Tag: Recovery

Boundaries


Can I go a single day without quoting Melody Beattie? I don’t think so!

“Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Be­cause we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn’t hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.

There’s nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson. The lesson may be that we’ve be­come too controlling. Or maybe were being pushed to own our power to take care of ourselves. The issue is boundaries.

If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that’s exactly what’s happening: we’re being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that’s here to help us explore and set our boundaries.

Today, I will give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.” via June 8: Boundaries.

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Snickers doesn’t satisfy!

My buddy Jon Swanson shares this:

I used to argue strongly on behalf of Snickers as a healthy snack. After all, it has peanuts. That makes it healthier than other candy bars like 3 Musketeers that are just fluff.

I was helped in the argument by an ad campaign which affirmed that if you were looking for satisfaction, Snickers was the place to turn. I assume that they were suggesting that it was satisfying primarily for those moments when you are hungry.

What I must acknowledge, however, is that the temporary satisfaction of the hunger pain comes at a nutritional price. There are other options.There are healthier options. But when it’s so easy to go downstairs and get one and there aren’t any of the other options around, you go for the Snickers.

What is more satisfying, I am learning, is being able to buy smaller jeans.

What I am also learning is that I wasn’t just satisfying my hunger. Often, I eat because I don’t want to think. I don’t want to sit still and work through the idea or the tough email or the reflective self-examination or the quiet waiting before God.

I think it’s why God said to Isaiah,

Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

That hunger that I think is for Snickers is actually a deeper hunger, in my soul rather than my stomach. I know full well that we need food. Because we are created with taste buds, I’m pretty sure we are designed to enjoy good food well. I also know that I spend money of snacks not good, time on words that don’t feed.

But I am slowly shifting both foods.

Source: I’m gradually learning that Snickers doesn’t satisfy. | 300 words a day

It sounds like Jon and I have been on a similar path these days; learning about the benefits of exercise and healthy eating all over again…

Jon has his exercise bike and I’m using a ‘real’ bike combined with fitness walking and yoga with my wife to exercise. Jon is setting aside Snickers and I’m drinking nothing but water, tea and coffee and working to make live foods more than 75% of my diet most days. Exercising the body satisfies. Eating healthy — most times organic — foods satisfies. We both agree Jesus satisfies…

All this goodness in my life is flowing from Celebrate Recovery and healing within, fighting and sometimes defeating codependency and other unhealthy habits. I used to look for the quick fix — the silver bullet — but now I look for lasting change and it’s driven by a hunger for ‘real food’…

2

The Gift of Readiness

Melody Beattie writes:

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Step Six of Al-Anon.

We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by a Power greater than ourselves – God.

The path to this willingness can be long and hard. Many of us have to struggle with a behavior or feeling before we become ready to let it go. We need to see, over and over again, that the coping device that once protected us is no longer useful.

The defects of character referred to in Step Six are old survival behaviors that once helped us cope with people, life, and ourselves. But now they are getting in our way, and it is time to be willing to have them removed.

Trust in this time. Trust that you are being readied to let go of that which is no longer useful. Trust that a change of heart is being worked out in you.

God, help me become ready to let go of my defects of character. Help me know, in my mind and soul, that I am ready to let go of my self defeating behaviors, the blocks and barriers to my life.” via 6/6 Language of Letting Go – SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.

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20 Ways to Give Without Expectations

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” Samuel Johnson

As a recovering codependent, I love to help and give but sometimes, even I don’t see the strings that are attached until it is too late! “Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.” Get more here: 20 Ways to Give Without Expectations | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In. btw, like Lori’s #20: I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

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If you’re not the lead dog…

…the view never changes as they say — and sometimes, that’s OK! One of my biggest pleasures in life is watching my wife’s long lean legs as we ride and if she thinks she’s going faster than me, who am I to tell her different… :-D

What’s my point? I’m always thinking. Not always about the right things, but I’m always thinking. Yesterday, taking a bike ride with my wife, it occurred to me that having a healthy relationship is a lot like taking a bike ride with a friend…

