The Freedom of Not Needing To Be Right

Hannah Eagle writes:

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

Yesterday I drove my mother and father to the VA hospital in Albuquerque for a doctor’s appointment. I had never been to a VA hospital before. I guess I should have expected the numbers of crutches and canes, armless and legless veterans, young and weathered faces alike.

I was personally witnessing the costs endured when humans war against each other.

“Isn’t it odd,” I said to my mother, “that human beings war with each other?”

Why in the world do we do that?

Then I considered the ways in which we war on an interpersonal level. We humans war to varying degrees with our partners, our friends, our bosses, our co-workers, our siblings, our parents—pretty much all in the name of our need to be “right” or the need not to be wrong.

We war over ideas and beliefs that we often have never questioned. These include ideas from our upbringings, our religions, our scars and wounds, and our existential need to identify ourselves in some way.

How early did we lose our childlike wonder? When did we lose that innocent state in which we did not judge others, nor need to be “right”—when we saw the best in everything and everyone, and when it did not matter that someone was Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, atheist, republican, democrat, omnivorous, vegetarian, gay, or of a different race?

When I observe my 10-year-old grandson, he appears to have no tendency to judge other people, not yet anyway. He has no need to diminish others, nor does he feel threatened by them.

Would we, as children, have told lies about someone just because we wanted to win an election? Would we have been dismissive or even cruel to someone because they were of another race or religion? I don’t think so.

As little children we only cared that we were loved. And we were still curious about everything.

Somewhere along the way we lose our innocence and start to judge others. This becomes a primary source of our social anxiety and the undermining of our self-esteem, because if we are judging others. we fear that we are also being judged.

Could we perhaps untangle and re-do ourselves? Could we resist closing ourselves off with dogma or beliefs, prejudice, and rules? Could we allow ourselves the freedom of not knowing and reclaim our curiosity?

A beautiful YouTube called We Love You Iran & Israel, depicts an Israeli man reaching out to Iranian people. He says, “Our countries are talking war. In order to go to war . . . I have to hate you. I don’t hate you. I don’t even know you. No Iranian has ever done me harm. I have only met one Iranian in a museum in Paris. Nice dude.”

Reality is malleable. The reality, which we have imposed upon ourselves or had planted in our heads by others to make us feel safe, is also the reality that keeps us from really appreciating our own humanness and really loving other human beings—those beings who are more like us than we realize, even if we don’t know them.

Source: The Freedom of Not Needing To Be Right | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

On time…

Clock in Kings Cross railway station

“You wake up in the morning, and lo! your purse is magically filled with twenty-four hours of the magic tissue of the universe of your life.  No one can take it from you.  No one receives either more or less than you receive.  Waste your infinitely precious commodity as much as you will, and the supply will never be withheld from you.  Moreover, you cannot draw on the future.  Impossible to get into debt.  You can only waste the passing moment.  You cannot waste tomorrow; it is kept for you.” Thomas Arnold Bennett via On time…………….

If you’re not the lead dog…

…the view never changes as they say — and sometimes, that’s OK! One of my biggest pleasures in life is watching my wife’s long lean legs as we ride and if she thinks she’s going faster than me, who am I to tell her different… :-D

What’s my point? I’m always thinking. Not always about the right things, but I’m always thinking. Yesterday, taking a bike ride with my wife, it occurred to me that having a healthy relationship is a lot like taking a bike ride with a friend…

Let me take you back a year to the first time I read “Codependent No More”. A friend had suggested I might [and that’s an understatement] suffer from codependency. As I read the book, I realized I was reading about me. I shared the book with my wife and she took her own lessons from it. As we drove to Illinois to celebrate my birthday with family and listening to some of our favorite love songs, we started to realize how deeply codependent so many love songs are and as a result, they affect our perspective of love. Here are some great examples of sappy love songs I’ve listened to for decades [sorry to pick on Bread, but they illustrate my point so well]…

So what’s the answer? For me it’s the analogy of the bicycle ride and this gets back to what I was saying about thinking too much some times and looking for lessons. The thought came upon me that love is less like walking hand in hand sometimes and more like taking a bike ride together. When you ride together, each person is responsible for their own equipment [oil your chain, inflate your tires, select your own gear] and their own ‘balance’ — you have to make sure you don’t fall off your own bike! You can’t hold up your partner and ride at the same time…

When my wife and I ride, we choose a general route or direction, but I can’t pedal her bike for her. We each have a different strategy for hills, etc. — sometimes I like to kick them in the butt by charging breathlessly up them; sometimes I drop into first gear and crawl up them — but the point is I have to drag my own butt up the hill and she has to get up there by herself. I do my work, she does hers and when you get to the top of the hill and pull out the water bottle it’s sweet to be together again…

Reading this you now know why I don’t write my own material often but this is a deep lesson for me that I wanted to document for myself…

John Edwards, Guilty of Narcissism?

