Tag: Fear

Waves…

Great-Wave-700x482

When I spin or spiral or go ‘sideways’, fear rolls over me like great waves and I am tossed about by the next crazy think that comes to my mind…

Consider this, however. Have you ever been at the ocean? Do you know what it’s like to drop below the waves and watch them from underneath? I have noticed that if you stay on the surface you can get pounded by wave after wave but if you drop a few feet below the surface, all you feel is a gentle tug.

This past weekend, I faced wave after wave of fears. I found that when I stayed on the surface, I was at the mercy of every memory and thought that rolled in but if I could drop down into myself and find a quite place, the ‘waves’ had no effect.

In her book True Refuge, teacher Tara Brach says this:

“I recently read in the book My Stroke of Insight by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor that the natural life span of an emotion—the average time it takes for it to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half. After that we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue.” ~ True Refuge

One tool I used was to ‘pay attention’ to thoughts but journaling them in Evernote and most of ,u fears seemed to be appeased by the recognition of documentation. For the rest, I used Tara Brach’s RAIN acronym:

  • Recognize
  • Allow
  • Investigate with Kindness
  • Non-identify

If only I could claim perfection! This approach, however, did help me ‘drop under the waves’ and become happier overall…

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Facing fear…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie writes:

“How do you face fear?” a woman asked.

“I suggest doing one thing each week that scares you,” I said, even though Eleanor Roosevelt said to do one thing each day that scares you.

Action: Make a list of your fears, known and unknown. Then tell yourself, someone else, and your Higher Power what’s on the list. This idea is borrowed from the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Next make a list of ten things, like deep breathing or praying, that help you feel peaceful, or at least help you make peace with the fear. Learn to recognize fear. Then figure out what you need to do to make yourself feel safe.

We each have similar—and different—things on our list of fears. Sometimes our fears are deep rooted. They got stuck in us from our past. We each have dif­ferent ideas and levels of actions we’re ready to take to be brave and face fear. For some, it might be riding in an elevator. For others, it might be expressing how they feel.

It’s important to know your limit. But sometimes it helps to push yourself a little when your fears limit you too much.

I’ye traveled alone to Pakistan, Algeria, and East Los Angeles, and I was perfectly safe. Yet, in my own home, I’ve given myself a concussion, burned myself, and fallen down the stairs.

There are certain things we need to do to responsibly protect ourselves. I recently asked a friend to pray for my safety on a potentially hazardous journey. She said, “I’ll ask. But know that God is already with you.”

Wherever we go, God’s there. Make yourself safe wherever you are.

Gratitude Focus: Instead of resisting our fears or feeling ashamed of them, let’s try reverse psychology and be grateful each time one comes up.

via December 31.

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Creating A New You For The New Year!

Terri Cole writes:

It is an annual occurrence. We run on autopilot from Thanksgiving through Christmas, and then around December 26, we start to think about new habits we want to create and bad habits we want to ditch. We evaluate what hasn’t been serving our purpose and what we need to change in order to be more fulfilled. For some reason, we have a difficult time implementing new strategies in the present moment. It’s as if we must wait for a momentous occasion that clearly marks new beginnings.

Does the split second between December 31 and January 1 possess some kind of transformational magic? Do we really need a specific calendar date to create our best lives?

Nope. We really don’t.

The biggest challenge is realizing the potential for renewal you have in every moment. If you focus on staying present instead of mulling over the past or anxiously awaiting the future, you can harness the power of your intention and make what seems impossible, possible. Obsessing about what you did and did not do in the past and fearfully projecting into the future is your fear mind limiting your potential.

Once you release the fear, you can stay rooted in the here and now and develop present moment awareness. You can begin to truly discover what you want more and less of in your life based on who you are NOW rather than on how you have behaved in the past.

Recognize you are a work in progress, which is a process that thankfully never ends. Realize that at any moment you can declare a Do Over—to create that magic split second of New Year’s transformation—any day of the week.

You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Now is not then, and no matter how familiar it may feel, this present moment has never happened before. Instead of fearing what may happen, harness the mind-blowing power of your intention to create what you want to happen.

Whether it’s now because New Years is right around the corner, or at any other time throughout the year, here is a great exercise to get you on the path to sustainable change.

Full story at: Creating A New You For The New Year!.

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Creating Calm and Releasing Anxiety: Go Deeper, Not Faster

“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” ~Lena Horne

Full story at: Creating Calm and Releasing Anxiety: Go Deeper, Not Faster | Tiny Buddha.

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When You Fear Making the “Wrong” Decision

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron. Get more here: When You Fear Making the “Wrong” Decision | Tiny Buddha.

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Is Fear of Success Limiting Your Productivity?

English: Words associated with Fear

Most people will readily admit that they are afraid of failure.

