I’m Not Selfish. I Love Myself.

This is part of a great post by Hayley Hobson on Positively Positive:

There is a radical difference between selfish and self-love.

Selfish is acting in complete disregard for others. Self-love means nurturing yourself so you are able to give back with vitality and compassion.

We’re not supposed to be self-sacrificing, are we?

It’s already difficult enough in our modern world for a woman with purpose (like me) to balance relationship, friendship, and children with our own aspirations. Don’t you think?

Get the rest here: I’m Not Selfish. I Love Myself. « Positively Positive.

September 19, 2013 1

Our aim should …

Our aim should be to not seek and chase for Love, but to BE IT. This means self-love first. True Love isn’t setting HUGE expectations on someone else that they always make you happy and fulfilled.

True Love is being so full of self-love and the Love of The Uni-verse that you have more than enough Love to hold your own darkness and light and the darkness and light of the other people. True Love is radical acceptance of yourself and the person you are in a relationship with.

Looking for someone to complete you is to deny your innate potential to be an already full and integrated being. You are giving someone else a power that only you have.

You complete YOU!

July 20, 2013 1

Self-acceptance…

Melody Beattie writes:

Self-acceptance is a more humble term than self-esteem or self-love. Self-love has tones of narcissism—me first and to heck with you. Self-esteem rings of pride—holding ourselves up higher than everybody else. Self-acceptance is that gentle place we get to when we make peace with who we are.

“For a long time, when I talked to certain people. I got squeamish and uncomfortable. like it wasn’t okay to be me.” a friend said. “I thought it was me being uncomfortable with myself. I’ve finally learned that I’m responding to how uncomfortable some people feel about themselves.”

We might feel so awkward about ourselves that we believe we have to be different from who we are. Some of that comes from low self-worth, not believing that we’re okay. Or it can stem from a need to control. We think if we pretend to be different or better. we can manipulate how other people feel about us.

Continue reading “Self-acceptance…” →

February 26, 2013 6

Loving Ourselves Unconditionally

But most of all? You deserve it from YOURSELF! Melody Beattie writes:

Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.

Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.

Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it’s time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it’s even worse to treat ourselves that way now.

Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don’t have to believe them.

People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, love the most.

How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it if necessary. By “acting as if.” By working as hard at loving and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.

Explore what it means to love yourself.

Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self-love.

Embrace and love all of yourself — past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.

If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.

Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.

Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences — treating yourself well is one.

Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.

Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.

We work at it, then work at it some more. One day we’ll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We’re now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him- or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold myself in high self-esteem. Help me know I’m lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.” via June 16: Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

June 16, 2012 1

A seven-step prescription for self-love

Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love” →

March 30, 2012 1

Turn up the self love!

Some good thoughts from Laura Fenamore this morning…

“We all spend so much time thinking about our relationships with others that we forget our relationships to our own selves. Before we can find love without, we must find love within.

Self-love first, True Love second.

We ought to be our own best friends, but all too often we end up being our own worst critics. We develop a negative voice, the one that berates us when we mess up at work, the one that critiques our reflections as we pass by a store window. That voice is so present, so ubiquitous, we may not even realize that we don’t have to listen to it. With that little guy or gal talking in our ears, it’s no wonder so many of us have trouble walking the path of self-love.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!

She goes on to say…

“And so I taught self-love to myself. Love, both of ourselves and others, isn’t just a sense of peace and bliss, though that is where it may end up eventually. At the beginning, it’s a deep sense of desire and drive. I’d like to share with you three inspirational practices I used as I learned to walk the path of heart.

1. Accept Who You Are Now

Accepting yourself, warts and all, puts you in charge of your destiny. On my own journey, I began to see that while my negative voice as a part of me – the wounded part of me – it was not me. I ultimately learned is that I never would escape negativity by ignoring it or making myself wrong for my feelings. I first had to accept that yes, I am depressed, but that is not who I am. It is simply where I am in this moment, whether that moment is an hour or a year.

2. Affirm, Affirm, Affirm Again

Affirmations are a great way to work from the outside in – remind yourself how loveable you are, and eventually you’ll start believing it, too. Write yourself an affirmation.

• Make it about yourself – “I” statements only.

• Be positive – instead of “I don’t give up on my goals,” say “I stay focused on my goals.”

• Use the present tense – because you already are wonderful! Use the boldest, most positive phrasing you can muster.

• Be precise, be specific – list particular qualities about yourself that you love.

3. Quiet Your Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk takes many forms; it can be personally attacking thoughts (“You’re an idiot!”), complaints about your situation and the people in it (blaming others disempowers us), or silent judgments (“Is he/she better looking than I am?”). These thoughts reinforce our negative perceptions of ourselves and make it impossible for self-love to take hold. While we may not be able to turn off our negative voices, we can definitely turn them down.

