You’re fat. You know what to do. There’s not really a new book that will change it. It’s you who will change it.
You’re unemployed. That’s temporary, even if temporary is stretching into 14 months. You know what you need, even if that means education, a move, a change of circumstances. But I promise you that you know.
You’re broke. Money exchanges hands every day. More money than we’ll ever earn in a lifetime flows all around you. You can find ways to have some of it. You know some of those ways. Very few books or speeches will amaze you and set you on a path to claim them all.
Then Why Do We Read and Overstudy?
Because we’re afraid, because we’re procrastinating, because we feel many emotions that “seem” like uncertainty, but are more often good old fashioned lack of self-esteem. Because we’ve tried and failed one too many times and we’re upset with ourselves for this. Because we listen to our Inner Critic and we believe that He or She is right (is yours a male or female?).
Why do I read and overstudy? Because I’m not confident I’m good enough yet the things I read resonate with what I already believe. How short a distance would it be from consuming to producing with what I already know?
An open and honest continuing dialogue with our children is crucial for parental success. When walls are created and information stunted, we are not able to forecast trouble looming on the horizon. Lack of proper communication also stymies solid bonding between parent and child. Many family tragedies could be avoided simply by talking. Here are some thoughts to help bring the joyous sounds of constant family chatter to your home…
Two brothers live at home with their parents. Don, 17, has a strict curfew. Dan, 16, is never told when to come home. The difference is trust.
Mom and dad know Dan will be home around 10:00. If he’s going to be late, he always calls. But Don never lets them know what he’s up to and he’s lied consistently for years.
For all his openness and detailed communication, Dan feels free as a bird. Don, however, even though he keeps many secrets, always resents what he experiences as a short leash.
Marriage is a similar dance of trust and credibility. Partners who demand “freedom” and push the limits to see how tethered they really are never experience the sense of liberty experienced by those who respect their spouse, keep no secrets, and keep one-another informed about everything.
Non sequitur? Not really. Trust is a sticky issue, but it’s an irreplaceable element if relationships are to experience the kind of freedom and confidence that can only be grounded in mutual respect.
Where we get our source of approval from is everything. As children we look up to and make our parents our Higher Power. We think they are perfect, infallible human beings. We eventually learn (some earlier than others) that this isn’t the case. Part of stepping onto and into The Path of our Highest Potential is learning to re-parent ourselves.
This means realizing that our parents are not perfect people and loving them anyway. We realize that The Uni-verse has perfect love & approval for us and that we need not chase. We are approved of and loved as we are, where we are and for who we are right now. This allows us to take a step back and no longer need perfect Love from our parents and instead, we can be grateful for their role in our lives as stewards of our lives instead of masters of our destiny.
Once we begin to heal this process, the other relationships of our lives improve. When we no longer assign magical qualities to our parents, or if we were never loved by our parents or assign magical qualities to other people, we see reality and take our power back. When we know that we are already approved of as Children of The Uni-verse, we no longer need to seek approval in business, with sex, with drugs or with status and stature. We can instead rest in the perfect imperfection of who we already are and let it be.
No longer seeking approval, we now have the confidence, self-esteem and personal integrity to create relationships of a higher caliber. We no longer need to use sex as a way to make us feel loved, but instead as a byproduct of love and intimacy. We no longer are defined by fancy things or big houses, because “stuff” doesn’t validate us.
When we can allow ourselves and everyone in our lives to be imperfect and love them anyways, we have taken a massive leap towards Love.
What would your life look like if you lived it without the compulsive desire to show your parents how awesome you are, or to get their approval? What would your love life look like? What would your professional life look like?
How would your life be different if you KNEW in every cell of your being that you are enough, right now, as is… PERIOD?
Life is difficult. It’s a given! We’re born, we open our eyes, dad misinterprets our cry, mom puts the diaper on too tight, someone else drops our pacifier – and it begins.
But this is how life works. Challenge is built into the equation; learning requires patience; problem solving is a key element to fulfillment; obstacles come our way every day. World leader Winston Churchill gave a speech at his old school in the darkest days of WW2; he’d had a miserable time there and was considered a failure. He walked to the podium and surveyed the crowd of awe-struck students. “This is the lesson,” he said. “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small – never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense….”
But we also live in this world of entitlement: “’I deserve this.” “I want mine now!” “Children should have everything they want.” “It’s my responsibility to make my kids happy.” “Satisfy me now!”
But, and experience proves this every time, pretty much everything worthwhile comes at the price of investment. It’s not just that the reward is sweeter after the long haul. It turns out that the process of getting from A to B is intrinsically worthwhile – regardless of the payoff at the end. The key to success is perseverance.
However, there are times we and our children should quit something. We do the math and realize the best option is to do something else. But what are the guidelines?
There is nothing easy about being a dad. Especially nowadays, if conversations around the water-cooler are anything to go by. Well, we hear your pain. But an honest look at history reveals a—well—comforting familiarity to the foundational premise.
Fact is; dads have been throwing their hands up in the air for literally thousands of years. Fortunately for us this means we don’t have to reinvent the wheel. The iPod, maybe. But the wheel, no.
While children were frustrating the dads of yore, the teachers of yore also came up with their own ideas. So we took a look:
“10-Ways to teach your son to fight Romans” didn’t seem PC.
