Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful. —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things—for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours. See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment. Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become. Wait, and expect good things. Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
Health is one of my 3 words for 2012. Here are some good thoughts from Leo Babauta…
A new year, a new slate of resolutions.
Perhaps the biggest resolution at New Year’s is to get fit — start exercising, start eating right, and all that jazz.
But resolutions never last. As you might already know, I’m not a fan of resolutions.
Instead of creating a list of resolutions this year, create a new habit.
Habits last, and they lead to long-term fitness (and more). They require more patience, but they are worth the wait.
As some of you know, fitness habits are what started me along the path to changing my life. I quit smoking, started running. Then I started eating healthier, became vegetarian (now vegan), quit the junk food addiction, started doing other types of workouts (bodyweight, weights, Crossfit, anything that was fun).
And six years later, I’m nearly 39 years old and in the best shape of my life. I have less bodyfat than any time since high school, more muscle than ever in my life, and I can run and hike and play longer than anytime in the history of Leo. That’s not to brag, but to show you what can be done with some simple fitness habits.
Anger, fear, sadness, betrayal a lot of emotions can run through us when we stop trying to change the other person and start focusing on taking care of ourselves. The good news is that we’re finally feeling our own feelings instead of trying to figure out what the other person feels.
Maybe all those feelings we’ve been avoiding aren’t the opposite of love. Those feelings could be an important step on the path to love.
Inventory Focus: Is there a relationship in your life right now that is bugging you? Are you willing to explore detachment as a means to improving the relationship and regaining your peace?
We are heading straight into the New Year! 2012 is almost here. If you’re like me and a lot of folks, this time of year can bring up all different types of emotions. The space away from work and the normal routine may put you in touch with emotions you may not feel the rest of the year.
So, if those emotions are there – it’s up to YOU to choose what to do with them. You see, emotions are like fuel. They push us to act – or not act. Many times the emotions we feel influence us to do things, either consciously or unconsciously. Today is a great day to get in touch with the emotions you are feeling. Take a second, breathe, stop what you are doing, try to stop thinking and just feel. Notice what emotions you are feeling. What are you feeling right below the surface? Anxiety? Worry? Joy? Happiness? Fear? Worry? Doubt? Elation? Positive Expectation? Negative Expectation? Whatever it is, notice it.
Now, take a moment and write down what you are feeling. Then ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? If an answer doesn’t come right away, that’s ok. Just sit with the question for a moment.
Now comes the critical choice that up until now you may not have been making consciously. I know that until I discovered I could use the fuel of emotion for good or for bad, I wasn’t consciously deciding to use it for good.
Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I’ve learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through difficult holidays: Deal with feelings, but try not to dwell unduly on them. Put the holidays in perspective: A holiday is one day out of 365. We can get through any 24-hour period. Get through the day, but be aware that there may be a post-holiday backlash. Sometimes, if we use our survival behaviors to get through the day, the feelings will catch up to us the next day. Deal with them too. Get back on track as quickly as possible. Find and cherish the love that’s available, even if it’s not exactly what we want. Is there someone we can give love to and receive love from? Recovering friends? Is there a family who would enjoy sharing their holiday with us? Don’t be a martyr; go. There may be those who would appreciate our offer to share our day with them. We are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue, to tell ourselves the rest of the world is experiencing the perfect holiday, and we’re alone in conflict. We can create our own holiday agenda. Buy yourself a present. Find someone to whom you you can give. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit. Maybe past holidays haven’t been terrific. Maybe this year wasn’t terrific. But next year can be better, and the next a little better. Work toward a better life—one that meets your needs. Before long, you’ll have it.
God, help me enjoy and cherish this holiday. If my situation is less than ideal, help me take what’s good and let go of the rest.
These thoughts from Melody Beattie are helpful to me…
For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can’t figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like. Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don’t want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don’t have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended. One of the greatest gifts of recovery is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays as there are those who feel at peace. We’re learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves a little better each holiday season. Our first recovery task during the holidays is to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It’s all okay. There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time. This holiday season, I will give myself permission to take care of myself.
