Tag: Wisdom

Don’t Go To A Chinese Restaurant For Nachos

Some shiny thoughts from lifecoach Christine Hassler…

I have a question for you: if you were craving nachos, would you go to a Chinese restaurant?  My guess is your answer is no because you know that in a Chinese restaurant, they don’t serve nachos. In fact they would probably not even have the ingredients to make them even if you asked.  If you really wanted nachos, you would go somewhere where they serve them to ensure that you could get what you were craving, right?

Now think about where you go when you are craving support, encouragement, guidance, unbiased advice, loving feedback or acknowledgment.  Do you go to people who are consistently able to dish out what you are hungry for?  Or do you find yourself going to people who do not have what you need on their menu so you find yourself consistently discouraged and disappointed?

Most of the time, we know what we are craving when we reach out to someone else.  It is useful to be honest with ourselves as to whether or not that person will be able to satiate us. If someone in your life has consistently reacted and responded to you in a way that has not satiated your needs, chances are they do not have the ingredients to do so.  Continuing to go to that person hoping that someday what you are hungry for appears on their menu is like continuing to walk into a Chinese restaurant when you want nachos.  You may get fed, but not with what you truly wanted to eat.

If you want to be validated and acknowledged, do not go to someone who traditionally dishes out criticism.  If you are craving to be listened to, do not go to someone who loves to serve up advice.  If you are hungry for some positivity and upliftment, do not bother reaching out to someone who tends to see the glass half empty.

This can be especially challenging when you really want a significant person in your life like a parent or romantic partner to be able to give you what you desire from them.  However, sometimes they just don’t have the ingredients to do so. It does not make them wrong; it just makes them who they are, so enjoy what they do have to offer you. Our relationships with others improve when we just accept what someone can and cannot dish out.

It is an act of self-love to be responsible and honest about how we get our needs met rather than expecting them to be met.  There are MANY people in your life who are totally capable of dishing out the support, encouragement, guidance, unbiased advice, loving feedback or acknowledgment that you are craving. But in order to consume it, you have to stop going to the people who do not have it on their menu.

via thedailylove.com

So many of my challenges in life come in exactly this way! I’m expecting good nachos from a Chinese restaurant. Thank you, Christine, for this brilliant analogy…

;-)

0

10 Ways to Get Your Wife to Trust You

Walterignez
Image via Wikipedia

Two brothers live at home with their parents. Don, 17, has a strict curfew. Dan, 16, is never told when to come home. The difference is trust.

Mom and dad know Dan will be home around 10:00. If he’s going to be late, he always calls. But Don never lets them know what he’s up to and he’s lied consistently for years.

For all his openness and detailed communication, Dan feels free as a bird. Don, however, even though he keeps many secrets, always resents what he experiences as a short leash.

Marriage is a similar dance of trust and credibility. Partners who demand “freedom” and push the limits to see how tethered they really are never experience the sense of liberty experienced by those who respect their spouse, keep no secrets, and keep one-another informed about everything.

Non sequitur? Not really. Trust is a sticky issue, but it’s an irreplaceable element if relationships are to experience the kind of freedom and confidence that can only be grounded in mutual respect.

Here are 10 ways to foster trust with your wife…

via allprodad.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like the 10 ways. Me? I’m working on it…

2

Live for today

A good reminder from Natalie Grant…

0

We Date [or Marry] Who We Are!

Vector image of two human figures with hands i...
Image via Wikipedia
Mastin Kipp shares this…

We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth…

Let me be clear – the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.

The common question seems to be: “How can I change myself so this will work”, and the response is “Don’t change yourself – BE YOURSELF”.

Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand, it can be hellishly uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it’s not the other persons fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.

If you don’t love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won’t get met.

To be a Seeker we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.

Of course in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you.

This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.

Ask yourself this question: “If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?”

via thedailylove.com
2

How To Overcome An Addiction

Tommy Rosen shares this…

 We are all addicted on some level to something.  I love it when I ask people in my classes what they are addicted to and they say, “Nothing.”  I go down the list of the big 5 – Drugs, Alcohol, Food, Sex and Money. Most folks have some issues around the Big 5, but some hold out that they do not.  Then I mention the Four Aggravations – Negative Thinking, Self Doubt, Procrastination and Resentment.  Only the staunchly un-addicted claim not to have struggles with any of these.  Then I will ask them if they think they are addicted to electronics in any form – computers, I-pod, I-Phone I-Pad or I-EverythingElse.  Usually this is where they smile and say, “Okay, you may have me there.”