“10-Ways to marry off your daughter before she becomes a teenager” also didn’t work for us.
“10-Ways to plague the Egyptians” wasn’t going to pass muster with the State Department.
The good news, however, is that we did find the following—more appropriate—10 things scripture says about being a father.
Sibling rivalry has been described as a shoot-out between Siamese twins. When your children are in conflict, it’s not fun to watch them take out their hurts and anger on one another. As Barbara and I watched our six children struggle through hundreds of squabbles, conflicts, disputes, and divisions, we would wonder, Are we being successful as parents? Is there something we’re doing wrong? Are we raising a group of juvenile delinquents?
The truth is that conflict is common to all interpersonal relationships, and every parent knows that it’s especially true between siblings. Children are going to struggle with one another, compete with one another, irritate one another, and have conflict. As parents we came to the conclusion that if we are going to have to endure these conflicts, we would turn them into training opportunities. As a result we repeatedly taught our children to honor one another, to begin to speak well of one another, and to resolve disputes as they occur.
In the process, Barbara and I learned a few lessons that we’d like to share with you. If you are like we were in this phase of parenting, you can use every shred of help you can get!
Right now, this issue is driving me absolutely nuts in our family! I’m over the top tired with the way our boys treat one another and I’m grateful this post appeared when it did. If you want help in this area, follow the ‘via’ link to get all 10 tips. Thanks for sharing, Mark!
After a busy day, dinner, and getting the kids to bed, heaven forbid if sifting through a stack of parenting studies isn’t the first way you choose to unwind!
Still it’s a shame to miss out on what science can tell us about raising happy learners. In the interest of your sanity, we’ve gathered eight extraordinary, somewhat counterintuitive findings about fostering children’s success. Try them and report back to us — we’d love to know how they worked for you!
“When we think of parenthood, we idealistically dream of wonderful moments and strong happy families. Sometimes life has other plans and challenges for us. Parents can struggle to connect with their own children. Step-parents can be resented and rejected by the children of their new spouse. In all such cases, an unhealthy living situation can evolve. Direct and patient steps must be taken to create a loving and functioning family that will thrive. Here are some ideas to help with this difficult task…” via allprodad.com. Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read the list…
“When you’re married with children, finding alone time as a couple is difficult. But when school is back in session, the additional demands of extracurricular activities and assorted family member schedules make it nearly impossible. Tack on the cost involved with a night out, and most couples just simply decide to forgo date night as a luxury. But that kind of thinking needs to be adjusted. Date Night with your spouse doesnt have to be an all-out romantic extravaganza taking weeks of planning. In fact, Date Night doesnt even have to be at night! The important thing is to carve out some time for just the two of you so you can recharge, refocus and maybe even romance each other. Here are 8 Thrifty Back to School Date Night Ideas that you can try.”
When you stop making them responsible for what you feel today, you access your power to really live.
Your parents OWE you nothing today. They gave you the most amazing gift of birth and life. They don’t OWE you respect, apologies, or money. When you can own this you free yourself and are no longer dependent on them for your happiness. Instead of living at the mercy of your past and simply being a reaction to your parents’ actions, you cut the umbilical cord and become free to create a life you choose.
Each moment you hold onto resentment, anger, blame, about the past, you are killing your present. What happened is done and nothing you do, or say now will change what happened. It is done.
Often we refuse to let go, and hold onto the anger at our parents because we feel dignified in doing so. They didn’t give us what we wanted. They weren’t there for us in the way we needed. They abused us, beat us, abandoned us, manipulated us, molested us, or were mean to us.
Yes, you are right. They were not right or justified in what they did.
However: “Do you want to be right or free?”
“Is being right making you happy? Is holding onto being right changing them?”
Each moment you hold onto the resentment, you keep yourself stuck in a prison of victimhood. You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child. It happened. You were young back then.
But now, today, you are responsible for what you choose to do.
via thedailylove.com. You can follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read the rest of the article…
“Your gadgets and computers, your software and sites — they are not working as well as they should. You need to make some tweaks. But the tech industry has given you the impression that making adjustments is difficult and time-consuming. It is not. And so below are 10 things to do to improve your technological life. They are easy and (mostly) free. Altogether, they should take about two hours; one involves calling your cable or phone company, so that figure is elastic. If you do them, those two hours will pay off handsomely in both increased free time and diminished anxiety and frustration. You can do it.” Source: 10 Ways to Get the Most Out of Technology – NYTimes.com.
You’ll have to go to the source if you want to hear the Times perspective on the 10 ways you can more effectively manage your technology in the new year — most of the suggestions are sound. You might also want to read this post for some things you can do to get a ‘new’ computer for the new year…
Thinking about success for 2010? Here’s something to ponder…
Charles F. Kettering, inventor of the electric self-starter for cars, once said, “My definition of an educated man is the fellow who knows the right thing to do at the time it has to be done…. You can be sincere and still be stupid.” Indeed. The world is full of sincere, hungry people waiting for food to magically appear on the table.
But let’s not bother with them right now. It’s almost time for dinner and we have work to do. While the rest of the world frets about ruffling feathers, let’s get busy plucking the chicken. We’ll eat. We’ll laugh. And we’ll drink a toast to our success.”
A good reminder for entrepreneurs! Click the here to read more of this excellent post…
Now.
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Bright, shiny objects! 
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