Let me take you back a year to the first time I read “Codependent No More”. A friend had suggested I might [and that’s an understatement] suffer from codependency. As I read the book, I realized I was reading about me. I shared the book with my wife and she took her own lessons from it. As we drove to Illinois to celebrate my birthday with family and listening to some of our favorite love songs, we started to realize how deeply codependent so many love songs are and as a result, they affect our perspective of love. Here are some great examples of sappy love songs I’ve listened to for decades [sorry to pick on Bread, but they illustrate my point so well]…

So what’s the answer? For me it’s the analogy of the bicycle ride and this gets back to what I was saying about thinking too much some times and looking for lessons. The thought came upon me that love is less like walking hand in hand sometimes and more like taking a bike ride together. When you ride together, each person is responsible for their own equipment [oil your chain, inflate your tires, select your own gear] and their own ‘balance’ — you have to make sure you don’t fall off your own bike! You can’t hold up your partner and ride at the same time…

When my wife and I ride, we choose a general route or direction, but I can’t pedal her bike for her. We each have a different strategy for hills, etc. — sometimes I like to kick them in the butt by charging breathlessly up them; sometimes I drop into first gear and crawl up them — but the point is I have to drag my own butt up the hill and she has to get up there by herself. I do my work, she does hers and when you get to the top of the hill and pull out the water bottle it’s sweet to be together again…

Reading this you now know why I don’t write my own material often but this is a deep lesson for me that I wanted to document for myself…

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Detachment means “freedom from emotion”

The Way You Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me Feel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel.

At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful.

I will work on detachment today, knowing that in time the rewards will come. 

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Attack shame!

Melody Beattie writes:

“Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.” Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame.

Many systems and people reek of shame.  They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them.  They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We dont have to fall into their shame.  Instead, we’ll take the good feelings self, acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors.  If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed.  Its inevitable.  We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed original shame upon us, may try to put shame on us.  This can happen when were all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life.  Dont think.  Dont feel.  Dont grow or change.  Dont be alive.  Dont live life.  Be ashamed!

Be done with shame.  Attack shame.  Go to war with it.  Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world.  If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible.  God, help me know that its OK to love myself and help me refuse to submit to shame.  If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.” via Adult Children Anonymous.

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Honesty

Melody Beattie writes:

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Step Five of Al Anon

Talking openly and honestly to another person about our­selves, in an attitude that reflects self-responsibility, is critical to recovery.

It’s important to admit what we have done wrong to others and to ourselves. Verbalize our beliefs and our behaviors. Get our resentments and fears out in the open.

That’s how we release our pain. That’s how we release old beliefs and feelings. That’s how we are set free. The more clear and specific we can be with our Higher Power, our­selves, and another person, the more quickly we will experience that freedom.

Step Five is an important part of the recovery process. For those of us who have learned to keep secrets from ourselves and others, it is not just a step — it is a leap toward becom­ing healthy.

Today I will remember that it’s okay to talk about the issues that bother me. It is by sharing my issues that I will grow beyond them. I will also remember that it’s okay to be selective about those in whom I confide. I can trust my instincts and choose someone who will not use my disclosures against me, and who will give me healthy feedback.” via June 5: Honesty.

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For the Next 24 Hours…

Melody Beattie writes:

For the next twenty-four hours…

In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount of faith. We refuse to look back—unless healing from the past is part of today’s work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day’s activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, we’ll have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.

…I pray for knowledge of Your will for me only,…

We surrender to God’s will. We stop trying to control, and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power’s will for us—that it’s good, generous, and with direction. We’re learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God’s will. We’re learning that God’s will is not offensive. We’ve learned that sometimes there’s a difference between what others want us to do and God’s will. We’re also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We’re learning to trust ourselves.

…and the power to carry that through.

Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is claiming the power to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater than ourselves to do that. We will never be called upon to do anything that we won’t be empowered to do.

Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 122-123). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Splitting

Split face photo

Splitting creates instability in relationships, because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether he or she gratifies the subject’s needs or frustrates them. This along with similar oscillations in the experience and appraisal of the self lead to chaotic and unstable relationship patterns, identity diffusion, and Other-directed mood swings. Consequently, the therapeutic process can be greatly impeded by these oscillations, because the therapist too can become the target of splitting. To overcome the negative effects on treatment outcome, constant interpretations by the therapist are needed.[1]

Splitting contributes to unstable relationships and intense emotional experiences, something that has been noted especially with narcissists. Alexander Abdennur writes in his book on narcissistic personality disorder, Camouflaged Aggression, that “[t]hrough this splitting mechanism, the narcissist can suddenly and radically shift his allegiance. A trusted friend can become an enemy; the partner may become an adversary.”[2]

Treatment strategies have been developed for individuals and groups based on dialectical behavior therapy, and for couples.[3] There are also self help books on related topics such as mindfulness and emotional regulation that have been helpful for individuals who struggle with the consequences of splitting.[4]” Get more here: Splitting (psychology) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

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Perfection

Melody Beattie writes:

Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recov­ery. We may also have a tendency to pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.

“If I was really recovering, I wouldn’t be doing that again…:’ “I should be further along than I am:’ These are statements that we indulge in when were feeling shame. We don’t need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.

Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done some­thing we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.

Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of think­ing, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That’s how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by sham­ing ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.

Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it’s accepting and lov­ing ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.

Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.” via June 2: Perfection | Language of Letting Go.

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Just in case you missed this for 5/30/2012

  1. Todd’s tweets…

  2. toddlohenry
    Best Money Tips: Easy Ways to Save Money This Summer http://bit.ly/Kc3wlW

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 08:20:05

  3. toddlohenry
    May 30 http://bit.ly/L4Ifq7

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 08:10:04

  4. toddlohenry
    When Other People Won’t Change http://bit.ly/JUAQHV

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 08:00:11

  5. toddlohenry
    Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power? http://bit.ly/JPgotH

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:50:04

  6. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://fb.me/1G2hIbQdo

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:47:18

  7. toddlohenry
    Life Lessons from Solitaire http://bit.ly/JPebi8

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:40:03

  8. toddlohenry
    3 Simple Ways to Follow Your Bliss http://bit.ly/KbQMLu

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:30:31

  9. toddlohenry
    Is Fear of Success Limiting Your Productivity? http://bit.ly/JtzxjD

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:20:06

  10. toddlohenry
    Love Defines You! http://bit.ly/JtzwMC

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:10:12

  11. toddlohenry
    Keep It Glassy: Say Goodbye to Plastic http://bit.ly/JPc7Xt

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 07:00:36

  12. toddlohenry
    Stop Blaming Your Parents. Give It Up. Stop. Let It Go! http://bit.ly/LGYZX9

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:50:08

  13. toddlohenry
    Every Day Is A Rite Of Passage! http://bit.ly/LGYY5i

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:40:03

  14. toddlohenry
    “If You’re Happy and You Know It: 6 Ways to Grow Your Child’s Emotional Literacy” http://bit.ly/KbWsWy

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:34:04

  15. toddlohenry
    5 Life Lessons from Solitaire http://bit.ly/LGYYST

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:30:18

  16. toddlohenry
    8 Life Lessons From Yoga Workshop http://bit.ly/KbVt90 @jackiedumaine

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:25:16

  17. toddlohenry
    #014: Building Your Platform, Part 2 [Podcast] http://bit.ly/LFMjeX

    Todd Lohenry

    Wed, May 30 2012 06:20:02

  18. toddlohenry
    If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree… http://bit.ly/JT6Bkz

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:40:03

  19. toddlohenry
    Facebook drop reaches 10%, below $29 http://cnnmon.ie/N8k5Nb

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:30:10

  20. toddlohenry
    I’m at Lakeside Community Church (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/M4iXNN

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:29:51

  21. toddlohenry
    Our World Needs More Whimsy, Part 2 http://bit.ly/N8k7Vq

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:20:03

  22. toddlohenry
    Irish Fest brings music to the marina http://bit.ly/N8k4bZ

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:10:06

  23. toddlohenry
    Donald Driver says he’s headed back to Packers – NFL News http://bit.ly/KatJBo

