Tag: Wisdom

Rule 12: Live in Alignment

feat-craigharper.pngCraig Harper writes:

“Living in alignment.” Have you heard this expression before? It gets thrown around quite a lot these days and to be honest, it can be one of those cheesey, over-used clichés that gets way too much mileage in an already-cheesey personal development landscape but at the risk of immersing both of us in mozzarella, I thought I’d share what it means to me and how creating and living a life of alignment can transform our day-to-day, multi-dimensional emotional, physical, psychological and practical existence for the better.

So, what does ‘living in alignment’ mean?

“Living in alignment means living a life which is reflective of, and in alignment with, our core values, beliefs and principles.”

Q. What’s the point of living in alignment?
A. Authenticity and happiness.

When our typical choices, behaviours, habits and outcomes are reflective of our core values, then we’re in balance. We’re being true to ourselves. Consciously living a life of alignment produces less stress, less frustration, less misery and even less physical illness. And, therefore, more peace, satisfaction, happiness and health.

Who’s out of alignment?

  • The girl who says she wants to be healthy but continues to smoke.
  • The guy who says he values fidelity but cheats on his partner.
  • The girl who expects loyalty from others but betrays her friends.
  • The guy who criticises others while ignoring his own faults.
  • The minister who doesn’t walk the talk.
  • The speaker who advocates work-life balance while working a million hours each week.
  • The personal trainer who preaches health and self-control during the week while abusing alcohol every weekend.
  • The person who loves nature but never leaves suburbia.
  • The highly-principled employee who turns a blind eye to unethical behaviour in the workplace.
  • Anyone who doesn’t listen to their body.
  • Anyone who ignores their inner wisdom.
  • Anyone who consciously compromises their values.

Sounds good in theory but…

While it all makes sense in theory, sometimes the practical reality of our life situation means that ‘living our values’ twenty-four-seven can be a major challenge. I agree. And that’s okay. Nobody said it would be easy or painless. Everything worthwhile comes at a cost. The question is whether or not we’re prepared to make the necessary investment. Sometimes, the price of alignment is high in the short term but totally worth it over the long haul.

Sometimes, choosing to live our values means taking a backward step in certain areas. It means getting uncomfortable and doing what scares us. It might mean changing, or even ending, certain relationships. It could mean ruffling a few feathers, getting noses out of joint and standing up for what we know is right (for us). Sometimes the right thing is not the easy thing and, sometimes, the only approval we need is our own.

By the way, people-pleasers rarely live in alignment because they are always compromising.

How did I end up here?

Sometimes, we allow certain situations, circumstances, expectations (of others) and relationships to gradually come between us and the life we want to build and inhabit. We don’t do it intentionally or consciously but we do it. Most of us have woken up at some stage of our journey only to say something like “how on earth did I end up in this place (literally or metaphorically)? This wasn’t my plan. This wasn’t my intention. This isn’t who I want to be.”

So, how can you live a life of alignment?

Step 1: Get clear about your core values, beliefs and principles (not anyone else’s, yours).
Step 2: Build a life around those things. No matter what.

Is it easy? Not always.
Possible? Yes.
Worth it? Definitely.

If you liked this article, subscribe to my blog and get a my FREE eBook, click here: I want a FREE eBook. You can also check out My Best Selling Book, and My Best Selling Video (Trailer).

Source: Rule 12: Live in Alignment

By the way, if you want some help on discovering your core values, I strongly recommend this 5 minute video I curated earlier this week…

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Putting our Life on Hold

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The universe has my back! My wife went out of town to spend time with her family and that always leaves me feeling anxious [long, complicated story]. Fortunately, Melody Beattie has some healthy thinking to help me cope:

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.

If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.

That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy… I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy….

That’s a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.

We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.

We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.

What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?

How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn’t doing?

What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?

Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don’t work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.

And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn’t work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.

Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.

