45 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships + The Secret to Applying Them

Sometimes, when I start curating content, I don’t know when to stop. In those times, only copying and pasting will suffice! Kristen Barton Cuthriell writes:

Is your relationship healthy?

Relationships take work.  Hard work.  But the rewards to having a fulfilling relationship are MANY.  Are you doing the things necessary to keep your relationship strong?  Could it be stronger?  Look for ways to improve your relationship today and everyday.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

  1. You can be your true self with the other.
  2. Communication is spontaneous and open.
  3. There is a balance of closeness and separateness.
  4. You are able to take responsibility for your own behaviors without blaming your partner for your actions. (Get rid of “He/she made me do it.”)
  5. You discuss and negotiate rather than fight.
  6. You feel comfortable sharing your fears and insecurities.
  7. Rules and boundaries are clear, yet flexibility exists.
  8. You don’t lie, but you also refrain from using hurtful language in the name of being brutally honest.  (Don’t say something just to be mean.)
  9. You enjoy doing things for yourself, as well as for the other.
  10. Personal growth is encouraged.
  11. You make it through rough times without splitting up or threatening divorce.
  12. You treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
  13. You have a strong sense of interdependence rather than dependency or co-dependency. (Equality within the relationship)
  14. There is play and humor in the relationship.  You have fun together.
  15. You enjoy being together, but are able to spend time alone.
  16. You do not attempt to control each other.
  17. Each is trustful of the other.
  18. Privacy is respected.
  19. You both refrain from passive-aggressive behavior. (Silent treatment, hanging up phone, being late when the other is waiting)
  20. You forgive each other for mistakes.
  21. You actively listen to the other. (Really hear what the other is saying)
  22. You both are able to apologize. (Even when you do not think you are at fault, you can be sorry that your partner is feeling hurt.)
  23. You avoid mind reading and making assumptions.  When upset you both seek clarity.
  24. You are able to validate each other- even when you disagree. (You recognize that the opinions and feelings of the other are important.)
  25. There is a balance in giving and receiving.
  26. Conflict is faced and resolved.  Avoid allowing resentment to take hold.
  27. Negotiations are fair and compromise is present.  Create win-win resolutions.
  28. Mistakes are accepted and lessons are learned.
  29. You NEVER bring up the intimate disclosures of the other when angry or arguing.  Intimate disclosures are off-limits.
  30. Humility is present.  You are able to give up always being “right.”  Don’t let your ego get in the way.
  31. You are willing to make sacrifices for the other.
  32. You speak each other’s love language even when it differs from your own.
  33. You share mutual activities and interests.
  34. You NEVER call each other names or physically assault one another.
  35. You have strong friendship.
  36. You encourage and support each other. (“I have got your back.”)
  37. In conflict, you respect your partner’s need for a time out.  (Time to calm down and think rationally before resolving an issue.)
  38. You do not expect your partner to complete you.  You are secure in your own worth and want to share your life with them.
  39. Physical contact is mutually enjoyed.
  40. Appreciate each other’s strengths and overlook each other’s idiosyncrasies.
  41. Both are open to constructive feedback.
  42. Other meaningful relationships and interests are present.
  43. You have similar values, but do not demand that the other have the same values as you. (Mutual respect exists)
  44. You are willing to take risks and be vulnerable.
  45. You avoid intentionally hurting the other because you have been hurt.  No tit for tat.  No keeping score of grievances.

The Secret to Applying Them

Focus on what you can change about yourself rather than concentrating on what your partner needs to change.  Instead of approaching your partner with a “This is what you need to work on” approach- approach them with a “this is what we need to work on approach.” Then work on yourself regardless of the actions of your partner.  You may be surprised to see what teaching by example can do for you and your relationship.

The more of these things you are doing- the healthier the relationship.  Use this list to guide your growth rather than to judge your relationship.  Just as no person is perfect, no relationship is perfect.  Rather than demanding that you or your partner be perfect, look for areas of needed growth.   See what you can do to improve the relationship with the one that you love.

Source: 45 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships + The Secret to Applying Them – Let Life in Practices

Beautiful Has Nothing To Do With Looks

Live Life Quotes, Love Life Quotes, Live Life Happy

via Beautiful Has Nothing To Do With Looks.

