Tag: Marriage

5 Traits of a Good Marriage

Hindu marriage ceremony from a Rajput wedding.
Image via Wikipedia

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, say in their book, When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages, that there are 5 traits of a healthy, life-long marriage: ownership, hope, empathy, forgiveness, and commitment. Here is a summary of each of those characteristics.

1. Ownership: Taking Responsibility

Often, couples believe their problems are the result of the other person’s actions.  It’s easy to avoid responsibility for our problems by blaming someone else.  But in the long-haul, admitting mistakes and owning up to our part of the problem is the single most powerful predictor of turning something bad into something good. Couples need to realize that it’s not who’s wrong, but what’s wrong that counts.

2. Hope:  Believing that Good Ultimately Triumphs

The foundation of hope is belief.  We must believe that the kind of marriage we want is possible.  Hope keeps love alive.  Stop hoping and marriage dies.

3. Empathy:  Walking in your Spouse’s Shoes

A spouse must be aware of what their spouse is feeling and what’s behind that feeling.  Empathy involves both the head and the heart. Many of us do one or the other pretty well; we either feel our partner’s pain with our heart, or we try to solve their problem with our head.  To do both can be a challenge.  But that is what empathy is all about.

4. Forgiveness:  Healing the Wounds

In a good marriage, both husbands and wives are quick to ask for forgiveness and to grant forgiveness. The simple words, “I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” are magical in marriage. Forgiveness was designed to heal the deepest wounds of a human heart.

5. Commitment: Loving for Life

No matter how long a couple has been married, commitment may be the most effective tool good marriages use in battling bad things. Without commitment and the trust it engenders, marriages would have little hope of lasting.

In the face of difficulty, the key is to stay committed to your spouse and work together. Sit down with your spouse tonight and discuss how you are doing in each of these categories.

via markmerrill.com

As the Apostle Paul said “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” I’m struggling with many of these issues right now, trying to do the right thing with my wife despite manipulation from her family. Don’t they realize we have enough drama in our lives without more from their Karpman Drama Triangle?! Apparently not — the problem is that other people are unmanageable and the only thing I can manage is me…

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A New Way Of Looking At Love That Changes Everything!

Top Love Stories No 3
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What do you think of when you hear the word, “love”? Lovers entwined in a passionate embrace? The joy and fulfillment of finding your soul mate? Or perhaps you recall the feelings you have for your children, your parents or your friends.

All of these experiences of love have one thing in common: they’re dependent on another person. Don’t get me wrong, loving relationships are great, but we all know that relationships change and basing our happiness and love on other people isn’t the wisest choice. But what if you could experience a love that didn’t depend on anything outside you?

What if you could love for no reason at all?

via thedailylove.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read more…

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25 characteristics of a husband who truly loves his wife

I Think I Love You
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1. Includes his wife in envisioning the future.

2. Accepts spiritual responsibility for his family.

3. Is willing to say “I’m sorry” and “Forgive me” to his family.

4. Discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed.

5. Seeks consultation from his wife on all major financing decisions.

6. Follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.

7. Anticipates the different stages his children will pass through.

8. Anticipates the different stages his marriage will pass through.

9. Frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.

10. Provides financially for his family’s basic living expenses.

11. Deals with distraction so he can talk with his wife and family.

12. Prays with his wife on a regular basis.

13. Initiates meaningful family traditions.

14. Initiates fun family outings for the family on a regular basis.

15. Takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life.

16. Manages the schedule of the home and anticipates pressure points.

17. Keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.

18. Makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will.

19. Lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.

20. Honors his wife in public.

21. Explains sex to each child in a way that gives them a wholesome perspective.

22. Encourages his wife to grow as an individual.

23. Takes the lead in establishing sound family values.

24. Provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests.

25. Is involved in a small group of men dedicated to spiritual growth.

via allprodad.com

Hmmm. I’m doing OK, but would like to do better. How about you?

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50 Reasons to Celebrate Your Husband or Wife

Even when you are totally in love with your spouse, sometimes pressures of life get in the way and take over your interactions with each other.  It’s a little too easy to let the daily grind wear you down.  That’s why it’s important to remember what you love about each other.  You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to show your appreciation.  You can do it every day.  Here are 50 reasons to get you started…

via familyminute.com

Follow the ‘via’ link above to get the 50 reasons…

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10 Ways to Be Your Wife’s Hero

Author: Bagande
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At the mention of watching a chick flick, many husbands will make excuses as to why the couple should watch something else.  They simply do not want to watch the mushy, romantic films.  Many husbands wonder how their wives are so captivated by the emotional drama found in chick flicks.

