air and paves the way for intimacy, for good feelings about ourselves and our relationships with others.

Today, God, help me let go of my fear of intimacy. Help me strive to keep my communications with others clean and free from malicious gossip. Help me work toward intimacy in my relationships. Help me deal as directly as possible with my feelings.

via Adult Children Anonymous.

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