John Edwards official Senate photo portrait.

Narcissism helps us all get by in the face of adversity. It helps us believe in ourselves enough to keep going. We all have some of it, or we wouldn’t have survived this long. Entrepreneurs, actors, politicians and many professionals (doctors, lawyers, etc.) tend to have above-average rates of narcissism, because it helps them push forward despite repeated criticism, rejection, set-backs and occasional public humiliation.

In other words, they believe in themselves so much more and in what other people think so much less, that they can survive as risk-takers – and they are risk-takers. When they have a good idea, good talent and other good qualities, this narcissism helps them contribute to society from positions of leadership and power. You want your leaders to have some extra narcissism so that they can cope in protecting us from strong enemies and leading us forward in dealing with big problems.” Get more here: John Edwards, Guilty of Narcissism? | HCI High Conflict Speakers, Books.

Detachment means “freedom from emotion”

The Way You Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me Feel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel.

At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful.

I will work on detachment today, knowing that in time the rewards will come. 

…in which no one shows up for the first hangout, so this is just a brief overview…

Wisconsin Recall Election Seen as Referendum

You might be thinking to yourself “Hey, what’s this political crap doing on Todd’s blog?” Well, I got my start in political blogging and stopped 3 years ago because I found it wasn’t healthy for me or my family or my business. The things I learned as a political blogger I now apply in my business practice and to the ideas I post here…

I’m going back to politics for one post simply because I feel that this recall election affects everyone in the country — not just us cheeseheads — but at the same time, I think people don’t have much bandwidth for civic issues they perceive don’t affect them. Here’s ABC’s perspective on the Wisconsin recall…

“In a battle viewed largely as a barometer for November’s showdown between President Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney, Wisconsin voters on Tuesday will decide whether to oust Gov. Scott Walker for what Democrats contend is an unacceptable attack on organized labor by the GOP lawmaker.

During the winter of 2011, the Badger State became locked in a standoff as Walker pushed to roll back union rights for many public employees, infuriating labor groups in the state and around the country. While the governor ultimately succeeded in signing a law that stripped most public employees of their collective bargaining rights on pensions and health care, and limited their pay increases, the backlash against Walker set the stage for this week’s recall vote.

“It’s a statement about what role we think the public sector ought to play,” said Barry Burden, a professor of political science at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. “There are fundamental differences between the two parties here, and they mimic the debate in Washington. Republicans want to reduce the size of government, and they view the public sector as a hindrance to job growth, while Democrats want to use the public sector to spur job growth, promote fairness and serve as a safety net. We can’t do both. Wisconsin is a swing state, and it represents a lot of the diversity we find in the country in general, so for that reason I think the recall here is a symbol of the larger argument going on.”

Recent polls show Walker leading his Democratic opponent, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett. A survey of likely voters conducted by Marquette University Law School from May 23-26 showed Walker with a 52 percent to 45 percent advantage over Barrett. But public polling can be unpredictable because of the special nature of the summertime election, and that poll came before the two opponents engaged in a heated debate Thursday night.” Get more here: Wisconsin Scott Walker Recall Election Viewed ss Referendum – ABC News.

In 2008, I stepped down from my position as 3rd Vice Chairman of the Republican Party of Wisconsin due in large part to bad experiences in dealing with campaigns and party officials. While I never had a bad experience with Scott personally I did have one with his campaign. Despite the bitter taste in my mouth, I’ll be voting for Scott tomorrow. For me, there is an important issue at stake; namely, from my perspective powerful forces like unions outside our state are trying to influence how we live here for their own purposes. Scott Walker promised to bring fiscal sanity back to Wisconsin and for the most part he has kept those promises. Of course people and organizations who have been feeding at the public trough are pissed but Wisconsin and the United States cannot continue handing out public monies they way they have. Scott Walker has been good for Wisconsin and the US; I encourage you to support him tomorrow…

PS Did you know this is only the third time in our nation’s history that a governor has faced a recall election?

Good luck, Quin!

