Save yourself the time, the money, and the trip.
Be your own guru.
via April 9: Be Who and Where You Are | Language of Letting Go.
Discover what works for you
Melody Beattie writes:
There is no quick fix, no panacea that will work for every person. Success rarely happens overnight or in five days. Even the Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Although proven to work, the details and decisions about how we apply those Steps in our lives are left to each one of us.
And few things happen overnight, except the beginning of a new day.
Listen to your mentors. Examine what’s been tried and true, and has worked and helped countless others along their paths. The Twelve Steps are one of those approaches. But don’t be taken in by false claims of overnight success and instant enlightenment along your path.
True change takes time and effort, especially when were changing and tackling big issues. We can often get exactly the help we need at times from a therapist, book, or seminar— the best things in life really are free and available to each one of us. The Twelve Steps, again, qualify in this area.
Discover what works for you.
Trust that you’ll be guided along your path and receive exactly the help and guidance you need. Then give it time. There really isn’t an easier, softer way.
God, give me perseverance to tackle my problems.
Source: April 8: Discover What Works for You | Language of Letting Go
Melody Beattie’s work on codependency works for me and has been a tremendous help over the past year as a supplement to the work I am doing in Celebrate Recovery. What is working for you this Easter as you think about resurrection and rebirth?
Tackle “impossible” with this three-pronged approach
Philip McCluskey shares an inspirational story of attacking goals from a physical, spiritual and mental perspective in his post with a focus on
- Taking responsibility for your power
- Believing you are worth it
- Creating your own good days
- and trusting the Universe.
Go to the source if it sounds interesting to you; Tackle “Impossible” with This Three-Pronged Approach [BLOG] « Positively Positive
On clutter…
If we don’t clear the clutter from our lives, we aren’t able to let new feelings, experiences, projects, visions and relationships flow in. We often can become so focused on wanting to add so much more to our lives that we don’t realize that what we get rid of can have the most profound impact of all.
Find a "Comfort Food" for your mind
Gretchen Rubin writes…
One common happiness question is: How do you give yourself a boost? If you’re feeling anxious, blue, angry, scared, what can you do to soothe yourself?
A few days ago, I posted 5 myths for fighting the blues. Okay, those don’t work very well. So what does?
One suggestion: find a “comfort food” for your mind. Know what you can do with your brain that will give yourself a comforting break from your worries, at least for a little while. By doing so, you’ll re-charge your battery, find it easier to stay calm and cheerful, find it easier to take action to remedy your situation—and you’ll sleep better. But this is easier said than done.
We all suffer from “negativity bias,” that is, we react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good. (What do you remember better, a compliment or a criticism?) Research shows one consequence of negativity bias is that when people’s thoughts wander, they tend to begin to brood. Anxious or angry thoughts capture our attention more effectively than happier thoughts.
So if you’re feeling blue, look for ways to pull your mind away from your worries onto positive topics…
Source: The Happiness Project: Find a “Comfort Food” for Your Mind.
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of Gretchen’s post…
Gratitude and forgiveness…
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie
Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like to read the rest of Melody Beattie’s post…
Stand up to your fear of abandonment
Melody Beattie writes…
Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We’ll do anything just so that person doesn’t walk out and leave us alone.
I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.
Then a new thought set me free: If you don’t want to be my friend, or my lover, or my employer, I don’t want you in my life.
No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.
Are you spending your time worried about someone leaving you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feeling like an underdog in your relationships? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I’m about to tell you: If that person doesn’t want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn’t want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.
Once you adopt this belief, it’s easy to send the bad relationships packing, and the good people want to stay.
God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.
Source: April 5: Stand Up to Your Fear of Abandonment | Language of Letting Go
Related articles
- Relationships and Fear (whollyhappy.wordpress.com)
- Getting over Fear (plantfueled.wordpress.com)
- From Frozen Feelings to Fear to Freedom (michelewhitney.wordpress.com)
- Go easy (toddlohenry.com)
- Thursday Quote – Melody Beattie (elizaggie.wordpress.com)
5 Excuses that keep you unhealthy (and how to destroy them)
Matt Frazier of No Meat Athlete shared this on zenhabits…
Each and every one of us, as a human being, is hardwired to choose the path of least resistance. We’re programmed to conserve energy for when we might need it and to avoid risk wherever possible, because that’s what it took for our ancestors to survive (and reproduce) in a world full of unknown dangers.
