When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. -Mark Twain

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to, but she’s certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. -Anonymous

The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat. -Robert Frost

A father is a banker provided by nature. – French Proverb

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’ – Jerry Lewis

Small boy’s definition of Father’s Day: It’s just like Mother’s Day only you don’t spend so much. – Anonymous

When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry. -Jewish Proverb

How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted. -Voltaire

My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. -Clarence B. Kelland

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. -Mark Twain

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.” -Harmon Killebrew

One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters. – George Herbert

You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.-Robert Frost

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. – Red Buttons

It’s a terrible thing to raise your own to disown you -Sippican Cottage

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. -Jimmy Piersall

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. – Spike Milligan” via Sippican Cottage: How To Be A Dad.