…on feeling good

Todd Lohenry, e1evation, llc, Personal Digital Coaching, 'personal news aggregation'“Make yourself feel good. It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves. We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list. When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently. Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good. Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.” via Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 126). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

Today I’ll be working hard on making myself feel good even though my wife is far away and I miss her terribly. What ‘feel good challenge will you over come today?

Here’s Why It’s VITAL To Be 100% Self-Approved!

Mastin Kipp at The Daily Love has some good thoughts I’d like to amplify today…

With the uneducated approach to life, we tend to seek outward for things that are within us. Goals, intentions, desires, etc. are all well and good, but if the motive for why we want them goes unexamined, we can keep ourselves in a form of bondage.

One of the great mistakes in life is living life as an “If, then” statement. “If I get X, then I’ll be happy.” The goal is to be happy now.

So are you happy now? And if not, why not? Continue reading “Here’s Why It’s VITAL To Be 100% Self-Approved!”

…on the Inevitability of Pain

“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” via Pain is Inevitable… « Al K Hall-ic Anonymous.

The Manistee

Click image 3x to enlarge…

Yesterday, while my wife and I were enjoying a fine microbrew at The Titletown Brewing Company, traffic started to pile up as the bridges went up and a ship almost two football fields long went up the Fox River. Thanks to the miracle of the internet, here is her story:

Continue reading “The Manistee”

…on Making Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life...

“Many of us do not understand what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for. We may believe we have to get into a tizzy when someone has a problem because it is our responsibility to do that. However, at the heart of most rescues is a demon: low self-worth. We rescue because we don’t feel good about ourselves.. caretaking provides us with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth, and power. Just as a drink helps an alcoholic momentarily feel better, a rescue move momentarily distracts us from the pain of being who we are. We don’t feel loveable, so we settle for being needed. We don’t feel good about ourselves, so we feel compelled to do a particular thing to prove how good we are.” ~ Melody Beattie via Today’s Quotes: What Joy!? Make Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!.

Life’s Inconveniences

Sunrise 2

I just stumbled upon Laura Gardner’s blog and thought I’d share something good I found there…

We have expectations that life SHOULD go smoothly – the computer should turn on, the car shouldn’t break down, the plumber should arrive on time. It can be horribly upsetting when things don’t go according to our expectations. But a life without inconvenience is a magical reality. What is certain is that there will be inconveniences – some small, some large, but always some.

In the same way as we expect life to go as planned, we expect ourselves to always make the “right” choices. So often in the counseling room I listen to clients lament, “I should have known,” “I should have done it differently,” “I should have seen it coming,” “I should have done it better.” Whether it’s about their education, their career choices, their relationship patterns, or anything else, people see how they “should have” done it differently. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?

But fighting the unexpected is not the most productive or satisfying way to live. Wishing it were some other way can be very painful. How can we roll with it, and embrace life’s detours and roadblocks? Many spiritual masters of course have turned to the principle of being present. It sounds so simple, so obvious. Yet, the challenge of it is monumental. It was either Deepak Chopra or Eckhart Tolle who wrote about the task of doing the dishes, and how if we’re present to it, the task can be pleasurable. (The day I enjoy doing the dishes is the day that hell freezes over, but I digress…) via Life’s Inconveniences « Holistic Gardner Blog.

You might want to add her to your Google Reader as well…

Here’s Why Pain Is AWESOME!

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” ~ James Baldwin, writer. via Today’s Quotes: Here’s Why Pain Is AWESOME!.

Using others to stop our pain

Healing will come when were aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness.

via Using Others to Stop Our Pain | Todd’s Perspective.

Epiphany!

“Every one of us has to pick our own way through the land mines of life—no one can or should do it for us. Sometimes the most extravagant pain is the gateway to something incandescent.” ~ Ali MacGraw

via Epiphany! Series: Ali MacGraw « Positively Positive.

There is a hero inside you

Hero

Lifecoach Kute Blackson writes…

Real heroes aren’t angels in the sky. They don’t float amidst cotton candy clouds. Real heroes don’t need to climb Mt. Everest, jump from planes, or walk on fire to prove their strength. Real heroes aren’t named Woods, Kobe, or Cruise. They don’t run from life in order to find peace. Real heroes deal. They know how to take responsibility for whatever befalls them—or whatever they’ve caused.

Real heroes are those who dare to enter situations fully, carrying peace with them. Real heroes are those who have the courage to love, laugh, and live full tilt. Despite the hand they’re dealt. Despite who did what to them. Real heroes are those who dare to live larger than what scares them, embracing their brothers and sisters with open hearts.

There is a HERO inside you.

