Alone for the Holidays? Here are Ten Ways to Lift Your Spirits

Stepcase Lifehack

via Alone for the Holidays? Here are Ten Ways to Lift Your Spirits.

Quitting Christmas

Hannah Brencher writes:

At 3:07 p.m. on a Monday afternoon, while sighing restlessly alongside other anxious Target customers, I quit Christmas.

I realized I had ruined Christmas. Straight messed it up. Mangled it. Done it a disservice. Boxed it and botched it in a way I never thought possible.

And so there, with my hands full of snowman-decrepit cards that prove to be the only thing left when you shop the week before and a slew of sweaters I never actually needed, I placed my basket on the floor, and I walked out of the store. I quit Christmas on the spot.

(This is the point in the post where I apologize profusely to Target store employees for being “that” girl and overdramatizing my quitting of Christmas to the point of leaving stale merchandise in the middle of the floor for y’all to pick up. I am sorry. Very sorry. It was necessary for the completion of this blog post, though.)

The last few days have carried a melody of heartbreak that I never knew existed.

The Newtown tragedy is just thirty miles away. Hands I’ve once touched entangled in the devastation of an atrocious shooting. Twenty children pulled out from this earth before they ever learned the fine art of tying shoes and spelling bees. Our worry heightened. Our safety shattered. Our conversations inflated with gun laws and mental health, and someone always trying to edge out the last word on Facebook, when we all might need to hush and stay silent for a while.

The tragedy huddled us closer. The closeness of holidays made our hearts a bit weaker. Because lights are hung. And stockings won’t be filled. And Tonka trucks and toy dolls will stay in the closet or be returned to the stores instead of being wrapped and tucked beneath an evergreen. It’s too much of an image to handle. It is a watercolor of the mind that will break you on the spot if you think too long of it.

But why now and why this season did we think that it was time to hold one another closer? And send cards in the mail. And hang ivy. And sing songs. And understand this mythical “reason for the season” that becomes all too cluttered by our shopping experiences and to-do lists that grow longer as the holidays grow near. And, why now do we shower the children with love and toys. And we scour the world for that perfect way to say “I love you” with a diamond or pearls. And we finally take a little time off. And we breathe for five minutes before we start furiously plotting a newer year.

Why now? Wasn’t this the forgotten purpose of our yesterday? Wasn’t this the reason for even being here in the first place?

Lately, I think if Christmas had legs, it would walk right out the door. It wouldn’t come back.

I think if Christmas had fingers, it would head to AT&T, buy a phone, and create a Facebook account. It would pounce up, screaming in ALL CAPS on the endless statuses of people complaining or forgetting their children to voice their latest of opinions and say, “Get off the dang phone and just go clutch someone, would ya?”

We are in desperate need of clutching. Of holding one another closer in a way that was fiercer than yesterday. Of facing one another to admit how broken we are. And admit how we screwed up yesterday, but, as long as Tomorrow comes to visit in her bright red cape, we should start over. We should be closer. We should not worry so much about our image or our status or our need to always be right and just unplug long enough to see the need in one another’s eyes. It’s there. It’s living. It’s bright. And it stitches every carol with a feeling of falsity. Because our troubles won’t be miles away. And we have to just face that. We have to just work with that. And, whether we think it or not, we are strong enough to overcome that and make it through the troubles.

It is not a season to be merry and bright so much as it is a season to finally admit to someone else, “Look, I need you. I need you on every one of my calendar days. And I love you. And I should not have waited for the stores to don red and green just to write that in a card to you. And I’m scared. Really. Petrified. Really. Because our world seems pretty broken. And I realize I cannot fix that. But I want to do better for you. Is that ok with you? I. Want. To. Do. Better. In. Loving. You.”

via Quitting Christmas « Positively Positive.

Office Spaced

One man’s struggle to stay sober and keep his recovery during the holiday season: via Office Spaced.

The Quest to Peace: During the Holidays and Throughout the Year

The Quest to Peace: During the Holidays and Throughout the Year « Positively Positive

One of the most powerful symbolic moments of humanity was on display in the most unlikely of places—the cold, mud-filled trenches along the Western front during the Great War on Christmas Eve 1914. The day had seen very little shelling or rifle fire, and, by nightfall, the shooting had completely stopped.

Later that night, the British troops could hear sounds floating across the frozen battlefield: “Stille Nacht. Heilige Nacht. Alles Schlaft, einsam wacht.” They did not understand the words, but the tune was unmistakably familiar. As they peered into the darkness over the edge of their waterlogged trenches, they saw what appeared to be candles and Christmas trees with lights on the edge of the German trenches, which were only thirty to seventy meters away. The British responded in kind and started singing Christmas carols as well.

