Kris Carr interviews Marie Forleo…
Takeaway question: How would I act if I were the best in the world at what I do?
The Inside Scoop from ‘Passion Whisperer’ Marie Forleo!
Office Spaced
One man’s struggle to stay sober and keep his recovery during the holiday season: via Office Spaced.
The Quest to Peace: During the Holidays and Throughout the Year
One of the most powerful symbolic moments of humanity was on display in the most unlikely of places—the cold, mud-filled trenches along the Western front during the Great War on Christmas Eve 1914. The day had seen very little shelling or rifle fire, and, by nightfall, the shooting had completely stopped.
Later that night, the British troops could hear sounds floating across the frozen battlefield: “Stille Nacht. Heilige Nacht. Alles Schlaft, einsam wacht.” They did not understand the words, but the tune was unmistakably familiar. As they peered into the darkness over the edge of their waterlogged trenches, they saw what appeared to be candles and Christmas trees with lights on the edge of the German trenches, which were only thirty to seventy meters away. The British responded in kind and started singing Christmas carols as well.
As Christmas Day broke, the fraternization began in earnest after one German infantryman appeared holding a Tannenbaum—a miniature Christmas tree glowing with light. In his strong German accent, he declared, “Merry Christmas. We not shoot; you not shoot.”
Full story at: The Quest to Peace: During the Holidays and Throughout the Year « Positively Positive.
How to Turn Off Negative Thoughts in Your Mind
Barring psychological illness, we are all largely responsible for our own emotional health and well-being. What does that mean? That what we say to ourselves over and over for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years, has a dramatic effect on how we see ourselves. This also contributes to many of the mental health disorders we see rampant today: what we choose to have continually playing in our brains stays there, and there’s a real problem when we start buying into the negative thoughts we have about ourselves.
I discovered how powerful the effect of conditioning is firsthand when I was listening to some oldies the other day on the radio—I was amazed at how quickly I could belt out the words to songs I hadn’t heard in decades. How could I remember all those lyrics from so long ago? Because I was conditioned by them. I listened and sang those words day in and day out for what seemed like forever, until they were burned into my brain cells, and some of those old songs even provoked strong feelings in me as I took a quick trip down memory lane.
The mind is a powerful thing, and in a nanosecond, it can elevate or crush our mood because of the beliefs lurking behind our feelings.
If you think I’m kidding, try it yourself: think of an old song, or even the lyrics to one of your favorite television shows. Those of us who are old enough can belt out the opening line to The Beverly Hillbillies in our sleep.
So, what does all this have to do with our emotional health? Everything.
Many of us have problems with negative thoughts playing on the channel of our minds, but if you’re engaging in it consistently, and you believe it, it could be eroding your sense of self-esteem. Here are a few beliefs that indicate you may need to switch the station:
- I’m a loser
- I’m not good enough
- I don’t deserve….
- No one likes me
- I suck at relationships
- I’m a failure
Negative thoughts conjures up bad feelings and hooks you into believing that what those old tapes in your head are playing is actually true. In short, it brings your focus to your failures, and that gets you nowhere.
What can you do?
Full story at: How to Turn Off Negative Thoughts in Your Mind.
20 Life-Changing Questions
Craig Harper writes:
Ask them, answer them, do something.
1. What’s in my control (and what’s not)?
2. What’s not working in my life right now?
3. In relation to my goals, what’s the best use of my time?
4. How do I create connection with this person?
5. Where am I investing my emotional energy?
6. Why will it be different this time?
7. What do I have to be thankful for?
8. What can I learn in this situation?
9. How am I contributing to this problem?
10. What fear do I need to face?
11. How do I self-sabotage?
12. What’s my plan for when the motivation wears off?
13. What do I need to let go of?
14. What is success for me?
15. What is their reality?
16. What do I need to unlearn?
17. Do my beliefs empower me or limit me?
18. What are my core values?
19. Is my life a reflection of those values?
20. What do I want my life to look like in twelve months?
Why You’re Not Meeting Your Goals
Lesley Knowles writes:
To be successful in reaching a goal, you must know and surpass the things that may hinder you from getting there. Aside from changing or improving the things that will be discussed below, you need to save a sufficient amount of determination, persistence, and patience.
