David Amerland writes:

The Neuroscience of Romance shows that we are as hardwired to fall out of love as into it: Romance

Do follow the link and read, not only David’s article but consume every article and video he refers to. I warn you — it may take over an hour — but, every single article is worthy of your attention. David is to me the most amazing of human beings; he is smart, articulate AND kind. While you might sometimes find two of the three someone like David does not come along often and for what it’s worth, I want to share his thinking with you…

Here’s a list of all the articles to which he refers:

It made me tired just to create this list. Thank you, David, for your work…

What Neuroscience Tells Us About Being in Love

“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?—Albert Einstein

Einstein was correct—science will never clinically sterilize the wonderment of love (first or otherwise). But I think he’d also agree that it’s a mistake to confuse increased understanding with diminished meaning. No matter what we learn about love, it will continue to be one of the most meaningful and powerful forces on the planet, as it should be. With that disclaimer, let’s jump in and discover what we’ve learned so far: What Neuroscience Tells Us About Being in Love | Psychology Today

The Neuroscience of Love

The Neuroscience of Love

Love’s been around a long time. As an evolutionary anthropologist Dr Machin is fascinated by what makes us fall in love and what keeps us there. In this talk she will use the results of cutting edge research in the fields of neuroscience, genetics, evolutionary theory and psychology to explain what happens in our brains when we fall in love and how this affects how we feel and behave when we are in love: King’s College London – The Neuroscience of Love


The brain in love

How Your Brain Falls In Love

For centuries poets and philosophers have speculated what causes two people to fall in love. Now, Biologist Dawn Maslar M.S. puts an innovative twist on this age-old question. Science can now take the mystery out of love. Thanks to latest neuroscience we can finally explain how your brain falls in love.

In this innovative twist on this age-old question, Maslar explores the latest neuroscience and explains how your brain falls in love.

Select the right relationship

Are you ready to talk about relationships? Alexandra Redcay is the executive director to Serise, Inc. She can be found at Alexandra has over 18 years of direct practice, management, and training experience working in mental health, substance abuse, child welfare, juvenile justice, and education systems. She is an expert consultant in establishing healthy relationships.

Dr. Helen Fisher: “Anatomy of Love” via Talks At Google

Dr. Helen Fisher joined us at Google New York to talk about the neuroscience behind falling in love, why we love who we love, and the future of romantic love…

Neuroscience of Love and Relationships

The Day Love Was Invented

These days, few people think of marrying without having feelings of love for their partner. Love is what brings us together, and the lack of it drives us apart. But it hasn’t always been this way. There was a time when the question of love was not an issue: The Day Love Was Invented | Psychology Today

Why We Fall in Love: The Paradoxical Psychology of Romance and Why Frustration Is Necessary for Satisfaction

“Adrienne Rich, in contemplating how love refines our truths, wrote: “An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word ‘love’ — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.” But among the dualities that lend love both its electricity and its exasperation — the interplay of thrill and terror, desire and disappointment, longing and anticipatory loss — is also the fact that our pathway to this mutually refining truth must pass through a necessary fiction: We fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives: Why We Fall in Love: The Paradoxical Psychology of Romance and Why Frustration Is Necessary for Satisfaction – Brain Pickings”

The Break-Up: Human Brain Hardwired To Fall Out Of Love And Move On To New Relationships


Falling in love is the easy part, while getting over the breakup is the hard part. The emphasis on monogamy and finding “the one” makes the quest for love an emotional rollercoaster with ups and downs that we may actually be programmed for. According to a recent review published in the journal Review of General Psychology, just like the brain is hardwired to fall in love, it also has a mechanism that helps us fall out of love and move along: The Break-Up: Human Brain Hardwired To Fall Out Of Love And Move On To New Relationships

The Science of Falling Out of Love

"Romantic breakups are an inevitable, if painful, part of living. Along with eliciting a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and shame, a breakup can bring health problems as well. These could include insomnia, reduced immune functioning, depression, and even the temporary heart condition known as "broken heart syndrome." The severity of symptoms often depend on the strength of the relationship and how traumatic the breakup itself was. Source:"

The Neuroscience of Falling In Love – Rewire Me

The Neuroscience of Falling In Love

"Love is powerful, scary, amazing – there are so many words to describe it. There’s no denying that all-consuming high you feel when you first fall in love. You feel like you are literally glowing from the inside out.

In fact, the neuroscience behind falling in love is quite fascinating. While many of us associate love with the heart, romantic feelings originate in the brain.