Source: Just For Today Meditations » Daily Recovery Readings – December 2, 2012

One more thing; I don’t think you can be selective on the ‘universe has got my back’ thing. Either it does or it doesn’t. I choose to believe that things are working out for my ultimate good…

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Brené Brown: Listening to shame

Another stunning talk from Brené Brown…

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How to discover your purpose in less than 5 seconds

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{ask gem} on living a fulfilling life

Gemma Stone is one of my favorites. She recently posted this:

I was recently asked to write a piece for this book.  While I was writing this with teens in mind, I’ve learned that many of us {myself included} have an inner teen that could use some lovin’. I’m publishing this piece for anyone with an inner-teen who needs some guidance.

Life isn’t meant to be perfect, and neither are you. There will always be moments of pain, sadness, disappointment, hurt, and struggle. It’s part of the gig. If you tell yourself you’ll be happy when…you lose the weight, you get the job, your parents are cooler, or you friends stop being cruel—you will continue to suffer. All that is real is this moment. Live in it and you’ll suffer less and experience more joy.

And, while we’re on the topic of perfection, there’s nothing wrong with you or your body.

Really.

Please believe me.

That voice in your head that tells you nasty things is lying, and you don’t have to believe it.

We all have issues. The sooner you start dealing with them, the sooner you’ll get to know your true self, figure out what’s right for you, and start living a life you love.

Learn how to heal the past, love the present, and light up the future.

And, be honest with yourself about self-improvement.

Growing into your true self is a beautiful thing, and it feels light and expansive.

Shedding crap that’s weighing you down feels good (though it’s not always comfortable). This is the kinda self-improvement that is good for your soul. Watch out for the trap of self-improvement that is all about changing yourself in order to be “good enough.” It originates from feeling unworthy, unacceptable, and inadequate. It’s an un-fill-able hole, and you can waste your life trying to fill it. It feels desperate & draining, heavy & empty. It’s easy to slip into this pit and hard to scramble out of it. Really, it’s best just to avoid it all together.

Discover what you love and do more of it.

If you think you love drugs, or shopping, or sugar, consider the possibility that you might actually be loving the feeling of soothing pain or numbing heartache. Let yourself feel what you feel, and get some support if you need it.

If you really love sleeping until 2:00 pm, or watching 12 hours of TV, or completing three-day marathons of Halo, consider the possibility that you’re resisting that struggle that can accompany life. What you resist persists. Get out there. Do something that your heart and soul genuinely love.

If you mess up, think of it as an opportunity to make something beautiful.

The worst mistakes I’ve ever made turned out to be the greatest lessons I needed to learn.

Don’t try to always make the “right” choice.

Take action in spite of uncertainty.

Screw up and then open yourself up to the lesson. It’s always there; if you look for it, you will find it. Major mistakes and subsequent self-reflection will teach you who you are, who you’re not, and who you want to be.

Life is not a competition. We’re all in this together. Enough said.

It’s worth the time and effort to take a look inside your heart and know what deeply matters to you. Knowing this will allow you to make decisions that fill you up instead of suck you dry.

The little things end up being the big things. Don’t tell little white lies. Share your smile. Get in a little exercise every day. Don’t sugar-coat your truth. And, while we’re on the topic of sugar, if you cut it out of your life now, you’ll be better off. Really. It’s nasty stuff that messes up your mind and body.

Log off. Of Twitter, of Facebook, of your phone. Get comfy being with yourself. Connect with the healing vibes of nature; bury your hands in the grass and your feet in the sand. You have a limited capacity for connection. If you’re plugged into technology, you’re unplugged from yourself and nature.

Tap into and hold onto your true self. It’s who the world most needs you to be. This ride can be a rough one. Don’t let the darkness extinguish your light.

xo + ox,

via {ask gem} on living a fulfilling life.

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The Power Of Going Slow!

Frequently when I curate Kute Blackson’s content, I don’t know where to cut him off. Today is one of those days! He writes:

Life will soon be over.

Are you making the most of each moment?

Everything in our world today moves so fast.

High speed internet.

Fast food restaurants.

Planes that fly around the world in a matter of hours.

Speed dating.

Yet, are we anymore fulfilled and happy as human beings?

We busily rush around multitasking ten things at once, trying to get somewhere.

Where are we trying to get to so fast?

In our effort to get to some destination, it’s often easy to miss the moment and lose the beauty of the journey.

Now is your destiny.