But what about fear of success? Is it possible that you are afraid of success and it’s limiting what you want to do in life?

Do you often wonder why you are not as successful as you know you could be – or should be?

Do you blame it on circumstances? Time? Money? Or do you ever, gulp, blame it on yourself?

No way…right?

The truth is a lot of people are afraid of a lot of things. And there is lots of good advice out there to help you overcome many types of fears. But when it comes to success, most people who are afraid of it are not even aware of it.

So, how can you tell? How do you know if you’re one of those people who are afraid of success so you are unwittingly the one responsible for holding yourself back? CNN Money has a quiz you can take which includes the following questions:

  • Do you feel guilty about your own happiness if a friend tells you s/he is depressed?
  • Do you find yourself not telling others about your good luck so they won’t feel envious?
  • Do you have trouble saying no to people?
  • When you start a project do you suddenly find a bunch of others things you suddenly have to take care of?
  • Do you believe that people who look out for themselves are selfish?
  • Do you avoid asking for help because you’re afraid of bothering someone?

Did you answer “yes” to some of those questions? If you did, it’s entirely possible you’re afraid of success. But does it really matter? Is your fear really limiting you?

People who are afraid of achieving success can experience the following:

  • A noted lack of effort in achieving goals, personal, school, or financial
  • Self-destructive behavior
  • Inability to make decisions and choices
  • Lack of motivation
  • Underachievement
  • Belittling your achievements
  • Feeling guilty when you do succeed
  • Making the “wrong” choices to ensure you will not be happy and successful
  • General negativity

Clearly the answer is if you fear success then your life is less than it could be.

But what can you do? What can you do to overcome success-fear so you can get on with creating the life you want to live?” Get more here: Is Fear of Success Limiting Your Productivity?.

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Perfection?

Another great perspective from Melody Beattie…

Melody Beattie

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Send Your Fear On Vacation!

via Visual Inspiration: Send Your Fear On Vacation!.

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Fear & Codependency

“Fear is at the core of codependency. It can motivate us to control situations or neglect ourselves. Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don’t label our feelings fear. We’re used to feeling upset and anxious. It feels normal. Peace and serenity may be uncomfortable. At one time, fear may have been appropriate and useful. We may have relied on fear to protect ourselves, much the way soldiers in a war rely on fear to help them survive. But now, in recovery, we’re living life differently. It’s time to thank our old fears for helping us survive, then wave good-bye to them. Welcome peace, trust, acceptance, and safety. We don’t need that much fear anymore. We can listen to our healthy fears, and let go of the rest. We can create a feeling of safety for ourselves, now. We are safe, now. We’ve made a commitment to take care of ourselves. We can trust and love ourselves.

God, help me let go of my need to be afraid. Replace it with a need to be at peace. Help me listen to my healthy fears and relinquish the rest.” Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 127). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Who You Spend Time With Is Who You Become

This post from Mastin Kipp is so compelling I curated it in its entirety…

Community is everything. If you want to see a preview of your future, look to who you are hanging out with. This isn’t some moral statement about your peer group, it’s more of a vibrational or elevational statement.

You see, we live in a literal Uni-verse. That means that we become what we think and what we think is greatly determined by who we spend the most amount of time with.

Do you spend time with people who are constantly trashing your dreams? If so, then after time, you begin to believe their doubt and their fear; not because their doubt and fear are true, but because we are creatures of habit and our subconscious mind begins to absorb what we hear, especially the feedback from people we love and spend a lot of time with. And if you start to believe their doubt, then soon you will begin to take action from that belief in doubt and BAM – the manifestation of the belief of doubt becomes real. Not because it’s true, but because the belief of doubt became your dominate thought pattern and that thought pattern influenced your actions and your actions produced the outcome.

The outcome of our lives begins within us. If we water our dreams with doubt, then we think doubtful thoughts; take doubtful action and our lives become a living testament and proof of our belief. Then, what many people do is take this “proof” and use it to further justify their initial belief. But you see, what they’re missing this whole time is the fact that their initial thoughts of doubt is what created the outcome of doubt. They unknowingly participate in their own demise.

But, this can be prevented by hanging with the proper community of people. Let us hang with people who uplift us, who encourage us towards our dreams and who challenge our thought patterns. Let us not surround ourselves with people who always agree with us, but rather people who support our growth by challenging our beliefs and helping us break through to new mental and spiritual ground so that our lives may be enriched as a by-product.

Look around. Who are you spending time with? And more importantly, who are you believing? If you have a dream, do you believe people who are living their dreams and thus know the TRUTH about what’s possible, or do you take advice from people who aren’t living their dreams and thus will tell you it’s not possible.