Here are four facts about the love and neuroscience connection that may surprise you:"

How to Fall Out of Love With Somebody

Good advice from an expert: “Love is supposed to be this ultra-great emotion that leads to throbbing feelings of happiness, moments of unforgettable togetherness, and maybe flowers and jewelry, too. Unfortunately, the reality is that love often sucks. You fall in love with people who don’t love you back, you get rejected by your idealized romantic partner, or you find yourself pining for somebody who treats you like crap. But there is hope. Though there is no quick fix for a broken heart, there are things you can do to make it easier to fall out of love with someone. We talked to the experts about the fastest way to turn your love around.” Go to the source:

How Hardwired Is Human Behavior?

“New fields of science don’t emerge in a flash, and evolutionary psychology—sometimes called modern Darwinism—is no exception. But over the past several years, evolutionary psychology as a discipline has gathered both momentum and respect. A convergence of research and discoveries in genetics, neuropsychology, and paleobiology, among other sciences, evolutionary psychology holds that although human beings today inhabit a thoroughly modern world of space exploration and virtual realities, they do so with the ingrained mentality of Stone Age hunter-gatherers. Homo sapiens emerged on the Savannah Plain some 200,000 years ago, yet according to evolutionary psychology, people today still seek those traits that made survival possible then: an instinct to fight furiously when threatened, for instance, and a drive to trade information and share secrets. Human beings are, in other words, hardwired. You can take the person out of the Stone Age, evolutionary psychologists contend, but you can’t take the Stone Age out of the person.” Source:

Realizing Our Undefended and Awakened Heart

I’m listening to a dharma talk by Tara Brach this morning that I’d like to share with you. She says…

It is our evolutionary and spiritual potential to release unnecessary habits of violating other tribes, individuals and unwanted parts of our own being. This talk explores three essential facets of the pathway to awakening: Leaving the fortress of aversive judgment, entering the wilderness of our embodied being and encircling this life with love.

via Tara Brach : Realizing Our Undefended and Awakened Heart (retreat talk).

You can download the talk here.

Our aim should …

Our aim should be to not seek and chase for Love, but to BE IT. This means self-love first. True Love isn’t setting HUGE expectations on someone else that they always make you happy and fulfilled.

True Love is being so full of self-love and the Love of The Uni-verse that you have more than enough Love to hold your own darkness and light and the darkness and light of the other people. True Love is radical acceptance of yourself and the person you are in a relationship with.

Looking for someone to complete you is to deny your innate potential to be an already full and integrated being. You are giving someone else a power that only you have.

You complete YOU!

What Your Dissatisfying Relationships Are Telling You

Shelly Bullard is one of my favorite writers at MindBodyGreen. Today she has an article written directly at me [as if she was reading my email!] that I want to share with you:

Are you seeking a relationship that will make you feel complete?

Have you been searching for love but all of your experiences seem to fall short?

Do you get excited, thinking you found “the one,” only to feel dissatisfied again shortly after the high wears off?

If so, you are reading the right article.

This is a very common experience. It’s easy to feel jaded about love if you’ve had enough experiences that haven’t turned out the way you want.

Luckily, there is a reason this keeps happening. Believe it or not, you are looking for love in all the wrong places.

The relationship you are really looking for is one with YOURSELF.

I know, you may not believe me at first. You may think that you already have the best possible relationship you can have with yourself.

However if you are constantly up against feelings such as “something is missing,” or “this isn’t good enough,” or “I’m not satisfied,” then it’s a good indication that it’s time to really start tending to the most important relationship in your life–the one you have with you.

When we don’t feel satisfied within, we project the feelings of inadequacy onto our partners and other aspects of our life. The real truth is, if it feels like something is missing in your life, then it’s probably you (thank you Robert Holden for this life-changing lesson).

Here is what is going on in this oh-so common pattern: When you seek completion (meaning you are looking to feel good about yourself–to feel at peace, in love, and whole) outside of yourself, it implies that you feel incomplete to begin with.

Unfortunately this feeling of incompletion (that lives in you) is going to follow you into whatever situation you make your way into.

Sure, when you fall in love you are going to get a glimpse of completion and love that is so divine.

But, if what drove you into the relationship in the first place was to overcome a sense of feeling incomplete, you will find that soon enough you will begin to feel incomplete within the relationship, too.

Other people don’t complete us. Only You complete You.

I know many of us have heard this before and that, in theory, we believe that it is true. But the trouble is we don’t do anything about this truth!

We keep repeating the same pattern over and over again–looking for love, for completion, for a sense of inner peace by acquiring things (especially people) outside of us.

Unfortunately nothing on the outside can ultimately change the way you feel on the inside.

This isn’t to say that relationships don’t serve a purpose. This is not true. They serve the ultimate purpose–for us to feel love.

