Tag: Relationship

How to Draw the Line When You Have No Idea Where to Put It

“Have you ever felt at a loss when you needed to draw the line with someone?

Have you put yourself at a disadvantage when you failed to draw the line because you couldn’t think of a way to do it ?

Have you ever felt mistreated when someone drew a line to your disadvantage?

Setting boundaries is one of the most important parts of relationships. It is more important to satisfactory relationships that just about everything else, since without agreeable boundaries, most relationships cannot function well. The expression, “Good fences make good neighbors,” is true.

At the same time we all have had experience with poor boundaries, boundaries that are too loose or too strict, boundaries that are self-serving and boundaries that feel abusive.

So what can we do about this?” Go to the source: Setting Boundaries: How to Draw the Line When You Have No Idea Where to Put It.

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Men’s Top 4 Wishes and Why You Should Grant Them

 

“What do men really want in a relationship and should women be catering to their needs?  The answer is a bit complicated and it appears to differ with age. For those under the age of 40, sex ranked first. For the over 40s cuddling and kissing took the top spot.  Archives of Sexual Behavior. Ever since the Kinsey Institute report this summer regarding relationship fulfillment, I have been curious about men’s wishes.

While it appears that men and women have different desires, in fact many have similar wishes that simply become confused in translation.

One reason for this says Mark Gungor, in his Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® seminars is that men and women have different brains.  The male brain is compartmentalized, whereas women’s brains are a mass of connected circuits that remember “everything!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QoCXKPh9Zw

In the world of relationships, we know that women want love, commitment, and romance—but what do men really want? After reading through a manuscript from the Beltway Bachelor—and reminding him that no woman could live up to his 160 page ideal—I asked, “What do men really want?”

He replied, “Let me give it some thought.”” Go to the source: Men’s Top 4 Wishes and Why You Should Grant Them | Psychology Today.

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What Do Your Kids Think About Marriage?

Marriage Day

How do you decide whom to marry?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”  ‒ Alan, age 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married? “You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” – Derrick, age 8

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?  “Both don’t want any more kids.” – Lori, age 8

When is it okay to kiss someone?  “When they’re rich.” – Pam, age 7

How would you make a marriage work?  “Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.” – Ricky, age 10

Classic.  So what do your kids think about your marriage?  If you think you need to do a better job portraying what a marriage should be, the first step is to renew the romance. Start with a getaway.  Have you ever planned a trip for just you and your wife without the kids?  If not, or if you want to do another trip, here are 10 tips for a romantic getaway.

via What Do Your Kids Think About Marriage? | All Pro Dad Blog.

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A seven-step prescription for self-love

Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love” →

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Every behavior and every thought has a consequence

PhotoReading David Kanigan’s blog led me to this gem by Kristin Cuthriell…

“When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.  When you choose the thoughts, you choose the consequences.” –Dr. Phil McGraw

First, look at the consequences and decide.  Is this what I really want?

My dad once told me, “Remember what you know.” Through the years, I have found this to be great advice.  So many times we forget simple truths in life, things that we already know.  Often, I write about these simple truths to not only remind my readers, but to also remind myself of things that we already know and may have forgotten to practice in our lives.

Today I write about choices.

Every choice that we make is followed by a consequence.  Too often, we act impulsively, not taking the time to think through the possible repercussions of our actions.  We do not play the tape through, which means that we do not visualize the backlash of our thoughts and behaviors.  We simply act without thinking it through in its totality.

Whether our choices are impulsive or well thought out, the consequences will be the same. Take the time to play the tape through. The choices we make when emotions are high, we usually come to regret.  Take a moment to think it all the way through.

Source: Every Behavior and Every Thought Has a Consequence | Let Life in Practices

Go to the source if you’d like her list of ‘obvious things we forget’. Click the ‘follow’ button while you’re there!

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Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All

Love On The Rocks...lol

Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love shares this…

I am not saying that painful things in your past didn’t happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it’s not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work, and reps, like in the gym. But if you try and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt us. Not so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

As I have guided clients through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. Forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And of VERY traumatic events.

The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you.

The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond over the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes of how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but a request for Love or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time.

Source: Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All!