This moment is full of aliveness that is so easy to miss in an effort to get to that “ideal” destination in the future. The destination being only one small point in time that is over the moment you reach it.

Which is why I think that once we reach the goal we strive so hard to get to, it is not nearly as satisfying as we imagined.

The real joy lies not simply in reaching a special place or moment in the future, but in making each moment SPECIAL along the way, now.

What if there was nowhere to get to?

We often think that once we get “there” everything will change, we will be so happy, and all our problems will go away.

But what if where you were was exactly where you were supposed to be to learn what you needed to learn so that you would be ready to fulfill your Soul’s destiny… and that who you become in the process is more important than the arrival at the destination?

Life is not simply in the one moment of arrival but in the many moments along the way. It is those many moments that make that one moment so sweet.

We often think that getting to the “ideal” place will make us happy, only to get there and think, “Is this it?”

We often busy ourselves and fill our days with so much DOING, which is what is valued in our culture today.

But we must remember: Everything has a cycle and a natural rhythm. Everything has its perfect time. When you try to force things in life to happen faster than they are meant to, things do not flow. The mango has its right time to ripen. The sun and moon have there right time to shine.

When you slow down and trust the rhythm that is life, you experience its magic and synchronicity.

So, sometimes you have to slow down in order to speed up. It’s in the slowing down that you can have clearer perspective. When you are moving so fast, it’s not always easy to integrate, appreciate and let in the fullness of all that is happening around you. When you are moving so fast, it can be hard to really experience the joy of the moment fully.

When you allow yourself to slow down, you allow yourself to breathe. You allow space. Just like breathing is not just an exhale but also an inhale. Life is not just about being in action but in stillness.

When you slow down, you allow the the perfect people, places, situations to fall into place in alignment, so that when you do arrive everything you need is there right on time.

Think about it: There is no use rushing to a fancy restaurant for dinner if they are closed. You need to arrive once they are open. Knowing this, you can learn to enjoy the spaces. Use the spaces to rejuvenate, to re-clarify and prepare for what’s next, so that when what you want arrives at your door step you are ready!

What if there was nowhere to get to other than where you are now?

No special moment in the future.

No special holiday.

Just this moment.

To experience this moment as fully as possible is to be truly alive.

The beauty of this moment is free. It costs nothing other than simply being aware and appreciating it.

The journey is the reward itself.

Breathe.

Slow down.

Take everything in.

Tomorrow can wait.

Now is your only guarantee.

There will never be another moment like…

….THIS.

Source: The Power Of Going Slow!

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45 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships + The Secret to Applying Them

Sometimes, when I start curating content, I don’t know when to stop. In those times, only copying and pasting will suffice! Kristen Barton Cuthriell writes:

Is your relationship healthy?

Relationships take work.  Hard work.  But the rewards to having a fulfilling relationship are MANY.  Are you doing the things necessary to keep your relationship strong?  Could it be stronger?  Look for ways to improve your relationship today and everyday.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

