I love despair.com and the way they illustrate a point using absurdity and rich sarcasm. Visit their site — always good for an ‘lol’… :-D
A seven-step prescription for self-love
Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.
Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love”
How To Have A PERFECT Relationship With EVERYONE!
A little Kute Blackson to start your day…
There are over 6 billion people on the planet. Each with their own unique personalities and expression.
Every person is in your life for a reason whether you see it or not. Each person is here to teach you something and has a gift for your soul’s evolution. Each person reflects some aspect of yourself that needs to be loved, forgiven, embraced or simply accepted.
The more you can accept and love yourself as you are.
The more you can accept and love those around you as they are.
The freer you will be.
Trying to change someone into your ideal version of who you would like them to be only creates suffering for you.
This is not in your control.
Let me repeat: This is NOT in your control.
Go to the source if you’d like more of Kute’s post and/or watch the video below…
Getting love
Some good thoughts from Melody Beattie that I wanted to share with you this morning…
I know. We didn’t get loved the way we wanted. Some of us have spent years picking through the messy issues of parents who had unusual ways of showing love or who didn’t show love at all.
We may have had spouses who were dreadful at showing love. Issues like alcoholism and other dysfunctions can genuinely interfere with a person’s ability to love. Some of us took that personally.We looked around and the only conclusion we could come up with is that we weren’t lovable.
Some of us need to grieve the absence of love in our family of origin. We may have missed an important emotional lesson while growing up, and we barely realize it. That lesson is understanding how lovable we are.
Some of us learned to protect ourselves by caring for others, while refusing to let love into our own lives. We found that it is easier to shut down and not be open to love, rather than be denied love.
After a while, we stop seeing the love that is there for us. We refuse the small gestures that may mean a tremendous amount to the person offering them. These gestures include words of concern, support, understanding, assistance, kindness, or a genuine expression of like or love. If we don’t believe we’re lovable, if we’re not open to seeing and receiving love, we’re going to miss more than just the love we missed in our childhood. We’re going to miss the love that is available for us now.
Challenge: The hardest part about letting people give us love can be softening that tough shell enough to let the gentle words and acts of love sink in.
I have found, too, that expectations can be a problem for me. If I’m expecting more, sometimes I miss what is there. Remember the words of the great philosophers The Rolling Stones “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.”
Crazy Love
My wife and I are celebrating 23 years of ‘Crazy Love’ today. This version of the song is oddly appropriate because on one level, we have as much in common as Ray Charles and Van Morrison. Still, we make beautiful music together…
Lyrics…
I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that’s where I belong
Yet I’m running to her like a river’s songChorus:
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy loveShe’s got a fine sense of humor when I’m feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thiefChorus:
Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tightAnd when I’m returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin’ brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul
I thank God for 23 unbelievable years…
How To Live The Life You REALLY Want!
I started out to only curate a small part of Mastin’s post this morning but just couldn’t stop. Here’s the whole post in it’s entirety more or less…
Are there any habits that you have that are costing you the things in your life that you truly love? For example, do you love your family but overworking causes you to miss out on them? Do you want to fall in love, but your desire to not get hurt again holds you back? Are you pursuing a professional career because you want to get significance from one of your parents, even though what you are doing doesn’t make you come alive? Are you so focused on the future of where your relationship is going that you aren’t enjoying it in the present? Are you so focused on the potential of someone you are in a toxic relationship with that you ignore the fact that you are unhappy with it, but you cling to the idea that they could change?
What is your current set of beliefs costing you? Are there any behaviors you have that are preventing you from getting what you really want?
For example – did you start a business because you wanted more free time, yet that will never happen? Or because you think it will make you rich, and that will allow you to spend more time with the family, but you have no time for them? Do you work your butt off so you don’t have to stress about money, but no matter what happens, you stress about money? Are you in a toxic relationship because you want Love, but aren’t really getting any?