You Have To Find Something

Live Life Quotes, Love Life Quotes, Live Life Happy

via You Have To Find Something.

You’re Worth More than This!

This? Whatever you’re settling for in yourself or others…

via Visual Inspiration: You’re Worth More than This!.

5 Reasons Detachment Can Save Your Relationship

Jasmin Bedria writes:

When most people envision the ideal relationship, they think of engulfing, inseparable love. Being “attached at the hip” is typically an early sign that you and your new love share the ever-consuming, romantic high of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

You want to keep learning about each other, acting as sponges to the other’s every word and affection.

So, how in the world can detachment actually strengthen an intensely loving and growing relationship?

Detachment is one of the most important aspects in achieving true, profound fulfillment. Believe it or not, practicing detachment while remaining vulnerable will benefit you in remarkable ways.

Get the full story here: 5 Reasons Detachment Can Save Your Relationship

And, for me it’s one of the most difficult concepts imaginable. Sigh…

Just because today was terrible doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life

notsalmon

via Just because today was terrible doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life..

A flock of wild turkeys

Off in the field.

image

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Letting Go

Melody Beattie writes:

Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. Maybe in the past we couldn’t trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold.

Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, be more. Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.

Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Ease up on ourselves. Let go. Stop trying so hard.

Today, I will let go. I will stop trying to control everything. I will stop trying to make myself be and do better, and I will let myself be.

via November 19: Letting Go.

 

The best of @toddlohenry for 11/24/2012

Speaker Michael Hyatt at BWENY 2012

Recently thought leader Michael Hyatt had two guest posters on his blog; both had some interesting perspectives that serve as great instruction [or gentle reminders for seasoned bloggers] on structure in a blog post. The first is from Philip Rothschild who says:

I do, in fact, use a blog post template. I don’t follow it slavishly, but I always start with it. It includes all the elements that I have learned make for an effective post. It also helps me write faster, because it provides me with a track to run on.

My blog post template consists of five components:

  1. Lead Paragraph. This is key. If you take too long on the wind-up, you will lose readers. You have to get into the premise of the post and make it relevant to your readers. After the title, this is the second most important component of your post.
  2. Relevant Image. I use images for the same reasons magazines do: I want to pull my readers into the post itself. Pictures do that. I get 90 percent of mine from iStockPhoto. (Click here for a 20% discount.) Occasionally, I use a screenshot or an embedded video or slideshow.
  3. Personal Experience. I always try to share my personal experience. Why? Because readers connect with stories. The more honest and transparent I can be, the better. In fact, my most popular posts generally come out of some failure on my part.
  4. Main Body. Everything to this point has been an introduction. I always try to make my main content scannable.I use bullets, numbered lists—and often both. This makes the content more accessible to readers and more sharable via Twitter and Facebook.
  5. Discussion Question. For the past few years, I have ended every post with a question. I don’t intend my posts to be a monologue. Instead, I want to start a conversation. As a result, I measure my effectiveness at this by how many comments I get.

I also follow a few overall rules when writing my posts:

  • Make the posts short.This is my biggest personal challenge. I have a tendency to be too thorough. Consequently, I aim for 500 words. This usually means I have to write the post and then go back and tighten it up.
  • Use short paragraphs.I try to stick to 3–4 sentences. If it’s more than this, the content looks too dense. Readers will give up and move on. (Notice how newspapers usually follow this rule.)
  • Keep short sentences.As a general rule, I try avoid compound sentences. A period gives the reader a natural stop—and a sense of progress as they pass one milestone after another. To quote a common copywriting axion, short sentences make the copy read fast.
  • Use simple words. I love language, so I am often tempted to use big words. However, I have learned to avoid this. My goal is to communicate, notto impress my readers with my vocabulary.
  • Provide internal links. I can’t say everything in one post, so I link to other posts where I have developed a thought in more detail. This has the added vantage of increasing my pageviews and session times. I think it is also genuinely helpful to my readers.

While your template might be different, it is worth outlining and tweaking as you hone your writing skills. This will allow you to write faster and more effectively.

