So that’s how it goes…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie has a loooong post on New Year‘s mindfulness. Here’s an excerpt:

I began to list the qualities or skills I applied that helped me go from loser to a winner at something I knew absolutely nothing about when I started.  I didn’t take me long to see that these are identical to the qualities that help me succeed at anything I want to do. While these ideas aren’t revolutionary, it’s easy to forget that each is within our power to do.

  1. Realize I’m where I am on purpose, even if it’s an accident. Sometimes the most trivial things that happen to us are more important than we believe.  When I look for the big, the exciting and the momentous – I leave empty-handed.  When I surrender to the present moment, understanding the sheer magnificence of each of these in my life – even those that suck — and then follow that with gratitude, my wheelbarrow overflows.  (I use that expression because my entire life, I wanted a wheelbarrow and now I have one, a good one I won one for not much money at all at DealDash and because “cups overflowing” has become a cliché, something writers should avoid.) I really am thrilled about having a wheelbarrow and in my most far-fetched moments of self-love, couldn’t justify buying one.

Full story at: SO THAT’S HOW IT GOES | Melody Beattie.


Into the great unknown…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie writes:

“When I go into the Unknown. I immediately start making lists,” one man said.

We each respond differently to loss, letting go. and the Unknown. We may try to fill up the vacuum immediately with something else. That usually doesn’t work, at least not well.

Try to he as present as you can for what you’re going through.

Action: Protect yourself. You’re vulnerable now. Do the simple. easy things that need to be done, one task at a time, even if nothing feels completely right. Remember the basics of self-care. Eat. Sleep. Shower. Get plenty of rest. Talk to trusted friends. Express what you’re feeling at the moment the best that you can.

We may vacillate between anger, rage, guilt, and sadness when we’re letting go. And then we may go numb and nor be able to think clearly. Don’t worry about that; your ability to think clearly will return. Don’t do anything that hurts yourself or anyone else. That won’t help. It’ll make things worse. Lists may help us stay on track.

Try not to see the big picture right nom It probably hasn’t been shown to you yet.” via December 3.

Letting Go

Melody Beattie writes:

Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. Maybe in the past we couldn’t trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold.

Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, be more. Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.

Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Ease up on ourselves. Let go. Stop trying so hard.

Today, I will let go. I will stop trying to control everything. I will stop trying to make myself be and do better, and I will let myself be.

via November 19: Letting Go.


Does Gratitude Matter in Marriage?

Susan Heitler, Ph.D. writes:

“Please” and “thank you” often come out of our mouths automatically. How can we use true gratitude and thankfulness to cultivate healthy relationships?

Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

As children we’re taught to say “thank you” automatically in return for a favor. On this surface level, we are taught that gratitude is an appropriate social response.

At the same time, on a more complex level, gratitude is a way of being. When we truly feel gratitude, we experience heartfelt awe and appreciation for the goodness of something outside ourselves. Having gratitude towards someone or something means respecting its value and treasuring how unique, beautiful, or indispensable it is.

New studies support the idea that gratitude is an integral part of healthy relationships. As marriages move past the honeymoon stage, couples go from appreciating and loving every little detail about each other to taking each other for granted. Amie Gordon, a psychologist from U.C. Berkeley, blames this for the downfall of many relationships: ”You get used to having [your spouse] in your life and forget why you chose to be with them.” We become deadened to our spouse’s special qualities and instead focus on things that annoy us about them. These doldrums leave couples confused and discouraged: “Maybe the man they married isn’t so great after all…What happened to the spark in our relationship?…What do we do now?”

Dr. Gordon’s study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explores the role of gratitude and appreciation in maintaining long and healthy relationships. In the study, 50 committed couples were given a week to fill out appreciation journals. On days when one partner reported feeling more appreciated, he or she tended to appreciate his or her partner more the next day.

Couples who had ongoing reciprocal appreciation were less likely to break up in the next nine months and even reported being more committed at the end of that time. The researchers concluded that a nourishing cycle of encouragement and appreciation provides extra incentive to maintain our relationships. In other words, when we appreciate our partners, we develop trust and respect. When we feel appreciated, we feel needed and encouraged.

In the second part of the study, Gordon’s researchers observed how couples of all ages–from 18 to 60–communicated appreciation. The team noticed that “highly appreciative” pairs tended to use body language and response skills to show that they valued their spouses. Foremost of these was a Power of Two favorite skill: active listening. When their partner spoke, appreciative spouses leaned in, made eye contact, and responded thoughtfully to what they were saying. They made it clear that they were listening to and digesting what their spouse said, thereby showing that they valued their spouse’s opinion. Appreciative couples also used touch and physical encouragement such as handholding or an encouraging pat on the leg.

This study observed the healthy relationships benefits of naturally appreciate couples. The flipside is that some couples are not naturally appreciative. It can be incredibly discouraging to not feel appreciated–you may even feel like your marriage is over. Luckily, our behavior and thoughts are malleable; just as we fell out of patterns of love and gratitude, we can grow back into them.

