Margaret Paul, Ph.D. writes:

Being there for each other in very difficult times is one of the things that relationships are about. Without this caring and support, we feel very lonely, sometimes unbearably lonely. We are not meant to manage very difficult feelings and situations alone. We all need love and support when we are having a hard time or facing very challenging situations.

This does not mean that partners have an excuse to abuse each other. It also doesn’t mean that you can control whether your partner will allow you to be there for them — for example, if they consistently abandon themselves. We can support each other, but we cannot do for our partner what they need to be doing for themselves, without enabling them in their self-abandonment.

However, we’re all human, and there may be occasional times when you or your partner feel too overwhelmed to be there for yourself. Imagine that your feelings are your inner child, and imagine that when you feel badly, you are able to hold your inner child with a lot of caring and compassion. And imagine that your partner is holding you while you are holding yourself. This is very loving and supportive.

But sometimes, in extreme situations, we are so triggered into fear that we cannot hold ourselves. This is when we need our partner to stand in as the loving parent for our distressed inner child. We all have those times when our feelings feel so overwhelming that we just can’t manage them ourselves, and partners in a healthy relationship are able to do this in extreme situations. It is important, though, that it not become a habit, as it can be a slippery slope from occasionally stepping in and being there for your partner when he or she is distressed, to giving oneself up in order to avoid the pain of seeing one’s partner struggling with their own feelings.

Having each other’s back is of one of the great benefits of a loving relationship.

via ‘I’ve Got Your Back’ | Margaret Paul, Ph.D..