Today, it’s why the status quo — tested, predictable, familiar — is so comfortable. And it’s why we find change so difficult, even when our very lives depend on changing.
I’m referring, of course, to our health. Continue reading “5 Excuses that keep you unhealthy (and how to destroy them)”
Just frikkin’ do it already…
Are you glued to the computer all day like me? Get inspired by Gemma Stone…
Since I saw her video post last December, I have been trying to work walking into my life. I used to poo-poo walking as not being exercise ‘enough’ but lately my wife and I have been ‘power’ walking for 40 minutes a day and the benefits are amazing!
I use an app called Endomondo for my smartphone that tracks my distance and time and I use Pandora to give me some upbeat music to keep the pace up. Stop making excuses and join me! Everyone in your life will thank you…
On attachments…
Melody Beattie shares this today…
A friend called me one day. His shiny new car was in the garage for repairs again. “I should have gotten a truck, something practical, that would start every day and get me to work,” he said. “If ever, ever I start screaming that I have to have something and can’t live without it, start screaming back at me until I stop.”
What’s attached to your self-esteem? Continue reading “On attachments…”
Let go of low self esteem
Melody Beattie shares this thought for today…
“Sell-esteem is so illusive,” said Amanda. “I’ve been working on my self-esteem for years. The harder I work at it, the less I seem to have.”
I believe we can let go of low self-esteem. We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves. We can become willing to forgive ourselves. We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn’t feel good to us. We can look at the dangers of defining ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.
Twelve Step programs offer two Steps that can help us build self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of character. Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The work isn’t easy, but it is worthwhile.
For now it’s enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives.
God, please replace my low self-esteem with self-acceptance.
Source: April 2: Let Go of Low Self Esteem | Language of Letting Go
Go easy
“Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don’t have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace. Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life. Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough. Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter. Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is. Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment. Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony.”
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 90). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Coping devices
Good stuff from Melody Beattie…
One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us.
We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, “Yup. This must be my fault. There’s something wrong with me.” Continue reading “Coping devices”
Don’t drink the negative Kool-Aid
Terri Cole posted this recently…
The onslaught of bad news in the media continues to fester. The climate of fear has reached epic proportions. We are inundated with bad news about our crumbling economy, the rising unemployment rate, executive greed, lack of affordable healthcare, etc. So the question is how can YOU stay positive and productive in a relentlessly negative climate and NOT drink the Armageddon Kool-Aid?
Well, as you may have guessed, I have a few ideas. Continue reading “Don’t drink the negative Kool-Aid”
A seven-step prescription for self-love
Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.
Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading “A seven-step prescription for self-love”
6 lessons for living fearless and free
Here are a few truths I have learned about transforming fear:
1. Fear Is a Feeling, Not a Fact
This is great news and comes as a surprise to most clients. We change our feelings all the time, so we can change the fear feeling also! Mortal fear is the only informed fear. If your life is in danger, the fight-or-flight response is adaptive and necessary. However, most of the time when your flight-or-fight response is activated, you are not in mortal danger. You can have an initial fear response, recognize you are not in mortal danger, and calm your mind to create clarity.
2. Your Mafia Mind Is a Bully
Your fear mind, or “Mafia Mind” as I call it, operates just like the real mafia. Instead of extorting money, your Mafia Mind extorts joy and potential happiness from your life by threatening you with what might happen. A lot of things might or might not happen, so harness the power of your intention to create what you want to happen.
3. Be Here Now
Present moment awareness is essential to stop fearful thoughts from becoming reality and dictating decisions. Never mind what was and don’t be a fortuneteller. This present moment is unique—there has never been and will never be another. So let go of the, “well this is what will happen because that’s what always happens.”