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective on the issue…

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How To Have A PERFECT Relationship With EVERYONE!

English: A symbol for radical relationships. T...

A little Kute Blackson to start your day…

There are over 6 billion people on the planet. Each with their own unique personalities and expression.

Every person is in your life for a reason whether you see it or not. Each person is here to teach you something and has a gift for your soul’s evolution. Each person reflects some aspect of yourself that needs to be loved, forgiven, embraced or simply accepted.

The more you can accept and love yourself as you are.

The more you can accept and love those around you as they are.

The freer you will be.

Trying to change someone into your ideal version of who you would like them to be only creates suffering for you.

This is not in your control.

Let me repeat: This is NOT in your control.

Source: How To Have A PERFECT Relationship With EVERYONE!

Go to the source if you’d like more of Kute’s post and/or watch the video below…

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Healthy Relationships

Icon from Nuvola icon theme for KDE 3.x.

I stumbled upon this this morning…

Communication is a key part to building a healthy relationship. The first step is making sure you both want and expect the same things — being on the same page is very important. The following tips can help you create and maintain a healthy relationship:

  • Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
  • Respect Your Partner. Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
  • Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
  • Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

Source: Healthy Relationships | www.loveisrespect.org

Go to the source if you’d like to know more…

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Taking care of Yourself

Feelings (David Byrne album)
Image via Wikipedia

Anger, fear, sadness, betrayal a lot of emotions can run through us when we stop trying to change the other person and start focusing on taking care of ourselves. The good news is that we’re finally feeling our own feelings instead of trying to figure out what the other person feels.

Maybe all those feelings we’ve been avoiding aren’t the opposite of love. Those feelings could be an important step on the path to love.

Inventory Focus: Is there a relationship in your life right now that is bugging you? Are you willing to explore detachment as a means to improving the relationship and regaining your peace?

Source: December 30: Taking care of Yourself | Language of Letting Go

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Give the gift of connection and relationship

Pile of gorgeous gifts
Image via Wikipedia

I found another great blogger this morning — Lee Horbachewski of SimpLee Serene. Here’s a recent post I liked…

No matter who you are, what you look like, what you do, where you invest your time or how you celebrate the season, you need connection.

  • Accepting people for who they are.
  • Knowing what’s going on around you.
  • Being present right now.
  • Connecting with full attention and pure intention.

It all sounds wonderful doesn’t it?  So what stops our society from doing and being this?

Busy, busy, busy, go, go, go, buy, buy, buy and dare I say it judge, judge, judge…

What if the biggest gift you can give someone you love is you: your time, your love and your acceptance?

I invite you to consider for a moment what it would feel like to experience quality time with a friend.   How would it feel to receive a surprise visit, a phone call, a real life connection?

I invite you to press STOP right now on the busyness of life and what should be done.  Connect with YOU in this moment, now think of the special people in your life…  Do you know how they are feeling?  Do you know what’s going on in their life?  When was the last time you spoke to them?  When was the last time you saw them?

Show someone you love, that they are special.

Show someone you care, and give the gift of connection and relationship.

And as always this begins with connecting with YOU.

Source: Give the gift of connection and relationship by Lee | SimpLee Serene

If you like this, there’s more at the Source. Add her blog to Google Reader like I did and keep your holidays happy…

Open-mouthed smile

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How To Live The Life You REALLY Want!

I started out to only curate a small part of Mastin’s post this morning but just couldn’t stop. Here’s the whole post in it’s entirety more or less…

Are there any habits that you have that are costing you the things in your life that you truly love? For example, do you love your family but overworking causes you to miss out on them? Do you want to fall in love, but your desire to not get hurt again holds you back? Are you pursuing a professional career because you want to get significance from one of your parents, even though what you are doing doesn’t make you come alive? Are you so focused on the future of where your relationship is going that you aren’t enjoying it in the present? Are you so focused on the potential of someone you are in a toxic relationship with that you ignore the fact that you are unhappy with it, but you cling to the idea that they could change?

What is your current set of beliefs costing you? Are there any behaviors you have that are preventing you from getting what you really want?

For example – did you start a business because you wanted more free time, yet that will never happen? Or because you think it will make you rich, and that will allow you to spend more time with the family, but you have no time for them? Do you work your butt off so you don’t have to stress about money, but no matter what happens, you stress about money? Are you in a toxic relationship because you want Love, but aren’t really getting any?

So many times we do things that are not really in our nature because there is an outcome we want that we could get with much more ease if we were to just accept our nature. There are lots of ways to get what you really want, but first you have to know who you really are! Some people have no idea who they are; others own themselves like crazy!

So, how do you find out who you really are? Well it would be a lot easier if I was working with you one on one, we could get to the core of it rather quickly. But here’s the rub… Remember back over your life to all the moments where you were really alive! What were they? What moments in your life were you totally happy, fulfilled, etc.?

Think back and look at the things in common that you had in each of these moments. These are the things you REALLY want in life. Freedom. Passion. Love. Connection. Growth. Contribution. Joy. Variety.

So, in your current life, what are you doing to GET these things that is actually the OPPOSITE of them? Are you settling to get love? Are you doing things that confine you to get freedom?

What if it were true that you could get everything you wanted now, just by changing your story about what’s possible? What if you could have all the Love you wanted right now if you gave up trying to prove your way into getting Love and just accepted that you were love-able now? How would that change your life? Are you in the rat race because you think winning it will give you something? IF so, remember that even if you win the rat race you are still a rat! :o )

So, how can you see that it’s possible to already get what you want, right now? Are you trying to get what matters most to you in a backwards way? Can you really get what you want now by changing your story about what you really deserve and what you have to do to get the thing you want most? Have you forgotten who you really are and lived a life to live up to someone else’s expectations?

How To Live The Life You REALLY Want!

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10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems

Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships humming at optimal levels. Another reason is a simple failure in imagination.

But – if successful courting requires commitment, hard work and imagination to pull off… then why does it surprise us when neglect hurts relationships after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted – why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if we want to restore a problematic – or “under the weather” – marriage. All Pro Dad suggests the following 10 for men who want to get the ball rolling…

via allprodad.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you’re interested in the 10 strategies…

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Turn up the self love!

True Love Couple
Image via Wikipedia

Some good thoughts from Laura Fenamore this morning…

“We all spend so much time thinking about our relationships with others that we forget our relationships to our own selves. Before we can find love without, we must find love within.

Self-love first, True Love second.

We ought to be our own best friends, but all too often we end up being our own worst critics. We develop a negative voice, the one that berates us when we mess up at work, the one that critiques our reflections as we pass by a store window. That voice is so present, so ubiquitous, we may not even realize that we don’t have to listen to it. With that little guy or gal talking in our ears, it’s no wonder so many of us have trouble walking the path of self-love.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!

She goes on to say…

“And so I taught self-love to myself. Love, both of ourselves and others, isn’t just a sense of peace and bliss, though that is where it may end up eventually. At the beginning, it’s a deep sense of desire and drive. I’d like to share with you three inspirational practices I used as I learned to walk the path of heart.

1. Accept Who You Are Now

Accepting yourself, warts and all, puts you in charge of your destiny. On my own journey, I began to see that while my negative voice as a part of me – the wounded part of me – it was not me. I ultimately learned is that I never would escape negativity by ignoring it or making myself wrong for my feelings. I first had to accept that yes, I am depressed, but that is not who I am. It is simply where I am in this moment, whether that moment is an hour or a year.

2. Affirm, Affirm, Affirm Again

Affirmations are a great way to work from the outside in – remind yourself how loveable you are, and eventually you’ll start believing it, too. Write yourself an affirmation.

• Make it about yourself – “I” statements only.

• Be positive – instead of “I don’t give up on my goals,” say “I stay focused on my goals.”

• Use the present tense – because you already are wonderful! Use the boldest, most positive phrasing you can muster.

• Be precise, be specific – list particular qualities about yourself that you love.

3. Quiet Your Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk takes many forms; it can be personally attacking thoughts (“You’re an idiot!”), complaints about your situation and the people in it (blaming others disempowers us), or silent judgments (“Is he/she better looking than I am?”). These thoughts reinforce our negative perceptions of ourselves and make it impossible for self-love to take hold. While we may not be able to turn off our negative voices, we can definitely turn them down.

Tune into that voice, and identify and write down seven negative thoughts you have about yourself in the next week. The next time you find yourself thinking that negative thought (“You screwed up this project!”), gently replace it with an affirmation.

Stick with it! Self-love is about being gentle and firm. Let go of the excuses and the stories about your lack of worth. Love requires us to stretch and to grow – not so that we may become someone worth loving (which we all already are), but rather so we can become someone who can love others and ourselvesgreatly and unconditionally.” Source; Turn Down Your Negative Voice – Turn Up Self-Love!

I hope this blesses you, too…

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Step One: Self-love. Step Two: True Love

Author: Bagande
Image via Wikipedia

Good stuff from lovemeister Mastin Kipp…

If you’re looking for a truly Loving relationship, it is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on the path to self-love. We don’t have to love ourselves perfectly to find awesome love, but we have to be on the path to self-love. This also means that whomever we choose to be in a relationship with should be on that path, too.

There will never be a perfect moment where we love ourselves perfectly and then we can be in a relationship. It’s a constant process of discovery with no end. But for a relationship to thrive and for intimacy to emerge, each person must be dedicated to growth; otherwise, you will hit a wall.

A huge revelation for me recently has been that nobody, including myself, is perfect. It sounds obvious when I write it, but for many years I would meet people and project this expectation of perfection on to them. And I would get mad, angry and hurt when they wouldn’t meet that expectation. So, I’ve recently decided that from the beginning of any relationships I start, that I want to acknowledge my own imperfection as well as the imperfection of the other person and consciously choose to enter into a relationship not seeking perfection, but rather loving each other’s imperfections. And instead of looking to the other person to meet all our needs perfectly, to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on The Uni-verse.

via thedailylove.com
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Putting Conflict to R.E.S.T.

Created by Phil Scoville on June 25, 2005 Down...
Image via Wikipedia

No marriage is perfect. We all have conflict from time to time. Resolving conflict can be one of the biggest challenges in marriage.  When conflict goes unresolved, it causes tension and builds a wall between husband and wife.  When attempts at addressing conflict are unproductive or harsh, it can lead to resentment, discouragement and even bigger problems than you faced originally.

So, after you’ve cooled down and taken a break, how can you address conflict successfully in your marriage?  One way is to practice the R.E.S.T. method.

via markmerrill.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you want the R.E.S.T. of the idea…

;-)

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10 Ways to Get Your Wife to Trust You

Walterignez
Image via Wikipedia

Two brothers live at home with their parents. Don, 17, has a strict curfew. Dan, 16, is never told when to come home. The difference is trust.

Mom and dad know Dan will be home around 10:00. If he’s going to be late, he always calls. But Don never lets them know what he’s up to and he’s lied consistently for years.

For all his openness and detailed communication, Dan feels free as a bird. Don, however, even though he keeps many secrets, always resents what he experiences as a short leash.

Marriage is a similar dance of trust and credibility. Partners who demand “freedom” and push the limits to see how tethered they really are never experience the sense of liberty experienced by those who respect their spouse, keep no secrets, and keep one-another informed about everything.

Non sequitur? Not really. Trust is a sticky issue, but it’s an irreplaceable element if relationships are to experience the kind of freedom and confidence that can only be grounded in mutual respect.

Here are 10 ways to foster trust with your wife…

via allprodad.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like the 10 ways. Me? I’m working on it…

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We Date [or Marry] Who We Are!

Vector image of two human figures with hands i...
Image via Wikipedia
Mastin Kipp shares this…

We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth…

Let me be clear – the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.

The common question seems to be: “How can I change myself so this will work”, and the response is “Don’t change yourself – BE YOURSELF”.

Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand, it can be hellishly uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it’s not the other persons fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.

If you don’t love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won’t get met.

To be a Seeker we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.

Of course in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you.

This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.

Ask yourself this question: “If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?”

via thedailylove.com
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You Are Enough, Period!

A sketch of the human brain imposed upon the p...
Image via Wikipedia
Mastin Kipp shares this thought today…

Where we get our source of approval from is everything. As children we look up to and make our parents our Higher Power. We think they are perfect, infallible human beings. We eventually learn (some earlier than others) that this isn’t the case. Part of stepping onto and into The Path of our Highest Potential is learning to re-parent ourselves.