As Christmas Day broke, the fraternization began in earnest after one German infantryman appeared holding a Tannenbaum—a miniature Christmas tree glowing with light. In his strong German accent, he declared, “Merry Christmas. We not shoot; you not shoot.”

Full story at: The Quest to Peace: During the Holidays and Throughout the Year « Positively Positive.

17 Sneaky Ways to Stay Energized During the Holidays

Greatist – Health and Fitness Articles, News, and Tips

Full story at:  17 Sneaky Ways to Stay Energized During the Holidays.

This Is One Serving: Holiday Party Snacks

Greatist – Health and Fitness Articles, News, and Tips

Get more here: This Is One Serving: Holiday Party Snacks.

5 Best Gifts You Can Give (Hint: They’re All Free)

The greatest gifts you can give to anyone you love are your time, your love, your respect and your heart.

Full story at:  5 Best Gifts You Can Give (Hint: They’re All Free).

The best of ‘what I see’ for 12/14/2012

  1. toddlohenry
    You Cannot Be Happy – Live Life Quotes, Love Life Quotes, Live Life Happy via You Cannot Be Happy If You Fill Your M… ow.ly/2tKtKM
  2. toddlohenry
    If you’re feeling pain, here are two choices; either change your perception or change your procedures!
  3. toddlohenry
    How To Do Squat-to-stands With Overhead Reach (Video) | bit.ly/SVOCBr
  4. toddlohenry
    How Music Helped Me Survive My Divorce and Life Crisis bit.ly/TYuqzR
  5. toddlohenry
    New Report Says Active People May Live Five Years Longer | Greatist bit.ly/SVLxkO
  6. toddlohenry
    @soulfullshelly Thanks for this amazing post!!! What Your Dissatisfying Relationships Are Telling You toddlohenry.com/2012/12/14/…
  7. toddlohenry
    Ever Wanted to Publish Your Own Book? Don’t Start until You’ve Read Guy Kawasaki’s New Book! bit.ly/SnGLQ7
  8. toddlohenry
    Unique Christmas Gift Ideas For The Person Who Has Everything bit.ly/SnGJb1
  9. toddlohenry
    3 Ways to Reduce Stress in 15 Minutes / Day (Without Exercising!) bit.ly/SnGIUq
  10. toddlohenry
    How Music Helped Me Survive My Divorce and Life Crisis bit.ly/SnC6xJ
  11. toddlohenry
    News: First Study Reveals Weight Loss Apps Could Really Work bit.ly/SnC49c
  12. toddlohenry
    50 Important Advice and Things To Know That People Usually Aren’t Told About bit.ly/SnC6xz
  13. toddlohenry
    “If I’m Feeling Mired in My Own Problems, The Best Way to Get a Lift Is To Help Someone.” bit.ly/SkJgCZ

10 Best Products That People Don’t Know About

In a typical holiday list of things to buy, I found one entertaining thought. I’d like to see someone actually use this at O’Hare Airport on a busy travel day!

9 other things you can’t live without here: 10 Best Products That People Don’t Know About – Gift Ideas.

An Irresponsible Christmas

The minimalists write:

We are clearly in the throes of the holiday-shopping season. Take a look around. The shopping malls are packed with herds of consumers. The storefronts are decorated in green and red. The jingly commercials are running nonstop.

The holiday season has much to recommend it, though. Each year around this time we all feel that warm-’n’-fuzzy Christmastime nostalgia associated with the onset of winter. We break out the scarfs and the gloves and the winter coats. We go ice skating and sledding and eat hearty meals with our extended families. We take time off work and spend time with our loved ones and give thanks for the gift of life.

The problem is that we’ve been conditioned to associate this joyous time of year—the mittens and decorations and the family activities—with purchasing material items. We’ve trained ourselves to believe that buying stuff is part of Christmas.

We all know, however, that the holidays needn’t require gifts to be meaningful. Rather, this time of year is meaningful because of its true meaning—not the wrapped boxes we place under the tree.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with gifts. But it’s irresponsible for us to believe that purchasing presents is a required part of the holidays. Instead, we can celebrate the infinite gifts we have all around us. Even without presents—a sans-gifts holiday—we have everything we need to be jolly and merry and joyous on Christmas already.

via An Irresponsible Christmas | The Minimalists.