Read on and study the following taboos in goal-setting. If you’re guilty of one, most, or all of them, immediately act, think of and apply ideal and effective steps to improve or totally eradicate those things.
Full story at: Why You're Not Meeting Your Goals.
5 Best Gifts You Can Give (Hint: They’re All Free)
The greatest gifts you can give to anyone you love are your time, your love, your respect and your heart.
Full story at: 5 Best Gifts You Can Give (Hint: They’re All Free).
If You Can Succeed in Managing Your Morning, Then Nothing Can Stop You From Succeeding in Life
The first hour is the rudder of the day!
Full story at: If You Can Succeed in Managing Your Morning, Then Nothing Can Stop You From Succeeding in Life.
Namaste
Whether you say the word or no, I think it’s a good attitude to have when meeting or departing. Full story at: Namaste – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
The art of living
Naturally, we wish to avoid pain and difficulty, but life experience and a measure of reflection show us that most of what comes our way is beyond our control. We’ll never outwit all the possibilities for trouble, even if we live to be 100 years old. We have often failed to learn from trouble because we cast ourselves in the roles of passive men and victims. We pointed outside ourselves and said, “Look at what is happening to poor me!”
When we use trouble as our teacher, we develop the art of living. We are taking a spiritual approach, using our Higher Power as our guide. We can choose today to use our difficulties for our learning and growth. We might ask, “What can I learn from this experience about myself as a man? How can I use this to strengthen myself for the future?” Serenity develops, not by eliminating life’s difficulties, but by having a reliable relationship with our Higher Power in the midst of it all.
With God as my guide, I will use whatever comes my way as an opportunity for growth.
via Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – December 11, 2012.
Who Are You (Really)?
Shelly Bullard writes:
What masks are you wearing? What I mean by this is, what are the ways you’re hiding from the world? How do you veer away from your authentic self? How do you change or alter yourself in relationships? The answers to these questions can be very telling as to why you aren’t feeling happy, complete, or fully embodied in your life.
Your mask has a lot of different names: the “false self,” the “conditioned self,” the “learned self,” the “ego.” Basically what it is is the version of you that is not authentic. We all have this version of ourselves (and some of us have many versions, one for every occasion). The fact that you have a false self is nothing to feel ashamed of. It is, however, a part of yourself that you might want to get to know; especially because happiness comes from learning how to take your mask off.
Here’s a short history of where your false self came from. We all received messages (overtly or covertly) when we were young about how to be in the world: “you should or shouldn’t be, act, feel, think” a certain way. Naturally we internalized these messages to mean that we needed to be different than who we really are to be accepted. Hence the birth of the false self (good girls, bad boys, etc etc).
Unfortunately many of us have never taken those masks off–we are still walking around as an altered version of our real selves. This causes us to feel like something is “off;” either our relationships don’t feel fulfilling or we feel a little fraudulent or incomplete. If you feel “off” in a general way it’s a good indication that your false self has taken over. It’s time to take back the reins.
One of the most common places for a false self to appear is in romantic relationships. Why? Because romance makes us vulnerable, vulnerability makes us scared, and when we are scared we want to put our masks on! We do this for two reasons: #1 we think that altering ourselves is a way to get people to approve of us (like when we were young) and #2 we believe that hiding behind a mask keeps us safe. Neither are actually true. Really all your mask does is make you feel distant from others. It is a protective measure that backfires in a big way; rather than helping you, it just keeps your authentic greatness hidden from the world.
Your mask is not the real you! The real you is behind all that altering and changing. The real you is your essence, your authentic self, your SOUL. Your Soul may be hidden behind a bunch of stuff, behind the masks, but it’s there. And it’s waiting for you to make contact. Ask yourself these questions to realign with your true self:
- Who am I really? (really, really)
- What do I stand for?
- What is my purpose?
- What is my message?
- What am I here to do? (like, on this planet type-of here!)
- What is important to me?
- What is my gift? What do I want to create?
- What inspires me?
- What do I really love?
Now live your life according to your answers! Is it always easy? No! It’s vulnerable as hell! But it’s worth it. Trust me. The fact is you are going to feel limited in your connections if you are mainly operating with a mask on. Your mask hides you–it keeps you at a distance. So in order to really start living your life, you have to start showing up in a more authentic way.