  1. You can be your true self with the other.
  2. Communication is spontaneous and open.
  3. There is a balance of closeness and separateness.
  4. You are able to take responsibility for your own behaviors without blaming your partner for your actions. (Get rid of “He/she made me do it.”)
  5. You discuss and negotiate rather than fight.
  6. You feel comfortable sharing your fears and insecurities.
  7. Rules and boundaries are clear, yet flexibility exists.
  8. You don’t lie, but you also refrain from using hurtful language in the name of being brutally honest.  (Don’t say something just to be mean.)
  9. You enjoy doing things for yourself, as well as for the other.
  10. Personal growth is encouraged.
  11. You make it through rough times without splitting up or threatening divorce.
  12. You treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
  13. You have a strong sense of interdependence rather than dependency or co-dependency. (Equality within the relationship)
  14. There is play and humor in the relationship.  You have fun together.
  15. You enjoy being together, but are able to spend time alone.
  16. You do not attempt to control each other.
  17. Each is trustful of the other.
  18. Privacy is respected.
  19. You both refrain from passive-aggressive behavior. (Silent treatment, hanging up phone, being late when the other is waiting)
  20. You forgive each other for mistakes.
  21. You actively listen to the other. (Really hear what the other is saying)
  22. You both are able to apologize. (Even when you do not think you are at fault, you can be sorry that your partner is feeling hurt.)
  23. You avoid mind reading and making assumptions.  When upset you both seek clarity.
  24. You are able to validate each other- even when you disagree. (You recognize that the opinions and feelings of the other are important.)
  25. There is a balance in giving and receiving.
  26. Conflict is faced and resolved.  Avoid allowing resentment to take hold.
  27. Negotiations are fair and compromise is present.  Create win-win resolutions.
  28. Mistakes are accepted and lessons are learned.
  29. You NEVER bring up the intimate disclosures of the other when angry or arguing.  Intimate disclosures are off-limits.
  30. Humility is present.  You are able to give up always being “right.”  Don’t let your ego get in the way.
  31. You are willing to make sacrifices for the other.
  32. You speak each other’s love language even when it differs from your own.
  33. You share mutual activities and interests.
  34. You NEVER call each other names or physically assault one another.
  35. You have strong friendship.
  36. You encourage and support each other. (“I have got your back.”)
  37. In conflict, you respect your partner’s need for a time out.  (Time to calm down and think rationally before resolving an issue.)
  38. You do not expect your partner to complete you.  You are secure in your own worth and want to share your life with them.
  39. Physical contact is mutually enjoyed.
  40. Appreciate each other’s strengths and overlook each other’s idiosyncrasies.
  41. Both are open to constructive feedback.
  42. Other meaningful relationships and interests are present.
  43. You have similar values, but do not demand that the other have the same values as you. (Mutual respect exists)
  44. You are willing to take risks and be vulnerable.
  45. You avoid intentionally hurting the other because you have been hurt.  No tit for tat.  No keeping score of grievances.

The Secret to Applying Them

Focus on what you can change about yourself rather than concentrating on what your partner needs to change.  Instead of approaching your partner with a “This is what you need to work on” approach- approach them with a “this is what we need to work on approach.” Then work on yourself regardless of the actions of your partner.  You may be surprised to see what teaching by example can do for you and your relationship.

The more of these things you are doing- the healthier the relationship.  Use this list to guide your growth rather than to judge your relationship.  Just as no person is perfect, no relationship is perfect.  Rather than demanding that you or your partner be perfect, look for areas of needed growth.   See what you can do to improve the relationship with the one that you love.

Source: 45 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships + The Secret to Applying Them – Let Life in Practices

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How to Learn Anything

Timothy Ferriss
Timothy Ferriss (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leo Babauta shares this:

It’s not often you get to talk to someone so intensely focused on learning.

I had that chance recently, as I sat down with Tim Ferriss, who just launched his massive new book, The 4-Hour Chef: The Simple Path to Cooking Like a Pro, Learning Anything, and Living the Good Life.

Tim spent some intense months learning how to do the thing that has kicked his butt for his entire life: cooking. He sucked at cooking, and decided to conquer it, and in the process shows us how to learn anything, from languages to sports to survival skills. The book teaches us how to cook, but more importantly, it teaches us the art and science of learning.

So I sat down with Tim to talk about learning, and asked questions submitted by Zen Habits readers the week before:

  • What is your set protocol for when you catch yourself procrastinating?
  • How are we supposed to devote several months to learning when we have 9-5 job, family, etc?
  • Do rules set us free? More specifically, is habit essential when trying to be productive?
  • Do you know any secrets to self-imposed moderation? For alcohol, food, or anything really.
  • Learning something new involves memory. How important is a good memory in learning? How can I improve my memory?

via » How to Learn Anything :zenhabits.

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Block Friday

LightThe guys over at the Minimalists have this thought to share:

This Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year: Black Friday. Retailers prepare months in advance for this dark day—preparation that’s meant to stimulate your insatiable desire to consume: Doorbuster sales. New products. Gigantic newspaper ads. TV, radio, print, billboards. Sale, sale, sale! Early bird specials. One day only! Get the best deal. Act now! While supplies last.

The Minimalists would, however, like to shed some light on this darkest of Fridays. It’s important to understand that consumption is an unquenchable thirst. Retailers and advertisers and manufacturers know this too well. And thus, they’ve invented an entire day designed to take advantage of your insatiable desire to consume.