The key to sparking healthy relationships with gratitude is to take the initiative: “Instead of just waiting for the other person to make you feel good, you can jumpstart that cycle and take it into your own hands by focusing on what’s good in your relationship,” says Dr. Gordon. Start with small and easily achievable goals, such as giving your spouse five compliments a day, or simply smiling at her more often.

Gratitude is a skill that you cultivate—nurture it in yourself, and soon your will see positivity radiate back at you.

Source: Does Gratitude Matter in Marriage? | Psychology Today

The Top 10 Habits of Grateful People

“‘Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” — Henry Ward Beecher.

It is no secret that gratefulness is correlated with life satisfaction and happiness. Countless research findings, particularly in the rapidly emerging field of Positive Psychology, have shown that gratefulness and life satisfaction go hand in hand.  Those who tend to be more grateful rather than bitter are generally more positive, more satisfied with their lives, and will be able to see the silver lining even on cloudy days.Despite this intuitive understanding of the importance of gratefulness, all too often when life throws us curve balls, this grateful mindset all but disappears. It certainly is easier to be grateful when you are on a winning team and things go in your favor. However, the true test of resiliency and gratefulness is when life does not go your way. If you find yourself losing more than you are winning, and can’t seem to get over past regrets, disappointments and life’s injustices, gratefulness is overturned by a sense of injustice. Experiencing loss, frustration and even trauma, especially if we feel blindsided, certainly can make it difficult not to indulge in negative feelings.  After all, we might wonder, when things go wrong what really do we have to be grateful about? No matter what happens to us, if we “dig deep” we often can find that there is really plenty to be thankful for in our lives. The following are the 10 top habits of people who remain steadfast in their ability to be grateful, and can temper the blows life gives them with an unwavering “attitude of gratitude” mindset: The Top 10 Habits of Grateful People…Even In Tough Times.

How To Journal Gratitude

FinerMinds Go to the source: How To Journal Gratitude.

…on Making Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life...

“Many of us do not understand what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for. We may believe we have to get into a tizzy when someone has a problem because it is our responsibility to do that. However, at the heart of most rescues is a demon: low self-worth. We rescue because we don’t feel good about ourselves.. caretaking provides us with a temporary hit of good feelings, self-worth, and power. Just as a drink helps an alcoholic momentarily feel better, a rescue move momentarily distracts us from the pain of being who we are. We don’t feel loveable, so we settle for being needed. We don’t feel good about ourselves, so we feel compelled to do a particular thing to prove how good we are.” ~ Melody Beattie via Today’s Quotes: What Joy!? Make Yourself Do Uncomfortable Things!.


Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Melody Beattie shares…

Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.

What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.

Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.

I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controll­ing or trying to control people. What I received for my ef­forts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.

In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better — a life that is manageable.

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

Source: March 26: Control | Language of Letting Go

You’re Being Protected

Garth Brooks (album)
Image via Wikipedia

Melody Beattie blogs this…

It’s easy to be thankful for answered prayers, easy to be joyfully grateful when the universe gives us exactly what we want. What’s not so easy is to remember to be grateful when we don’t get what we want.

John wanted an executive position in the company he worked for. He worked hard for the promotion. He prayed daily for his promotion, while giving a hundred percent of his energy and dedication to the position that he was in. But when the time came, he was passed over for his dream job. He left the company shortly after that. Today, he runs his own company with more responsibility, success, and joy than he could have ever hoped for at his old firm.

Susan, a recovering addict, wanted to date Sam more than anything. They got along great those times they ran into each other at work. He was charming, handsome, and sober, she thought. For months she tried to arrange a date with him, prayed that God would bring him into her life. But things never seemed to work out. She didn’t know why. He seemed so interested in her. She was positive that the relationship was divinely ordained. She was stunned when she arrived at work one morning to find that Sam had died the night before of a drug overdose. He had been using drugs and lying about it the whole time.

Sometimes we get what we ask for. Sometimes we don’t. God says, “No.” Be grateful—force gratitude; fake it if you must—when God answers your furtive prayers by saying no.

Take the rejections with a smile. Let God’s “no’s” move you happily down the road. Maybe you’re not being pun­ished, after all. Maybe God is protecting you from yourself.

God, thank you for not always giving me what I think is best.

Source: January 22: You’re Being Protected | Language of Letting Go

Good stuff! Reminds me of the Garth Brooks classic…

Appreciating ourselves…

LOVE and CARE for you , my Dearest!!!“We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe It. It makes life much easier.” – Codependent No More

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves. We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not. We have a right to be here. We have a right to be ourselves. We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are. We are good enough, and deserving. Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good. We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be. That, my friend, is a wonderful gift. God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.” Source; November 29: Appreciating Ourselves | Language of Letting Go

These words should not be as important to me as they are, but they are! Hey, relatives — you know who you are: “Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.” This holiday season will be the best in a long time because I’m giving myself permission not to play a role in their drama or buy into their bullsh!t…