Heading to La Crosse, WI this morning to see my son Quin compete in the state championship for shotput. He is our miracle baby — the one that wasn’t supposed to make it  — now he’s the only sophomore in the state competing for the championship. Like I said. Miracle baby!

Please hold good thoughts for Quin today…

Don’t give up the ship; today in history…

“Don’t Give Up The Ship!” commanded 31-year-old Captain James Lawrence, as he lay wounded on the deck of the U.S.S. Chesapeake.

Captain Lawrence fought Muslim Barbary pirates in 1804, and when the War of 1812 began, he commanded the U.S.S. Hornet which captured the privateer Dolphin and the H.M.S. Peacock.

President Madison wrote May 25, 1813:

“The brilliant achievements of our infant Navy, a signal triumph has been gained by Captain Lawrence…in the Hornet sloop of war…

The contest in which the United States are engaged appeals…to the sacred obligation of transmitting…to future generations that…which is held…by the present from the goodness of Divine Providence.”

On JUNE 1, 1813, Captain Lawrence sailed from Boston and was attacked by the British ship Shannon.

Within an hour, nearly every officer was killed.

Later, Captain Oliver Hazard Perry was inspired to name his flagship on Lake Erie “Lawrence.”

Theodore Roosevelt wrote in Hero Tales from American History, 1895:

“Lawrence, dying with the words on his lips, ‘Don’t give up the ship’ and Perry…with the same words blazoned on his banner…won glory in desperate conflicts and left a reputation hardly dimmed.” via William J Federer’s American Minute.

50 states. 50 sandwiches.

Yummm! My favorite!!! via Holy Kaw! Get more here: 50 states. 50 sandwiches

When Other People Won’t Change

Lori Deschene writes:

“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” Jim Rohn

We all want to be loved and accepted, just as we are. We want people to honor our interests, value our needs, and respect our choices in life.

So why, then, do we expect other people to sacrifice theirs for us?

Why do we hope people will change their goals, habits, and values to better align with ours when they haven’t given us any indication they’d be happier for doing it?

Why do we hope for it, bank on it, and then assume it will eventually happen just because of how badly we want it?

Sometimes we think we know what’s best for others, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll likely realize we want people to change when it somehow benefits us.

I’m not talking about people who are violent, dangerous to themselves and others, or in any way abusive.

I’m talking about the boyfriend who isn’t as open-minded as you. Or the girlfriend who doesn’t value fitness like you. Or the husband who isn’t as social as you. Or the wife who doesn’t take risks like you.

I spent most of my twenties dating people who were completely incompatible with me.

I got involved with stoic men hoping they’d become more sentimental. I pursued self-professed bachelors hoping I’d be the one to make them want to commit. I even dated men who said they never wanted kids, hoping they’d change their minds because I did.

And why? Because those were the men who were there, and it felt safer to be with the wrong men than leave and risk not finding the right one.

Relationships are all about compromise, and there’s no such thing as a perfect match.

But we owe it to ourselves to recognize what’s non-negotiable in relationships so we don’t end up resentfully sacrificing our needs while secretly hoping the people we’re with will make it worth our while.

The people we want to change—there are others out there who’d accept and even value them, just as they are. We can choose to do that and appreciate them for all their unique quirks, interests, and preferences. Or we can set them free and create the possibility of finding people we’d never want to change.” via Tiny Wisdom: When Other People Won’t Change | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In.

Honorary Canadian, eh?

e1evation, llc is pleased to have been chosen to design the new blogging home of DX3 Canada — the place where Canadian business gets digital. Click the image to go to the site…

DX3 Digest - Where Canadian business gets digital!

San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday

Holy Kaw! I was there for the 50th — what a party THAT was. Get more images and video here: San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday.

Here I am at the 50th back in the days when I lived within running distance of the bridge — as you can see, 25 years is a long time…

A Thank You to Our Veterans

Michael Hyatt writes:

“Today is Memorial Day in the United States. It is a day we set aside to commemorate those who have died in the service of the military. It was first enacted to honor those in the Union Army who died in the American Civil War. After the first World War, it was expanded to include American casualties of any war or military action.

I have never had the privilege of serving in the military. However, I am profoundly grateful for those who have.

In the U.S., I fear we have come to take our national security for granted. The tragic events of 9/11 were a wake-up call. The fact we have not had another terrorist attack on U.S. soil is a testimony to the brave men and women who work tirelessly to protect our freedoms both here and around the world.” via A Thank You to Our Veterans | Michael Hyatt.

