Every once in awhile, even Shirley Maclaine is right…
Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.” ~Shirley Maclaine
Have you ever felt like you were drowning in negativity?
Maybe you were feeling down on yourself, but instead of pulling yourself up, you made yourself feel bad for struggling with yourself in this way.
Or maybe you made a mistake, but instead of forgiving yourself, you beat yourself up over it, rehashing everything you should have done.
It’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of negativity. Even if we practice yoga, meditate, or start our mornings with positive affirmations, we can fall down, and find ourselves wondering why it feels so hard to get back up.
As I mentioned last week, I spent most of my life in this type of cycle, and despite the tremendous progress I’ve made over the years, I still fall into this trap sometimes.
When this happens, I might be tempted to think myself in circles—to essentially let my feelings paralyze me while I dwell on the same fears and frustrations over and over again. And then I might wonder why I feel so stuck.
The truth is we feel paralyzed when we paralyze ourselves, and we can set ourselves free if we stop obsessing about why we can’t.
Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Hope enough to remove all the anxious fears concerning the future.
–Johann von Goethe
“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum
I am not saying that painful things in your past didn’t happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it’s not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work, and reps, like in the gym. But if you try and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.
One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt us. Not so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.
As I have guided clients through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. Forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And of VERY traumatic events.
The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you.
The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond over the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes of how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but a request for Love or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time.
It would be so much easier to follow Jesus if he called us.
If I were at work one day and he walked by and said, “come on, follow me.”
If I were doing what I’ve spent my life preparing to do and he said, “I’ll show you how to use those skills for something meaningful.”
If I were in the middle of daily life and I looked up and could actually hear his voice with my ears and see his face with my eyes and smell whatever he smelled like.
If his invitation to do something worthwhile with my life were real and tangible.
It would be so much easier if Jesus literally said my name and said “Follow me.”
I mean, if that happened, I would never have any questions at all about what he was saying. It would always be clear.
If that happened, I would always be happy just to be close to him.
If that happened, I would be ready to tell all the people I saw at the grocery store when I was buying supplies
Hey! This food? Jesus is going to eat it. Yep. That Jesus. I know him. I’ve watched him do the most amazing stuff! I mean, paralyzed people walking. People with demons? Poof. Gone. People who are sick? Fever, gone, like that. You name it, he gets rid of it.
Hey, that cough? Come on. Let’s talk to Jesus about that. I mean, I know him. He was walking by one day and called out my name. We’re like this. In fact, we couldn’t be any closer if he lived in me. Yeah, I know. Sounds weird. But it’s like that.
If one day I really believed that Jesus actually wants me? Cared about me?
Mind-blowing sex, sweet butterfly-stomach romance, big nights out, the beauty of that woman/man you covet and can’t seem to have, your own beauty, parenthood, careers, volcanoes, flowers, our bodies, broken hearts, caffeine highs, arguments with your partner, nations, species, beliefs, spiritual experiences, youth, marriage … absolutely everything has its moment of full wondrous expression before it inevitably fades back into the silence from which it arose. Every minute we spend in desperation trying to hold onto (or get rid of) that which just cannot last anyway, is a minute spent overlooking the peace and juicy wonderment available in this exact moment, regardless of what’s happening.
“Joy is that kind of happiness that does not depend on what happens.” ~ David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine Monk into Buddhism.
I have spent so much of my life either running towards something or running away from it. I have a fascinating capacity for expecting experiences, circumstances, things, people, etc. to make me happy forever or to ruin my life (and everything in between), thus living painfully outside the awareness that absolutely everything has its moment of bloom and will inevitably, simply, fade away.
The evidence for this completely surrounds all of us. Our entire life experience is witness to this phenomenon of perpetual coming and going, expanding and contracting, inhaling and exhaling. It is a source of our greatest sorrows. It also holds the key to our greatest capacity for true joy.
Blogger David Kanigan shared this great Walt Whitman poem…
“Why, who makes much of a miracle? As to me I know of nothing else but miracles,
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night with any one I love,
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of stars shining so quiet and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place.
To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle,
Every cubic inch of space is a miracle,
Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with the same,
Every foot of the interior swarms with the same.
To me the sea is a continual miracle,
The fishes that swim—the rocks—the motion of the waves—the ships with men in them,
What stranger miracles are there?”
13 “Yet if you devote your heart to him
and stretch out your hands to him, 14 if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, 15 then, free of fault, you will lift up your face;
you will stand firm and without fear. 16 You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by. 17 Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning. 18 You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety. 19 You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid,
and many will court your favor.
One of my favorite authors is Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project. Recently, she shared her thoughts on having your own set of personal commandments…
One of the most challenging—and most helpful and fun—tasks that I’ve done as part of my Happiness Project is to write my Twelve Personal Commandments. These aren’t specific resolutions, like make my bed, but the overarching principles by which I try to live my life.
It took me several months to come up with this list, and it has been very useful for me to have them identified clearly in my mind. It’s a creative way of distilling core values.