The Awkward Holiday Photo Contest

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

via The Awkward Holiday Photo Contest Presented by Parental Guidance.

The Best Present Is Presence

Lexus Dec to Remember

I HATE CHRISTMAS. Or perhaps it would be better to say I hate what Christmas has become. The consumerism, the expectations, the obligations; none of which have anything to do with ‘reason for the season’ — celebrating relationship with a higher power…

Perhaps that is why I like this perspective from The Minimalists so much:

What if you could receive only one Christmas present this year? What would it be?

The answer for us is simple: time.

You see, the people we care about mean much more to us than a new pair of shoes or a shiny new gadget or even a certified pre-owned luxury car with a huge bow on top.

And yet, many of us attempt to give material items to make up for the time we don’t spend with the people we love. But possessions can’t ever make up for lost time.

The next time someone asks you what you want for Christmas, consider responding with, “Your presence is the best gift you can give me.”

When you’re completely focused in the moment—no TV, no Internet, no distractions—it makes a marked difference in the lives of the people around you. When you’re fully present, your love radiates.

And if you’re going to give gifts this holiday season, why not give your unencumbered time and attention first? Your loved ones will be glad you did.” via The Best Present Is Presence | The Minimalists.

The best of ‘what I see’ for 12/4/2012

  1. “The past is finished. Learn from it and let it go. The future is not even here yet. Plan for it, but do not waste your time worrying about it. Worrying is worthless. When you stop ruminating about what has already happened, when you stop worrying about what might never happen, then you will be in the present moment. Then you will begin to experience joy in life.”   – Brian Weiss
  2. “Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.” – Rachel Naomi Remen
  3. “We may tell ourselves that love is not really available. but the deeper truth is that we don’t entirely trust it, and therefore have a hard time fully opening to it or letting it all the way into us. This disconnects us from our own heart, exacerbating our sense of love’s scarcity.” – John Welwood,
  4. “We must each achieve greater individual consciousness and self-knowledge, and project mindful kindness toward everything and everyone.”Bryant McGill From book, Voice of Reason http://bryantmcgill.com/vor Photo by Jenni Young
  5. toddlohenry
    5 Fitness Gadgets That Actually Work And Won’t Swallow Your Money bit.ly/SJhyfA
  6. toddlohenry
    How I Learned to Relax and Enjoy My Family’s Quirks bit.ly/SJhAUH
  7. toddlohenry
    Lumawake: An iPhone Dock That Simulates the Sunrise bit.ly/SJhxZ5
  8. toddlohenry
    What Are You Pretending Not to Know? « Positively Positive bit.ly/RyPWwW
  9. toddlohenry
    The Beginning Of Infinity: Why Our Dreams Do Not Lack Reality | FinerMinds twy.la/YuWwYu
  10. toddlohenry
    “12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything” bit.ly/RyPLBK
  11. toddlohenry
    “If we are constantly looking outside of ourselves to create a feeling of happiness we will NEVER be content.” bit.ly/RyPKgU
  12. toddlohenry
    10 Unique Search Engines That Serve Very Unique Purposes bit.ly/SJcNCI
  13. toddlohenry
    The Greatist Table: 5 Healthy Root Vegetable Recipes from Around the Web bit.ly/SJcOGH
  14. toddlohenry
    News: Ultrasound Technology Can Make Spinach Safer bit.ly/R1etun
  15. toddlohenry
    Podcasting – Is the Old New Again? – Tell Bigger Stories bit.ly/R14xB6

Gift Experiences, Not Stuff

By Joshua Fields Millburn:

Experience the holidays

Here’s an idea. What if you decided to gift only experiences this year? How much more memorable would your holidays be?

Experiences worth gifting: concert tickets, a home-cooked meal, tickets to a play or musical, breakfast in bed, a back rub, a foot rub, a full-body massage, a holiday parade, walking or driving somewhere without a plan, spending an evening talking with no distractions, making out under the mistletoe, visiting a festival of lights, cutting down a Christmas tree, watching a sunrise, skiing, snowboarding, sledding, dancing, taking your children to a petting zoo, making snow angels, attending a free meetup with The Minimalists, making a batch of hot apple cider, taking a vacation together, watching a wintertime sunset.

What other experiences could you give to someone you care about?

Your experiences build and strengthen the bond between you and the people you care about.

Don’t you think you’d find more value in these experiences than in material gifts? Don’t you think your loved ones will find more value, too? There’s only one way to find out.