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 20:00:05

  24. toddlohenry
    What is Pillow Talk and How to Make It Better? http://bit.ly/KatGpr

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 19:50:08

  25. toddlohenry
    Rural Tourism is More Than Just Agritourism http://bit.ly/N8jTh5

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 19:40:02

  26. toddlohenry
    A wedding announcement guaranteed to make a white supremacist’s head explode. http://bit.ly/KatG8G

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 19:30:24

  27. toddlohenry
    Justin Bieber tops cheesiest celeb poll http://bit.ly/N8jOd9

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 19:20:02

  28. toddlohenry
    The craziest Unhinged Badger http://bit.ly/KatEOh

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:10:05

  29. toddlohenry
    Donald Driver Set To Restructure Deal, Re-Join Packers http://bit.ly/KatExD

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 19:00:40

  30. toddlohenry
    The wide open future of the art museum: Q&A with William Noel http://bit.ly/KatEhf

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:50:06

  31. toddlohenry
    Soft Drinks http://bit.ly/N8jJGe

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:40:05

  32. toddlohenry
    The Chatter: Did Walker or Barrett Win Debate? http://bit.ly/KatBlD

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:30:26

  33. toddlohenry
    Power to the Pews: Internal Marketing http://bit.ly/KrIP3Y

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:20:04

  34. toddlohenry
    Dry erase paint turns any wall into fun space http://bit.ly/LELTWa

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:10:13

  35. toddlohenry
    On being connected… http://bit.ly/JSU2FV

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 18:00:12

  36. toddlohenry
    What do I do… http://bit.ly/LEE0jD

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:50:02

  37. toddlohenry
    I’m at Caffé Tlazo (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/Lcpcdi

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:44:44

  38. toddlohenry
    The best time to start positively changing your life… http://bit.ly/KEIXM3

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:40:04

  39. toddlohenry
    Be faithful in small things http://bit.ly/LCZmlq

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:30:25

  40. toddlohenry
    The Tiny Guide to Creating the Flossing Habit http://bit.ly/K9a6Ji

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:20:13

  41. toddlohenry
    Pigeon of Discontent: “I Envy My Friends.” http://bit.ly/L1LgaN

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 17:10:11

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Let go and let God

Melody Beattie writes:

A friend was experiencing some financial difficulties. He was getting to the point of despair. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“Why don’t you ask God?” I said.

“I couldn’t do that. I’ve already asked God too many times to bail me out.”

“I don’t mean ask God to bail you out,” I said. “Ask God to show you what to do.”

“I never thought of that,” he said.

We all have access to the greatest resource in the world. We don’t have to sign up, register, or pay dues. Wherever we are, whatever we’re facing, all we need to do is ask our Higher Power what to do next. Why is it that the simplest things in life can be the hardest things to do?

Application: Got financial problems? Relationship problems? Facing a quandary in life? Stepping into the vast wilderness called the unknown? If we’ve run out of our own answers, it is time to ask for guidance. Or better yet, we can ask for guidance before running out of our own resources. Asking for guidance—for knowledge of God’s Will for us and the power to carry that out—is a good thing to do as needed and each day.” via May 30.

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Affirm Yourself…

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Melody Beattie writes:

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don’t wait until you’re successful to tell yourself you’re that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I’m not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there’s a ways to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don’t have to be to say those two little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfill­ing life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be…

via April 23: Affirm Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

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Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?

Mastin Kipp writes:

A definition of interdependence is: “a reciprocal relation between interdependent entities.”

The key word here is: “reciprocal”. Interdependence can be thought of as a relationship where each party gives and receives from his or her own internal overflow. This is TOTALLY different than “codependence” which can be thought of as being “addicted to someone”.

Another way to look at it, spiritually, is this:

A codependent person makes someone else his or her Higher Power. An interdependent person knows that The Uni-verse is their Higher Power and keeps their focus on that, while choosing to be in a relationship with someone else who is also looking to The Uni-verse to fulfill them.” Get more here: Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?.