An exercise in gratitude

Donated by the artist when he joined the Acade...
Image via Wikipedia

“The thought and feeling of gratitude are among the most powerful tools of creation. Thinking about the things in your life that you are grateful for having not only makes you appreciate them more – it also sends out a message of “have” versus “lack” into the Universe. And since you attract what you are, you activate the mechanism that allows you to have that which you desire and are thankful for. Gratitude is most powerful when followed by action – when thought and deed are aligned – so showing your gratitude brings even more of this ‘have’ energy to you. Thinking, feeling, and acting thankful every day doesn’t take much – just awareness of what you’re already doing and connecting these to the thought and feeling of gratitude. Here are some examples:

  • I’m grateful for my fully functioning body, and I show it by walking in joy.
  • I’m grateful for my creativity, and I show it by coming up with new recipes in the kitchen.
  • I’m grateful for my family, and I show it by telling them that I love them whenever I can.
  • I’m grateful for this beautiful planet and I show it by recycling.
  • I’m thankful for my desire to help others, and I show it by sharing valuable information for a healthy lifestyle.
  • I’m thankful for my need to be who I am and say what I think, and I show it by “telling it like it is” and speaking/writing/standing for the bottom line.
  • I’m thankful for the sun, and I show it by closing my eyes and feeling the sun’s rays for a second every morning that I open my curtains to a clear day.
  • I’m thankful for knowing that I am connected to every single soul on this planet and beyond, and I show it by smiling at everyone I meet and treating them with the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have done unto you.

As you can see, you can practice gratefulness with the smallest thing or the most profound ideas. I challenge you to, right now, think of something or someone for which you are thankful, and show it.  Share it with us here too, because nothing spreads the joy and power of gratitude like sharing it with others. What are you grateful for?” Source: Silvie+Maryl | Upgrading Minds, Transforming Lives

On gratitude…

Fairy wrens, Sydney.
Image via Wikipedia

I found a new blogger today. Amanda M. shares…

“One of the things that I use to get over negative and obsessive thinking is the practice of Gratitude. I have a book dedicated to all the things that I am grateful for. Everyday (almost) I list all the things that I am grateful for and I don’t stop until I’ve filled one page. On the days that I feel most negative, it takes the longest time to fill a page, but once I have, I feel calm, serene and full of Grace. These days, I’m feeling particularly grateful for the spring time scent of Jasmine that blooms at the door of my office. Aside from putting Jasmine in my Gratitude Journal, I also step outside and take in a deep breath of the sweet perfume, getting lost in the moment and coming out the other side a little more centered. The daily practice of Gratitude makes the world seem a friendly place and gives me a good measure of positivity.” Source: Daily Practice « My Recovery in 12 Steps


Acting As If

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life...
Image by ~K~ via Flickr

Acting as if is another recovery truism that’s been around for a long time. I still use it regularly in my life.

I know people who are not in recovery athletes, performers, artists -who use the technique too.

All it means is that if it’s time to act, we do— whether taking that action feels comfortable or not. Instead of doing nothing, or waiting for confidence, success, or inspiration to overtake and motivate us first, we go ahead and move forward with an action anyway and let the good feelings catch up to us. We act as if the desired change has already taken place.

Right Where You Need To Be (via Breathe.Smile.LetGo)

I love WordPress! Here’s another great blogger I found who is using it well. I was drawn in by this quote — “Many times on my journey I stopped short, convinced I would never find the place I was trying to find, only to discover that it was right in front of me all the time. (M. Beattie)” — and liked the rest of what I saw while I was there. I now subscribe to ‘Breathe.Smile.LetGo.’…

The other day I was driving along and realized suddenly that it takes more effort than it used to for me to brake. It got me to thinking about how that gradual change in my brakes’ effectiveness has finally caught up enough for it to be noticeable. It was nothing that happened over night. It was a combination of events that have occurred over the past 40 thousand miles. And then I started thinking about the larger picture… Did you know that if … Read More

via Breathe.Smile.LetGo

When Life Twists and Turns

Road near Rossie. The land to the left of the ...
Image via Wikipedia

Today’s thought from Melody Beattie…

“Sometimes in life, no matter how deeply we intend to make the best decisions possible for ourselves, things happen. Marriages end, jobs turn sour, friends wane. For reasons outside our control or understanding, the situation twists and turns into something other than what we bargained for. Have you been waiting for a situation to revert to what it originally was—or what you hoped it would be when you got in? Are you telling yourself that there’s something wrong with you, when the reality is, the situation has changed into something other than what you thought it was? Things often don’t go as smoothly as we planned. Sometimes, we need to endure and get through the rough spots. But I’m talking about those grindingly difficult moments when life suddenly twists on us. These are the times we need to quit torturing ourselves. Let go of what you thought would happen. If life has twisted on you, don’t turn on yourself. Don’t try to make things be the way they were. Come up to speed. Return to now. Let yours elf accept the new situation at hand.The road isn’t always a straight course. Sometimes, even a path with heart unexpectedly twists and turns. God, help me relax and trust myself enough to deal with reality, not my fantasy of what I hoped it would” via August 28: When Life Twists and Turns Language of Letting Go.

Start a Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: