Content From Curious Curators
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” ~Fred Rogers
Full story at: How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship When You’re Depressed | Tiny Buddha.
Craig Harper shares these thoughts:
Frustration: it affects all of us at some stage. It’s a part of the human experience and it’s an emotion that doesn’t discriminate. We often find ourselves frustrated when things don’t turn out the way we expected or hoped they would or should. More often than not, our frustration is triggered by something (a situation, a conversation, a circumstance, a person, an event) which is beyond our immediate control.
Like that idiot who lives across the road.
Having said that, what is in our control, is our reaction. Like all emotions, frustration is a personal response to something that’s happening (or not happening, as the case may be) in our world. And while most people believe it’s the external stimulus that produces our internal response, in reality, our frustration is self-created. The challenge is not to overcome frustration (as such) but rather, to learn to manage it as opposed to being managed by it.
So, having worked with the frustrated multitudes for years, I thought I’d share a few suggestions that you might find helpful.
1. Don’t Try to Change People. Trying to change others (we’ve all done it) is an exercise in frustration and, at times, disconnection and aggravation. Giving people unwanted advice, direction or feedback (no matter how well-intended) will invariably end in tears. Either literally or metaphorically. Keep in mind that unwanted input or commentary is typically interpreted as criticism.
2. Stop Wasting Your Emotional Energy. Control what you can and let go of what you can’t. All too often, we invest our emotional energy into things (situations, circumstances, issues) over which we have little or no control. Not surprisingly, sending our blood pressure through the roof while screaming at a sporting event on television (for example) won’t change the outcome. Or the umpire’s stupid decisions. In fact, the only thing it might do is send us to an early grave. Oh, and possibly, annoy the crap out of everyone else within earshot.
3. Stop Juggling. Stop doing fifty things poorly and focus your time and energy on doing the important things well. That is, prioritise. I had to learn this lesson as I once had a propensity to bite off more than I could chew. Many of us simply take on more things than we can do well. Sometimes the answer is to put certain things on hold in order to be able to make progress in other areas. As a rule, over-commitment leads to exhaustion, anxiety and frustration. And eventually, physical illness. So, what’s the best use of your time, skill and energy right now? The answer to that question is your starting point.
4. Stop Aiming for Perfection. Aim for better. Aim for improvement. Aim for growth. Our society’s obsession with perfection has led to unrealistic expectations, unhealthy thinking, mass frustration and disappointment. Of course frustration will be the result when our goal is unattainable. When perfection is the goal, no result will ever be good enough.
5. Be Patient. Stop trying to reinvent yourself by next Tuesday. It took you a long time to get where you are now (practically, financially, emotionally, physically, psychologically, sociologically), so be realistic with your expectations as you work towards creating the new and improved version of you. I’m always amazed by people who have punished their body for decades (with atrocious eating, zero exercise and poor lifestyle habits) who then find a way to be disappointed and frustrated when they don’t look like a supermodel or elite athlete two weeks into their ‘weight-loss kick’. Good grief.
6. Stop Relying on Others to Get You There (wherever there is). It’s great to have support, encouragement and help along the way, but it’s not great to be totally dependant on others to make our dreams a reality. While it’s healthy to be part of a team of people who are all on the same page and all moving in the same direction, it’s still important for us to be functional, productive and effective on our own. Independent and strong. Being totally reliant on someone else (to reach our goals) is an exercise in both frustration and disempowerment.
7. Compare Yourself to Others – with Caution. Comparing ourselves to others rarely results in something positive. It can, but typically, it won’t. Invariably, it will focus our attention on what we don’t have or what we haven’t done and lead to self-pity and/or frustration. Having said that, it can work in our favour when we make it. Comparisons can be a positive when we use the achievements of others with similar attributes, potential and opportunities (to us) as a source of motivation, inspiration, learning and perspective for our own journey.
Now… deep breaths.
If you liked this article, subscribe to my blog and get a my FREE eBook, click here: I want a FREE eBook. You can also check out My Best Selling Book, and My Best Selling Video (Trailer).
Source: The Frustration Situation
Melody Beattie writes:
Responding to duty separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. Can you let go of what you would rather be doing and do something else?
Inventory Focus: Have you ever ignored or neglected your duties? What were the consequences of that? After my divorce, I was swamped by bills and not making much money. I hid those bills deep in a drawer. That didn’t help. I could still hear them calling my name from any room in the house. Is some duty whispering – or screaming—at you right now? Wouldn’t it be easier to just say yes? via December 9 | Language of Letting Go.
Greatist – Health and Fitness Articles, News, and Tips
Get the scoop here: News: Thinking About How Much We Eat Makes Us Full.
Lately I have been seeing that if I can just wait for 3 days, most disturbances will settle and life returns to forward movement. I don’t have to fix things immediately. I can live for 3 days — one day at a time. Things don’t have to be perfect in the meantime…
via People Change.
Cynthia Belmer shares this:
What makes a relationship work? What can couples do to stay happy in their relationship, especially in this modern age with stress all around us?