4. Meditation
A dedicated daily practice of stillness and silence strengthens your “be here now” muscle. Living more in this present moment will decrease fear-generated “future tripping” into what hasn’t happened and “past tripping” into what no longer exists.
5. Exercise Gratitude in Motion
A Johns Hopkins University study indicated volunteering as little as two hours per week increased feelings of happiness and decreased feelings of depression in volunteers. I made volunteering a mandatory experiment for clients struggling with fear and anxiety and found positive results. Fearful obsessing is very isolating. Sharing your gifts with others is the fastest way to get out of your head and into living.
6. Nourish Your Noggin
Seek help from a licensed professional. Years of my own psychotherapy before and after my year of fear created a safe space for my healing.
You have the power to free yourself from the mental prison that fear creates. Anything worth having is worth working for, and you deserve to live fearless and free.
Source: 6 Lessons to Living Fearless and Free [BLOG] « Positively Positive
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of her perspective…
Letting go of fear
Melody Beattie shares this from the Language of Letting Go…
Fear is at the core of codependency. It can motivate us to control situations or neglect ourselves.
Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don’t label our feelings fear. We’re used to feeling upset and anxious. It feels normal.
Peace and serenity may be uncomfortable.
At one time, fear may have been appropriate and useful. We may have relied on fear to protect ourselves, much the way soldiers in a war rely on fear to help them survive. But now, in recovery, we’re living life differently.
It’s time to thank our old fears for helping us survive, then wave good-bye to them. Welcome peace, trust, acceptance, and safety. We don’t need that much fear anymore. We can listen to our healthy fears, and let go of the rest.
We can create a feeling of safety for ourselves, now. We are safe, now. We’ve made a commitment to take care of ourselves. We can trust and love ourselves.
God, help me let go of my need to be afraid. Replace it with a need to be at peace. Help me listen to my healthy fears and relinquish the rest.
Source: March 28: Letting Go of Fear | Language of Letting Go
Fear sucks! Take care that you don’t get caught up in it…
Solitude: the benefits it brings
Are you lonely or alone? Consider this…
“In a study of fifth through ninth graders, Reed Larson found that over time, the older children choose to spend more time alone. What’s more, their emotional experience was improved after they had spent some time on their own. Those adolescents who spent an intermediate amount of time alone – not too much, not too little – seemed to be doing the best psychologically.
The psychologists who really do get it about the sweetness of solitude are the ones I mentioned in my last post – Christopher Long and James Averill. The title of their key theoretical article is “Solitude: An exploration of the benefits of being alone.” No apology. No befuddlement that humans might actually benefit from their time alone.
Here’s how they characterize solitude:
“The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people – a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one’s mental and physical activities.”
Many readers made similar observations in the comments they posted to Part 1. Although there can be benefits to spending time with others, there can also be rewards to “disengagement from the immediate demands of other people.””
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of the article. Me? This reminds me of the old adage about snow. If it comes to me, it’s work. If I go to it, it’s play. Same with being by yourself. If I choose it, it’s solitude. If I feel I have no choice, I’m lonely. What do you think?
Feeling good
More thoughts on independence and personal responsibility from Melody Beattie…
Make yourself feel good.
It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.
We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.
When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.
Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.
Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.
Sometimes, when I feel angry or inadequate I either go for a brisk walk or I do something that I’m really good at. In a perfect world, I shut out distractions and do both. It’s a tonic for the soul…
Is happiness the secret of success?
Some people think if you are happy, you are blind to reality. But when we research it, happiness actually raises every single business and educational outcome for the brain. How did we miss this? Why do we have these societal misconceptions about happiness? Because we assumed you were average.
When we study people, scientists are often interested in what the average is. If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.
Many people think happiness is genetic. That’s only half the story, because the average person does not fight their genes. When we stop studying the average and begin researching positive outliers — people who are above average for a positive dimension like optimism or intelligence — a wildly different picture emerges. Our daily decisions and habits have a huge impact upon both our levels of happiness and success.
Control
Melody Beattie shares…
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.
I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.
In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better — a life that is manageable.
Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.
Bright, shiny objects! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.