Tag: Mark Merrill

Avoid Arguments with Good Timing

English: Fire Break Rule of thumb, 'avoid tree...
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Mark Merrill shares…

Soon after my wife, Susan, and I were married, we made a discovery.  It seemed like most of our arguments were at night…when we were tired and irritable from a long day.  So, we set a nine o’ clock curfew on serious discussions.  We found that it really helps.  Now, when we get into a heavy talk after nine, we remind each other that it’s late, we’re not going to resolve anything tonight and we can talk about it tomorrow.  And you know what?  The next morning we’re usually refreshed and can talk about things calmly or decide that it wasn’t that important to begin with.

So you can avoid a lot of arguments with your spouse if you wisely choose when you will have serious discussions.  A good rule of thumb is to avoid settings that are already tense—getting the kids to school in the morning, when you’re dealing with plumbing problems or right when your spouse walks in the door after work.  Instead, choose a time when you’re both rested, when you have some peace and quiet, and when the other person is open to having a serious discussion.

And here’s something else to keep in mind—don’t mix business with pleasure.  In other words, you don’t want to bring up heavy topics when you and your spouse are having a fun time or are in friendship mode.  If you’re out together for your first date night in months, or you’re finally having a little cuddle time on the couch, don’t even venture into potential areas of conflict.

Source: Avoid Arguments with Good Timing « Mark’s Blog

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What is your identity?


Seems that everyone is talking about this concept these days from Nilofer Merchant to Mark Merrill. What is your identity?

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Don’t Follow your Heart

Why not?

Should you just “follow your heart” as you date, in your marriage, while you work, as you socialize?  No. At least not most of the time.  That’s because when most people say, “follow your heart,” they’re really just saying, “follow your feelings.”  And yes, feelings by themselves can sometimes lead you down a smooth road, but more often than not, they’ll lead you on a road full of potholes and maybe even a fatal crash.

Think about it

How many times have you heard about husbands divorcing their wives of many years to get that “loving feeling” with a new “trophy wife?” How many women have said to you, “I just don’t feel in love anymore.” They’re leaving their husbands for a man who “really listens, understands and cares.”  And how many have left their job on a whim because they “felt” like it in order to start a new business that quickly went out of business?

The Problem

We live in a culture where people make major decisions solely in response to their feelings, regardless of who they hurt or what promises they break. Authors Stephen and Alex Kendrick in their book, The Love Dare, say the problem with “following your heart”, as most people define it, is that you are just chasing whatever feels right at the moment, even though it may not be right.  It means throwing caution to the wind and pursuing your latest whim, even though it may not be logical.  The Kendricks further note that, “People forget that feelings and emotions are shallow, fickle, and unreliable.” Emotions can fluctuate depending upon circumstances.  The Kendricks further suggest that instead of following your heart, lead your heart.

via markmerrill.com

Follow the ‘via’ link if you want to connect with author Mark Merrill…

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