Let yourself out! Greatness does not come from hiding. You have greatness within you and it’s dying to be set free. So show the world who you are. We’re all waiting to see…
Active Contentment: 5 Tips to Have Both Peace and Ambition
“Peace is not merely a distant goal we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.
Full story at: Active Contentment: 5 Tips to Have Both Peace and Ambition | Tiny Buddha.
5 Ways to Improve Communication Skills
Communication is one of the most important skills we can ever learn. It leads everything that we do—whether we’re communicating at work to meet deadlines and achieve results, or communicating with friends, family and partners to build strong relationships. So many problems stem from poor communication and there’s no wonder why, really. We are not taught how to communicate properly at school; it’s something we have to ‘pick up’ from the people around us. Unfortunately, unless we are lucky enough to have stellar communicators in our close circle, we can often pick up bad habits. I’ve made it my business to learn a thing or two about communication, and I’ll share a few key things with you today. One of the most important, yet overlooked skills of communicating is this:
Be a Good Listener
That’s right—most people have no idea that listening is a necessary part of the communication process, but the reality is that listening is an essential part of communication: not only does it help you to build rapport with other people, it ‘s also a way of demonstrating respect for others. When people feel respected, it’s very easy to build long, happy relationships. Think about how great it feels when someone is intently listening to you, and those times when they are completely enthralled with what you are saying. This makes you feel valued and does wonders to aid communication. People just want to be heard,so by listening intently you can build trust at the subconscious level. Look at it the other way around: we all know people who are really bad listeners. They love the sound of their own voices so much that you can’t get a word in edgewise, and when it’s finally your turn to talk, they aren’t really listening. In contrast, how does this make you feel? Frustrated, and of low value. By not listening to you, the other person is essentially telling you that you don’t have anything worth saying. One thing I do want to get straight here is that listening and shyness are not the same things. People often get good listening confused with shyness, as someone who listens more than they speak might be assumed to be shy or hesitant. What’s important is active listening: paying attention, and then demonstrating your understanding of a conversation by repeating key points in your responses. At the end of the day, people just want to feel like they are understood.
Full story at: 5 Ways to Improve Communication Skills.
Approval Seeking Behavior is Time Consuming (and I’m not getting any younger)
OK, I confess I love this about blogging and the WordPress community. In the past, I don’t know that I would have found much upon which to agree with a transwoman, but Denise from Deni in a Dress and I have this in common:
I’m not willing to spend time trying to get other folk’s approval.
- Constantly seeking approval from others takes me down a path where I stop caring about myself. I stop caring about my own physical, mental and spiritual health because there is no time left for me.
- Constantly seeking approval from others is not a good investment of time. The payoff is notoriously poor. I’ve spent an entire lifetime working to get somebody else to approve of me. And I have zero to show for all that time.
- Constantly seeking approval from others misses the grand opportunities of life. I don’t dare take the time away from other people who aren’t going to give me their approval no matter what to take advantage of positive career moves, traveling through this wonderful world, even the book I’ve always wanted to read.
- Constantly seeking approval from others feeds on itself in unexpected, perverse ways of spending time. Addiction robs even more time as it sucks the life out of life itself.
These are all reasons why living a life of constantly seeking approval needs to stop. I’ve seen dogs who could catch their own tail, not often but I’ve seen it happen. I’ve never seen a dog who could hold on to it.” via Approval Seeking Behavior is Time Consuming (and I’m not getting any younger) « Deni In A Dress.
Yesterday I posted this gem and it helped me navigate my day: “Before seeking external validation, ask yourself, “What do I hope that person tells me?” Then tell it to yourself.” Cut out the middleman! And thanks, Denise — I’m following your blog in Google Reader now…
14 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
Cynthia Belmer writes:
Sally is in a relationship with Rob, her boyfriend of two years. They love each other and share some fun together yet there is this unpredictable negative dynamic that surfaces often. It brings heartache and pain to their lives and a negative shift in how they feel about love and themselves when they are together.
Does this sound like something you have been living for a while and you are wondering if this is the new trend in relationships?