This means realizing that our parents are not perfect people and loving them anyway. We realize that The Uni-verse has perfect love & approval for us and that we need not chase. We are approved of and loved as we are, where we are and for who we are right now. This allows us to take a step back and no longer need perfect Love from our parents and instead, we can be grateful for their role in our lives as stewards of our lives instead of masters of our destiny.

Once we begin to heal this process, the other relationships of our lives improve. When we no longer assign magical qualities to our parents, or if we were never loved by our parents or assign magical qualities to other people, we see reality and take our power back. When we know that we are already approved of as Children of The Uni-verse, we no longer need to seek approval in business, with sex, with drugs or with status and stature. We can instead rest in the perfect imperfection of who we already are and let it be.

No longer seeking approval, we now have the confidence, self-esteem and personal integrity to create relationships of a higher caliber. We no longer need to use sex as a way to make us feel loved, but instead as a byproduct of love and intimacy. We no longer are defined by fancy things or big houses, because “stuff” doesn’t validate us.

When we can allow ourselves and everyone in our lives to be imperfect and love them anyways, we have taken a massive leap towards Love.

What would your life look like if you lived it without the compulsive desire to show your parents how awesome you are, or to get their approval? What would your love life look like? What would your professional life look like?

How would your life be different if you KNEW in every cell of your being that you are enough, right now, as is… PERIOD?

via thedailylove.com
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“I Am Right Dammit! …and by the way.. You’re Wrong!”

Good thoughts on ego and anger from Tommy Rosen…

Ah, the need to be right.  Who hasn’t felt their ego rise up with all the determination in The Uni-verse and say, “I AM RIGHT DAMMIT!” And look out when that happens because that’s the voice of separation. That’s the voice that wants you to believe you are actually unconnected from other people and from the power, which underlies all things. Because of that voice things like fighting, jealousy and wars can take place.  The minute we feel separate from each other, we lose the ability to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and to understand them through compassion and empathy. Without those critical qualities, harmony and peace between people is fleeting at best.

Eckhart Tolle writes:  “The ego has a fear and distrust of others, but not YOU.  You are a spiritual being able to connect to all things.”

Let’s look more closely at how the ego works when we try to be right.

via thedailylove.com

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like more, but you might also enjoy the video clip below…

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Don’t blame them! It’s not their fault…

Mastin Kipp

Keen insite this morning from Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love…

Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.

We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.

Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.

So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.

Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.

And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.

It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.

It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.

When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.

So, you say you want love, yes?

Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?

Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?

The choice is yours. What’ll it be?

via thedailylove.com
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The If, Then Game

Gendun Drup, 1st Dalai Lama
Image via Wikipedia
I’d like to share part of this post from Alissa Finerman with you…

Starting early in life we learn the power of if … then statements in a very simple and seemingly innocuous way. For example, in math class we use if … then statements to learn logic. If a = b and b = c, then a = c.

The if … then game goes on and on. We play it in every area of our life – relationships, career, healthy living, and finances.

 If I am in a relationship, then I’ll be happy.

If I get a new job, then I’ll be happy.

If I lose weight, then I’ll be happy.

If I make more money, then I’ll be happy.

Society and the media influence our mind to think with a set of conditions that help us make sense and draw logical conclusions (this is helpful). But somewhere along the line, we screw up the logic and substitute our own set of conditions that do not follow and, therefore, result in irrational conclusions (this is unhelpful).  It’s important to note that happiness doesn’t require any if … then conditions. The Dalai Lama believes happiness is a choice.

Often, we create a situation in our mind, such as being happy, and make it dependent on another event. But in reality, this state of well-being is not dependent on any set of conditions other than our own mindset and perspective right now.  Things such as a starting a new relationship, getting promoted, making more money, losing weight do not necessarily equal happiness.  Happiness is available, right here – right now – in this moment, whether you are going through a major life transition or in the greatest relationship of your life. It doesn’t depend on anyone but you. By definition, if … then statements take you out of the present moment and steer your focus to the future.

via thedailylove.com

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like to read the rest…

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