Source: Anatomy of an Effective Blog Post | Michael Hyatt

Blogger Ali Luke offers these insights on basic types of blog posts…

These are the three simple post structures you can use:

  1. The How-to Post.A how-to post aims to teach the reader something, by taking them through a step-by-step process. It’s usually structured with numbered, sequential steps. And, where appropriate, these steps might include a screenshot or photo to show the reader what to expect at each stage.If you’re writing a how-to post, the easiest way to begin is with a careful plan. Work out the necessary steps. You may find you need to break complicated procedures into several parts, or merge simple ones together. Get them into the best possible order.Once you’ve done that, your post will be straightforward to write—and straightforward for readers to follow.Variations:
    • “How I ____ and How You Can Too”: Readers love to hear how you succeeded with something. This formula lets you explain your own steps and offer action points for them.
    • “Why ___ Matters and How To Do It”: If you suspect your readers need to know the why before the how, spend the first third or half of your post explaining the why, then move on to practical steps.
  2. The List Post.A list post offers readers a selection of ideas, tips, suggestions, or resources. These are normally numbered. If you’ve been around the blogging world for long, you’ll have come across this type of post—probably many times.The key difference between a list post and a how-to post is that readers don’t need to follow the list from start to end: they can dip in and use those points that seem most applicable to their own situation.As with a how-to post, pre-planning is essential. Aim to come up with a couple more items than you need, and cut the weakest. Think about the order of your items, too: easiest to hardest works well, or you could alternate “do” and “don’t” tips.Variations:
    • “The A–Z of ___”: You may well have seen this format used in magazines. An A–Z list post usually aims to produce a comprehensive overview of a particular topic, in bite-size chunks.
    • “Roundup: ___”: This form of post gathers together resources (generally blog posts) on a particular topic, meaning each list item includes a link. You could also use this to list, say, the top 20 tweeters in your niche.
  3. The Review Post.Review posts offer an informed opinion about a particular product or service. These are a great way to serve your readers, who might be debating whether or not to purchase a particular item. They also help establish your own knowledge and expertise in your field.It’s up to you what exactly you include in your reviews, but one simple structure you can use is this:
    • Overview—what’s included, how much it costs, and so on
    • The good—mention the two or three aspects that were most enjoyable or useful to you
    • The bad—write about what didn’t work so well – this adds credibility, especially if you’re an affiliate for the product / service
    • Verdict—should your readers buy the product / service?

    Variations:

    • “Product X vs Product Y”: Often, readers will be struggling to choose between two similar products or companies. A comparative review helps them make up their mind.
    • “Top Ten Books On ___”: Similar to a roundup list post, but with added opinion, a “top ten” of books or other products in your niche offers readers bite-size reviews—and a resource to return to.

Of course, these aren’t the only structures you can use. But they do give you a great basis to build on. And they help ensure that your reader gets real value from your writing.

If you’ve had success with one of the above post structures, or if you’ve got a favorite structure of your own, let us know in the comments.

Source: 3 Great Blog Post Structures You Can Use Today | Michael Hyatt

To Ali’s list I would add a 4th type of blog post which I call a ‘curative’ or curation post. That’s the type of post you see here! I could have just tweeted this two links or emailed them to a few friends, but I took a little extra time to glue the relevant parts of the two posts together and when I’m done, I’ll share this post with a couple of hundred people I work with but it will also be posted here on the blog for anyone who might find nature Google search or be searching for something specific on my site. While some people may frown on the concept of curation, curators provide a valuable service to the original writer, to their readers and to themselves when their curation truly adds value. As an added bonus, here’s a link to a recent post that shows my curation workflow

I invite you to interact with me through the comment form or the connect menu option above — I’d be happy to talk with you about how I use all of these tactics for effective blogging…

Have You Made Any Mistakes?

Stepcase Lifehack

Full story at: 30s Tip: Have You Made Any Mistakes?.

(When) Are You Neurotic?

I find it interesting that Dr. Gregg Henriques’ title implies many of us are a bit neurotic from time to time; reading his article may help some ‘get a grip’:

Although the term “neurotic” has more recently fallen out of favor, it was used by psychiatrists for most of the 20th Century to describe a broad category of conditions that were associated with poor functioning, anxiety and depression, but were clearly differentiated from “psychotic” in that in contrast to individuals in the latter category, neurotics maintained contact with reality and were rarely engaged in highly deviant, socially unacceptable behavior. (A factoid worth noting is that the term “borderline”, of borderline personality disorder fame, originated from the conceptual space between neurotic and psychotic. Originally, borderline individuals were those who generally maintained contact with reality, but under duress exhibited extreme volatility and primitive defenses and were not good candidates for psychoanalysis).