Deep in our hearts we all have a longing to: Play like Mozart did at four. Play like Miles Davis jazzed. Play like Michael Jordan jumped. Play like Martin Luther King peaced. What would happen if you played like that? What would your life look like if you played like Nelson Mandela persevered? Or like Einstein intuited, Buddha meditated, Mother Theresa loved, Picasso painted, Jesus miracled, Janis Joplin crooned, Barishnikov danced, and Pele played? What could you do? Who would you be if you didn’t let your fear, your past, or your limitations stop you?

It’s your time. It’s your life. NOW.

Real heroes know that no one’s coming.

Because they’re already there.

Because you’re already here.

You are the hero you’ve been waiting for.

I dare you.

Source: There is a Hero Inside You [Blog] « Positively Positive

No one is coming. How will YOU respond?

Despised and rejected…

“He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.”

http://bible.us/Isa53.3.NIV

Good Friday…

From Jon Swanson’s blog…

Jesus Christ died. The son of God was crucified on a cross. We’ve heard the end of the story – He was raised again and lives forever.

But on Good Friday we celebrate His death. “Celebrate” sounds like the wrong word to use. Why should anyone be happy about such a cruel event? The reason we can celebrate is why Jesus died. Because of his death, our sins are forgiven. We don’t have to live under the troubling guilt of the wrongs we have done to others, to ourselves and to God. The consequences of our actions may well remain, but our internal guilt can be totally wiped away. God says in Isaiah 1:18, “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow.”

However, we need to turn away from actions that are keeping us from accepting God’s forgiveness. Acts 3:19 says, “Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.”

The movie, The Passion of the Christ will stay with me a long time. The scenes of the pain Jesus went through to die perhaps the worst possible death are very haunting. Seeing Jesus suffer truly did bring tears to my eyes. I would recommend that you watch the film, if you haven’t seen it yet. It’s good to ponder the cost that Jesus paid for our gain. Just going through Good Friday like any other day is all too easy to do, with the busyness of our lives. Take at least a few moments to reflect on what Jesus did for you and thank Him for it. Pause your routine and go to a different room or outside and express your feelings to God. Bask in His forgiveness.

Today is a Good Friday.

Source: Good Friday | 300 words a day

Gratitude and forgiveness…

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

via A Reason to Be Grateful for Our Most Difficult, Painful Experiences | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In.

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like to read the rest of Melody Beattie’s post…

A powerful three-step algorithm for happiness

Leo Babauta

Another powerful post from Leo Babauta

Today I’m going to share a really simple secret that can make your day instantly better. If you’re feeling down, it can make you happier, all day long.

It’s something I’ve been trying myself, with great results.

It’s three steps, and anyone can do them. This is an algorithm that can be repeated over and over, all day long. It starts with a basic assumption: that we are all human beings capable of goodness, of love, of pain, of broken hearts and passionate love. That we all have bad days, that inside our jaded exteriors is a person who just wants love.

It is based on my observation that we take other people for granted, and that we judge others and become irritated with them for almost no good reasons, and we expect everyone to make us happy or at least behave the way we want them to, and if they don’t, our day is ruined. That’s crazy. People are living their own lives, and aren’t trying to please us or act in accordance with our expectations, and once we accept that, we can be happy.

Here are the three steps. They might sound silly to some of you, but I urge you to give them a try. For just one day. Even just an hour. They are powerful, and they work.

Source: » A Powerful Three-Step Algorithm for Happiness :zenhabits

Go to the source if you’d like the 3 steps…

Coping devices

Pain

Good stuff from Melody Beattie

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devalu­ing ourselves when bad things happen to us.

We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, “Yup. This must be my fault. There’s something wrong with me.” Continue reading “Coping devices”

A seven-step prescription for self-love

Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love”

Feeling good

Sometimes, we don’t get what we want. . . But ...

More thoughts on independence and personal responsibility from Melody Beattie

Make yourself feel good.

It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.

We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, tak­ing a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.

When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.

Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.

Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.

Source: March 27: Feeling Good | Language of Letting Go

Sometimes, when I feel angry or inadequate I either go for a brisk walk or I do something that I’m really good at. In a perfect world, I shut out distractions and do both. It’s a tonic for the soul…

Pain At The Pump

Are you feeling it?

Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All

Love On The Rocks...lol

Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love shares this…

I am not saying that painful things in your past didn’t happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it’s not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work, and reps, like in the gym. But if you try and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt us. Not so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

As I have guided clients through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. Forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And of VERY traumatic events.

The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you.

The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond over the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes of how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but a request for Love or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time.

Source: Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All!

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective on the issue…

Want Joy? Don’t Depend On What Happens!