The pernicious aspects of Black Friday are not few. The pandemonium of this day is a synecdoche for our consumer culture as a whole. On this day, people consume gluttonously without regard for the harm they’re inflicting on themselves. On this day, greed becomes ravenous. On this day, people live without real meaning, buying gifts to fill a void that can’t possibly be filled with material possessions.

Sadly, people participate in the rapacious nature of Black Friday in the name of a holiday, as if buying gifts was an ideal way to celebrate Christmas. But thankfully, you have options.

Instead of embracing Black Friday, you can Block Friday. You can refuse to buy material items for people to display your love. Rather, you can showcase your love, caring, and affection through daily actions—every day, not just holidays.

If you want to give gifts, why not gift an experience—a nice meal, tickets to a concert, or a sunset on the beach? After all, the best, most loving gift you can give someone is your time and undivided attention.

Will you join us? Will you opt out of Black Friday? If not, why not?

Source: Dark Friday | The Minimalists

I will opt out! I hate what Christmas has become and the stress that it causes by all the false expectations it creates. Give me Thanksgiving with family, food and gratitude and I’ll see you next year…

:-/

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I am my own worst enemy

This song by Lit makes me laugh. It reminds me that left to my own devices, I don’t always make the best decisions… :-D

By the way, Not Safe for Work [NSFW] lyrics!

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Building Your Self-Worth: Why You Matter

Vasavi Kumar shares this:

We all have fears and beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of, however, at a time where I felt the most helpless in my life, what filled me up was helping another human being. There is no way that our existence on this planet can be enjoyed to maximum fulfillment without serving humanity.

I’m grateful and blessed for my journey. It’s been a long road and along the way I have collected the lessons that were intended for me to learn, grow, and teach. It’s my privilege to share them with you.

1.  Never doubt how much YOU MATTER.

2.  Go with your gut. Always.

3.  What other people think of you isn’t your problem. So mind your business.

4.  You’re going to make a lot of mistakes. It will serve you in the long run.

5.  Trust that the Universe will always conspire on your behalf.

6. Have fun. Worrying and suffering are optional.

7. Number one spirit killer? Not being you. Take the mask off.

8. Whatever it is that you want to do, just start.

9. The company you keep will either move you forward or hold you back.

10. The path that you have been on is absolutely perfect for where you want to go.

11. Be your word. Everywhere.

12. When in doubt, look within.

13. The most influential relationship that you have is with yourself.

14. If you don’t like the rules, make up new ones.

15. Say yes. Especially to you.

16. You are the love that you seek.

Your time is now, so what are you waiting for?

Go to the source and read the rest of Vasavi’s article: Building Your Self-Worth: Why You Matter | FinerMinds

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Today: A Unique Day

I love Australian Craig Harper’s perspective:

Today is Unique

You’ve never had this day before and you’ll never have it again. Sure, you’ve had days like it but you’ve never had this day; the one you’re in right now.

Naturally, you might think I’m being deep and philosophical when I say this but I’m not, I’m being literal. Practical. Of course, there’s a sense of familiarity and predictability about today but that feeling says nothing about the possibilities and potential of this day and everything about you because like every day, this one is not predetermined.

It’s you determined.

It might feel the same but it isn’t. It’s totally new. Original. Unique.

Of course you can choose, act, react, think and communicate just like you did yesterday (and most people will) – and therefore, you’ll probably create very similar outcomes – but again, that’s about you; not the day. Despite what you may have been taught, there are no (universal) good and bad days.

There are just days.

Now, before you try to prove me wrong (“but Craig, what about the woman who gets diagnosed with cancer?”), hit the pause button on your non-negotiable thinking for a moment and allow yourself to look through a different window. Is it possible that, as things happen (to you, around you), you label them based on your world view, beliefs, fears, standards, etc., you then react to those things, give those things meaning and finally, after all your labeling, assessing and processing, you somehow determine whether today is a good day or bad one?

That is, you create your own experience? Your own reality?

