Withholding

Melody Beattie writes:

Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we close ourselves off from a person we’re in a relationship with. Our body may be present, but we’re not. We’re not available to participate in the relationship.

We shut down.

Sometimes, it is appropriate and healthy to shut down in a relationship. We may legitimately need some time out. Sometimes it is self-defeating to close ourselves off in a relationship.

To stop being vulnerable, honest, and present for another person can put an end to the relationship. The other person can do nothing in the relationship when we are gone. Closing ourselves makes us unavailable to that relationship.

It is common to go through temporary periods of closing down in a relationship. But it is unhealthy to make this an ongoing practice. It may be one of our relationship-sabotaging devices.

Before we close down, we need to ask ourselves what we are hoping to accomplish by shutting down. Do we need some time to deal? To heal? To grow? To sort through things? Do we need time out from this relationship? Or are we reverting to our old ways – hiding, running, and terminating relationships because we are afraid we cannot take care of ourselves in any other way?

Do we need to shut down because the other person truly isn’t safe, is manipulating, lying, or acting out addictively or abusively? Are we shutting down because the other person has shut down and we no longer want to be available?

Shutting down, shutting off, closing ourselves and removing our emotional presence from a relationship is a powerful tool. We need to use it carefully and responsibly. To achieve intimacy and closeness in a relationship, we need to be present emotionally. We need to be available.

God, help me be emotionally present in the relationships I choose to be in.” via Just For Today Meditations » 2012 » June » 23.

Letting the Cycles Flow (toddlohenry.com)
Directness (toddlohenry.com)
Commitment (toddlohenry.com)
Hanging on to Old Relationships (toddlohenry.com)
Discovering intimacy (toddlohenry.com)
Fear of Intimacy (toddlohenry.com)
Recognizing Choices (toddlohenry.com)

June 25, 2012 3

The Golden Opportunity

“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.” Orison Swett Marden. via The Golden Opportunity | PositiveBoomer.

June 25, 2012 4

The Seven Levels of Criticism

Nicholas Bate writes:

Level 1

Your work is not good enough. Experience is lacking perhaps. Effort is lacking maybe. The criticism is valid, worth noting and acting upon.

Level 2

There is a difference of opinion. Your output, your deliverable is a quality one but there is a difference of opinion. This might be something worth considering to add even more value to your output or it could be a bit of politics. The criticism is worth considering and exploring to decide whether your product does need to be improved or the relationship with an individual needs to be bettered.

Level 3

You’ve reminded someone what they might do if they got their own act together. What you have produced does not need to be changed in any way but the critic will attempt to lessen their own vulnerability by criticising your work. Avoid politicing and produce great work.

Level 4

The attack has changed from product to personal. You really are getting some people thinking. You really are doing some worthwhile things. Stay balanced, consider all points but don’t go off path as you begin to discover your greatest works.

Level 5

The continued comments from all quarters will-as long as you stay balanced-produce friction which will help you produce your greatest works.

Level 6

Oh oh. You are ‘it’. You are the new thing. They finally get it. But: your ego kicks in. There is no room for criticism. You refuse to listen. Your products wanes.

Level 7

With luck, you have learnt your lesson. Humility over ego. Listen over judge. Grow over stay-the-same. Criticism continues but it’s just grit to wonderful output.” via The Seven Levels of Criticism.

June 25, 2012 0

Stop Sucking and Be Awesome Instead: A Three Step Process

Nobody wants to suck, but the truth is, before you can be great at anything, you’re going to suck. Coding Horror blogger and co-founder of Stack Overflow Jeff Atwood has three simple rules for going from the sucking to awesome.

He writes on Coding Horror that “the only thing that prevents us from being awesome is our own fear of sucking.” What he’s found works for him and others to push past that:

1. Embrace the Suck

2. Do It in Public

3. Pick Stuff That Matters

These are his slides expanding on the above: (As presentation slides, they’re brief but most of the points are pretty clear. For ones that are cryptic, you can download the full presentation with his notes on Slideshare). Get more here: Stop Sucking and Be Awesome Instead: A Three Step Process.

June 25, 2012 1

Wall Street on Trial

Ponder this!

June 25, 2012 0

Zeppelin over the Pyramids, 1931

Retronaut. Get more here: Zeppelin over the Pyramids, 1931.

June 25, 2012 0

Vitamin Donuts, WWII

In the ‘good old days’ donuts were actually good for you! Retronaut via Vitamin Donuts, WWII.

June 25, 2012 0

Enigma on Wings

Pops Digital via Enigma on Wings.

June 25, 2012 0

Expect…

“Winners, I am convinced, imagine their dreams first. They want it with all their heart and expect it to come true. There is, I believe, no other way to live.” Joe Montana. via Anderson Layman’s Blog: Expect……………...

June 25, 2012 1

Cure-alls…

Anderson Layman’s Blog: Cure-alls………………….

June 25, 2012 0

On reaping and sowing…

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.” Robert Louis Stevenson. via Anderson Layman’s Blog: On reaping and sowing……...

June 25, 2012 1

Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?

Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others? – Voltaire

via Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?….

June 25, 2012 1

This is your life

Are you who you want to be?

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be, yeah

This is your life, are you who you want to be, who you want to be yeah
This is your life, are you who you want to be (who you want to be)
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
And you had everything to lose

June 25, 2012 1

4 Powerful Lessons from a Life Well Lived

“We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama. Get more here: 4 Powerful Lessons from a Life Well Lived | Tiny Buddha.

June 25, 2012 1

Attachment

Adrienne M. posted on the flipside of detachment over at her blog today:

If you attach yourself to one person, you ultimately end up having an unhealthy relationship. Shirley MacLaine.

Needing people in our lives is healthy, human, and natural. Needing a single person to love at a very deep level is also soothing to the soul’s well-being. Love and attachment are not synonymous, however. They are close to being opposites. If we “attach” ourselves to others, our movements as separate individuals are hampered. Attachment means dependency; it means letting our movements be controlled by the one we are “hooked” to.

Dependency on mood-altering chemicals, on food, on people, means unmanageability in our individual lives. Many of us in this recovery program, though abstinent, still struggle with our dependency on a certain person or a certain friend.

The tools we are learning apply in all cases of dependency. It is healthy independence we are striving for—taking responsibility for our own lives—making choices appropriate for our personal selves. Loving others means letting them make their own choices unhampered by our “attachment.”

Are my relationships attachments or are they based on love? I will take an inventory of them today.” via Daily Reading – June 24, 2012 « 12 Steps – Think About It!.

The Universe is really putting this issue front and center today. Ugggh…

June 24, 2012 1

Your attitude is more important than the facts

Kristin Barton Cuthriell writes:

Any fact facing us, however difficult, even seemingly hopeless, is not so important as our attitude toward that fact. How you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You may permit a fact to overwhelm you mentally before you start to deal with it actually. On the other hand, a confident and optimistic thought pattern can modify or overcome the fact altogether. -Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking

A bitter why me attitude will have you going in the wrong direction. It is much healthier to focus your energy on what you can do.

You may have been unfortunate. You may have even been victimized. You may need to grieve your losses, allowing yourself some time to feel sad, angry, and out of sorts. But there comes a time, when it is in your best interest to accept what is and move toward solutions.

The solution does not mean that you will erase the past. You can’t. But the solution does lie in accepting what is, putting away the bitter why me mindset, and opting for a Given my situation, what can I do now attitude.

Focusing on how things use to be or what you use to be able to do can sometimes create a downward spiral both emotionally and physically. Replacing this paradigm with a solution focused goal oriented mindset can have the opposite effect, creating healthy momentum.

The solution lies within the attitude. It is what it is. What can I do moving forward?

What can you do to improve your attitude? What can you do to improve your life?” via Your attitude is more important than the facts.

June 24, 2012 1

Bum Head Hunchback Lion Mime Self Signs

Bizarro Blog! via Bum Head Hunchback Lion Mime Self Signs.

June 24, 2012 0

Ancient Wisdom for a Modern World

Kudos to client Jackie Dumaine for this article that appeared in the Calgary Herald…

Before entering the world of yoga, Jackie Dumaine worked in advertising sales for radio and did that for five years.

She was extremely successful at it and made a very “healthy” six-figure income.

“However, it was quickly not becoming in alignment with my values anymore. The industry is a little bit competitive and a little bit cutthroat,” she says. “And something was pulling me towards a life that was more spiritual and more heart-centred.

“And when I started a yoga practice, that desire, that longing, just heightened and that’s what spawned my thoughts of leaving radio and going to India to study yoga and meditation.”

When she was in India, what fascinated her the most was the philosophy behind the postures. She went there to learn how to teach the physical aspect of yoga, how to teach an actual yoga class.” via Ancient Wisdom for a Modern World.

May this article get you everything you so richly deserve, Jack!

June 24, 2012 0

10 Ways To Eat Clean

See on Scoop.it – My Perspective on Loving, Living, Learning and Laughing

When the seasons change, I get inspired to take a close look at my eating habits and simplify my diet by eating the things that really make my body feel best. Here are 10 healthy eating habits I am focusing on right now to detox my diet.

See on www.huffingtonpost.com

June 24, 2012 0

You’ll Never Miss a Moment With the Instaglasses

Never miss a Kodak moment with the social network-powered Instaglasses. Instagram has revolutionized the way people capture and share their moments with the world through visually enhancing filters and instant uploading.

There are some Instagram-worthy scenes that come and go before you’ve even had the chance to grab your phone. With the Instaglasses, capturing and filtering your snapshots is simple and hassle-free. Wearers can activate the camera with a simple push of a button, located on the side of the frame. Concepts like Instaglasses and Google Glasses integrate technology into everyday products, keeping you constantly connected to the digital world.

Hipsters and photo-junkies will be itching to get their hands on the Instaglasses; however, they would probably prefer wayfarer-style frames over Kanye-esque aviators.” via Social Snapshot Sunglasses – You’ll Never Miss a Moment With the Instaglasses (GALLERY).