I define addiction as any behavior you continue even though it has a negative effect on your life. According to this definition, it turns out we are all addicted to something.  This is actually great news by the way, because if you know you have an addiction then you can choose a path of recovery from that addiction and on that path you get to learn all kinds of incredible things about yourself, which will bring you closer to the truth.  And what is that truth?  The truth is that you are connected to all other beings and that you have the ability to create reality here on Planet Earth. The only rub is that on a daily basis you have to work to remember this very important fact.  Each day, we need powerful technologies that help to remind us that we are a part of and not separate from.  We need to connect in with ourselves and from that place project out a sense of wholeness so that others can be uplifted with this same knowledge.  We must reflect to all we come across this sense of connectedness, even in the midst of this crazy addicted life we are all living.

via thedailylove.com
0

Forgive it so you don’t have to relive it…

Mastin Kipp is vlogging! Here’s his new post…

via thedailylove.com
0

The best is yet to come…

0

Letting Go of Denial

Cabooki Boo!
Image by elycefeliz via Flickr

Melody Beattie shares…

We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings.
Ovid

Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.

We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people’s problems; we may have deemed our own problems, feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. We denied the truth.

Denial means we didn’t let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something, or someone.

Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we wifi not see or hear it until we are ready.

We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope ‘with the truth. We wifi do this, when the time is right.

We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power’s timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
We will know what we need to know, when it’s time to know it.

Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and confident. I will let myself have my awareness on my own time schedule.

via melodybeattie.com
Related articles
0

You Are Enough, Period!

A sketch of the human brain imposed upon the p...
Image via Wikipedia
Mastin Kipp shares this thought today…

Where we get our source of approval from is everything. As children we look up to and make our parents our Higher Power. We think they are perfect, infallible human beings. We eventually learn (some earlier than others) that this isn’t the case. Part of stepping onto and into The Path of our Highest Potential is learning to re-parent ourselves.

This means realizing that our parents are not perfect people and loving them anyway. We realize that The Uni-verse has perfect love & approval for us and that we need not chase. We are approved of and loved as we are, where we are and for who we are right now. This allows us to take a step back and no longer need perfect Love from our parents and instead, we can be grateful for their role in our lives as stewards of our lives instead of masters of our destiny.

Once we begin to heal this process, the other relationships of our lives improve. When we no longer assign magical qualities to our parents, or if we were never loved by our parents or assign magical qualities to other people, we see reality and take our power back. When we know that we are already approved of as Children of The Uni-verse, we no longer need to seek approval in business, with sex, with drugs or with status and stature. We can instead rest in the perfect imperfection of who we already are and let it be.

No longer seeking approval, we now have the confidence, self-esteem and personal integrity to create relationships of a higher caliber. We no longer need to use sex as a way to make us feel loved, but instead as a byproduct of love and intimacy. We no longer are defined by fancy things or big houses, because “stuff” doesn’t validate us.

When we can allow ourselves and everyone in our lives to be imperfect and love them anyways, we have taken a massive leap towards Love.

What would your life look like if you lived it without the compulsive desire to show your parents how awesome you are, or to get their approval? What would your love life look like? What would your professional life look like?

How would your life be different if you KNEW in every cell of your being that you are enough, right now, as is… PERIOD?

via thedailylove.com
0

Don’t give up on your dreams

Some thoughts on dreams from Kute Blackson this morning…

It takes true courage to follow your dreams in this world that tries to shake you down to live in fear and survival.

If you are facing one of those challenging moments in Life, but feel your dream to be truly authentic to your heart, then you must commit, continue and trust bigger than your fears.

Your dreams were given to you for a reason.

Often you are given a dream, and and it burns so deeply in your heart because that dream is not just about you. It is a bigger vision of The Uni-verse being birthed through you to impact and inspire many.

Before every breakthrough there is often a breakdown. Before the dawn there is the darkness. But if you persist, the sun will rise again no matter how dark it may seem. Spring will follow winter. Behind the clouds the sun is always shining. Even if you cannot see it right now.

via thedailylove.com
0

You Are Your Own Superhero

Mighty Mouse in Ralph Bakshi's adaptation
Image via Wikipedia
Chris Brogan is doing some very deep work inside himself these days and I’m grateful that he is sharing it with the rest of us…

The biggest realization that came out of 9/11 for me was that nobody was coming to save me (us). I mean this in a gazillion ways. My company’s HR department couldn’t care less about my career development. No one at all would ultimately be responsible for my happiness, but myself. All of this came crashing into reality for me because of 9/11. And since then, I forget the lesson quite often. But just lately, I’ve had reason to think about it again, for my own purposes, and based on two recent conversations.