It is very normal to go through ups and downs in relationships. It is healthy to feel angry, sad sometimes as long as you come to an understanding, allow yourself to be completely vulnerable and honest so you can grow and deepen your bond with your partner.
On the opposite side, sometimes we go through an unhealthy relationship for a long time that causes a lot damage to our psyche without even being aware of what is going on.
So, here is a brief checklist that could help you identify the signs of an unhealthy dynamic you have with your partner: 14 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.
How To Create Your Brand And Find Your Voice!
Marie Forleo writes:
We all want to use our voice to express ourselves in a way that feels original and feels like us.
But how exactly do you find your voice?
What are the secrets to unleashing your own uniqueness when it comes to writing, creating and serving?
Finding your voice, or giving yourself permission to use it, can be challenging unless you have some concrete steps to follow.
Watch this now and and learn four simple, yet effective steps to unleashing your own voice and brand.
You And Your Imposter Complex Are Not Alone!
I first heard about the ‘imposter complex’ from my thoroughly lovely friend and client @jackiedumaine. Tanya Geisler lays it out here:
For a TEDxWomen talk on Dec. 1st, I’ve decided to talk about – and take down – the Impostor Complex. You know, that beast that wants to shut you down, reminding you of allll the ways you are not ready, capable, qualified, prepared and competent.
Yeah. THAT.
Which is perfect, of course, because my own Impostor Complex has a TON to say about why I’m not ready, capable, qualified, prepared and competent enough to deliver this talk. So my material, at the very least, is pretty fresh.
Just recently, I was thrilled to attend Mastin’s Super Soul Sunday event in Toronto. Mastin was generously answering every last question his hungry audience had for him. I asked him how he felt when the call came about going on Oprah with Marie and Gabby. His response:
“I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was a mistake. I didn’t think it would actually happen. I assumed it would be canceled.”
Familiar? You are not alone.
Any time we think that something has happened because of luck, or timing, or because someone made a mistake, we are in the hold of our Impostor Complex.
Is there ANY DOUBT in your mind that Mastin was supposed to be on that show? Is there ANY DOUBT in your mind that he earned it?
No? Me neither.
From the 1000+ hours I’ve been coaching clients, I can tell you with great certainty that almost every single high-achiever has at one point or another felt the weight of the Impostor syndrome, and it sounds like:
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” – Maya Angelou
“You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?’” – Meryl Streep
And guess what else?
The Impostor and The Authority are are both Illusions
John Lennon said, “Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
Can you see the illusions at both ends of that statement? Loser is an illusion. God Almighty is an illusion. The Impostor is an illusion. The Authority is an illusion.
You are never either. You know more than you think AND you will never know it all.
It’s the very nature of the ego: it wants to want more than it wants to get.
Can you feel the relief and the grief in that?
And while I may not be THE authority, my experience as the Impostor Complex – both mine and those of my brilliant clients – certainly makes me AN authority.
So, as you face your desires for stage, for mastery in the boardroom, for the book deal, for the TV show, for the new business or for the promotion, I want you to know this:
- You are not alone.
- Those belittling voices are not real or right.
- You’ve earned your right to be here.
- You’ve got this.
- You are ready.
Agreed?
When I’m on stage delivering my TEDx talk, I intend to own it. There has been no mistake made: I’ve earned my right to be there. Speaking truth imbued with experience and love, in spite of what my Impostor Complex wants me to believe. It is, after all, a mere illusion.
Your call’s coming too. Answer it with an effusive YES.
I was describing to Jackie my own desire to do a TEDTalk and the trouble I was having writing my book ‘Be Known’; mainly, that people would laugh. Understanding that this feeling is so common that it has a ‘syndrome’ attached to it helped me get beyond my fears. In my experience, if you can name it you can kill it, fix it, fight it, whatever you want to do with it. Watch out for the ‘imposter complex’ in your life!
Related articles
- Psychology: Imposter Syndrome (clareminnies.wordpress.com)
- Imposter Syndrome: My life as a fraud. (momedy.blogspot.com)
- Day 5. Go Ahead, Murder Yourself. (heidiwriting.wordpress.com)
Bright, shiny objects! 
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