If any of this gives you pause to think, you might want to take a look at Melody Beattie‘s book Codependent No More — it’s full of pratical thoughts, tools and tactics for taking codependency head on. You can download a free sample here. I first became aware of this issue in my life about a year ago but this book, the accompanying workbook and her meditation book “Language of Letting Go” have been helpful to me in overcoming codependency and having better relationships…

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On being connected…

LOL. ‘Make me one with everything’…

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?

I was buckling my seat belt in the little Cessna one day, get­ting ready for flight training, when my instructor Rob turned to me.

“I just take a second when I strap myself in and tell myself I’m becoming one with the plane as I do,” Rob said. “It really helped me in the beginning when I was nervous and felt so separate from the airplane.”

What a great idea, I thought. That day turned into one of my most comfortable flying sessions. It reminded me of a lesson I had learned a while back.

For most of my life, I felt disconnected from things: from myself, from other people, from life. That feeling of separate­ness haunted me. It explains why I tried so desperately to attach myself codependently to people, places, and things.

Over the years, I began to see that my separateness was an illusion. The same energy, the same life force, that runs through all the universe runs through you and me, too.

We’re connected, whether we know it or not.

Nobody has to make you one with everything. You already are.

Let go of your illusion of separateness.

Connect yourself.

God, help me know my oneness with the world. Help me know how connected I really am so I don’t have to connect in ways that don’t work.

via April 15: Connect Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

Something else I like about Melody Beattie — she’s a pilot, or at least a student pilot…

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The reason

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so, I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

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Just in case you missed this for 5/29/2012

  1. “I really, deeply believe that dreams do come true. Often, they might not come when you want them. They come in their own time.”

    – Diana Ross

    Today’s Quotes: BEYOND The Dark Night!

    Tue, May 29 2012 06:52:39

  2. Inspirational poster

    toddlohenry

    Thu, Dec 03 2009 19:00:00

  3. Todd’s tweets…

  4. toddlohenry
    Be the Hero of Your Own Life http://bit.ly/JLiR8E

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 08:10:06

  5. toddlohenry
    3 Steps for Riding the Waves of Anger http://bit.ly/JLiQkU

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 08:00:16

  6. toddlohenry
    May 29 http://bit.ly/JLiOtm

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:50:02

  7. toddlohenry
    Are You Letting Yourself Be Drained By An Emotional Vampire? http://bit.ly/JLiOd4

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:40:02

  8. toddlohenry
    Your Dreams Are Making You Smarter http://bit.ly/JKr1CK

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:30:03

  9. toddlohenry
    Are You Using Coffee As A Crutch For Happiness? http://bit.ly/JLiMBS

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:20:01

  10. toddlohenry
    How to Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes http://bit.ly/JKr15O

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:10:09

  11. toddlohenry
    Supergirl Photo Op http://chzb.gr/MTSrWs

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:30:03

  12. toddlohenry
    Ocean Inspired: Bringing the Beach Inside http://bit.ly/JQHY89

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:20:02

  13. toddlohenry
    Does Optimism Make You Live Longer? http://huff.to/LBn0eb

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:10:06

  14. toddlohenry
    Quote of the Day; Memorial Day http://bit.ly/KRdi6C

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:00:34

  15. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/Klql51

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:50:05

  16. toddlohenry
    Dear Monday… http://bit.ly/KRdeE0

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:40:02

  17. toddlohenry
    12 “song of the summer” contenders http://bit.ly/L8WFoT

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:30:17

  18. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/KlpTUq

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:20:05

  19. toddlohenry
    Best review of Twilight ever written… http://bit.ly/JxjVjS

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:10:05

  20. toddlohenry
    The truth about common sense… http://bit.ly/KRbgmQ

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:00:05

  21. toddlohenry
    Axl Rose releases a new single… http://bit.ly/JxjV3d

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:50:03

  22. toddlohenry
    Review: Will Brain Trainer iPhone App Make You Smarter? http://bit.ly/KRbgTS

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:40:03

  23. toddlohenry
    The Commoditization of Expertise and Why You Should Never Trust a Guru http://bit.ly/JxjSnY

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:30:22

  24. a picture for you

    toddlohenry

    Mon, Sep 20 2010 20:00:00

1

Letting Go of Self Doubt

Melody Beattie writes:

A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. “I want to separate from my husband,” she sobbed. “I can’t stand him or his abuse any longer. But tell me, please tell me,” she said, “do you think I can take care of myself?” Codependent No More

Not only is it okay to take care of ourselves, we can take good care of ourselves.

