7 Foolproof Ways to Feel Less Alive

The good folks at ‘Escape Adulthood’ shared this:

Dear friend,

Do you ever suffer from that dreaded emotion of feeling alive? Are you always complaining about that spring in your step, the annoying perception of joy in your heart, or the gnawing sense that you’ve found your purpose in life?

If you ask me, no one should have to live that way, and it’s my mission in life to prevent these sorts of unfortunate conditions. Naturally, there are a host of things that will try and trip you up. Without even realizing it, you can find yourself feeling alive at no fault of your own. Here is a list — by no means is it exhaustive — of certain things you’ll want to steer clear of: smiling babies, as well as all puppies, bunnies and kittens, circuses, water parks, dolphin shows and magic shows, oversized stuffed animals, silly string, bean bag chairs, helium-filled balloons, and of course, Pop Rocks.

Besides all that, here some very effective techniques for turning your situation around:

1) Spend as much time as possible looking at screens. Smartphone screens, computer screens, television screens. The higher number of screen time you can manage is in direct proportion to your lack of aliveness, so as usual, more is better. Also, try replacing face-to-face relationships and interactions with those that exist solely online as much as possible. Remember, leave the real living to the people participating on reality TV shows.

2) On the other hand, when it comes to nature, less is definitely more. Do not frequent parks, mountains, beaches, or wooded areas of any kind. Hiking, biking, climbing, fishing, skiing, swimming…these activities are strictly off-limits. Instead, spend time at more fruitful locales, such as the mall, airport security lines, or the DMV.

3) You should make it a priority to have a job that sucks the living soul right out of you. Specifically, the kind you dread going to and has you longing for the weekend as soon as you arrive. If you already have one, by all means, keep it, especially if it pays the bills. If it pays VERY well, you already find yourself in an ideal position. Refrain from the foolishness of following your “passion.” You’ve got plenty of time for things like that so don’t waste too much time thinking about it now.

4) Commit to as many things as you can, and for your kids as well. A good rule of thumb is to pick activities that you’d only do out of guilt, obligation, or as some misguided attempt to make your kids more appealing to institutes of higher learning. If you have blank spots on your calendar, you’re doing it wrong.

5) Laughter is, of course, a killer. Addictive and insidious, it’s a common culprit for creating feelings of “aliveness.” Believe me, I have spared no effort in trying to wipe out this abominable nuisance. In fact, I’ve made great strides in all levels of government, and many professions as well. (Most of which I’m sure you’d be able to name.) And yet it persists. Resist its spell.

6) Anytime you slip into the habit of wondering if there’s something more out there for you — and don’t worry, it happens to the best of us — calmly remind yourself that this is as good as it gets. Trust me, it is.

7) My final tip is so good, it should be on a bumper sticker: dream small. Although I don’t condemn dreaming, if you must, please, keep it “realistic.”

Feeling less alive is not easy, but millions of people are accomplishing it every day. Follow my words of wisdom, friend, and so can you.

Sincerely,

Adultitis

Source: 7 Foolproof Ways to Feel Less Alive | Escape Adulthood with Kim & Jason

November 22, 2012 1

5 Tips for Boosting Your Willpower

Need to get started? Ponder this:

“Who among us has not made a plan to get up in the morning and exercise, but then hit snooze one time too many, sleeping through our morning jog?

We may have been super-inspired by the incredible brain-boosting properties of exercise. We may have had every intention to start an exercise plan and stick to it. But then… we didn’t. Our warm bed sucked us in. We’ll exercise tomorrow. What we need is willpower.

Once we get in the habit of exercising—or of staying calm in the face of a toddler meltdown, of not checking our email after five o’clock, or of doing anything else we want to have the resolve to do—we don’t need to try so hard. But for now, because we are in the habit of pushing snooze—or yelling, or checking email compulsively all evening—we need self-discipline.” via 5 Tips for Boosting Your Willpower | Psychology Today.

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April 23, 2012 3

When Entitlement Meets Unemployment

A paradox is a seemingly contradictory statement that might nonetheless be true. The deepest one I’ve come across recently goes something like at a time of high unemployment and persistent joblessness, Millennials are asking for more concessions and perks from their employers. I just came across a CNN story about how new hires at marketing agency Euro RSCG told their CEO that they want to come in at 10 or later, have free food and a Pilates room, and get reimbursed for their personal trainers.

This might be an extreme example, but it’s not the only one. It seems like there’s a new meme in the air that rewards in the workplace go to those who ask the most, rather than those who give the most. I bet that The Apprentice and other people-behaving-badly reality TV shows contribute to this.

Whatever its origins, it needs to be stamped out. In every real-world workplace I’ve come in contact with, the higher-ups most valued the junior folk who could get work done, not those who could most fluently talk about themselves and their needs. And while I’ve seen plenty of divas (both old and young), the only divas who got to stick around for any length of time were the ones who also got a lot of work done, or closed a lot of deals, or kept their customers really happy. In short, they got to preen and demand a lot because of their demonstrated skills, but preening and demanding are not themselves job-related skills.

via blogs.hbr.org

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August 30, 2011 0

Image by bobbigmac via Flickr

We preach it every week.

Attract the right kind of traffic by creating exceptional content.

Engage your audience so they know, like, and trust you. Let them know you’re the likable expert who’s going to give them the information (and eventually the products and services) that won’t let them down.

Then use smart copywriting and conversion techniques to turn those raving fans into customers.

No, it’s not paint-by-numbers, but it is a proven, systematic way to build your business.

But sometimes I hear people say, “Geez, that sounds like a lot of work.”

Well, ok, I’m going to give it to you straight. It’s work.

But a lot of work compared to what? Digging latrines? Losing your mind in a cubicle farm? Spouting half-baked opinions on a reality TV show?

So let’s break it down … building a business our way versus building a business by other people’s methods.

via copyblogger.com

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April 27, 2011 0

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