This is me — “Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.” — This year, I have healthy boundaries around the holidays and I’m not walking into that dining room and I feel relief already…
One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control. —Anonymous
There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, “Silent Night,” “Jingle Bells,” wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These “triggers” can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration. There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories. Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses—and we remember. Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting. We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors—the low self-worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us. If something, even something we don’t understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into theby self-care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today. Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice.
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 369). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
“It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe—not one particular person—to be our source. It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It’s the other person’s responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that’s controlling. There’s a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given. It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected. It is reasonable to have certain and well-defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends. If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person’s unavailability. We do this for ourselves. It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what’s reasonable. The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life. Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.”
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 365-366). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Action: You are not your behaviors, You are not your emotions. Your behaviors are what you do; your emotions are what you feel. Each day, pause for a moment. Ask yourself what you’re really feeling. If you’re not sure, listen to the tone of your voice and your thoughts. Those are good clues. Many people find it helpful to write about what they‘re feeling in a journal or diary. Make sure no one has access to your journal, then have at it. Write it all out. Or tell another person what you ‘re feeling, thinking, having a hard time with. Sometimes sharing what we’re going through with one other person takes the pressure off
If you’re in a Twelve Step program, do the Fourth and Fifth Steps. If you’re having a lot of guilt or an unusually hard time with some aspects of yourself you might want either to get professional help or to talk to a clergyperson. Tell your I-higher Power who you really are. Sometimes honest awareness, acknowledgment, and acceptance are all that’s required. There may be parts of yourself that you want to change, but honest acceptance is how change begins.
“What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I’m feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I’m feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I recognize and feel fear when that emotion presents itself. I allow myself to feel happiness, joy, and love when those emotions are available. Taking care of myself means I’ve made a decision that it’s okay to feel. Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it’s time to release it and go on to the next one. I recognize that sometimes my feelings can help point me toward reality, but sometimes my feelings are deceptive. They are important, but I do not have to let them control me. I can feel, and think too. I talk to people about my feelings when that’s appropriate and safe. I reach out for help or guidance if I get stuck in a particular emotion. I’m open to the lessons my emotions may be trying to teach me. After I feel, accept, and release the feeling, I ask myself what it is I want or need to do to take care of myself. Taking care of myself emotionally means I value, treasure, explore, and cherish the emotional part of myself. Today, I will take care of myself emotionally. I will be open to, and accepting of, the emotional part of myself and other people. I will strive for balance by combining emotions with reason, but I will not allow intellect to push the emotional part of myself away.”
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 362-363). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
“It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem. It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation. It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract. Whether it is giving of our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford. Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others.”
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 360). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Have you ever gone outside at night and looked closely at the new moon? Or looked through a telescope at the moon when it was crescent shaped? Although what we see is a bright slice, we know there’s more. Even when the moon is full and lights the night sky, there s a dark side to the moon.
There’s a dark side to us too. We all experience jealousy, envy bitterness, resentment. How about neediness? Ugh. Who wants to shine a light on that?
What about all those fears? Fear of failure, fear of Success, fear of intimacy, fear of going broke, fear of staying broke, fear of abandonment, fear that we’re essentially unlovable, fear of the unknown, fear of growing old, fear of being alone, fear of being with someone, fear of losing control.
Then there are other parts of us that we would prefer to keep darkened and out of sight, parts such as greed, dishonesty, intolerance, disgust, hatred. Although some people have no problem showing anger, others of us prefer to keep that out of sight too. And what about our manipulative part? Who wants anyone to see that?
Some of us may even consider the dark side of ourselves forbidden. We may refuse to acknowledge it exists because we believe it’s wrong. Not acknowledging our dark side doesn’t wish it out of existence, any more than not seeing the dark side of the moon makes it disappear.
Most sane people agree that they don’t want to be controlled by their dark side. We don’t want parts of ours elves- jealousy, neediness, greed to control our behaviors. But when we don’t acknowledge these emotions and traits, they can gain control. The more we try to repress something, the more it fights for its life.