So many times we do things that are not really in our nature because there is an outcome we want that we could get with much more ease if we were to just accept our nature. There are lots of ways to get what you really want, but first you have to know who you really are! Some people have no idea who they are; others own themselves like crazy!
So, how do you find out who you really are? Well it would be a lot easier if I was working with you one on one, we could get to the core of it rather quickly. But here’s the rub… Remember back over your life to all the moments where you were really alive! What were they? What moments in your life were you totally happy, fulfilled, etc.?
Think back and look at the things in common that you had in each of these moments. These are the things you REALLY want in life. Freedom. Passion. Love. Connection. Growth. Contribution. Joy. Variety.
So, in your current life, what are you doing to GET these things that is actually the OPPOSITE of them? Are you settling to get love? Are you doing things that confine you to get freedom?
What if it were true that you could get everything you wanted now, just by changing your story about what’s possible? What if you could have all the Love you wanted right now if you gave up trying to prove your way into getting Love and just accepted that you were love-able now? How would that change your life? Are you in the rat race because you think winning it will give you something? IF so, remember that even if you win the rat race you are still a rat!
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So, how can you see that it’s possible to already get what you want, right now? Are you trying to get what matters most to you in a backwards way? Can you really get what you want now by changing your story about what you really deserve and what you have to do to get the thing you want most? Have you forgotten who you really are and lived a life to live up to someone else’s expectations?
Turn up the self love!
Some good thoughts from Laura Fenamore this morning…
“We all spend so much time thinking about our relationships with others that we forget our relationships to our own selves. Before we can find love without, we must find love within.
Self-love first, True Love second.
We ought to be our own best friends, but all too often we end up being our own worst critics. We develop a negative voice, the one that berates us when we mess up at work, the one that critiques our reflections as we pass by a store window. That voice is so present, so ubiquitous, we may not even realize that we don’t have to listen to it. With that little guy or gal talking in our ears, it’s no wonder so many of us have trouble walking the path of self-love.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!
She goes on to say…
“And so I taught self-love to myself. Love, both of ourselves and others, isn’t just a sense of peace and bliss, though that is where it may end up eventually. At the beginning, it’s a deep sense of desire and drive. I’d like to share with you three inspirational practices I used as I learned to walk the path of heart.
1. Accept Who You Are Now
Accepting yourself, warts and all, puts you in charge of your destiny. On my own journey, I began to see that while my negative voice as a part of me – the wounded part of me – it was not me. I ultimately learned is that I never would escape negativity by ignoring it or making myself wrong for my feelings. I first had to accept that yes, I am depressed, but that is not who I am. It is simply where I am in this moment, whether that moment is an hour or a year.2. Affirm, Affirm, Affirm Again
Affirmations are a great way to work from the outside in – remind yourself how loveable you are, and eventually you’ll start believing it, too. Write yourself an affirmation.
• Make it about yourself – “I” statements only.
• Be positive – instead of “I don’t give up on my goals,” say “I stay focused on my goals.”
• Use the present tense – because you already are wonderful! Use the boldest, most positive phrasing you can muster.
• Be precise, be specific – list particular qualities about yourself that you love.
3. Quiet Your Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk takes many forms; it can be personally attacking thoughts (“You’re an idiot!”), complaints about your situation and the people in it (blaming others disempowers us), or silent judgments (“Is he/she better looking than I am?”). These thoughts reinforce our negative perceptions of ourselves and make it impossible for self-love to take hold. While we may not be able to turn off our negative voices, we can definitely turn them down.
Tune into that voice, and identify and write down seven negative thoughts you have about yourself in the next week. The next time you find yourself thinking that negative thought (“You screwed up this project!”), gently replace it with an affirmation.
Stick with it! Self-love is about being gentle and firm. Let go of the excuses and the stories about your lack of worth. Love requires us to stretch and to grow – not so that we may become someone worth loving (which we all already are), but rather so we can become someone who can love others and ourselvesgreatly and unconditionally.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!