Everyone wants to make their relationship last and everyone wants to feel loved, happy, and in harmony with their partner, but few experience it.
Harmony is about a mutual agreement of giving and receiving in the most balanced, loving and humble way, while maintaining the space needed for self-nurturing and self-love. You can realize it and live it in your relationship when you:
1. Become best friends. Understand the likes, dislikes, the fears, the pain and the gain of your partner and ask open-ended questions.
2. Explore your common vision for the future. Discuss your goals and your visions for the future. How does a great and lasting relationship look like to you? Follow through with this view and commit to realizing and nurturing it.
3. Be humble. Take responsibility of our own actions and say that you’re sorry when you mess up.
4. Be generous. Allow yourself to give with humbleness, to appreciate with love, to forgive with softness, to listen with care and to compromise while receiving your needs in return.
5. Invest in your own and constant self-growth. Follow through with your interests, your goals, your emotional needs and wants and share them with your partner.
6. Trust. Speak your truth, always and allow both of your fears to surface and share them gently together.
7. Listen and never forget. Listen very carefully to your partner and remember what interests them, what they enjoy, they dislike and most importantly, remember their stories.
8. Allow spaciousness. Give some alone time to yourself and your partner and do unique things that you enjoy and that make you feel good.
9. Get intimate. Express your love through hugging, kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding, and other forms of physical affection.
10. Have faith. Never give up on realizing the picture of a great relationship, especially when going through a big storm.
So my question to you is: If you were to make a change so you could live happily and in harmony in your relationship, what would you be doing?
Just in case you missed this:
Carrey’s enthusiasm on awakening is contagious as he reveals the freedom he’s experienced as a result of looking at his thoughts from a different perspective. After studying Eckhart Tolle’s teachings for sometime, he finally experienced his awakening when he realized the following:
“Who is it that’s aware I’m thinking?”…….Suddenly, I was thrown into this expansive, amazing feeling of freedom from myself and from my problems as I saw that I was bigger than what I do, I was bigger than my body, I was everything, and everyone.”
Of course being the comedian that he is, he throws in a few jokes, but watch this two-minute video to hear his interesting insights on how this mental shift has helped change his life.
via What Are Jim Carrey’s Thoughts On Awakening? | FinerMinds.
Every morning, I wake up. I make a strong pot of coffee. I drink it while reading 100 or so posts from some of my favorite bloggers. It’s always interesting to me when the messages from different bloggers seem to be in sync and it appears the universe is trying to teach me a lesson. Today is one of those days. First up is Kristin Barton Cuthriell who writes:
A client came to me the other day. She is chronically anger with her mother and has been for years. The anger is poisoning her. It is tearing her apart. She describes herself as nothing but a bitter shell of who she use to be. She is so consumed by her anger that she is shutting out all of the joy in her life (and there is a lot). I shared with her my lesson.
My lesson about life being precious and short- way too short to spend it full of contempt and resentment. The lesson that we learn when we have a near death experience, survive a life threatening illness, or lose a loved one.
Her mother is getting up there in years and is struck with an illness that is taking over her body. “Let go,” I stressed to my client. I moved my chair a little closer, but not too close. I looked my client in the eye, and with extreme passion, but a tone close to a whisper, I said, “It is time to let go. Enjoy the time that you have left with your mother.” My client’s eyes welled with tears, and she nodded yes. She knew, the time had come. The time to let go. The time to rid herself of the poison. The time to stop ruminating about the past. The time to reclaim her life. The time to let life in.
Are you poisoning yourself with resentment? Has the time come to let it go? Only you can really make that decision. Make it well. You deserve the best in life, but it is up to you.” via Letting Go – Kristin Barton Cuthriell.
Full disclosure? Kristin is a client, but I hunted her down because I like her content so much!
Next up is Melody Beattie. I have been starting my days with her book “The Language of Letting Go” for over a year now and I frequently curate her content. Today’s reading was more poignant for me than most:
Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn’t; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn’t mean we can’t love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms – taking our needs and ourselves into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.
This is the heart of detaching in love.
Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.” via Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – December 5, 2012.
Additions? Subtractions? This content is easy for me to share, but hard to implement…
h/t Jaz! Thanks for the belly laugh. Thought about sending this to a few people but I’ll just be content to share it here…
:-D
Leo Babauta writes:
When I wake up in the morning, I can’t wait to start writing.
It’s not that I’m productivity-driven, or a workaholic … it’s that I love what I do.
And I’ll tell you a secret to loving what I do: if I think my work will help someone, there’s no better motivator.
I see lots of people, every day, who don’t like the work they’re doing. If I could help a few of them find work they love, it would make my year.
So this is a mini-guide to finding the work you love. Because it’s waiting for you — you just need to find it and go get it.
We’re going to do this in 3 simple steps.
Ready? Let’s go!
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~Benjamin Spock
Full story at: Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? | Tiny Buddha.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
Full story at: Marry Yourself: Creating Sacred Vows for Self-Love | Tiny Buddha.