Get more here: (When) Are You Neurotic? | Psychology Today

I agree with Dr. Henriques when he says later in the article “The importance of understanding the meaning of “neurotic” in terms of character adaptations is that we are all neurotic some of the time, even if we might be low on trait Neuroticism.” Reading the rest of his thoughts gave me some valuable insights…

1929: Field of children, Germany

I realize that this is kind of a morbid thought, but I couldn’t help but think that 10 to 15 years later the same children were strewn across a battlefield in Russia or France or North Africa in many of the same positions. That, for me, summarizes in a succinct way the horror of war…

via 1929 : Field of children, Germany.

Clear Your Mind of Can’t

Greatist – Health and Fitness Articles, News, and Tips

via Poster: Clear Your Mind of Can’t.

Challenge: Buy Nothing Until 2013

Leo Babauta has an interesting answer to this season of rampant consumerism. Don’t buy anything except essentials until next year:

Today is one of the worst days of the year: overconsumption day (or Black Friday as some call it). Or you could call it one of the best days of the year: Buy Nothing Day.

I prefer the latter — it means we waste less, consumer fewer resources, stop looking to shopping to solve our problems and make us happy, and instead find simpler ways of finding contentment.

And so today I extend a challenge to all of you, and the world: Buy Nothing Until 2013.

Yes, I’m taking Buy Nothing Day and extending it through the end of the year.

Why the hell would you want to do this challenge?

Do it as a protest against consumerism and corporate influences on our lives. Do it as a tool for contentment, for simplicity. Do it to reclaim the holidays as a time of connection and love, not of buying and debt. Do it just to see if you can.

And yes, you can still do it if you’ve already done some Black Friday shopping. We’ll forgive our past sins and start afresh. :)

Get the rest of the plan here: » Challenge: Buy Nothing Until 2013 :zenhabits

Me, I think I could easily do this — it’s the other people in my family I’m not so sure about! What about you? And how do you plan to proceed this holiday season?

I don’t know why…

I don’t know why I find big ships out on Lake Michigan fascinating — I just know that I do. Here is one heading to winter port…

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Posted from WordPress for Android

Sometimes Removing Some People

Live Life Quotes, Love Life Quotes, Live Life Happy

via Sometimes Removing Some People.

One Smile Can Start A Friendship

What Will You Start Today?

via One Smile Can Start A Friendship.

Right back at you, David! I’m grateful for WordPress and what it enables me to do but more importantly, the people with whom it connects me…

Live & Learn's avatarLive & Learn

Thanksgiving, Thanks, Thank you, Blog, Blogger, Blogging, Grateful

…for your inspiring posts, your comments, your friendship and your followership.  B.G. captured my thoughts this morning, I’m grateful for you.

Susan, Mimi, LaDona, Lori, Lorne, Alex, Anake, Anneli, Ashi, Beth, BeckyBonnie, Brenna, Caitlin, Carol, Carolyn, Christian, Clanmother, Cristi, Currie, David, Dale, Darlene, Dogdaz, Frank, Frank, Feygirl, Francine, George, Gretchen, Grisa, Indira, Ioanna, Ivon, Jaz, Jeff, Jenni, John, John, John, Joyce, Kalabalu, Katrina, Keith, Kevin, Kim, Kristin, Kurt, Laurie, Leonard, Lu, LukeManoli, Maralee, Marina, Marion, Mark, MBB, Meikah, Melody, Misafusa, MindfulDiary, MixandMatchmeme, Michael, Michael, Michael, Mirta, OneHot(Mess),

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Create Healthy Habits!

Take 21 days to create a new healthy habit and the habits you create will take care of you! With what healthy habits would you like to start the new year? A year from now, you’ll wish you had started today…

Oh, and by the way if you’re a geeky type you might want to look into tools like Habitforge to get you started!

image via Visual Inspiration: Create Healthy Habits!.

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