Tag: Shopping

Are You Addicted To Suffering? (And Ready To Quit?)

I teach my students and clients that one should look for the best three paragraphs when curating; occasionally I say it’s OK to double dip and grab two quotes. When it comes to Kute Blackson, I usually break all my rules – his stuff is sooo good that I usually end up curating his entire post to that it’s easier for you to read the whole think. Today is no exception to the Kute Blackson rule:

Most guru’s or teachers will teach how to avoid suffering. I am going to share with you the seven steps of how to successfully create suffering in your life, so that you can be aware of them and make different choices.

Suffering can become a very dangerous addiction. An unhealthy way to feel. An ultimately unfulfilling way to feel alive. You can get so used to suffering that it becomes comfortable and familiar. Suffering is the ego’s way of feeling important.

Whether you are a businessman or a buddha, pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it. Just by virtue of being in a human body there will be some pain. Trying to avoid pain will only create more suffering. Embrace pain to release yourself from suffering.

Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.

Suffering comes from your story about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations and meanings about the experience. Change your story and the way you are interpreting reality and you begin to change your reality. When you change your reality within yourself, you shift your experience of your reality outside. Once you understand this, you only suffer if you chose to.

What stories are you making up about yourself, your life, your partner, your current experience that is causing you suffering?

The Seven Keys to creating suffering:

1- Resist everything: Resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.

Key Solution: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.

2- Holding the belief: “The experience that is happening to me should not be happening to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to me”. You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.

Key Solution: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.

3- Focusing on all the things that you cannot control. This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional “worriers”. No matter how much you worry, it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying, the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.

Key Solution: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.

4- Refusing to change. Keep doing the same over and over and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said, this is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?

Key Solution: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.

5- Give up your responsibility: Be a victim. Play the blame game, making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience, then you are powerless to change it.

Key Solution: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.

6- Focus on everything that is wrong in your life. Whether a relationship or person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong about. Then the negative cycle continues.

Key Solution: Start focusing on what you are grateful for. Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciates, expands. What you thank about comes about.

7- Denial: Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.

Key Solution: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.

Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today, you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.

You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom.

Source: Are You Addicted To Suffering? (And Ready To Quit?)

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Happy bday, #2 son…

Kindergarten days…

My #2 son was a Father’s Day gift in 1989. He was the first birth I ever witnessed and I’ll never forget the experience and what it — and he — has meant to me!

Colin and his lovely girlfriend Kelsey…
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Ten Best Veggies for the Grill

Cover of "Ciao Italia"

Curated from Mary Ann Esposito @ Healthy Living on HuffingtonPost.com who writes:

It is going to be a long, hot summer if the weather forecasters are right, and that means who wants to cook over a hot stove and heat up the kitchen when the grill will do very nicely, thank you.

Grill preferences and their cooking techniques vary a lot. I am partial to a gas grill because even though it may not impart that true smoky flavor that a charcoal grill produces, it does do a respectable job without the hassle of starting a charcoal fire. Call me lazy.

I use the grill a lot; I have even baked cookies on it! Vegetables are my forte, though, and I have learned through trial and error which vegetables take kindly to grilling and which do not.

I define vegetables that are hard to grill as those that slip through the grill grate or those that are too soft with a juicy texture. They would include asparagus and tomatoes. I define the best veggies for the grill as those that stay put on the grill grate, need minimal fussing — just a light olive oil spray — and whose flavor is enhanced by grilling.

The vegetables listed below are ideal for the grill.

1) Eggplant: Slices char nicely without burning because the flesh is dense and the slices stay nicely on the grill top whether they are sliced in thick rounds or lengthwise slices. Do not peel before grilling.

2) Zucchini: The dense flesh of young zucchini without a lot of seeds are perfect for the grill. It is best to cut them in lengthwise slices to avoid them falling through the grate

3) Red Peppers: A serious vegetable for the grill; char the skin until blackened all over; when cool remove the skin and enjoy the sweet and lush smoky taste with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and salt.

4) Leeks: Remove the deep green leaf tops and discard them; trim off the roots and cut the bulb in half lengthwise right through the core. Brush with olive oil.

5) Sweet Potato: The trick here is to microwave the potato first; let cool, peel them; cut into thick planks before grilling

6) Fennel: Remove the feathery leave tops and save for soup. Cut the bulb into wedges right through the core. Grilling makes this vegetable taste super sweet.

7) Bok Choy: Place small heads of baby bok choy on a large sheet of oiled aluminum foil; sprinkle with coarse salt and a grinding of black pepper. Close the foil and place on the grill. Cook total of 4 minutes, turning the foil over once.