The best of ‘what I see’ for 11/29/2012

  1. SocialBro
    @toddlohenry Hi Todd, everything is ok! Do you see any error message? Which version do you use, Chrome, Adobe Air or the Pro version?
  2. toddlohenry
    @socialbro Your app no longer configures my @bufferapp schedule. Did you change something or is it broken?
  3. toddlohenry
    4 Superfoods to Cure Your Digestive Issues and Give You More Energy twy.la/UYtP09
  4. toddlohenry
    Warning: Believing These 10 Famous Myths Might Be Making You Dumb bit.ly/YpZXhF

The Power Of Going Slow!

Frequently when I curate Kute Blackson’s content, I don’t know where to cut him off. Today is one of those days! He writes:

Life will soon be over.

Are you making the most of each moment?

Everything in our world today moves so fast.

High speed internet.

Fast food restaurants.

Planes that fly around the world in a matter of hours.

Speed dating.

Yet, are we anymore fulfilled and happy as human beings?

We busily rush around multitasking ten things at once, trying to get somewhere.

Where are we trying to get to so fast?

In our effort to get to some destination, it’s often easy to miss the moment and lose the beauty of the journey.

Now is your destiny.

This moment is full of aliveness that is so easy to miss in an effort to get to that “ideal” destination in the future. The destination being only one small point in time that is over the moment you reach it.

Which is why I think that once we reach the goal we strive so hard to get to, it is not nearly as satisfying as we imagined.

The real joy lies not simply in reaching a special place or moment in the future, but in making each moment SPECIAL along the way, now.

What if there was nowhere to get to?

We often think that once we get “there” everything will change, we will be so happy, and all our problems will go away.

But what if where you were was exactly where you were supposed to be to learn what you needed to learn so that you would be ready to fulfill your Soul’s destiny… and that who you become in the process is more important than the arrival at the destination?

Life is not simply in the one moment of arrival but in the many moments along the way. It is those many moments that make that one moment so sweet.

We often think that getting to the “ideal” place will make us happy, only to get there and think, “Is this it?”

We often busy ourselves and fill our days with so much DOING, which is what is valued in our culture today.

But we must remember: Everything has a cycle and a natural rhythm. Everything has its perfect time. When you try to force things in life to happen faster than they are meant to, things do not flow. The mango has its right time to ripen. The sun and moon have there right time to shine.

When you slow down and trust the rhythm that is life, you experience its magic and synchronicity.

So, sometimes you have to slow down in order to speed up. It’s in the slowing down that you can have clearer perspective. When you are moving so fast, it’s not always easy to integrate, appreciate and let in the fullness of all that is happening around you. When you are moving so fast, it can be hard to really experience the joy of the moment fully.

When you allow yourself to slow down, you allow yourself to breathe. You allow space. Just like breathing is not just an exhale but also an inhale. Life is not just about being in action but in stillness.

When you slow down, you allow the the perfect people, places, situations to fall into place in alignment, so that when you do arrive everything you need is there right on time.

Think about it: There is no use rushing to a fancy restaurant for dinner if they are closed. You need to arrive once they are open. Knowing this, you can learn to enjoy the spaces. Use the spaces to rejuvenate, to re-clarify and prepare for what’s next, so that when what you want arrives at your door step you are ready!

What if there was nowhere to get to other than where you are now?

No special moment in the future.

No special holiday.

Just this moment.

To experience this moment as fully as possible is to be truly alive.

The beauty of this moment is free. It costs nothing other than simply being aware and appreciating it.

The journey is the reward itself.

Breathe.

Slow down.

Take everything in.

Tomorrow can wait.

Now is your only guarantee.

There will never be another moment like…

….THIS.

Source: The Power Of Going Slow!