Stand back. Don’t be afraid. Shine a light on that dark part. At least look at it briefly. Acknowledge it’s there. Take some of the pressure off. Let yourself be well rounded, instead of one dimensional.
Take it a step further. Share those darker parts with others, so they can shine a light on those parts of themselves. Experience how much easier it is not to act needy, not to speak bitterly, and not to look disgusted when you acknowledge those feelings.
Value: We don ‘t just have a light side, a bright side. Nobody is always loving, always kind, always generous, always thoughtful. We should honestly acknowledge our character defects as well.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. — Step Four of Al-Anon
By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving ourselves and others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love.
We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about ourselves and others that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships.
These beliefs say: I’m not lovable. … I’m a burden to those around me…. People can’t be trusted…. I can’ t be trusted…. I don’t deserve to be happy and successful…. Life isn’t worth living.
We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt – earned and unearned and expose it to the light.
We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.
God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself.
Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far-reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go. Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the healing, all the wisdom, all the fulfillment of desire is embodied in this simple request. We need say no more than Thank You. This Plan that has been made for us is not one of deprivation. It is one of fullness, joy, and abundance. Walk into it. See for yourself. Today, I will ask God to show me what God wants me to do for this day, and then ask for help to do that. I will trust that is sufficient to take me into light and joy.
“The following summarizes the description of the 11th Step provided in Alcoholics Anonymous (primarily on pp. 86-88). This is supplemented by some suggestions [in brackets] that we have found helpful.
Preparing for the Day Ahead
We ask God to direct our thinking, asking especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
We consider our plans for the day. We can now use our mental faculties with assurance.
If we face indecision or we can’t determine what course to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy.
We pray to be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of problems.
We ask especially for freedom from self-will. [We might also pray for help with specific defects or problem areas, and review our 10th step corrective measures for the day ahead.]
Prayers to be of Use
We ask for guidance in the way of patience, kindness, tolerance and love especially within the family.
We pray as to what we can do today for the person who is still sick. [We might also pray for specific people in need, or those with whom we’re angry.]
Spiritual/Religious Exercises
If appropriate, we attend to our religious devotions, or say set prayers which emphasize 12 Step principles.
We may read from a spiritual book.
Practicing the 11th Step Throughout the Day
We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.””
For the record, the first excerpt can be found in Melody Beattie‘s book “The Language of Letting Go”. I recommend getting the Kindle edition — it’s cheaper and you can view it on your computer, smartphone or Kindle. The second reading comes from Recovery.net which features a website and an android app…
“Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means Learning to stay and deal. It’s about building and maintaining relationships that work.” Beyond Codependency
Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem solving and conflict negotiation are skifis we can acquire and improve with time.
Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.
Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again. Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate.
In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is. Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often, there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships, rather than running from the problems.
To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don’t waste time trying to negotiate nonnegotiable issues.
We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people’s best interest.
Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem-solving efforts.
I started out to only curate a small part of Mastin’s post this morning but just couldn’t stop. Here’s the whole post in it’s entirety more or less…
Are there any habits that you have that are costing you the things in your life that you truly love? For example, do you love your family but overworking causes you to miss out on them? Do you want to fall in love, but your desire to not get hurt again holds you back? Are you pursuing a professional career because you want to get significance from one of your parents, even though what you are doing doesn’t make you come alive? Are you so focused on the future of where your relationship is going that you aren’t enjoying it in the present? Are you so focused on the potential of someone you are in a toxic relationship with that you ignore the fact that you are unhappy with it, but you cling to the idea that they could change?
What is your current set of beliefs costing you? Are there any behaviors you have that are preventing you from getting what you really want?
For example – did you start a business because you wanted more free time, yet that will never happen? Or because you think it will make you rich, and that will allow you to spend more time with the family, but you have no time for them? Do you work your butt off so you don’t have to stress about money, but no matter what happens, you stress about money? Are you in a toxic relationship because you want Love, but aren’t really getting any?