Think Like a Lion Tamer About the Hurt in Your Life

“Have you recently been through a challenge, disappointment, break up, or disloyalty with somebody in your life?

If so, it’s important after you’ve been hurt, to take some time to think like a lion tamer about your pain, so you can tame the possibility of more negativity coming back to bite you again!” Get more here: Think Like a Lion Tamer About the Hurt in Your Life « Positively Positive.

The Rock-Solid Foundation of Christian Hedonism

Desiring God Blog via The Rock-Solid Foundation of Christian Hedonism.

Expectations and being ‘right’

Great Expectations (1998 film)

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘right’ in my life. In my professional life, I am a thought leader in the internet marketing space. I have strong opinions about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when it comes to strategy, tactics and tools. I am learning lately that being right or thinking I am right can lead to disastrous consequences…

I have found fertile thinking in this quote from Nietzsche; “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” When I think I am right, I think I HAVE rights and expectations. I think I know, however, that there is only one place disappointment comes from; false expectations…

Ponder this:

“There are/can be many disapointments in life and sometimes they can’t be avoided. Living up to what we expect is a big one. Whether it be in someone else or in ourselves. Our expectations can be “too high” unreasonable or unrealistic. No one is perfect nor can they be in this crazy world.

Sometimes we expect more from a person than they are able to give..at a particular time. Sometimes we expect a person to do more than they are capable of doing, or to be more than they are capable of being. Therefore we are the ones who wind up getting frustrated, angry, hurt, impatient and disapointed. We are the ones effected by our own actions. We are the ones who set ourselves up for disapointments.

Sometimes our approach can be critical, overbearing and destructive. Even when we simply suggest something or give an opinion it does’nt go over well. It can be viewed as an attack on ones charactor even tho that was not the intention. This should never be taken personally because we all have things we are trying to cope with from our past and present situations and we shut down.

Even when we simply try to point something out to someone they can go into the defend mode, protective mode because they are not ready to deal with “the problem” yet. They are still battling with it therefore they are consumed by it and it has power over their well being. Everyone needs to be comfortable in their own skin. Like no body states in one of my comments below..it must be the right message, from the right source, at the right time, by the right person (edified properly) or it will not be received in the way it was intended to be received. Otherwise it can be misinterpreted.

Our expectations, opinions and suggestions can sometimes be veiwed as attacks on self worth and competency. Therefore conflict, separation and alienation occures and the door is shut on communication. Then our relationships are compromised. I watched Charles Stanley‘s program last Sunday and he ministered on how “Words” can have a profound, everlasting effect on us and our well being, our growth and our lives. They can have a tremendous effect and sometimes we say things we later regret.

No one can live up to anyone’s” standards. It’s not that what everyone is doing is right or that we don’t have a big heart in wanting whats best for them, it’s just that our expectations may be overwelming.

A lot of people feel like failures because they can’t live up to the expectations they put on themselves or that others put on them. We can make others feel like failures because of our expections being “To high”> Expecting too much. Too much attention can be put on expectations and not on acheivements/accomplishments.” via Expectations.

Thinking I have rights as a husband leads me to expectations and the expectations lead to disappointment and frustration. Somehow, focusing on being friends with my wife is making a radical difference in my life and happiness has come from leaving ‘right’ behind…

I heard Dr. Phil say “would you rather be happy or right”. I choose happy and as for right? It really doesn’t exist according to Nietszche and only leads to sad for me. What do you think about this?

Bach to basics…

Baroque music stimulates your brain and body. Here’s what I’m listening to this morning:


















It’s a great day to be a ‘gomer…

‘Gomer. That’s what they call people from Algoma. This was the treat that awaited me on my morning bike commute into the office…

Click image to enlarge… I <3 Algoma!

My baby’s back…

My wife has returned safely from Italy — thank God — and on Friday we took a little time off to head up to Door County and get reconnected…

A little wine and spirits tasting at Door County Winery and Door County Distillery and Simon Creek Winery and a little stroll at Cave Point made for a beautiful day!

Click image to enlarge…

We still need to get up to Sister Bay to use our Cheesecake groupon but a high pollen count on Friday made it a little unenjoyable to be outside…

Simon Creek Winery, Door County, WI

Click image to enlarge…

I’m just testing the panorama feature on my Google Nexus S. Simon Creek is a ‘must stop’ destination if you’re heading to Door County — the wines don’t suck and the winery itself is a little slice of Napa Valley in Door County…

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