Jan Polak Portrait of a Benedictine MonkBryan Reeves, an infrequent contributor at The Daily Love has this to share…

Mind-blowing sex, sweet butterfly-stomach romance, big nights out, the beauty of that woman/man you covet and can’t seem to have, your own beauty, parenthood, careers, volcanoes, flowers, our bodies, broken hearts, caffeine highs, arguments with your partner, nations, species, beliefs, spiritual experiences, youth, marriage … absolutely everything has its moment of full wondrous expression before it inevitably fades back into the silence from which it arose. Every minute we spend in desperation trying to hold onto (or get rid of) that which just cannot last anyway, is a minute spent overlooking the peace and juicy wonderment available in this exact moment, regardless of what’s happening.

“Joy is that kind of happiness that does not depend on what happens.” ~ David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine Monk into Buddhism.

I have spent so much of my life either running towards something or running away from it. I have a fascinating capacity for expecting experiences, circumstances, things, people, etc. to make me happy forever or to ruin my life (and everything in between), thus living painfully outside the awareness that absolutely everything has its moment of bloom and will inevitably, simply, fade away.

The evidence for this completely surrounds all of us. Our entire life experience is witness to this phenomenon of perpetual coming and going, expanding and contracting, inhaling and exhaling. It is a source of our greatest sorrows. It also holds the key to our greatest capacity for true joy.

Source: Want Joy? Don’t Depend On What Happens!

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective…

The Quotability of Samuel Johnson

Portrait of Samuel Johnson commissioned for He...
This is not Gretchen Rubin...

A tip of the hat to Gretchen Rubin for pointing me in the direction of Samuel Johnson with her Happiness Project quote du jour…

On this basis, my top five people who have featured most often in Quote … Unquote questions (as opposed to having just been quoted on the programme, which would be too big a task to measure) turn out to be: (1) Winston Churchill (2) Oscar Wilde (3) Noel Coward (4) Bernard Shaw (5) Mark Twain. No sign of Dr Johnson there, I’m afraid.
Then one of the readers of the Quote … Unquote Newsletter came along with his list of people who had featured most often in that Newsletter (and I have to emphasize that this was usually because of some issue regarding their quotations), and this gave a slightly different result, namely: Churchill (first), Wilde (second), Shaw and G.K. Chesterton (joint 4th), Mark Twain and P.G. Wodehouse (joint 6th). Samuel Johnson came 8th in that list.
Then, I counted up the number of quotations attributed to this sort of quotee (again I emphasize written and spoken quotees) in the latest editions of the two major dictionaries of quotations, the Oxford and Bartlett’s Familiar (in the United States). And what do you think I found?
In the Oxford, giving you the results in Miss World order, we have: in fifth place, Thomas Jefferson with 50 quotations, fourth, Winston Churchill with 53, third, Oscar Wilde with 61, second, a stonking 105 from Bernard Shaw, and in first place, with no fewer than 254, from Lichfield, England, Dr Samuel Johnson.
Turning to Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, and again giving you the results in reverse order, we find: in fifth place with 48 quotations, Oscar Wilde, in fourth place, a new entry, Abraham Lincoln with 51, in third place, with 61, Winston Churchill, shooting up the charts to No. 2, with 83 quotations, Mark Twain, and – I hardly need tell you – this week’s, this year’s No. 1, the top of the quotation pops for all time, with 142 quotations, your own, your very own, Samuel Johnson. Gratifyingly, however you measure it, it’s game, set and match to Dr Johnson.
The next question that must be addressed is, Why is Johnson the most all-round quoted source apart from the Bible and Shakespeare? If you define a quotation, as I will, as: ‘Something written or spoken by another that we wish to use for our own ends because it expresses something memorably and well’, then I need hardly go any further. Apart from the truths and wisdom that they contain, Dr Johnson’s quotations are so memorably phrased that they cry out to be repeated until the end of time.
Does a gentleman who marries a second time show disregard of his first wife? ‘Not at all, Sir. On the contrary, were he not to marry again, it might be concluded that his first wife had given a disgust to marriage; but by taking a second wife he pays the highest compliment to the first, by shewing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so a second time.’
Johnson had a very positive view of marriage (though it is easily forgotten that he was himself a widower), hence his remark, ‘Even ill assorted marriages are preferable to cheerless celibacy’ – that’s in the Life – and ‘Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures’ – which is in Rasselas.
`If I had no duties, and no reference to futurity, I would spend my life in driving briskly in a post-chaise with a pretty woman’ – and then he adds: ‘But she should be one who could understand me, and would add something to the conversation.’
Then there is the famous piece of advice he gave Boswell, who was having landlord trouble and considered it a ‘serious distress’. Johnson told him: ‘There is nothing in this mighty misfortune … Consider, Sir, how insignificant this will appear a twelvemonth hence.’ Which, frankly, is the best piece of advice you can give anybody.

Source: The Quotability of Samuel Johnson

Go to the source if you’re curious to know more about this most quotable of all authors…

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