I hope this blesses you, too…
Step One: Self-love. Step Two: True Love
Good stuff from lovemeister Mastin Kipp…
If you’re looking for a truly Loving relationship, it is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on the path to self-love. We don’t have to love ourselves perfectly to find awesome love, but we have to be on the path to self-love. This also means that whomever we choose to be in a relationship with should be on that path, too.
There will never be a perfect moment where we love ourselves perfectly and then we can be in a relationship. It’s a constant process of discovery with no end. But for a relationship to thrive and for intimacy to emerge, each person must be dedicated to growth; otherwise, you will hit a wall.
A huge revelation for me recently has been that nobody, including myself, is perfect. It sounds obvious when I write it, but for many years I would meet people and project this expectation of perfection on to them. And I would get mad, angry and hurt when they wouldn’t meet that expectation. So, I’ve recently decided that from the beginning of any relationships I start, that I want to acknowledge my own imperfection as well as the imperfection of the other person and consciously choose to enter into a relationship not seeking perfection, but rather loving each other’s imperfections. And instead of looking to the other person to meet all our needs perfectly, to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on The Uni-verse.
via thedailylove.com
You Are Enough, Period!
Mastin Kipp shares this thought today…
Where we get our source of approval from is everything. As children we look up to and make our parents our Higher Power. We think they are perfect, infallible human beings. We eventually learn (some earlier than others) that this isn’t the case. Part of stepping onto and into The Path of our Highest Potential is learning to re-parent ourselves.
This means realizing that our parents are not perfect people and loving them anyway. We realize that The Uni-verse has perfect love & approval for us and that we need not chase. We are approved of and loved as we are, where we are and for who we are right now. This allows us to take a step back and no longer need perfect Love from our parents and instead, we can be grateful for their role in our lives as stewards of our lives instead of masters of our destiny.
Once we begin to heal this process, the other relationships of our lives improve. When we no longer assign magical qualities to our parents, or if we were never loved by our parents or assign magical qualities to other people, we see reality and take our power back. When we know that we are already approved of as Children of The Uni-verse, we no longer need to seek approval in business, with sex, with drugs or with status and stature. We can instead rest in the perfect imperfection of who we already are and let it be.
No longer seeking approval, we now have the confidence, self-esteem and personal integrity to create relationships of a higher caliber. We no longer need to use sex as a way to make us feel loved, but instead as a byproduct of love and intimacy. We no longer are defined by fancy things or big houses, because “stuff” doesn’t validate us.
When we can allow ourselves and everyone in our lives to be imperfect and love them anyways, we have taken a massive leap towards Love.
What would your life look like if you lived it without the compulsive desire to show your parents how awesome you are, or to get their approval? What would your love life look like? What would your professional life look like?
How would your life be different if you KNEW in every cell of your being that you are enough, right now, as is… PERIOD?
via thedailylove.com
Recognize Your Worth & Don’t Settle
Mastin Kipp shares this today…
We spend more of our lives trying to chase the proverbial carrot that is “right” around the corner. If we could just become a little more, be a little better, be just a little more perfect, we would be worthy enough to get this carrot.
The joke is on us.
Not only is there no carrot, the only thing we need lies within us. That is our own approval. Everything outside of that is outside of our control.
When we realize that we are enough, as is, we set ourselves free. When we no longer decide to settle for a quarter of the love, the joy and the awesomeness of life that we want and instead, raise our standards and declare ONLY THE BEST – can the best find us.
The Uni-verse is ready, willing and able to give us what our hearts desire. But, in order for this to happen, we have to own our worthiness – AS IS. And be willing and courageous enough to let go of all that resonates with LOVE, with JOY and with our growth.
One of my most favorite phrases that TDL has propagated out there in the internet is: What you put up with, you end up with.
I cannot tweet, email, write or remind myself of that enough. It’s soooo true.
We are here to own our worthiness as is and then be courageous and receptive enough to allow all the good stuff in. This requires us to let go of fears of abandonment or rejection and of not belonging.
