Why I celebrate the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage

I have become lazy and sloppy on this blog — posting pithy memes instead of writing what they mean to me — so this post is really something outstanding if only because it’s the first post in ages where I’ve written more than 7 words. :-D

I believe that yesterday was a great day for all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation. Years ago, however, I would have been apoplectic and spewing hatred and ranting about how yesterday’s Supreme Court decision signalled the death of America, blah, blah, blah. What changed? I did. Why? A simple thought rocked my world:

Who am I to judge? No one. I am not worthy!

Here’s a bit of a backstory: I have spent a big part of my life on ‘the right’; the political right [for two years, I was the 3rd Vice Chairman of the Republican Party and consulted with the RNC] and the religious right [I am a recovering Shiite evangelical fundamentalist].

Oh, yeah! I was in deep…

The irony of it all is that while I was obsessed with being RIGHT on the outside I was so wrong on the inside. My binary [true/false, black/white] orientation meant that I didn’t really need to THINK about a lot of things including the idea that all beings deserve happiness regardless of whether we agree on issues like with whom we want to cuddle up on a cold Wisconsin night.

Fundamental to my growth path or dharma over the past few years is a wonderful teacher named Tara Brach who introduced me to the idea of metta, or lovingkindness, practice. When you pray this:

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless;
And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.

…it is difficult to deny any being what they consider happiness regardless of what they believe or their ‘orientation’ on any one of a number of issues. May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness…

It’s not that I don’t care anymore — it’s that I care more deeply than I ever did about all beings and not so much the issues themselves. The reason I celebrate the decision is because I am ok with it when only 5 years ago I would have been beside myself with anger and fear and I feel that I am a better person now than I was then. May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness…

One of the many people I want to thank for the part they have played in my conversion is a beautiful man named Michael Rohrer who blogs in a raw, powerful, and transparent way about the struggles of being a gay man who comes from a religious background. I don’t know how I first came across his work but I’m grateful I did. Through his writing he has opened my eyes and heart to the idea we are all on the same journey even if we follow different paths and I cherish the friendship that has developed via Twitter and Facebook! I don’t agree with everything that Michael posts but I will defend to the death his right to post it and he opens my mind. May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness…

Today I celebrate not only the Supreme Court decision but also the joy of having an open mind and how much nicer it is than needing to be RIGHT all the time! May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness…

June 27, 2015 5

June 12, 2015 2

Don’t Neglect To Love Your Parents

#word

My Positive Outlooks

We should always love our parents. Sometimes we are busy growing up and we often forget they’re also growing old. — Unknown

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May 14, 2015 1

May 12, 2015 0

Tackling Anger

May 1, 2015 1

April 13, 2015 1

The Grass Is Greener Where?

Kemi Nekvapil writes:

The grass is greener where?

As a child, I was often told, “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

I think I grasped the idea, and I would try to be happy and content where I was, rather than thinking that things were better “over there” than where I stood.

As an adult, this quote directly connects to gratitude for what I have.

But now I prefer another quote about grass: “The grass is always greener where you water it.”

We all have moments when we feel that life would be better “if only”: If only I was thinner, richer, more successful, more something other than I am. This feeling is part of the human experience.

But it is only when we decide to take responsibility for the life we are living now that we have the choice to make this life — the real one — greener.

Complaining about a situation in our lives and doing nothing other than wishing it was another way, or believing that “the grass is greener,” will never shift or transform anything.

We always have the power to water our own grass.

If you are feeling that the grass is greener over there, and perhaps a little dry and arid over here, here are some ways to start watering your own grass today: The Grass Is Greener Where? | Kemi Nekvapil.

March 31, 2015 0

March 20, 2015 1

Getting Cybersecurity to Work isn’t Going to Work without Doing the Work

Earl Perkins has an interesting post on the Gartner Blog Network about the topic of security.

I thought it would be appropriate to start off 2015 by adding my voice to a rising chorus from advisors, consultants and others in the cybersecurity industry with a short and simple message. We as an industry cannot help you if you’re not willing to help yourselves. And helping yourselves means you have to do (at the very least) the minimum required to secure yourselves from the most common types of cybersecurity threats and attacks.

Now this may seem to be an obvious comment and you may be wondering “why is he wasting my time telling me this”. I’m taking the time to do so because frankly many of you do not appear to be listening. It may be time to be a bit more blunt and direct. There are and have been reams of research and guidance written and delivered over the years that outline the basic principles and practices to establish cybersecurity strategy, governance, planning, management and operations. Descriptions of these steps to core competence can be found not only in Gartner research but from many other sources. Establishing this core competence for many of you does not require large or expensive purchases of technology and services, nor does it require major shifts or changes in process or organization. But it DOES require a level of discipline, structure and cultural change regarding where cybersecurity fits within your organization and the priority that you give changes that must and should occur. This core competence does require a level of communication and awareness that is apparently not working in its current form of delivery. It requires a level of coordination with service providers, supply chain partners and external parties that does not appear to be taking place.

Get the rest of the article here: Getting Cybersecurity to Work isn’t Going to Work without Doing the Work.

Last summer, I read Michael J. Daugherty’s book “The Devil inside the Beltway” and I thought ‘Thank God I don’t have to deal with his issues’, however, I just took a position with a healthcare firm that must comply with HIPAA and HITTECH and as the Marketing Manager who is also involved in technology issues, there is nothing more important than cybersecurity — to ignore it is to risk losing your business!