I had never heard of Brené Brown until a few weeks ago when my friend Tim Kastelle referenced her on his blog. Now, she is everywhere in my life – I think the universe is sending me a message. Here is a great post by Lissa Rankin on some of Brené’s thinking:
I was reading my shero Brené Brown’s new book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead when I reached page fifty-one and my heart stopped in an “OMG, how did she read my mind, and how did she know exactly how to give language to something that’s been hurting for years?” sort of way.
Continue reading “The Worst Kind of Betrayal”
Here’s an idea. What if you decided to gift only experiences this year? How much more memorable would your holidays be?
Experiences worth gifting: concert tickets, a home-cooked meal, tickets to a play or musical, breakfast in bed, a back rub, a foot rub, a full-body massage, a holiday parade, walking or driving somewhere without a plan, spending an evening talking with no distractions, making out under the mistletoe, visiting a festival of lights, cutting down a Christmas tree, watching a sunrise, skiing, snowboarding, sledding, dancing, taking your children to a petting zoo, making snow angels, attending a free meetup with The Minimalists, making a batch of hot apple cider, taking a vacation together, watching a wintertime sunset.
What other experiences could you give to someone you care about?
Your experiences build and strengthen the bond between you and the people you care about.
Don’t you think you’d find more value in these experiences than in material gifts? Don’t you think your loved ones will find more value, too? There’s only one way to find out.
Craig Harper writes:
“Living in alignment.” Have you heard this expression before? It gets thrown around quite a lot these days and to be honest, it can be one of those cheesey, over-used clichés that gets way too much mileage in an already-cheesey personal development landscape but at the risk of immersing both of us in mozzarella, I thought I’d share what it means to me and how creating and living a life of alignment can transform our day-to-day, multi-dimensional emotional, physical, psychological and practical existence for the better.
So, what does ‘living in alignment’ mean?
“Living in alignment means living a life which is reflective of, and in alignment with, our core values, beliefs and principles.”
Q. What’s the point of living in alignment?
A. Authenticity and happiness.When our typical choices, behaviours, habits and outcomes are reflective of our core values, then we’re in balance. We’re being true to ourselves. Consciously living a life of alignment produces less stress, less frustration, less misery and even less physical illness. And, therefore, more peace, satisfaction, happiness and health.
Who’s out of alignment?
- The girl who says she wants to be healthy but continues to smoke.
- The guy who says he values fidelity but cheats on his partner.
- The girl who expects loyalty from others but betrays her friends.
- The guy who criticises others while ignoring his own faults.
- The minister who doesn’t walk the talk.
- The speaker who advocates work-life balance while working a million hours each week.
- The personal trainer who preaches health and self-control during the week while abusing alcohol every weekend.
- The person who loves nature but never leaves suburbia.
- The highly-principled employee who turns a blind eye to unethical behaviour in the workplace.
- Anyone who doesn’t listen to their body.
- Anyone who ignores their inner wisdom.
- Anyone who consciously compromises their values.
Sounds good in theory but…
While it all makes sense in theory, sometimes the practical reality of our life situation means that ‘living our values’ twenty-four-seven can be a major challenge. I agree. And that’s okay. Nobody said it would be easy or painless. Everything worthwhile comes at a cost. The question is whether or not we’re prepared to make the necessary investment. Sometimes, the price of alignment is high in the short term but totally worth it over the long haul.
Sometimes, choosing to live our values means taking a backward step in certain areas. It means getting uncomfortable and doing what scares us. It might mean changing, or even ending, certain relationships. It could mean ruffling a few feathers, getting noses out of joint and standing up for what we know is right (for us). Sometimes the right thing is not the easy thing and, sometimes, the only approval we need is our own.
By the way, people-pleasers rarely live in alignment because they are always compromising.
How did I end up here?
Sometimes, we allow certain situations, circumstances, expectations (of others) and relationships to gradually come between us and the life we want to build and inhabit. We don’t do it intentionally or consciously but we do it. Most of us have woken up at some stage of our journey only to say something like “how on earth did I end up in this place (literally or metaphorically)? This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t my intention. This isn’t who I want to be.”
So, how can you live a life of alignment?
Step 1: Get clear about your core values, beliefs and principles (not anyone else’s, yours).
Step 2: Build a life around those things. No matter what.Is it easy? Not always.
Possible? Yes.
Worth it? Definitely.If you liked this article, subscribe to my blog and get a my FREE eBook, click here: I want a FREE eBook. You can also check out My Best Selling Book, and My Best Selling Video (Trailer).
Source: Rule 12: Live in Alignment
By the way, if you want some help on discovering your core values, I strongly recommend this 5 minute video I curated earlier this week…
The universe has my back! My wife went out of town to spend time with her family and that always leaves me feeling anxious [long, complicated story]. Fortunately, Melody Beattie has some healthy thinking to help me cope:
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy… I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy….
That’s a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn’t doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don’t work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn’t work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
Source: Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – December 2, 2012
One more thing; I don’t think you can be selective on the ‘universe has got my back’ thing. Either it does or it doesn’t. I choose to believe that things are working out for my ultimate good…
Another stunning talk from Brené Brown…
Bright, Shiny Objects! 
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