Women watch chick flicks for the hero.  Just like how they loved fairy tales as little girls and dreamed of their very own prince.  Wives may gush about how wonderful the fictional hero is from their favorite movie, but they do not actually want that guy.  They want you, their husband. They want you to be their personal hero, the prince who sweeps them off their feet.

  • Be her rescuer and protectorAccording to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, one of a person’s greatest needs is the feeling of safety and security.  To be your wife’s hero, she wants you to be that person who makes her feel safe.  This role of rescuer/protector is easier than what the action movies make it out to be.  Simply be there.  If she falls down, help her back up.  If there is an insect or rodent, put it outside or kill it.  Be there when she is scared and be there to wipe away her tears.
  • Romance your wifeLove your wife and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.  Let your wife know that she is lovely; her feminine heart needs to hear that.  Here are 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife.
  • Set the example as the spiritual leader in your houseBe the spiritual leader in your household for your wife and your kids.  Take the family to church and pray together.  As you and your wife grow closer to God, you will also grow closer to one another.
  • Support herEveryone faces battles of some form in life.  Be there to support your wife when she faces her battles.  You cannot always fight them for her, but you can stand by her.  Sometimes she may need her own personal hero to stand up for her.
  • Listen to her, but don’t try to fix the problemAs a husband, you will hear all about your wife’s problems and annoyances.  She shares these things with you to have someone listen.  You don’t need to fix her problems unless she asks you to.  Just listen.
  • Spend time togetherWomen get jealous of other women whose husbands spend a lot of time with them.  The material things long hours in the office can buy are nice, but ultimately your time is more valuable to your wife. It is also important to spend time together as a family when you have children.  Spending time together is essential to maintaining a healthy marriage and family.
  • Pay attention to detailWomen are more detail oriented than men.  Try to pay attention to little details.  Notice new haircuts, compliment new clothes, and learn facial expressions.  Dates are also very important.  Remember important occasions such as anniversaries and holidays.  Plan ahead for them in order to make reservations or find the perfect gift.
  • Give her a breakOnce you and your wife have children, the dynamics change some.  Your wife will occasionally just need a break and a chance to escape from everything.  Volunteer to watch the kids while she has a girls’ night or takes a nap.  Or arrange a sitter so the two of you have a chance to get away together for a date night.
  • Commit to your wifeIt is not just enough in a marriage to love your wife.  You need to commit to her to demonstrate that love.  The most important thing is to be there; do not be an absent husband.  When things get hard in life or your marriage, do not run.  Work through things together.  Overcoming obstacles together will strengthen your marriage.
  •  Appreciate herLet your wife know how thankful you are for her.  Take note of all the little things that she does and thank her for doing them.  Let her know how important she is to you.
via allprodad.com
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Don’t Follow your Heart

Why not?

Should you just “follow your heart” as you date, in your marriage, while you work, as you socialize?  No. At least not most of the time.  That’s because when most people say, “follow your heart,” they’re really just saying, “follow your feelings.”  And yes, feelings by themselves can sometimes lead you down a smooth road, but more often than not, they’ll lead you on a road full of potholes and maybe even a fatal crash.

Think about it

How many times have you heard about husbands divorcing their wives of many years to get that “loving feeling” with a new “trophy wife?” How many women have said to you, “I just don’t feel in love anymore.” They’re leaving their husbands for a man who “really listens, understands and cares.”  And how many have left their job on a whim because they “felt” like it in order to start a new business that quickly went out of business?

The Problem

We live in a culture where people make major decisions solely in response to their feelings, regardless of who they hurt or what promises they break. Authors Stephen and Alex Kendrick in their book, The Love Dare, say the problem with “following your heart”, as most people define it, is that you are just chasing whatever feels right at the moment, even though it may not be right.  It means throwing caution to the wind and pursuing your latest whim, even though it may not be logical.  The Kendricks further note that, “People forget that feelings and emotions are shallow, fickle, and unreliable.” Emotions can fluctuate depending upon circumstances.  The Kendricks further suggest that instead of following your heart, lead your heart.

via markmerrill.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you want to connect with author Mark Merrill…

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