8) Corn: Forget about wetting the husks and wrapping the whole thing in foil; strip off the husks; place corn directly on the grill and brush with your favorite barbeque or pesto sauce, oil or butter. Keep it light so there is no flare up. You can always slather on more butter or sauce at the table.

9) Radicchio: Cut heads into thick wedges right through the core; grill as for #7 bok choy. Drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Delicious!

10) Portobello mushrooms: Often called “the poor man’s steak,” Portobello are meaty and take to just about any seasoning. One bit of advice though: before placing them on the grill, scrape out those black gills on the underside of the cap. They do nothing for the flavor.”  via Mary Ann Esposito: Ten Best Veggies for the Grill”

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The reason

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so, I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

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My Mom Says I’m Special

Very Demotivational – The Demotivational Posters Blog via MY MOM SAYS I’M SPECIAL.

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Celebrities portraits found in cupboard, 1970s

More at Celebrities portraits found in cupboard, 1970s.

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Simple Pleasure

Here’s another wildflower from the forest floor.  Delicate…simple…natural beauty. Click on the photo to view a larger version. via Simple Pleasure.

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The pessimist, the optimist and the realist

The Meta Picture via The pessimist, the optimist and the realist.

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Easy does it…

“I watched a friend set up beach chairs and an umbrella. He was grunting, groaning, trying with all his might to accomplish a simple task. After he finished, he looked around and clapped the sand off his hands.

“I’m pretty dumb,” he said. “It didn’t have to be that hard or that much work.”

Yes, life really can be easier. Relaxing and letting it unfold can seem too simple and easy at times. What if we really knew that it was okay to gently go about our lives, living and working and handling things at a relaxed pace? What if we knew it was okay to gently take care of ourselves, and that a force would be present to guide us and help us accomplish each task, each problem, in fact, all the parts of our lives?

Life experience truly has taught me that when I relax, I am so much more capable of experiencing great happi­ness as well as simple joys. Things get done, problems get solved, and my needs get met.

Gratitude Focus: We can be grateful for all the situations that teach and remind us that “easy does it” works.” via May 11.

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Escape Adulthood with Kim & Jason via The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.

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A informational chart about how to make one of my favourite things… Coffee. via A informational chart about how to make one of my favourite….

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Madman Across the Water

Is there anything better than vintage Elton John? I think not! Elton John — Madman Across the Water (Live) – YouTube. Here’s the original… Continue reading “Madman Across the Water” →

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Radiohead’s “Creep,” Sung by Prince and Carrie…

Going viral now… Warning: NSFW!

Manolakos’s version does what covers ought to do; it picks up a song that has sunken into throwback territory, dusts it off, and treats it like a classic.

The New Yorker – Radiohead’s “Creep,” Sung by Prince and Carrie….

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Risks Demotivator® – The Original Demotivational Posters.

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Own Your Life

A valuable message from Melody Beattie…

Are you willing to take responsibility for this mat, to own it? That doesn’t mean it isn’t everybody else’s mat, too. If you’re big enough to own the mat as yours, you’re big enough to let it be theirs, too.

— George Leonard

In his book The Way of Aikido, George Leonard wrote about the concept of owning the mat. He was talking about aikido. He was referring to an air of ownership, a certain presence he learned to demonstrate both on the mats while practicing martial arts and in his life.

Many subtle attitudes and past conditioning can affect our sense of ownership of our lives and of the world we live in—guilt, a haunting sense of victimization, laziness, living with repressive, angry, or abusive people may have tamed our sense of ownership of our lives. Continue reading “Own Your Life” →

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On possessions…

Road from Possessions Corner

How important is the stuff in your life?

Your material possessions—those things you’ve worked so hard for, slaving 40, 50, 60 hours a week to acquire—how much value do they actually add to your life?

We bet it’s less than you realize.

Here’s an exercise for you. Take a moment, write down your 10 most expensive material possessions from the last decade. Things like your car, your house, your jewelry, your furniture, and any other material possessions you own or have owned in the last ten years. The big ticket items.

Next to that list, make another top 10 list: 10 things that add the most value to your life. This list might include experiences like catching a sunset with a loved one, watching your kid play baseball, eating dinner with your parents, etc.

Be honest with yourself when you’re making these lists. It’s likely that both lists share zero things in common.

via The Minimalists | 10/10 Material Possessions Theory.

