In the spirit of the upcoming ‘Twilight‘ movie, I would like to talk about the undead: vampires. More precisely, emotional vampires. Are there people in your life who just sap your emotional energy once they walk in the door? Do you feel totally spent after interacting with some people? There are vampires among us, and I am actually more frightened about sitting next to one at a dinner party than meeting Count Dracula himself.
My colleague Eli Finkel at Northwestern University conducted a very important series of studies on what he calls high-maintenance interactions. In essence, these studies are about social coordination, and how the lack of social coordination can deplete our ability to exert self-control.
Self-control is critical to everyday life. With high self-control, we can limit food temptations, complete difficult tasks at work, and, resist the urge to smack a co-worker when he/she is being a bit too condescending. Continue reading “How High-Maintenance Relationships Affect Your Psyche”
Trusting Prana by Danna Faulds, with edits:
Trust the energy that
Courses through you Trust,
Then take surrender even deeper. Be the energy.
Don’t push anything away. Follow each
Sensation back to its source
In vastness and pure presence.
Emerge so new, so fresh that
You don’t know who you are.
Welcome in the season of
Monsoons. Be the bridge
Across the flooded river
And the surging torrent
Underneath. Be unafraid of consummate wonder.
Be the energy and blaze a
Trail across the clear night
Sky like lightning. Dare to
Be your own illumination.
via (1) Tara Brach – Poem from last Wednesday’s talk: TRUSTING PRANA….
You are the Creator!
You tell stories. You believe them.
They are just stories you have created, and will continue to create, unless you shaken awake.
You are the creator.
Everything you see actually reveals things about you. What you see in others, is inside you.
When you realize that, it will help you see. Only then will you have true understanding.
I am in your life because you created me. Perhaps I am here to help you awaken.
For too long the common methods of communication (media, marketing, politics, etc.) have made us think and feel small. This has served their motive to control and keep us subservient. So long as you believe yourself small, you seek their product to improve your life.
Remember what it felt like to be a child, to see the world of infinite possibility and to see no reason why our dreams can’t become a reality? As adult stargazers, we intuitively know that the stars watch over us, exerting an unseen influence on our lives. The shift is that we’re seeing our own lives as a story in the grander scheme of the cosmos; a microcosm of the greater expanse of reality.
For too long, our innate knowledge of our magnificence has been suppressed. Now we are ready to dream up a new possibility, to take the first step to achieving alchemical results.
Whatever you can imagine for yourself is possible, when you take action. Open your eyes to the lessons of the cosmos, the whispers of the stars, the caresses of the wind, the wisdom of the sunshine that feeds and nourishes our being. When you believe in your dream, your sense of self immediately expands. You become bigger than when you set out.
When you take the first step in search of your dream, each step is a little miracle along the road to your dream. Strangers will support you, people you never imagined will mysteriously appear before you to help you along the way. The spirit is moved by action, and your spirit will support your dream.
The grander your vision, the more action will be required and the more support from the spirit will be received. When we embark on a journey to achieve our dream, we literally and metaphysically move mountains in the cosmos. Lives are changed by our dreams. We enroll advisers, helpers, guides, workers, servers and supporters.
The greater our vision, the more we will start believing that spirit follows our thought, that matter and spirit are one and the same. All of greatness is achieved by believing boldly, imagining the impossible, taking the first step and each following step without losing sight of the destination.
Leap into the unknown, take a journey within and open your eyes to new possibilities. There’s a hero within each of us, just waiting to be heard.
As we embark on the holiday season and a new year awaits, I would like to take this opportunity to wish all our readers a safe, joyous and peaceful festive season.
This is our time. Our time to choose. Our time to flourish. Our time to take responsibility for our lives and our beloved planet.
We can be heroes. We can be creators.” via You are the Creator | FinerMinds.
One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think – using our mental energy positively.
Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it. if something isn’t working out, we accept reality. But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience.
Whatever we give energy to, we empower.
There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself… I’m good enough… My life is good…I’m glad I’m alive today… What I want and need is coming to me… I can…
Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm.
Today, I will empower the good in myself, others, and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.
via Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – December 11, 2012.
And, whatever we resists, persists…
The Frustration Situation
Craig Harper shares these thoughts:
Frustration: it affects all of us at some stage. It’s a part of the human experience and it’s an emotion that doesn’t discriminate. We often find ourselves frustrated when things don’t turn out the way we expected or hoped they would or should. More often than not, our frustration is triggered by something (a situation, a conversation, a circumstance, a person, an event) which is beyond our immediate control.
Like that idiot who lives across the road.
Having said that, what is in our control, is our reaction. Like all emotions, frustration is a personal response to something that’s happening (or not happening, as the case may be) in our world. And while most people believe it’s the external stimulus that produces our internal response, in reality, our frustration is self-created. The challenge is not to overcome frustration (as such) but rather, to learn to manage it as opposed to being managed by it.