But there are very different qualities in the type of love you feel if you are trying to complete yourself with someone else versus the type of love you feel when you are showing up to join, share, and co-create with another.

In the first relationship, you are going to feel preoccupied with everything that is missing–with all that you are not getting from the other person.

In the second, you are going to feel much more freedom to just relax and freely give your love away.

You can feel deeply satisfied in relationships with other people. In fact, you are supposed to. But (and this is a big BUT) YOU have to get right with YOU first.

I came across this quote the other day by Suzanne Falter-Barnes, and she sums it up perfectly. Here is what she said:

“There is no relationship pure enough, pristine enough, sublime enough, romantic enough, beautiful enough, fulfilling enough, spiritually attuned enough to overcome the despair you will feel when you are not connected to who you are–when you are not connected to your own heart and soul.”

For your life to feel full, YOU must feel full. For your relationships to feel satisfying, YOU must feel satisfied. Soul, depth, heart, and love all come from within. And when you tap into these parts of yourself, you start to feel them all around you.

When you feel disconnected from you, you feel disconnected from everyone around you too. This is just how it works.

So what can you do? Stop looking for the answer outside of yourself–it’s not there.

You can’t control other people. You can’t expect someone to behave in a way that feels good to you all the time. You can’t get another person’s attention 100% of the time. You can’t get a stream of pure positive love from another person all the time. You can’t.

But, you can give yourself these things. You can connect into your own heart. You can live out your desires. You can be true to who you really are, and feel fullness from within. You can live your life with depth, purpose, meaning and soul. All these things you can do. And you must, if you really want to live a life filled with joy and love.

You are who you are looking for. It’s You. Just you.

If your life doesn’t feel satisfying enough–if your relationships are falling short–stop looking for the answer on the outside and go within.

Connect into yourself. Find yourself. Be true to yourself. And when you do, you will find that the love you have been looking for has been with you all along, and that it’s here to stay.” What Your Dissatisfying Relationships Are Telling You.

Over 30 years ago, Dr. Charles Alcorn summed it upfor me like this: Don’t look without for that which you should find within”. I heard the wisdom of his words but but was unable to implement it; only now am I entering into a fulfilling relationship with my Self through Celebrate Recovery and the help of my sponsors and accountability partners. It’s not easy but it is simple and it makes all the difference in the world…

Your core is perfect! Now what!?

Mastin-Kipp.pngMastin Kipp shares this:

What if it were true that nothing was wrong with you? What if you are actually perfect? And the only thing that prevents you from feeling this way most of the time is the story you tell yourself about why you’re not.

You could have gotten this story from all kinds of places. From your parents, from events that happened, from culture or society – there’s all kinds of places where this story could have come from.

But, what if your core is perfect? What would that feel like? What would that make you think and believe about life and what’s possible?

When I say perfect, I don’t mean the achiever’s definition of perfect… with the house, the cars, the money, the body, etc., etc., etc. I’m not talking about outward “perfection”. I’m talking about intrinsic inward perfection.

What if you were and are a child of The Divine and at your core, you are Spirit and there is nothing wrong with you? But instead, what you think is “wrong” with you are just brilliant ways for you to have gotten your needs met. Your need for Love, to feel valuable, to feel worthy, to feel significant, to feel variety and connection. And that you have been doing the best you can from your point of view to get these needs met?

And what if there were healthier ways to get your needs met?

What story have you been telling yourself about what’s wrong with you?

You’re too – what?

Or… you’re not enough – what?

Are those stories actually true? Or could there be another way? Could there be a more empowering story that you could tell yourself about who you are? Instead of feeling like a failure or feeling wrong or feeling like you aren’t enough – what if you changed the story to…

You did the absolute FREAKIN best that you could given your life circumstances. And that you know that you are MORE than your circumstances and so you can rise above them by making a new choice. That your circumstances are not your identity – your identity is a Soul – an Infinite Soul with Infinite potential connected to an Infinite Creator and that as you learn new skills, make new distinctions and become even MORE aware of The Divine perfection within you – you can create new habits and create a new identity.

If that were true – what would be possible for you? What in your life could change?

Source: Your core is perfect! Now what!?

The Heart-Warming Voice Of Unconditional Love

The FinerMinds team shares this:

There’s nothing quite like the comfort and security you get from your family and friends when they love you for exactly who you are  – quirks and all.

However, when it extends to your romantic partner, you know you’ve found something really special.

In this song, The Way I Am, by Ingrid Michaelson, it talks about the unconditional love she feels for her partner, which even quite sweetly includes her buying him hair growth cream when he starts to lose his hair, because like him, she loves him for exactly the way he is.” via TGIF: The Heart-Warming Voice Of Unconditional Love (video) | FinerMinds.

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