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If it isn’t working

Nicholas Bate shares this…

(1) It’s maybe them (2) It’s maybe the system (3) It’s maybe you (4) It’s maybe a combo of all three (5) But the one you can start with is you (6) Get good (7) Get really good (8) Don’t accept any excuses from that crappy inner voice which reports to your dark side (9) one more hit of the snooze button? (10) ha ha, no way! (11) one more cup of coffee? (12) absolutely not! (13) skip the gym, it’s been a tough day! (14) are you crazy!? (15) as once you repair you, they realise they need fixing otherwise they simply lose you. (16) and once you re-invent you, you have so much energy, focus and cool, it’ll only take minutes to fix the system.

Source: If It Isn’t Working 16 – Nicholas Bate

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5 ways to eliminate distractions and do your best work

boldI like Amber Rae’s 5th way…

If you have to, do not be afraid to be unavailable, unreachable, and hard-to-get-ahold-of. Because in a month, you’ll be back and with hellfire momentum, and they’ll forget the weeks where you were MIA because you were focused.

This very moment, you can change your life. There has never been a better moment, and never will be, to take a stand, do what matters, and alter the course of your life.

It’s Go-time. Rock!

Source: 5 Ways to Eliminate Distractions and Do Your Best Work [BLOG] « Positively Positive

Go to the source if you’d like the other 4 – it’s worth the trip!

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I wanna talk about me! :-D

Lately I’ve been on a country music jag on Pandora. This makes me laugh…

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Why you’re not getting what you want

Farmer plowing in Fahrenwalde, Mecklenburg-Vor...

I like this perspective from Mastin Kipp at The Daily Love…

Plain and simple, we get what we ask for.

Not just with our words, but also with our actions. In fact, our actions will show us what we are asking for far more than our words. We only take action on what we truly believe, so if we want to see what we are really asking for, let us look towards our actions.

If you say you want to lose weight, but your actions are to eat high calorie food and stay inactive, you aren’t really asking for health.

If you say you have faith but your actions are actions that are faithless, then you don’t really have faith.

If you say you love someone and your actions are unloving, then you don’t really love that person.

Let us be mindful of our actions.

The precursor to action is thought. Sometimes it can be VERY hard to be aware of what we are actually thinking, especially because many of our actions come from unconscious thoughts. If we want to tap into what’s really running us, but are having a hard time, let us see what actions we are taking.

We want love, but we run away when it shows up. There is a misalignment there of desire and thought.

We want weight loss and a healthy body, but we don’t get off our ass and exercise. There is a misalignment there, too.

In this literal Uni-verse, we can LITERALLY create (from the inside out) any type of experience we wish to choose. It is when our desires, our thoughts and our actions are in alignment that this kind of life begins to emerge.

The seed of a desire for something greater lives within all of us, but our lack of action prevents that kind of life from unfolding.

Imagine if a farmer had seeds and land to plant his seeds, but doubted that the seeds would grow if he planted them. So if this doubt were strong enough, the seeds would never get planted. Or, they get planted, but then the farmer can be too impatient and dig up the seeds the next day or the next week because the crop hasn’t come yet.

The farmer still has no harvest. Then a second farmer comes by at harvest time with a full crop of harvest, and the first farmer gets jealous and angry at the second farmer for having abundance. The first farmer may blame The Uni-verse or say, “People like me aren’t supposed to have this harvest”, but in reality, it is the farmers own doubt and impatience that prevents him from reaping his harvest.

We are many times like the first farmer. Our seeds are our desires. Our fields are our daily actions. We must plant our desires in actions and then be patient. If weeds of doubt creep in, we must clear them out. And in perfect time we will be able to harvest the fruit of our faith.

This is how life is. We need to nurture the fertile soil of our actions with faith and patience.

So, today, are you not getting what you want? Look at your desires. Look at your actions. Where is there a disconnect? How can you adjust your actions to sync up with your desires? And, if that feels weird, how can you change your MENTAL habits to allow yourself to take the proper action that is in alignment with your desires?

The answers to the lack you may be temporarily experiencing is all within you. Show up, let go and trust The Uni-verse one day at a time. Get your desires, thoughts and actions in alignment and then let your patience and faith shower down on the fertile soil of your actions.

Your harvest WILL come.

Sorry — I don’t normally curate such a long quote, but I wanted to share the whole post with you. Here’s another perspective on getting what you want…

“1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4

How about you? Getting what you want?

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Using Others to Stop Our Pain

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...
Cover via Amazon
Melody Beattie has some thoughts I wanted to share with you this morning…

Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn’t hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding — it’s an illusion!

In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.

Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.

Healing will come when were aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.

We will see that, all along, our happiness and our well­being have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.

God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.

Source: March 1: Using Others to Stop Out Pain | Language of Letting Go

Here’s the dirty little secret. This blog is only a public scrapbook of the things I need to remember for myself. If it happens to resonate with anyone else that’s a blessing as well. Did anyone else need to hear this today?

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