Many of us, so confident about our ability to take care of others, doubt our inherent strength to care for ourselves. We may have come to believe, from our past or present circumstances, that we need to take care of others and we need others to take care of us. This is the ultimate codependent belief.

No matter where this self-defeating belief was born, we can release it and replace it with a better one, a healthier one, a more accurate one.

We can take care of ourselves — whether we are in or out of a relationship. Everything we need will be provided. We will have loved ones, friends, and our Higher Power to help.

Knowing that we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we won’t have feelings of fear, discomfort, doubt, anger, and fragility at times. It means we practice “courageous vulnerability,” as Colette Dowling called it in Cinderella Complex. We may feel scared, but we do it anyway.

Today, God, help me know how I can take care of myself.” via Daily Meditation ~ Letting Go of Self Doubt – Miracles In Progress Codependents Anonymous Group.

5

Choices

Melody Beattie says:

“We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors — such as caretaking or controlling. Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency.

When we hear ourselves say, “I have to take care of this person…”, “I have to say yes….” ,”I have to try to control that person…”, “I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way…” we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else; recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.” via Inspiration.

Related articles
2

Just in case you missed it for 5/27/12

  1. Todd’s tweets…

  2. toddlohenry
    Tourists flocking to Fond du Lac area http://bit.ly/JFQRrM

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:20:02

  3. toddlohenry
    Choreplay http://fb.me/CodWavQF

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:15:55

  4. toddlohenry
    The TRUE Power of Influence and Emotional Impact http://bit.ly/JEYHNC

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:10:07

  5. toddlohenry
    DNR offers tips to stay healthy while having fun at the beach http://1.usa.gov/JEYGZR

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:00:31

  6. toddlohenry
    High court upholds record Lemon Law award http://bit.ly/JEYGt4

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:50:04

  7. toddlohenry
    Driver brings home the gold on “DWTS” http://bit.ly/JFQNbw

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:40:03

  8. toddlohenry
    Some of Your Worst Days Lie Ahead http://bit.ly/KSCEmQ

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:30:03

  9. toddlohenry
    Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even…. http://bit.ly/JYULv3

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:20:04

  10. toddlohenry
    10 Things Your Dog Would Tell You http://bit.ly/KtTitG

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:10:04

  11. toddlohenry
    50 Inspiring Children’s Books with a Positive Message http://bit.ly/K3LQJg

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:00:35

  12. toddlohenry
    “Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even.” http://bit.ly/KtTjOa

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:50:05

  13. toddlohenry
    Recognizing choices http://bit.ly/LqIXAt

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:40:02

  14. toddlohenry
    4 Tips for when You’re Having One of Those “Why Me?!” Moments http://bit.ly/LzkXY0

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:30:14

  15. toddlohenry
    Missed your work out yesterday? (this week? this month?) Forgetaboutit… http://bit.ly/LqIE8F

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:20:03

  16. toddlohenry
    Cooking At Home Helps You Live Longer http://bit.ly/LzkV24

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:10:04

  17. toddlohenry
    Massage, anyone? http://bit.ly/KchvX5

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 05:30:03

  18. toddlohenry
    Summer fun in Wisconsin http://bit.ly/K2qlIN

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 18:10:07

  19. toddlohenry
    I’m at Krohn’s Lake (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/L3us2N

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:41:47

  20. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… http://bit.ly/JMbZ9b

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:20:03

  21. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… (Taken with instagram) http://bit.ly/K2liZ1

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:14:39

0

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