As a father of 6 boys, I’ve seen 3 of them pass through this stage; some are still stuck. I’m pausing to reflect on what did I cause, how can I make amends and how can I help them get unstuck before more time is wasted…
My mother never appreciated the irony…
Heh, heh, heh…
Upon deeper reflection, for me there’s a truth in here about parenting that makes me respond with a little bit of ‘ouch’…
:-/
This note…
…is all I have left from the woman who, for the most part, raised me in my earliest years:
The backstory? My birth father abandoned my mother and me before I left the womb. My grandmother [who we called ‘Ma moo’ because some cousin that went before me couldn’t say Grandma] and my maternal relatives rushed in to fill the gap. My mother worked as an administrative assistant to support my grandmother and me in my earlier years. This note was written around the time I was 3 or 4 when my mom met and married my dad and we moved out to start a life of our own. Today, on the 34th anniversary of her death with tears in my eyes I remember this remarkable woman and the sacrifices she made for me…
It was only last year on this day I learned that when she was married to my alcoholic grandfather there was a time when she left him and put her 4 children up for adoption to protect them from the horrible abuses at home — abuses so bad that my uncles later enlisted in WWII preferring to fight the Japanese and Germans to living with their own father. My grandmother, however, reconsidered out of a deep and abiding love for her children and went back to my grandfather despite the verbal and physical abuse. The number 4 is significant because my mother is the 5th child in the family and she was conceived after my grandmother put the family back together. In a very real way, I would not be here if not for her courage in the face of overwhelming adversity…
Today and every day I thank God for the gift of this courageous woman in my life. There are so many happy memories of early life with her — to this day when I feel happy, I sometimes crave a Cherry Coke. Why? When I was a good boy she took me to the soda fountain and rewarded me with one. This note — 50 years old this year — hangs in my home office and is a constant reminder of her loving presence in my life then, now and always!
The Tiny Guide to Being a Great Dad
Leo Babauta writes:
There are only three things you need to do to be a great dad:
1. Be there. If you’re in their lives, you rock. If you’re there when they scrape their knee, lose their first tooth, need someone to cry to, need help with their school project, want a partner for playing house or hide-and-seek … you are already being a great dad. Be there, when they need you, and when they don’t.
2. Love them. They will know you love them, if you love them fully. It will show in your smile, in your touch, in your good-morning hugs. But also tell them on a regular basis. Infuse all your dad actions with love.
3. Be present. It’s great to be in the same room with them, but as much as you can afford to, be fully present with them. Shut off the mobile device, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and really pay attention. Listen to their long fragmented stories. Really watch when they want to show off their new wizard or ninja move.
That’s it. That’s all you need to be a great dad. Well, there are some bonus moves, but those are just extensions of the above three.” Get more here: » The Tiny Guide to Being a Great Dad :zenhabits.
10 TV Rules You Must Have
Did you ever walk into a friend’s home for coffee and conversation and feel overwhelmed by the distraction of a big honking TV, right there in the living room, running some mindless show and competing for everyone’s attention?
Are you constantly worried about what kind of trash Junior might be watching at all hours on the TV in his room?
Is TV the dominant social presence in your home?
Are you afraid to limit your kids’ usage because you’ve tried to go down that road before and it was nothing but whining and complaining and breaking the rules?
If you answered “YES!”, or have any other TV issues constantly in the back of your mind, then it’s time to step up and establish manageable standards and limits in your home. There’s nothing to be afraid of, and a whole lot to look forward to once you get over the hump and introduce protocols that are fair and consistent.
Here are “10 Rules” from All Pro Dad that should help right the ship just in time for the summer break from school.” Get more here: 10 TV Rules You Must Have | All Pro Dad.
One Day at a Time
“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” via One Day at a Time – Single Parents – Families.com.
I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday while weeding in the garden. My wife and I were talking about taking things one day at a time. I told her that while she was in Italy, sometimes it was all I could do to live second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour let alone a day at a time. The purpose of living one day at a time is to reduce life to bite sized chunks — like the old riddle how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time…
Jesus said ‘sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof‘ [I don’t know why I like the King James version of that quote so much, but I do]. The epiphany for me was that this not only applies to looking forward, but also looking back. Sometimes I can’t bear up under the future OR the past but I don’t have to. I can live one moment at a time when things get overwhelming!
The Apostle Paul said in Philippians chapter 3:”12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
I forget what is behind and I strain toward what is ahead one day at a time…
My Mom Says I’m Special
Very Demotivational – The Demotivational Posters Blog via MY MOM SAYS I’M SPECIAL.
Three Habits You Can Break or Create Today
“When you woke up this morning, what did you do first? Did you hop in the shower, check your email, or grab a doughnut? What did you say to your kids on the way out the door? Salad or hamburger for lunch? When you got home, did you put on your sneakers and go for a run, or pour yourself a drink and eat dinner in front of the television?
Most of the choices we make each day may feel like the products of well-considered decision making, but they’re not. They’re habits. And though each habit means relatively little on its own, over time the meals we order, what we say to our kids each night, and how often we exercise have enormous impacts on our health, productivity, financial security, and happiness.
In the last decade, our understanding of the neurology of habit formation has been transformed. We’ve learned how habits form — and why they are so hard to break.
As a result, we now know how to create good habits and change bad ones like never before.
At the core of every habit is a neurological loop with three parts: a cue, a routine, and a reward.” Go to the source: Charles Duhigg: Three Habits You Can Break or Create Today. There’s valuable information on understanding cues, routines and rewards…
Mother’s Day vs. Father’s Day
I always suspected dads were getting screwed… :-D
One day at a time…
“It’s easy to look at all the tasks and unsolved problems and feel so pressured that we get paralyzed and don’t get anything done. It takes discipline to gather in our scattered forces and focus on one thing, one day, one step, and sometimes one hour—even when taking only that one step can seem so trivial in the face of all that looms.
Would you rather try to do everything at once and get nothing done, or take one small step and do that well? Remember, one plus one equals two.
Inventory Focus: Are you creating unnecessary fear and drama by taking on more than you can handle? Are you willing to trade in the I’m-out-of-control-and-overwhelmed feeling for a sense of manageability? Do you have any history with deliberately living life one day or one step at a time? How did that work? Plans, goals, and dreams are good, but the only way to get there is one day at a time.” via May 12.
Easy does it…
“I watched a friend set up beach chairs and an umbrella. He was grunting, groaning, trying with all his might to accomplish a simple task. After he finished, he looked around and clapped the sand off his hands.
“I’m pretty dumb,” he said. “It didn’t have to be that hard or that much work.”
Yes, life really can be easier. Relaxing and letting it unfold can seem too simple and easy at times. What if we really knew that it was okay to gently go about our lives, living and working and handling things at a relaxed pace? What if we knew it was okay to gently take care of ourselves, and that a force would be present to guide us and help us accomplish each task, each problem, in fact, all the parts of our lives?
Life experience truly has taught me that when I relax, I am so much more capable of experiencing great happiness as well as simple joys. Things get done, problems get solved, and my needs get met.
Gratitude Focus: We can be grateful for all the situations that teach and remind us that “easy does it” works.” via May 11.
Enjoying the Little Things
“Author Dan Millman says, “The key to happiness isn’t in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” How true! Enjoying the little things and teaching your kids to do the same enlarges the soul and uncorks the wellspring of joy. Some examples are:
- Taking in a sunset as a family
- Going on a picnic
- Fishing
- Bike riding
- Looking at leaves under a microscope
- Laying out in the backyard and identifying the constellations
The possibilities are endless. Commit to do one simple and fun thing with your kids for the next four weekends…and enjoy!” via Enjoying the Little Things | All Pro Dad Blog.
Related articles
- Delivering happiness by being happy yourself (pedroveloso.com)
How I Used the Power of Bad Habits to Change My Life
Spread the word! Leo Babauta’s doing a free webinar on bad habits later today. Here are the deets:
Today I’ll be holding a free webinar, “How I Used the Power of Bad Habits to Change My Life“, and I’d love for you to join me.
The webinar will be held today Mon. April 23 at 4 p.m. Pacific/7 p.m. Eastern, on the Habit Course channel on Ustream. You don’t need an account to watch, but if you’d like to ask questions and chat, I recommend signing up for a free Ustream.tv account.
In the webinar, I’ll talk about my struggle with bad habits, why bad habits are so powerful, and how I used the principles that make bad habits stick to beat them. I then applied these same principles to forming good habits, and will share how I did that in the webinar.
You’ll also be able to ask questions about habits when I’m done with the talk, via text chat.
I hope to see you there!
Join me here at 4 p.m. Pacific/7 p.m. Eastern:
How I Used the Power of Bad Habits to Change My Life
via Free Webinar: How I Used the Power of Bad Habits to Change My Life.
Get some!
Related articles
- It’s Not Too Late to Change Your Habits (zenhabits.net)
- The Habits That Crush Us (toddlohenry.com)
- Is it Too Late to Change? (pdresources.wordpress.com)
Every behavior and every thought has a consequence
“When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. When you choose the thoughts, you choose the consequences.” –Dr. Phil McGraw
First, look at the consequences and decide. Is this what I really want?
My dad once told me, “Remember what you know.” Through the years, I have found this to be great advice. So many times we forget simple truths in life, things that we already know. Often, I write about these simple truths to not only remind my readers, but to also remind myself of things that we already know and may have forgotten to practice in our lives.
Today I write about choices.