For us to live at our Highest Potential we must be willing to let go of that unworthy life and step into a life of knowing how love-able we are, right now.
via thedailylove.com
Love & Hate Can’t Occupy The Same Space…
You’re either loving or hating – it can’t be both.
No one really understands that love and hate can’t occupy the same space until they experience real love. Love is love and hate is hate. The two do not mix because, when put next to one another, love will consume the hate. Hence the phrase, “love conquers all.”
When you experience real love you find that you no longer can hate anyone else. What was hate towards others is now replaced with sympathy. You feel sorry for those that you would normally hate because now you understand that they are the way they are because they’ve never experienced real love. This type of love does exist because I have it. It started by loving myself, understanding my purpose and knowing my worth. After that, I was able to love any and everyone else.
Love changes things! Love conquers all!!
via thedailylove.com
Don’t blame them! It’s not their fault…
Keen insite this morning from Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love…
Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.
We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.
Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.
So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.
Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.
And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.
It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.
It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.
When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.
So, you say you want love, yes?
Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?
Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?
The choice is yours. What’ll it be?
via thedailylove.com
A New Way Of Looking At Love That Changes Everything!
What do you think of when you hear the word, “love”? Lovers entwined in a passionate embrace? The joy and fulfillment of finding your soul mate? Or perhaps you recall the feelings you have for your children, your parents or your friends.
All of these experiences of love have one thing in common: they’re dependent on another person. Don’t get me wrong, loving relationships are great, but we all know that relationships change and basing our happiness and love on other people isn’t the wisest choice. But what if you could experience a love that didn’t depend on anything outside you?
What if you could love for no reason at all?
via thedailylove.com
Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read more…
Create the Perfect Love
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
– Tom Robbins, Robbins is a best-selling American author.
via thedailylove.com
Unconditional Love
Chris Assaad shared this today over at The Daily Love…
Relationships are one of the most single most important aspects of our lives on this planet. For many of us, the joy we experience in life is directly proportional to our ability to share those experiences with others and much of the pain we experience unfolds in the context of our relationships. Whether it’s in our relationships with significant others, family, friends or colleagues, we invest a great deal of time and energy in the hope of coexisting peacefully with others, having our relationships function well and finding fulfillment in them.
Amidst all of this, we often forget that it is our relationship with ourselves that is the most important of all. We’ve all heard the saying that we can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves. Well, guess what? Not only is that true, but what’s also true is that until we learn to love ourselves UNCONDITIONALLY, none of our relationships or any other external sources of fulfillment will ever do the trick.
So what does it mean to love ourselves unconditionally? It means to be gentle with ourselves, to be kind to ourselves and above all, to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, for our shortcomings and for our imperfections. Many of us may not even realize that we have a relationship with ourselves at all. If that’s the case, the best place to start is to examine your thoughts about yourself. What does the voice in your head say to you? What do you say about yourself in conversations with others? You may be surprised to find that you’re not very nice to yourself. Go ahead and ask yourself honestly: “On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do I love myself right now?“
Regardless of where you’re starting from, the goal is 10 out of 10, which is where you will be when you love yourself unconditionally. That means that no matter what you or your life looks like today, no matter what mistake you just made for the hundredth time, NO MATTER WHAT, you still get to be loved fully and completely. That’s what real love is. There’s no condition attached to it. It’s not that when you do X, then you deserve to be loved this much. You deserve to be loved 100% just as you are; we all do. The world would be a different place if we were all experts at loving one another unconditionally and the best relationship to begin practicing this is in our relationship with ourselves.
It may sound crazy but it’s good stuff, I promise, so give it a try. Maybe you’re at a 4 out of 10 today. Imagine how you would feel at a 10 out of 10? Close your eyes and imagine what 10 out of 10 feels like and looks like on you. If you really want to see it for yourself, do this in front of a mirror.