You Are Your Own Superhero

We’ve already agreed that you know what to do. We realize that part of what we have to do involves getting stronger with our choices. We know that letting the emotions and thoughts of others affect how we see ourselves is a problem and that we have to get untangled. We’ve thought about how important discipline is to our world. We know that we have to say no faster. So what’s left?

The work.

You are your own superhero. No one has to save you. You don’t have to say “if only.” You just have to do the work. Do you need to make more money? Then start working on that. Do you need to lose weight or get healthy? Today’s the day.

Superheroes are part of a very powerful mythology that says this: you’re not strong enough, so some outside force will have to come and help you.

That is, unless YOU are the superhero. Right? Mmmmmm. Isn’t that neato?

Pick Out Your Cape and Tights!

What kind of superhero do you need in your own life right now? You probably need the kind of superhero that knows how to do things right. Competence matters. Learn how to be a better builder. You need a brave hero who can face the waves. You need to be the kind of hero that knows that there really are no enemies. And frankly, you need a practical hero who can help you find time.

via chrisbrogan.com

Nobody is coming to save me. Nobody is coming to save me. Nobody is coming to save me.

0

Love yourself

0

On Self-Knowledge – Kahlil Gibran

Khalil Gibran
Image via Wikipedia

On Self-Knowledge – Kahlil Gibran
.
And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge.
And he answered saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
.
Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.”
Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.” Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

via waystoselflove.com
0

Infected with Comparisonitis

My good friend Nilofer writes on her blog…

Comparisonitis is a chronic disease. From what I can tell in my completely unscientific research, it can go into remission and you can live your life well, if you manage it. (Typical rules apply: get enough laughter, sleep, and perspective of good friends.) But it can always flare back up.

To manage it, we must realize there is no perfection. The person who flies on Netjets probably worries because he doesn’t own a jet. The person who has a job worries about the others who have better title. The person who is seeking work worries because it’s been so long since gainful employment. Across any economic system, there is someone else we can compare ourselves to, and find ourselves wanting. Whether we find ways to look down on others (because we enjoy more talent, intellect, status, good looks, or wealth), or whether look down on ourselves and envy others because we feel we are not as capable, smart, powerful, or rich as they – both of these two sides of the coin buy into a same darkness.

The cost to this darkness is huge. Comparisonities create a separation between people; it is the ultimate in hierarchical thinking that says any one of us are better than the other. It leads to disharmony, not harmony. It leads to hate, not love. It leads to consumption not satisfaction. All of this leads to separation, not connection.

The only thing we need lies within us already. What we most need is our own approval, our own acceptance of our work. Everything outside of that is outside of our control. When we realize that we are already enough, as is, we set ourselves free from this terrible, vile, disfiguring disease. Power cannot come from others. Power comes first from self. When we spend time in doubt and fear of what we are not, we are not spending time on the work before us to do the best and let what comes, come. For me, that is to do the work of shaping concepts, or to make a lunch date with my stepdaughters, or practice the art of speaking and writing on ideas that matter. To do the work, with error and shortcoming, but with enthusiasm and great devotion – that is what is worthy as Theodore Roosevelt once said. That is the way we fight comparisonitis: to put the attention back on the work that needs to get done that are each of us are uniquely called on to do.

It would be so much easier to deny being infected by comparisonitis. But to own it when it happens lets us have more power over it than it over us. Only then can we conquer the disease.

via nilofermerchant.com

Thanks, Nilofer. Many of us needed this! You can follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read the rest of her perspective…

0

7 Goals You Should Accomplish in 10 Years

The puck dents the top of the net for a goal a...
Image via Wikipedia

Life and everything in it revolves around balanced equations. The numbers are critical. Just the slightest imbalance and big issues arise. Keeping this in mind when setting personal goals, we should first take stock of where we already are. Perhaps you have done quite well financially, but your personal relationships are severely lacking. Maybe your marriage is secure and amicable, but in the area of romance the fire has long dimmed. We need to take an honest assessment of where we have succeeded and where we have failed. Then we can determine how to proceed forward. With this in mind, here are 7 areas of life to focus on for the next 10 years of your life plan.

via markmerrill.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to know the 7 Goals…

0

Recognize Your Worth & Don’t Settle

carrot
Image via Wikipedia
Mastin Kipp shares this today…

We spend more of our lives trying to chase the proverbial carrot that is “right” around the corner. If we could just become a little more, be a little better, be just a little more perfect, we would be worthy enough to get this carrot.

The joke is on us.

Not only is there no carrot, the only thing we need lies within us. That is our own approval. Everything outside of that is outside of our control.

When we realize that we are enough, as is, we set ourselves free. When we no longer decide to settle for a quarter of the love, the joy and the awesomeness of life that we want and instead, raise our standards and declare ONLY THE BEST – can the best find us.