So many times we do things that are not really in our nature because there is an outcome we want that we could get with much more ease if we were to just accept our nature. There are lots of ways to get what you really want, but first you have to know who you really are! Some people have no idea who they are; others own themselves like crazy!
So, how do you find out who you really are? Well it would be a lot easier if I was working with you one on one, we could get to the core of it rather quickly. But here’s the rub… Remember back over your life to all the moments where you were really alive! What were they? What moments in your life were you totally happy, fulfilled, etc.?
Think back and look at the things in common that you had in each of these moments. These are the things you REALLY want in life. Freedom. Passion. Love. Connection. Growth. Contribution. Joy. Variety.
So, in your current life, what are you doing to GET these things that is actually the OPPOSITE of them? Are you settling to get love? Are you doing things that confine you to get freedom?
What if it were true that you could get everything you wanted now, just by changing your story about what’s possible? What if you could have all the Love you wanted right now if you gave up trying to prove your way into getting Love and just accepted that you were love-able now? How would that change your life? Are you in the rat race because you think winning it will give you something? IF so, remember that even if you win the rat race you are still a rat! )
So, how can you see that it’s possible to already get what you want, right now? Are you trying to get what matters most to you in a backwards way? Can you really get what you want now by changing your story about what you really deserve and what you have to do to get the thing you want most? Have you forgotten who you really are and lived a life to live up to someone else’s expectations?
One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think—using our mental energy positively. Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it. If something isn’t working out, we accept reality. But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience. Whatever we give energy to, we empower. There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself…. I’m good enough…. My life is good…. I’m glad I’m alive today…. What I want and need is coming to me…. I can…. Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm. Today, I will empower the good in myself, others, and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 358-359). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Detachment is a key to recovery from codependency. It strengthens our healthy relationships the ones that we want to grow and flourish. It benefits our difficult relations hips the ones that are teaching us to cope. It helps us!
Detachment is not something we do once. It’s a daily behavior in recovery. We learn it when we’re beginning our recovery from codependency and adult children issues. And we continue to practice it along the way as we grow and change, and as our relationships grow and change.
We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don’t particularly care for. We separate ourselves, and our process, from others and their process.
We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.
Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. if I can’t let go completely, I’ll try to “hang on loose”
“When we don’t ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better. Maybe others taught us it wasn’t polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don’t, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need. We may end the relationship because it doesn’t meet our needs. Intimacy and closeness are only possible in a relationship when both people can say what they want and need. Sustained intimacy demands this. Sometimes, we may even have to demand what we want. That’s called setting a boundary. We do this not to control another person, but to gain control of our life. Our attitude toward our needs is important too. We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously. When we begin to place value and importance on our needs, we’ll see a remarkable change. Our wants and needs will begin to get met. Today, I will respect the wants and needs of myself and others. I will tell myself, others, and my Higher Power what I want and need. I will listen to what they want and need too.”
…Beattie, that is. I really wish I would have stayed on top of my readings the past couple of days – it might have helped me avoid a lot of drama. At the risk of appearing to be a Melody Beattie fan boy, I’m going to share both of them as a reminder for me and a lesson [maybe] for you…
Letting Go: December 4 “How much do we need to let go of?” a friend asked one day. “I’m not certain,” I replied, “but maybe everything.” Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly. We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires—everything. We let go of trying to control our progress in recovery. Yes, it’s important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen. But it’s equally important to follow through by letting go. Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we’re meant to have. Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn’t helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire. It isn’t helping us. In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need. Who are we to say that things aren’t happening exactly as they need to happen? There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does. Letting go sets us free and connects us to our Source. Letting go creates the optimum environment for the best possible outcomes and solutions. Today, I will relax. I will let go of that which is upsetting me the most. I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.
Difficult People: December 5 Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn’t; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not. It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn’t mean we can’t love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system. We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account. We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms—taking ourselves and our needs into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return. We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves. We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage. This is the heart of detaching in love. Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.
Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful. —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things—for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours. See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment. Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become. Wait, and expect good things. Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
More healthy thinking from Melody Beattie…
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Bright, shiny objects! 
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