A Hypothetical

Your phone and wallet have been stolen while taking your early morning swim and, as a result, you’re having “the worst day ever”. You drive to work in a bad mood and you’re about to throw yourself a pity party when a colleague informs you that your boss has just been rushed to hospital after suffering a massive heart attack. In a matter of seconds you experience a major internal shift. Your enormous problem is now tiny. Insignificant. Your outlook changes completely and all of a sudden, your terrible day is now relatively fantastic (when compared with the day your boss is having). Well technically, the day is the same (of course) but in the middle of it, you are different. Well, to be more precise, your thinking is different which means your experience has changed.

Which means your day has changed.

The Manager vs The Managee

Is it possible that you’re living a reactive (wait and see what happens) type of existence rather than a proactive (I’ll determine the quality of my own day thanks) type of existence? Could today simultaneously be my ‘best day ever’ and your ‘total nightmare’? And finally, could it be that a good or bad day on Planet You is more about your personal interpretation of, and response to, certain (otherwise meaningless) happenings, events and outcomes, than the actual happenings, events and outcomes themselves?

Like yesterday, today is a blank canvas and like it or not, you’re going to paint something.

The question is, what will be hanging in your gallery tonight?

You can follow his blog here: Today: A Unique Day

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Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect

I posted a TEDTalk from author Brené Brown yesterday. Here’s an article she did on the CNN site:

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting, but as hard as we try, we can’t turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like “Never good enough” and “What will people think?”

Why, when we know that there’s no such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone? Is it that we really admire perfection? No — the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.

We get sucked into perfection for one very simple reason: We believe perfection will protect us. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.

We all need to feel worthy of love and belonging, and our worthiness is on the line when we feel like we are never ___ enough (you can fill in the blank: thin, beautiful, smart, extraordinary, talented, popular, promoted, admired, accomplished).

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield. Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.

Living in a society that floods us with unattainable expectations around every topic imaginable, from how much we should weigh to how many times a week we should be having sex, putting down the perfection shield is scary. Finding the courage, compassion and connection to move from “What will people think?” to “I am enough,” is not easy. But however afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this:

What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think — or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?

Go to the source for more: Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect – CNN.com

She is soooo on my radar! I’m looking forward to reading one of her books sometime soon…

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I’ve seen a lot of good TEDTalks…

…but right now, this one strikes me as one of the best I’ve ever seen! Dr. Brene Brown on vulnerability…

Thanks, Tim Kastelle!!!

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When life falls apart

Gemma Stone writes this about our mutual friend Farhana Dhalla:

Sometimes a crisis is a summons to reconfigure our entire lives.

Even though we are resilient creatures, we are still easily hurt. There are times when living hurts. A lot.

There is purpose in pain; often life falls apart exactly when it needs to be rebuilt.

Our stories become burdensome & false.

Our defenses become exhausting & crumble.

When we are no longer able to maintain the stories and defenses that protect us, we can easily dissolve to bits.

When our lives fall apart, it’s the perfect opportunity to build something newer, truer, fuller.

When Farhana’s life crumbled, she used it as a catalyst for transformation. She courageously ventured within herself, found truth, and emerged glowing with love and light.

And that is why I rely on to her to pull me along when I’m dragging my feet and to shine some light when all I see is darkness.

Thank You for Leaving Me is being released today. Farhana’s story is a heartfelt, refreshingly real account of her journey through divorce.

If you’re moving through the end of a relationship, struggling with heartache, or questioning your relationship patterns, I’m confident this book will be helpful. If you’re hesitant, check out this video. If this sounds like the medicine you need, head over here to pick up her book.

Source: {gems} when life falls apart | Gemma Stone

Kudos, Farhana! For the book and a life well lived in the face of overwhelming hardship…

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Letting Go of Resistance

Melody Beattie writes:

Do not be in such a hurry to move on.

Relax. Breathe deeply. Be. Be in harmony today.

Be open. There is beauty around and in us today. There is purpose and meaning in today.

There is importance in today — not so much in what hap­pens to us, but in how we respond.

Let today happen. We learn our lessons, we work things out, we change in a simple fashion: by living our life fully today.

Do not worry about tomorrow’s feelings, problems, or gifts. Do not worry about whether we can trust ourselves, life, or our Higher Power tomorrow.