The Uni-verse is ready, willing and able to give us what our hearts desire. But, in order for this to happen, we have to own our worthiness – AS IS. And be willing and courageous enough to let go of all that resonates with LOVE, with JOY and with our growth.

One of my most favorite phrases that TDL has propagated out there in the internet is: What you put up with, you end up with.

I cannot tweet, email, write or remind myself of that enough. It’s soooo true.

We are here to own our worthiness as is and then be courageous and receptive enough to allow all the good stuff in. This requires us to let go of fears of abandonment or rejection and of not belonging.

For us to live at our Highest Potential we must be willing to let go of that unworthy life and step into a life of knowing how love-able we are, right now.

via thedailylove.com
0

I won’t back down

0

Recognizing Feelings

Notes in a Moleskine notebook
Image via Wikipedia

Take out a sheet of paper. On the top of it write, “If it was okay to feel whatever I’m feeling, and I wouldn’t be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?” Then write whatever comes to mind. You can also use the favorite standby of many people in discovering their feelings: writing or journaling. You can keep a diary, write letters you don’t intend to send, or just scribble thoughts onto a note pad. Watch and listen to yourself as an objective third person might.

Listen to your tone of voice and the words you use. What do you hear? Sadness, fear, anger, happiness? What is your body telling you? Is it tense and rigid with anger? Running with fear? Heavy with sadness and grief? Dancing with joy?

Talking to people in recovery helps too. Going to meetings helps. Once we feel safe, many of us find that we open up naturally and with ease to our feelings.

We are on a continual treasure hunt in recovery. One of the treasures we’re seeking is the emotional part of ourselves. We don’t have to do it perfectly. We need only be honest, open, and willing to try. Our emotions are there waiting to share themselves with us.

Today, I will watch myself and listen to myself as I go through my day. I will not judge myself for what I’m feeling; I will accept myself.

via melodybeattie.com
1

Solving Problems

Some thoughts from Melody Beattie on solving problems…

Many of us lived in situations where it wasn’t okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life our way of dealing with problems.

In recovery many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.

A problem doesn’t mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn’t mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.

In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn’t, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go. Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they wifi appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we’re not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we’ll grow in necessary ways in the process.

Face and solve today’s problems. Don’t worry needlessly about tomorrow’s problems, because when they appear. we’ll have the resources necessary to solve them.

Facing and solving problems – working through problems with help from a Higher Power means we’re living and growing and reaping benefits.

via melodybeattie.com

Thanks! I needed that…

0

Affirmation tree

Media_httpwwwmindmapi_aqxxd
via mindmapinspiration.com

h/t My buddy Amanda…

0

Become What You Want To Date or Marry

ジンジャー&レモンマートルティー 2011.9.16
Image by Poran111 via Flickr

Written from a women’s perspective and full of wisdom…

#1 – Look in your relationship mirror

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship or with someone that is not fulfilling you, look in the mirror.  What do you see in them that you yourself own? [sic]  If they’re cold and distant, well maybe you share that quality in your life, or perhaps are accepting that quality because you feel you deserve it.  It’s important to understand the reason why we attract people who are not satisfying us and better yet, why we stay.

#2 – Mate “Must-Haves”

Time to get out a pen and piece of paper…it’s “list” time.  You’re going to make a list of all the attributes that are a “must” in a future mate.  Make two columns on a piece of paper.  Title the left column “must have qualities in a mate”…and then start listing them (i.e. family oriented, hardworking, funny, etc.) Once you’re done, turn to the right column and title it – “qualities in me”.  Then go down the list you made for your mate and check off those traits that you yourself have. Those traits that are left unchecked, if they’re really important to you, then work on creating them in your own life (for instance, if you want a man who is sensitive, yet you hold your feelings close to your chest, work on opening up).  After you’re done with this list, run it by a friend for an objective view.

#3 – Be realistic

Let’s be honest, you’re not going to be able to tell if the man you just met (whether online or in person) has all of your must-have mate qualities upfront.  Give it time…after a few dates you will see if you start checking those must-have traits off the list.  Also, while looking out for those traits, be open to other qualities that may be attractive to you as well.  It’s also important to know that one mate will not obtain ALL your must-have traits.  So pick 3-4 that are truly must-haves and leave the rest for ‘nice-to-haves’.

It’s crucial in this process of finding our life-long mate to be aware of the qualities you find attractive in someone else that you can also find them in yourself. First and foremost, you need to be that ‘person’ for yourself!

via thedailylove.com

“First and foremost, you need to be that ‘person’ for yourself!” True dat…

0

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