Every choice that we make is followed by a consequence. Too often, we act impulsively, not taking the time to think through the possible repercussions of our actions. We do not play the tape through, which means that we do not visualize the backlash of our thoughts and behaviors. We simply act without thinking it through in its totality.
Whether our choices are impulsive or well thought out, the consequences will be the same. Take the time to play the tape through. The choices we make when emotions are high, we usually come to regret. Take a moment to think it all the way through.
Source: Every Behavior and Every Thought Has a Consequence | Let Life in Practices
Go to the source if you’d like her list of ‘obvious things we forget’. Click the ‘follow’ button while you’re there!
10 Ways to Overcome a Painful Past
This is so good…
Author Scott Peck opens his classic book “The Road Less Travelled” with the following phrase: “Life is difficult.” The line works because it is so true. Life is not easy, yes – but it’s especially not easy if we don’t, or won’t, or can’t move through that truth and then on into the light.
But moving on requires more than simply getting a shovel and burying the past. And men, I think we all can agree, are typically fairly handy when it comes to using that particular shovel. We’d simply rather not talk about it, and that turns out to be the very worst we can do.
A hurtful past may include a failed marriage, Vietnam, bullying in school, abusive parents, poverty, discrimination, disappointment, bankruptcy, the loss of a parent – or a combination of events. Whatever the hurt, a way forward is always possible if we’re willing to take a few simple steps.
All Pro Dad recommends starting with this list, 10 ways to overcome a hurtful past…
Go to the source for the 10 ways…
10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships humming at optimal levels. Another reason is a simple failure in imagination.
But – if successful courting requires commitment, hard work and imagination to pull off… then why does it surprise us when neglect hurts relationships after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted – why risk everything now?
There are many good strategies if we want to restore a problematic – or “under the weather” – marriage. All Pro Dad suggests the following 10 for men who want to get the ball rolling…
via allprodad.com
Follow the ‘via’ link if you’re interested in the 10 strategies…
10 Ways to Get Your Wife to Trust You
Two brothers live at home with their parents. Don, 17, has a strict curfew. Dan, 16, is never told when to come home. The difference is trust.
Mom and dad know Dan will be home around 10:00. If he’s going to be late, he always calls. But Don never lets them know what he’s up to and he’s lied consistently for years.
For all his openness and detailed communication, Dan feels free as a bird. Don, however, even though he keeps many secrets, always resents what he experiences as a short leash.
Marriage is a similar dance of trust and credibility. Partners who demand “freedom” and push the limits to see how tethered they really are never experience the sense of liberty experienced by those who respect their spouse, keep no secrets, and keep one-another informed about everything.
Non sequitur? Not really. Trust is a sticky issue, but it’s an irreplaceable element if relationships are to experience the kind of freedom and confidence that can only be grounded in mutual respect.
Here are 10 ways to foster trust with your wife…
via allprodad.com
Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like the 10 ways. Me? I’m working on it…
10 Things to Consider Before You Let Your Children Quit
Life is difficult. It’s a given! We’re born, we open our eyes, dad misinterprets our cry, mom puts the diaper on too tight, someone else drops our pacifier – and it begins.
But this is how life works. Challenge is built into the equation; learning requires patience; problem solving is a key element to fulfillment; obstacles come our way every day. World leader Winston Churchill gave a speech at his old school in the darkest days of WW2; he’d had a miserable time there and was considered a failure. He walked to the podium and surveyed the crowd of awe-struck students. “This is the lesson,” he said. “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small – never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense….”
But we also live in this world of entitlement: “’I deserve this.” “I want mine now!” “Children should have everything they want.” “It’s my responsibility to make my kids happy.” “Satisfy me now!”
But, and experience proves this every time, pretty much everything worthwhile comes at the price of investment. It’s not just that the reward is sweeter after the long haul. It turns out that the process of getting from A to B is intrinsically worthwhile – regardless of the payoff at the end. The key to success is perseverance.
However, there are times we and our children should quit something. We do the math and realize the best option is to do something else. But what are the guidelines?
via allprodad.com
Follow the ‘via’ link if you’re interested in the 10 things to consider…
Related articles
- Finish What You Start (jeffalexanders.wordpress.com)
- Hard Times Quotes (mademan.com)
- Stay Strong Quotes (mademan.com)
Surprising secrets to school success
After a busy day, dinner, and getting the kids to bed, heaven forbid if sifting through a stack of parenting studies isn’t the first way you choose to unwind!
Still it’s a shame to miss out on what science can tell us about raising happy learners. In the interest of your sanity, we’ve gathered eight extraordinary, somewhat counterintuitive findings about fostering children’s success. Try them and report back to us — we’d love to know how they worked for you!
via greatschools.org
Follow the ‘via’ link above for 6 great ideas. Subscribe to their site if this topic interests you the way it does me…
Bright, shiny objects! 
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