Vikki Stark M.S.W., M.F.T. writes “Shaman Joseph White Wolf told us about when he first got to know his wife who had been married before. She traced a big square in the air and told him that she had a map of her life with all the pieces in place in this square, just like she liked them. Her family, her home, her work, her friends – she liked the life she had constructed for herself. Then she said, “Now I see your little nose poking up into the corner of my map. I’ll let you come inside but you need to know, I’m not changing any of it for you. So you’re welcome to come into my life but you have to be a plus because my life is good just as it already is.”

This article resonates with me. I have met a brilliant, beautiful, bad-ass banker who has a ‘map’ like that. Vikki’s perspective validates what my intuition told me from the beginning: the map she constructed was a big part of what made her attractive in the first place — to try to change any of that would be the worst mistake I ever made! Now every day I wake up in gratitude for the knowing of her, aiming to be that ‘plus’. that ‘cherry on top of her sundae’. You can read the rest of Vikki’s article here: Learning to Trust After Romantic Abandonment