To get you started as you think about your own commandments, here are my Twelve Commandments:
Consider phrases that have stuck with you. When I look at my Twelve Commandments, I realize that five of them are actually quotations from other people. My father repeatedly reminds me to “Enjoy the process.” A respected boss told me to “Be polite and be fair.” A good friend told me that she’d decided that “There is only love” in her heart for a difficult person. “No calculation” is a paraphrase of my spiritual master St. Therese (“When one loves, one does not calculate”), and “Act the way I want to feel” is a paraphrase of William James.
Aim high and fight the urge to be too comprehensive.I’ve found that my commandments help me most when I review them at least daily, to keep them fresh in my mind, and to do this, it helps to keep the list short and snappy. I suspect that Twelve Commandments is too much. Maybe I only need two, “Be Gretchen” and “There is only love.”
Think about what’s true for you.Each person’s list will differ. One person’s commandment is to “Say yes,” another person’s commandment is to “Say no.” You need to think about yourself, your values, your strengths and weaknesses, your interests.
The mother eagle teaches her little ones to fly by making their nest so uncomfortable that they are forced to leave it and commit themselves to the unknown world of air outside. And just so does our God to us.
— Hannah Whitall Smith
Sometimes, the pressure comes from within us. Sometimes, it’s external. That job folds. The relationship stops working. Alcohol and drugs stop working. What am I going to do?
“It doesn’t take as much faith to believe that everything happens for a reason as it does to embrace the belief that I am who and where I am now, today, for a reason—even if I don’t know what that reason is and even if I don’t particularly like who or where I am today,” a friend said to me. “When I can take that in, my dissatisfaction and negativity disappear, and I can proceed calmly and gratefully with my life. To me,” he said, “that’s what spirituality is all about.”
Faith and hope aren’t just for the future. Try using them on today.
Could it be that you’re who you are and where you are now for a reason? Thank God for your life, exactly as it is, right now.
“Humility is recognition of truth. Your worldly accomplishments are a gift bestowed upon you by the Uni-verse, nothing is possible without the support of the invisible realm of the Infinite Mystery. When you know that you actually do nothing and are simply a channel for the Good, Abundance, Joy and Peace that already existed before your birth to be rearranged to your preference you will be in harmony with Life. The minute you buy into being the doer of anything you have taken yourself out of the flow and stepped back into Ego thinking. All things have been created by the Joyful will of the Infinite Mystery, Life is an experience of making choices about how you want to arrange things in your life. You can choose to arrange things in a Fearful, Egoic way, or you can choose to arrange things in a Loving and Joyful way. When you choose Love and Joy you align with the greatest and highest Good and begin to express your unique creative perspective while at the same time feeling a oneness with everyone else. This will leave you with a feeling of wholeness, joy, peace and gratitude.”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
– Marianne Williamson, is a best-selling author and speaker.
True Love is letting go. Freedom and free will are the by-products of Love.
So many of us lead our lives holding on so tightly that nothing new, nothing miraculous can find us.
We have been taught for a very long time that holding on is what makes us strong, is what Love is made of and is the best answer.
But we are stepping into a new paradigm. We are stepping into a time where growth and Love lead the way. This means we are constantly changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.
What must come first is our own spiritual growth. This means listening to our intuition, trusting our gut and expressing ourselves authentically without hiding.
Holding on to a broken relationship stunts our growth. You don’t get points from The Uni-verse for how much you suffer. The Uni-verse wants to deliver to you all that your heart desires.
Actors in movies or on television often must exaggerate their feelings in order to create drama on the screen. If they are hurt, they cry with a special intensity. If afraid, they scream and cower in a corner or curl up on a sofa. They may grab a person trying to leave and beg for that person to stay. In rage, they may stomp around hollering in a dramatic storm.
We can learn to separate what we’re feeling from what we do. If we’re feeling fear, hurt, anger, or any other emotion, we need to experience the emotion until we become clear. Sometimes beating a pillow helps release our anger. But we don’t have to stomp around and slam doors. That’s letting our emotions control us.
You don’t have to revel in your emotions. And you can separate your behaviors what you do—from what you feel.
Stop being a twentieth-century drama queen. It isn’t necessary, anymore. We are more conscious than that now.
God, help me let go of the unnecessary drama in my life.
So what does ‘Kein Drama’ mean? My friend Michael in Germany is fond of saying that — Kein Drama — it means literally ‘no drama’ but it was his way of saying it’s no big deal…
When I say to myself or my family ‘Kein Drama’ it means something different. It means let’s put an end to this unnecessary emotion. I need to think more about the dramas in which I play a role and sometimes it’s ok to put down the script and say ‘I don’t like this role that you would like me to play’. I don’t have to meet all my wife’s expectations. I don’t have to live up to my in-laws expectations. I don’t have to live up to all of mine, either…
Melody’s post is a good reminder for me to put the drama aside and focus on the things that are really important; God, help me let go of the unnecessary drama in my life…
Bryan Reeves, an infrequent contributor at The Daily Love has this to share…
Bright, shiny objects! 
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