Remember, the most important part of this is that you don’t need a reason to love yourself 10 out of 10 and no reason under the sun should have any bearing on how much you get to be loved. The best part is that once you start truly loving yourself this way, you will find it easier to love others and you will be much more open to receiving their love as well. It all starts with you, so go ahead and let the love flow unconditionally.
via thedailylove.com
8 Thrifty Back to School Date Night Ideas
- Image by Merlijn Hoek via Flickr
“When you’re married with children, finding alone time as a couple is difficult. But when school is back in session, the additional demands of extracurricular activities and assorted family member schedules make it nearly impossible. Tack on the cost involved with a night out, and most couples just simply decide to forgo date night as a luxury. But that kind of thinking needs to be adjusted. Date Night with your spouse doesnt have to be an all-out romantic extravaganza taking weeks of planning. In fact, Date Night doesnt even have to be at night! The important thing is to carve out some time for just the two of you so you can recharge, refocus and maybe even romance each other. Here are 8 Thrifty Back to School Date Night Ideas that you can try.”
Go to the source to read the article: Family Minute – 8 Thrifty Back to School Date Night Ideas.
Love Me When I Least Deserve It
“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I need it the most.”
– Swedish proverb
via thedailylove.com
10 Ways to Be Your Wife’s Hero
At the mention of watching a chick flick, many husbands will make excuses as to why the couple should watch something else. They simply do not want to watch the mushy, romantic films. Many husbands wonder how their wives are so captivated by the emotional drama found in chick flicks.
Women watch chick flicks for the hero. Just like how they loved fairy tales as little girls and dreamed of their very own prince. Wives may gush about how wonderful the fictional hero is from their favorite movie, but they do not actually want that guy. They want you, their husband. They want you to be their personal hero, the prince who sweeps them off their feet.
- Be her rescuer and protectorAccording to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, one of a person’s greatest needs is the feeling of safety and security. To be your wife’s hero, she wants you to be that person who makes her feel safe. This role of rescuer/protector is easier than what the action movies make it out to be. Simply be there. If she falls down, help her back up. If there is an insect or rodent, put it outside or kill it. Be there when she is scared and be there to wipe away her tears.
- Romance your wifeLove your wife and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place. Let your wife know that she is lovely; her feminine heart needs to hear that. Here are 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife.
- Set the example as the spiritual leader in your houseBe the spiritual leader in your household for your wife and your kids. Take the family to church and pray together. As you and your wife grow closer to God, you will also grow closer to one another.
- Support herEveryone faces battles of some form in life. Be there to support your wife when she faces her battles. You cannot always fight them for her, but you can stand by her. Sometimes she may need her own personal hero to stand up for her.
- Listen to her, but don’t try to fix the problemAs a husband, you will hear all about your wife’s problems and annoyances. She shares these things with you to have someone listen. You don’t need to fix her problems unless she asks you to. Just listen.
- Spend time togetherWomen get jealous of other women whose husbands spend a lot of time with them. The material things long hours in the office can buy are nice, but ultimately your time is more valuable to your wife. It is also important to spend time together as a family when you have children. Spending time together is essential to maintaining a healthy marriage and family.
- Pay attention to detailWomen are more detail oriented than men. Try to pay attention to little details. Notice new haircuts, compliment new clothes, and learn facial expressions. Dates are also very important. Remember important occasions such as anniversaries and holidays. Plan ahead for them in order to make reservations or find the perfect gift.
- Give her a breakOnce you and your wife have children, the dynamics change some. Your wife will occasionally just need a break and a chance to escape from everything. Volunteer to watch the kids while she has a girls’ night or takes a nap. Or arrange a sitter so the two of you have a chance to get away together for a date night.
- Commit to your wifeIt is not just enough in a marriage to love your wife. You need to commit to her to demonstrate that love. The most important thing is to be there; do not be an absent husband. When things get hard in life or your marriage, do not run. Work through things together. Overcoming obstacles together will strengthen your marriage.
- Appreciate herLet your wife know how thankful you are for her. Take note of all the little things that she does and thank her for doing them. Let her know how important she is to you.
via allprodad.com
Bright, shiny objects! 
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