The best of ‘what I see’ for 11/25/2012

  1. The human relationship system is guided fundamentally by needs for relational value, navigated on the dimensions of power, love, and freedom. Neurotic relationship patterns emerge when people adopt rigid styles or express extreme interpersonal reactions in response to fears that their relational value needs won’t be met. Susan’s needs for relational value drove her to respond in a maladaptive way. Individuals who hide in their apartments out of social anxiety, individuals who hunt for any signs of betrayal, and individuals who vacillate between being needy and fearing control all engage in neurotic relational patterns in that they each are attempting to manage their needs for relational value, but are doing so in a way that ultimately produces intense conflict or pushes others away leaving such needs fundamentally unmet. Our defenses are the way we manage tension between conflicting goals and filter stuff out of our full consciousness. The defensive system tries to bring harmony to the various other systems of adaptation, but sometimes does so at significant costs. Two very common defenses are repression and rationalization. Repression is when material is blocked out of self-conscious recognition (see here for an example). Rationalization is when we make up reasons that hide our true needs or feelings. Research on cognitive dissonance offers some compelling examples, and I highly recommend the book, Mistakes were Made but Not by Me, for an excellent analysis of ego defensive processes via rationalization and how such processes lead to maladaptive patterns.
  2. Neurotic emotional patterns come in two basic flavors, over-regulated (meaning suppressed and not expressed) and under-regulated (meaning hyper-sensitized and over-expressed). Feeling states per se are almost never bad. However, feeling states can become hyperactive (or chronically accessible) such that they can be triggered at the slightest stimuli and can then dominate the individual’s mind set. Individuals with depressive or anxious disorders are generally under-regulated in those feeling states and need help containing them. Often, however, the problem isn’t that an individual is feeling too much, but that he or she is walled off from some or all of their emotions. Some common examples are the “always nice” person who “never” feels angry, the competitor who attacks others instead of feeling shame, the unemotional distancing person who can’t feel anything at all. These individuals usually have a form of “affect phobia,” which is maladaptive because it blocks them from key aspects of their human experience.
  3. Neurotic habits are automatic or ritualized patterns of overt behavior that people engage in to alleviate anxiety and provide a sense of familiar security. The problem is that, carried out over the long term, the habitual patterns are maladaptive. A classic example is the anxious drinker. Stressed all day, riddled with achievement and relational anxieties, alcohol becomes a short term, medicating balm. Unfortunately over time, it comes with significant costs (hangovers, weight gain, health problems, etc). Binging and purging, ritualistic ordering or cleaning, nail biting or trichotillomania (hair pulling) are all common examples of neurotic, maladaptive habits.
  4. “When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~Miguel Ruiz
  5. “Worthiness, in very simple terms, means, I have found a way to let the Energy reach me, the Energy that is natural, reach me. Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you. You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy. You are the only one who can love yourself into a state of allowing, or hate yourself in a state of disallowing. There is not something wrong with you, nor is there something wrong with one who is not loving you. You are all just, in the moment, practicing the art of not allowing, or the art of resisting.” – Esther Hicks
  6. “Challenges come so we can grow and be prepared for things we are not equipped to handle now. When we face our challenges with faith, prepared to learn, willing to make changes, and if necessary, to let go, we are demanding our power be turned on.” – Iyanla Vanzant

The best of @toddlohenry for 11/24/2012

Challenge: Buy Nothing Until 2013

Leo Babauta has an interesting answer to this season of rampant consumerism. Don’t buy anything except essentials until next year:

Today is one of the worst days of the year: overconsumption day (or Black Friday as some call it). Or you could call it one of the best days of the year: Buy Nothing Day.

I prefer the latter — it means we waste less, consumer fewer resources, stop looking to shopping to solve our problems and make us happy, and instead find simpler ways of finding contentment.

And so today I extend a challenge to all of you, and the world: Buy Nothing Until 2013.

Yes, I’m taking Buy Nothing Day and extending it through the end of the year.

Why the hell would you want to do this challenge?

Do it as a protest against consumerism and corporate influences on our lives. Do it as a tool for contentment, for simplicity. Do it to reclaim the holidays as a time of connection and love, not of buying and debt. Do it just to see if you can.

And yes, you can still do it if you’ve already done some Black Friday shopping. We’ll forgive our past sins and start afresh. :)

Get the rest of the plan here: » Challenge: Buy Nothing Until 2013 :zenhabits

Me, I think I could easily do this — it’s the other people in my family I’m not so sure about! What about you? And how do you plan to proceed this holiday season?

8 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Relatives During the Holiday Season

Gretchen Rubin has some valuable insight for those who struggle with the holidays for one reason or another:

Holidays can be tough. Some people love them; some people dread them.

I thought a lot about the holidays as I was writing Happier at Home, because the holiday season tends to be a time when we focus on home. Maybe you’re going “home” the way I go home to Kansas City for Christmas–which may be fun for you, or not. Maybe you’re deciding how to decorate your home. Maybe you’re making an effort to arrange the holidays the way you experienced them as a child–or the opposite. Maybe you’re feeling sad, or happy, about whom you will or won’t be seeing.

From talking to people, it seems that one of the biggest happiness challenges of the holidays is dealing with difficult relatives. You want to have a nice dinner, but Uncle Bobby makes you crazy. What to do?” Get the answer here: 8 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Relatives During the Holiday Season. « The Happiness Project.

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