So, having worked with the frustrated multitudes for years, I thought I’d share a few suggestions that you might find helpful.
1. Don’t Try to Change People. Trying to change others (we’ve all done it) is an exercise in frustration and, at times, disconnection and aggravation. Giving people unwanted advice, direction or feedback (no matter how well-intended) will invariably end in tears. Either literally or metaphorically. Keep in mind that unwanted input or commentary is typically interpreted as criticism.
2. Stop Wasting Your Emotional Energy. Control what you can and let go of what you can’t. All too often, we invest our emotional energy into things (situations, circumstances, issues) over which we have little or no control. Not surprisingly, sending our blood pressure through the roof while screaming at a sporting event on television (for example) won’t change the outcome. Or the umpire’s stupid decisions. In fact, the only thing it might do is send us to an early grave. Oh, and possibly, annoy the crap out of everyone else within earshot.
3. Stop Juggling. Stop doing fifty things poorly and focus your time and energy on doing the important things well. That is, prioritise. I had to learn this lesson as I once had a propensity to bite off more than I could chew. Many of us simply take on more things than we can do well. Sometimes the answer is to put certain things on hold in order to be able to make progress in other areas. As a rule, over-commitment leads to exhaustion, anxiety and frustration. And eventually, physical illness. So, what’s the best use of your time, skill and energy right now? The answer to that question is your starting point.
4. Stop Aiming for Perfection. Aim for better. Aim for improvement. Aim for growth. Our society’s obsession with perfection has led to unrealistic expectations, unhealthy thinking, mass frustration and disappointment. Of course frustration will be the result when our goal is unattainable. When perfection is the goal, no result will ever be good enough.
5. Be Patient. Stop trying to reinvent yourself by next Tuesday. It took you a long time to get where you are now (practically, financially, emotionally, physically, psychologically, sociologically), so be realistic with your expectations as you work towards creating the new and improved version of you. I’m always amazed by people who have punished their body for decades (with atrocious eating, zero exercise and poor lifestyle habits) who then find a way to be disappointed and frustrated when they don’t look like a supermodel or elite athlete two weeks into their ‘weight-loss kick’. Good grief.
6. Stop Relying on Others to Get You There (wherever there is). It’s great to have support, encouragement and help along the way, but it’s not great to be totally dependant on others to make our dreams a reality. While it’s healthy to be part of a team of people who are all on the same page and all moving in the same direction, it’s still important for us to be functional, productive and effective on our own. Independent and strong. Being totally reliant on someone else (to reach our goals) is an exercise in both frustration and disempowerment.
7. Compare Yourself to Others – with Caution. Comparing ourselves to others rarely results in something positive. It can, but typically, it won’t. Invariably, it will focus our attention on what we don’t have or what we haven’t done and lead to self-pity and/or frustration. Having said that, it can work in our favour when we make it. Comparisons can be a positive when we use the achievements of others with similar attributes, potential and opportunities (to us) as a source of motivation, inspiration, learning and perspective for our own journey.
Now… deep breaths.
If you liked this article, subscribe to my blog and get a my FREE eBook, click here: I want a FREE eBook. You can also check out My Best Selling Book, and My Best Selling Video (Trailer).
Source: The Frustration Situation
Expect Nothing; Get Everything
Life is rarely what we expect it to be. Sometimes, it’s better than we expect. Other times, it just is as it is.
Set your expectations to zero, show up at 110% every day, and your positive attitude will drive your 110% experience of life.
Moreover, you won’t be depleting precious mental energy by beating yourself and others up because you’re disappointed and angry at not having your expectations met.
Having low expectations does not mean that you don’t “go for it,” establish goals, or have visionary dreams. Setting your expectations to zero means that you are able to minimize your emotional setbacks that deplete and drain your vision of valuable energy. When you’re able to accept the outcome as it is, then you can rise from any fall, thus increasing your personal power of resiliency to move forward more quickly. When you give it your best shot and you miss, it’s not seen as a failure. Instead, it’s just another opportunity to step up to the plate and do it better next time.
When your child tries out for an activity and doesn’t make the “A” list, then you encourage him or her by saying: “It’s ok. Practice some more; enjoy what you are doing, and try, try, try again.” Life as an adult is no different. The game of life is like a sport; it takes practice. And the practice here is giving it your very best shot and accepting the end result without engaging in negative thoughts that lead you to feeling low. On playing fields, this is called good sportsmanship. In life, it’s called having a winning attitude.
Expect nothing and you’ll have everything. Strive every moment you’re alive to bring an attitude of excellence and integrity to your actions and words, and the end result will reflect the brilliance you bring.
You will find that if you can go with the flow then it’s far easier to be in the flow.