In our case, we rely heavily on our partner Netgain in St. Cloud to ‘watch our six’ but there’s always the fear that someone could install LimeWire or its modern day equivalent and bring down the house a la LabMD. Every employee must understand that the technology they use is not theirs and that it’s provided to do a job and that they must comply with security requirements. Cybersecurity is the responsibility of EVERY employee…

January 6, 2015 0

Are Google Hangouts On Air HIPAA compliant?

No, but apparently they can still be used for some aspects of healthcare marketing. I cite this example from The Huffington Post about a Google Hangout on Air hosted by a physician from the world renowned Mayo Clinic:

Let My Doctor Sleep
Hosted by Alicia Menendez

A new study shows that doctor fatigue raises the risk of car accidents after long shifts. How does fatigue impair medical care?

Circulation: The Huffington Post attracts over 28 million monthly unique viewers.

Context: This study appeared in the Dec. 5 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Colin West., M.D., Ph.D., the lead author, is a General Internal Medicine physician at Mayo Clinic. His research focuses primarily on physician well-being, evidence-based medicine and biostatistics, and medical education. Dr. West participated in this Google Hangout with eight other people. This function within Google Plus allows users to have live, face-to-face, multi-person video chats with chosen participants. Google Hangouts On Air are Hangouts in which the video stream displays publicly on the Google Plus profile page of the user who launched the chat. They can also be displayed on the user’s YouTube channel or website.

Get more at the source: Google Hangouts On Air | Mayo Clinic In The News

If the Mayo Clinic is using Google Hangouts on Air, perhaps it’s a good indication that they are safe for other medical institutions to use for marketing when done correctly.

December 8, 2014 0

June 15, 2014 3

Shame on me…

I used to be racist. 20 years ago, I didn’t like Maya Angelou because was black AND she spoke at Bill Clinton’s inauguration. I miss out on so much when I create unhealthy boundaries based on ego…

June 12, 2014 0

Anger and fear and guilt…

Interesting perspective from Psychology Today:

In fact, those of us who routinely use anger as a “cover-up” to keep our more vulnerable feelings at bay, generally become so adept at doing so that we have little to no awareness of the dynamic driving our behavior. As I’ve discussed in earlier posts on the subject, anger is the emotion of invulnerability. Even though the self-empowerment (read, “adrenaline rush”) it immediately offers is bogus, it can yet be extremely tempting to get “attached”—or even “addicted”—to it if we frequently experience another as threatening the way we need to see ourselves (e.g., as important, trustworthy, lovable, etc.). After all, this is how all psychological defenses work. Simply put, they allow us to escape upsetting, shameful, or anxiety-laden feelings we may not have developed the emotional resources—or ego strength—to successfully cope with. So, for example, say your partner (whether intentionally or not) expresses something that leads you to feel demeaned. Rather than, assertively, sharing your hurt feelings, and risk making yourself more vulnerable to them, you may react instead by finding something to attack them for. It could be as petty as their forgetting to put something away, or not having gotten back to you on scheduling an event, or a past mistake that compromised the family budget—in short, anything! In such instances, what you’re basically doing (though it’s most likely unconscious) is endeavoring to make them feel demeaned, to hurt their feelings—or rather, hurt them back. It’s an undeclared, largely unrecognized, game of tit for tat. And while you’re engaged in such retaliatory pursuits, guess what? Presto! You’re no longer feeling demeaned—at least not in the moment. . . . Which, sadly, reinforces this essentially childish behavior (as in, “You’re the one who’s bad!”).
Go to the source for more: Anger—How We Transfer Feelings of Guilt, Hurt, and Fear | Psychology Today

June 1, 2014 0

is world really a dangerous place?

#truestorybro

A Small Act Of Kindness Can Bring Smile On Million Faces

kindly reblog the lovely message.

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May 22, 2014 0

Stephen Hawking: Questioning the Universe

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May 20, 2014 0

Waves…

When I spin or spiral or go ‘sideways’, fear rolls over me like great waves and I am tossed about by the next crazy think that comes to my mind…

Consider this, however. Have you ever been at the ocean? Do you know what it’s like to drop below the waves and watch them from underneath? I have noticed that if you stay on the surface you can get pounded by wave after wave but if you drop a few feet below the surface, all you feel is a gentle tug.

This past weekend, I faced wave after wave of fears. I found that when I stayed on the surface, I was at the mercy of every memory and thought that rolled in but if I could drop down into myself and find a quite place, the ‘waves’ had no effect.

In her book True Refuge, teacher Tara Brach says this:

“I recently read in the book My Stroke of Insight by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor that the natural life span of an emotion—the average time it takes for it to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half. After that we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue.” ~ True Refuge

One tool I used was to ‘pay attention’ to thoughts but journaling them in Evernote and most of ,u fears seemed to be appeased by the recognition of documentation. For the rest, I used Tara Brach’s RAIN acronym:

Recognize
Allow
Investigate with Kindness
Non-identify

If only I could claim perfection! This approach, however, did help me ‘drop under the waves’ and become happier overall…

Awakening Through Conflict ~ Tara Brach (evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com)
RAIN- Cultivating a Mindful Awareness ~ Tara Brach (evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com)
True Refuge- Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart ~ Tara Brach (evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com)
“Real but not True” Tara Brach (willowmariewrites.com)
Talks With Tara: The God Whom I Love… (miraculousendeavors.org)

May 13, 2014 1

Am I dreaming…

A retreat talk by Tara Brach. As we cultivate mindfulness we become increasingly aware of how we move through huge swaths of our life in trance. This talk reflects on three key domains of trance, and undoing the habitual reactivity that keeps us from the loving, open awareness that is our essence.

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You can listen to the entire talk here…