Everything we need today shall be given to us. That is a promise — from God, from the Universe.

Feel today’s feelings. Solve today’s problems. Enjoy today’s gifts. Trust yourself, life, and your Higher Power today.

Acquire the art of living fully today. Absorb the lessons, the healing, the beauty, the love available to us today.

Do not be in such a rush to move on. There is no hurry. We cannot escape; we only postpone. Let the feelings go; breathe in peace and healing.

Do not be in such a hurry to move on.

Today, I will not run from myself, my circumstances, or my feelings. I will be open to myself, others, my Higher Power, and life. I will trust that by facing today to the best of my ability, I will acquire the skills I need to face tomorrow.

Source: November 11: Letting Go of Resistance | Language of Letting Go

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How We Find the Path to Peace

 

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Kerri Baruch writes:

The simplicity of life is exactly that: simple.

Yet we complicate things.

We interject hatred, insert judgment, cling to rightness and wrongness.

We are attached to beliefs that are in complete contrast to our purpose and our essence: the expression of love.

Why?

Get the answer here: How We Find the Path to Peace

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15 Great Excuses Not to Form the Fitness Habit

Leo Babauta writes:

Lots of people know they should be getting fit, but they can’t seem to find the time to form the fitness habit.

And while I understand this completely — I was stuck in overweight, unhealthy mode for years — I think it’s useful to take a look at the justifications we give ourselves to put it off.

I put things off because I didn’t have time, or energy, or I had too many family commitments, or not enough motivation, or work kept getting in the way, or I didn’t feel good enough to run, or I was sick, or other people would make things difficult, or I didn’t have the money for a gym membership … you get the idea.

But I’ve learned to kill all the excuses. Or to put it less violently, I’ve found loving ways to let them go and embrace the joy of a fit and healthy life.

I did it with six kids and a wife, a full-time job (and now my own business), a ton of family and work commitments, freelancing on the side, building a blog on the side, while writing various books … and so the excuses were ultimately meaningless.

Why might you be putting things off? Let’s look at the justifications, and try to blast them.

Full story at:  » 15 Great Excuses Not to Form the Fitness Habit :zenhabits

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Love in Words and Actions

Melody Beattie writes:

Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about.

Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did.

We may have had a mother or father who said, “I love you” to us, and then abandoned or neglected us, giving us con­fused ideas about love. Thus that pattern feels like love ­the only love we knew.

Some of us may have been cared for by people who provided for our needs and said they loved us, but simultane­ously abused or mistreated us. That, then, becomes our idea of love.

Some of us may have lived in emotionally sterile environ­ments, where people said they loved us, but no feelings or nurturing were available. That may have become our idea of love.

We may learn to love others or ourselves the way we have been loved, or we may let others love us the way we have been loved, whether or not that feels good. It’s time to let our needs be met in ways that actually work. Unhealthy love may meet some surface needs, but not our need to be loved.

We can come to expect congruency in behavior from others. We can diminish the impact of words alone and insist that behavior and words match.

We can find the courage, when appropriate, to confront discrepancies in words and actions — not to shame, blame, or find fault, but to help us stay in touch with reality and with our needs.

We can give and receive love where behavior matches one’s words. We deserve to receive and give the best that love has to offer.

Today, I will be open to giving and receiving the healthiest love possible. I will watch for discrepancies between words and behaviors that confuse me and make me feel crazy. When that happens, I will understand that I am not crazy; I am in the midst of a discrepancy.

via November 8: Love in Words and Actions.

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You are Loveable

Melody Beattie writes:

Even i f the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. — Codependent No More

Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relation­ships that are less than we deserve because we don’t believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact.

While growing up, many of us did not receive the uncon­ditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have con­cluded that the reason we weren’t loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn’t love us, or love us in ways that worked, that’s not our fault. In recovery, we’re learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we’re learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.

Just as we may have believed that we’re unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships.

It will improve our most important relationship: our rela­tionship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.

Today, God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating be­liefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.” via November 5: We are Loveable.

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We Meet People For A Reason

Live Life Quotes, Love Life Quotes, Live Life Happy

via We Meet People For A Reason.

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