Get the rest here: Expect Nothing to Have Everything « Positively Positive
Asking for What We Need
Melody Beattie writes:
Decide what it is you want and need, and then go to the person you need it from and ask for it.
Sometimes, it takes hard work and much energy to get what we want and need. We have to go through the pains of identifying what we want, then struggle to believe that we deserve it. Then, we may have to experience the disappointment of asking someone, having the person refuse us, and figuring out what to do next.
Sometimes in life, getting what we want and need is not so difficult. Sometimes, all we need to do is ask.
We can go to another person, or our Higher Power, and ask for what we need.
But because of how difficult it can be, at times, to get what we want and need, we may get trapped in the mind set of believing it will always be that difficult. Sometimes, not wanting to go through the hassle, dreading the struggle, or out of fear, we may make getting what we want and need much more difficult than it needs to be.
We may get angry before we ask, deciding that we’ll never get what we want, or anticipating the “fight” we’ll have to endure. By the time we talk to someone about what we want, we may be so angry that we’re demanding, not asking; thus our anger triggers a power play that didn’t exist except in our mind.
Or we may get so worked up that we don’t ask–or we waste far more energy than necessary fighting with ourselves, only to find out that the other person, or our Higher Power, is happy to give us what we want.
Sometimes, we have to fight and work and wait for what we want and need. Sometimes, we can get it just by asking or stating that this is what we want. Ask. If the answer is no, or not what we want, then we can decide what to do next.
Today, I will not set up a difficult situation that doesn’t exist with other people, or my Higher Power, about getting what I want and need. If there is something I need from someone, I will ask first, before I struggle.” via Just For Today Meditations » Blog.
3 Steps to Fuel Your Creativity and Purpose with Exercise
Get the scoop here: 3 Steps to Fuel Your Creativity and Purpose with Exercise.
Musings during a power outage
I walk into the bathroom and turn on the electric switch. Nothing happens. For three days nothing has happened. I know the power is out. I still reach for the switch. Habits are strong.
The computer is off. I walk past my office and look at the screen. It’s still off. I still look.
I think often about wanting time to read and to write. With no access to Internet and no power for television, this would be a perfect opportunity. But I can’t sit still. I can’t let what might happen tomorrow simply happen tomorrow.
It is remarkably easy to blame the rough-running of the neighbor’s generator for the rough-running of my thoughts. And then to generate a low-voltage current of blame that wears down my motor.
It is hot, I suppose, but exercise will make me perspire anyway. And might help alleviate the uncertainty about when the power might come on. Instead, I wait for what might happen. I wait for a day, then another.
It seems that my agenda is more driven by the tools that are working than I thought. I could be working and resting, following the daylight, enjoying the restoration than can come from disconnection. Instead, I am feeling disconnected.
I am grateful for what I am learning about ingratitude during this time. We have water. We have hot water. We have a grill. We can even use the stove (if I light it manually). We have a frenchpress for coffee. Our house wasn’t hit by any trees.
I read from Acts on Sunday morning. I realized that the early church never cancelled services because the electricity was out. It was the right choice for our church on Sunday, but I’m thinking a lot about how much I depend on the wrong energy sources.” via Musings during a power outage. | 300 words a day.
Hmmm. We live in a rural area so when our power goes out, we lose our water too making it even harder to be grateful. Still I love Jon’s perspective…
“There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see that something is wrong, but it takes some eyesight to see what will put it right again.” Will Rogers.
We come to this day with a choice of whether to be for something or against it. Shall we put energy into what we seek and admire or shall we give our energy to opposition and resistance of what we dislike? If someone asks a favor, we have a choice to resent and resist the intrusion or to engage with the person and see where it might lead. If a project we are working on is frustrating, we can wallow in criticizing it or try to get a clearer picture of what will work and what we want.
Criticizing may be a helpful first stage in learning, but it is seductive because it holds little risk and we feel safe doing it. In that comfort we forget to go forward to create what we really want. Our negative energy, when we are seduced by it, creates negative results. When we look back upon today, we will admire those choices that risked creating something positive.
Today, I will not give my energy to denouncing but to creating what I believe is worthwhile.” via Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – June 30, 2012.
- Confusion (toddlohenry.com)
- Surviving Slumps (toddlohenry.com)
- Withholding (toddlohenry.com)
- We are instruments of the Creator (toddlohenry.com)
- Take a time-out (toddlohenry.com)
6 Simple Hacks to Increase Your Energy
Getting things done quickly and well requires mental and physical energy. The better more you have the better your results. This applies to all every area of life from getting in a good workout to performing your best at your job. Unfortunately, energy isn’t something we always possess. This is especially true when we’re under stress, haven’t gotten enough sleep, or are distracted by having too many things to get done.