Tune into that voice, and identify and write down seven negative thoughts you have about yourself in the next week. The next time you find yourself thinking that negative thought (“You screwed up this project!”), gently replace it with an affirmation.

Stick with it! Self-love is about being gentle and firm. Let go of the excuses and the stories about your lack of worth. Love requires us to stretch and to grow – not so that we may become someone worth loving (which we all already are), but rather so we can become someone who can love others and ourselvesgreatly and unconditionally.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!

I hope this blesses you, too…

November 21, 2011 1

Step One: Self-love. Step Two: True Love

Good stuff from lovemeister Mastin Kipp…

If you’re looking for a truly Loving relationship, it is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on the path to self-love. We don’t have to love ourselves perfectly to find awesome love, but we have to be on the path to self-love. This also means that whomever we choose to be in a relationship with should be on that path, too.

There will never be a perfect moment where we love ourselves perfectly and then we can be in a relationship. It’s a constant process of discovery with no end. But for a relationship to thrive and for intimacy to emerge, each person must be dedicated to growth; otherwise, you will hit a wall.

A huge revelation for me recently has been that nobody, including myself, is perfect. It sounds obvious when I write it, but for many years I would meet people and project this expectation of perfection on to them. And I would get mad, angry and hurt when they wouldn’t meet that expectation. So, I’ve recently decided that from the beginning of any relationships I start, that I want to acknowledge my own imperfection as well as the imperfection of the other person and consciously choose to enter into a relationship not seeking perfection, but rather loving each other’s imperfections. And instead of looking to the other person to meet all our needs perfectly, to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on The Uni-verse.

via thedailylove.com

October 27, 2011 0

What You Send Out Is What You Get Back

“Send out judgment and low energy and that is what you’ll attract back. Remember, when you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself as someone who needs to judge. The same applies to judgments directed at you.”

– Wayne Dyer

via thedailylove.com

October 4, 2011 0

We Date [or Marry] Who We Are!

Mastin Kipp shares this…

We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth…

Let me be clear – the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.

The common question seems to be: “How can I change myself so this will work”, and the response is “Don’t change yourself – BE YOURSELF”.

Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand, it can be hellishly uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it’s not the other persons fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.

If you don’t love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won’t get met.

To be a Seeker we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.

Of course in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you.

This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.

Ask yourself this question: “If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?”

via thedailylove.com

October 3, 2011 2

You Are Enough, Period!

A sketch of the human brain imposed upon the p... — Image via Wikipedia

Mastin Kipp shares this thought today…

Where we get our source of approval from is everything. As children we look up to and make our parents our Higher Power. We think they are perfect, infallible human beings. We eventually learn (some earlier than others) that this isn’t the case. Part of stepping onto and into The Path of our Highest Potential is learning to re-parent ourselves.

This means realizing that our parents are not perfect people and loving them anyway. We realize that The Uni-verse has perfect love & approval for us and that we need not chase. We are approved of and loved as we are, where we are and for who we are right now. This allows us to take a step back and no longer need perfect Love from our parents and instead, we can be grateful for their role in our lives as stewards of our lives instead of masters of our destiny.

Once we begin to heal this process, the other relationships of our lives improve. When we no longer assign magical qualities to our parents, or if we were never loved by our parents or assign magical qualities to other people, we see reality and take our power back. When we know that we are already approved of as Children of The Uni-verse, we no longer need to seek approval in business, with sex, with drugs or with status and stature. We can instead rest in the perfect imperfection of who we already are and let it be.

No longer seeking approval, we now have the confidence, self-esteem and personal integrity to create relationships of a higher caliber. We no longer need to use sex as a way to make us feel loved, but instead as a byproduct of love and intimacy. We no longer are defined by fancy things or big houses, because “stuff” doesn’t validate us.

When we can allow ourselves and everyone in our lives to be imperfect and love them anyways, we have taken a massive leap towards Love.

What would your life look like if you lived it without the compulsive desire to show your parents how awesome you are, or to get their approval? What would your love life look like? What would your professional life look like?

How would your life be different if you KNEW in every cell of your being that you are enough, right now, as is… PERIOD?

via thedailylove.com

September 23, 2011 0

Just Be You

One of the amazing things about life is that every day we get a fresh start. Every day we get the opportunity to learn a new lesson, grow a little more, deepen our connection to life, to each other and to our own spirit.

Sometimes, the desire to expand can cause us to forget that which we already are. While it is important to continue evolving, learning and growing, being too focused on this can get in the way of our ability to be present and enjoy what we have.

via thedailylove.com