In this article I provide 6 tips to increase energy. Some work immediately and others provide their benefit over time. I use all of them regularly myself. They’ve helped me get through 80 hour work weeks while running a start-up business without having to overstimulate myself with too much caffeine.” Get more here: 6 Simple Hacks to Increase Your Energy.
Shouting In Anger!
Go to the source: Shouting In Anger!.
- On anger (ferretrunner.wordpress.com)
- Weapon for Self- destruction (basangsisiw.wordpress.com)
- Why we shout in anger (lexokat.wordpress.com)
Tackle “impossible” with this three-pronged approach
Philip McCluskey shares an inspirational story of attacking goals from a physical, spiritual and mental perspective in his post with a focus on
- Taking responsibility for your power
- Believing you are worth it
- Creating your own good days
- and trusting the Universe.
Go to the source if it sounds interesting to you; Tackle “Impossible” with This Three-Pronged Approach [BLOG] « Positively Positive
One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think—using our mental energy positively. Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it. If something isn’t working out, we accept reality. But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience. Whatever we give energy to, we empower. There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself…. I’m good enough…. My life is good…. I’m glad I’m alive today…. What I want and need is coming to me…. I can…. Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm.
Today, I will empower the good in myself, others, and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 358-359). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Let Go of Being a Victim
“It’s okay to have a good day. Really.
It’s okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.
Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims, if life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.
We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.
We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.
We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.
We all have bad days – days when things are not going the way we’d like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self responsibility rather than victimization.
It’s okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we’ll have more to enjoy.
God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them.” Source; December 1: Let Go of Being a Victim | Language of Letting Go
“It’s so easy to look around and notice what’s wrong.
It takes practice to see what’s right.
Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We ye become skilled at labeling what’s wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.
We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.
Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own.
So does positive energy. Each day, we can ask what’s right, what’s good about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.
Positive energy heals, conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.
Today, God help me let go of negativity. Transform my beliefs and thinking, at the core, from negative to positive. Put me in harmony with the good. ” Source; November 19: Positive Energy | Language of Letting Go
- Removing Negative Influences In Your Life. (killsessionmusings.wordpress.com)
Just Be You
One of the amazing things about life is that every day we get a fresh start. Every day we get the opportunity to learn a new lesson, grow a little more, deepen our connection to life, to each other and to our own spirit.
Sometimes, the desire to expand can cause us to forget that which we already are. While it is important to continue evolving, learning and growing, being too focused on this can get in the way of our ability to be present and enjoy what we have.
- Featured article via Thedailylove.com : Why it’s important to love yourself (theselfloveblog.com)
5 Reasons for Not Managing Your Pipeline
Colin Wilson writes… “I’ve been travelling the length and breadth of the UK last week and not been able to put up any posts on my blog and so feeling a little more than a tad guilty I’ve been trying to put one together during my lunch break on one of the training workshops that I’ve been running… to help me I enlisted the help of some friends and so my thanks go to Tony, Richard, Elaine, Mike and Dave (aka Ishbell) who helped me develop this list.
Here are our 5 best reasons why you should not manage your pipeline…” A tongue in cheek look at the problem of opportunity pipelines which is definitely worth the read. Click here to read more…
Think social media ROI = zero?
“Why are we trying to measure social media like a traditional channel? Social media touches every facet of business and it should be viewed more as an extension of good business ethics. Which, if done properly, will harvest sales down the line. Co-Chairman Alex Bogusky of Crispin Porter & Bogusky puts it best when he states: “You can’t buy attention anymore. Having a huge budget doesn’t mean anything in social media…The old media paradigm was PAY to play. Now you get back what you authentically put in. You’ve got to be willing to PLAY to play.” – Alex Bogusky, Co-Chairman of Crispin Porter + Bogusky” Source: Socialnomics – Social Media Blog
This video from Socialnomics has been viewed over 1 million times…
Now, think about this…
“A big question out there these days is: What is the ROI of Social Media? Or the ever popular how do I measure the ROI of social media? Often when I get this question it’s appropriate for me to retort: “What’s the ROI of your phone?” Other times it’s not appropriate to respond with this answer, which, if done in the wrong tone, or place, can win you a free punch in the face. Then there are the naysayers that adamantly proclaim, “We aren’t doing social media because there isn’t any ROI.”
To borrow from the Conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, Benjamin Zander, there are those in life that sit in the back row with their arms folded, judging, and complaining. Then there are those that sit in the front row with a vision and they are spending their energy on making that vision a reality. This article and video have been put together with the hopes of it being a viable tool for those with a vision to get those seated in the back row to stand up and see the social media light.” Source: Socialnomics – Social Media Blog
Now, watch this…
You can find the statistics from the Socialnomics video here. When you’re ready to engage, contact me — by virtue of my partnership with MarketingSavant and Envano, no one in the area has more experience in leveraging social media to produce measurable results…
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