Who you spend time with and who you believe is a major factor that will determine whether you are successful or not. Our aim should be to hang with people who are loving, who believe in us, who challenge us to go to the next level and who inspire us. Life is far too short to hang with people who are always negative and who want you to stay bitter and pissed off like them. It takes a lot of humility to admit when we’re wrong and to grow past our limiting beliefs. Let’s surround ourselves with people who support our growth, not necessarily the way we want, but most certainly the way we need.

Source: Who You Spend Time With Is Who You Become

Now, aren’t you glad you found this? I am!

:-D

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…on the Temporary Importance of Fear

“Perfect love, we know, casteth out fear [1 John 4:18]. But so do several other things — ignorance, alcohol, passion, presumption, and stupidity.

It is very desirable that we should all advance to that perfection of love in which we shall fear no longer; but it is very undesirable, until we have reached that stage, that we should allow any inferior agent to cast out our fear.” (“The World’s Last Night” in C. S. Lewis: Essay Collection and Other Short Pieces, 51) via C. S. Lewis on the Temporary Importance of Fear – Desiring God.

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Stand up to your fear of abandonment

Melody Beattie writes…

Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We’ll do anything just so that person doesn’t walk out and leave us alone.

I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.

Then a new thought set me free: If you don’t want to be my friend, or my lover, or my employer, I don’t want you in my life.

No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.

Are you spending your time worried about someone leav­ing you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feel­ing like an underdog in your relationships? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I’m about to tell you: If that person doesn’t want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn’t want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.

Once you adopt this belief, it’s easy to send the bad rela­tionships packing, and the good people want to stay.

God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.

Source: April 5: Stand Up to Your Fear of Abandonment | Language of Letting Go

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6 lessons for living fearless and free

Terri Cole shares her thoughts on living ‘fearless and free’ here…

Here are a few truths I have learned about transforming fear:

1. Fear Is a Feeling, Not a Fact

This is great news and comes as a surprise to most clients. We change our feelings all the time, so we can change the fear feeling also! Mortal fear is the only informed fear. If your life is in danger, the fight-or-flight response is adaptive and necessary. However, most of the time when your flight-or-fight response is activated, you are not in mortal danger. You can have an initial fear response, recognize you are not in mortal danger, and calm your mind to create clarity.

2. Your Mafia Mind Is a Bully

Your fear mind, or “Mafia Mind” as I call it, operates just like the real mafia. Instead of extorting money, your Mafia Mind extorts joy and potential happiness from your life by threatening you with what might happen. A lot of things might or might not happen, so harness the power of your intention to create what you want to happen.

3. Be Here Now

Present moment awareness is essential to stop fearful thoughts from becoming reality and dictating decisions. Never mind what was and don’t be a fortuneteller. This present moment is unique—there has never been and will never be another. So let go of the, “well this is what will happen because that’s what always happens.”

4. Meditation

A dedicated daily practice of stillness and silence strengthens your “be here now” muscle. Living more in this present moment will decrease fear-generated “future tripping” into what hasn’t happened and “past tripping” into what no longer exists.

5. Exercise Gratitude in Motion

A Johns Hopkins University study indicated volunteering as little as two hours per week increased feelings of happiness and decreased feelings of depression in volunteers. I made volunteering a mandatory experiment for clients struggling with fear and anxiety and found positive results. Fearful obsessing is very isolating. Sharing your gifts with others is the fastest way to get out of your head and into living.

6. Nourish Your Noggin

Seek help from a licensed professional. Years of my own psychotherapy before and after my year of fear created a safe space for my healing.

You have the power to free yourself from the mental prison that fear creates. Anything worth having is worth working for, and you deserve to live fearless and free.

Source: 6 Lessons to Living Fearless and Free [BLOG] « Positively Positive

Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of her perspective…

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Letting Go of the Need to Control

English: Black cat Another great post from Melody Beattie – this time on the topic of detachment…

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.

— Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set us and others free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

If we weren’t trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

What would we do that we’re not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?

What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? if we weren’t trying to con­trol another person’s behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or per­son? Are there some things we’ve been doing that we’d stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently?

Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat our­selves better?

If we weren’t trying to control, what would we do differ­ently? Make a list, then do it.

Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free.

Source: March 18: Letting Go of the Need to Control | Language of Letting Go

Detachment is the most difficult of all recovery topics for me. I’m trying to understand the difference between trying to control and having health or reasonable expectations. Maybe there is no such thing as an expectation can have of my wife or children; not if I want to be happy or at peace anyway…

The times I have a glimpse of what detachment looks like are those times when I’m playing with my black cat Boo. I don’t expect Boo to bark like a dog or come when called. She meows and sometimes when it suits her mood she comes when called but I don’t expect her to be something that is not in her nature.

Someday I’ll write a book called ‘Everything I need to know about detachment I learned from my cat’ but I still have much to learn from her…

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Expose Yourself To Your Deepest Fear!

Paula Modersohn-Becker. Rainer Maria Rilke, 1906

“Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.”

– Rainier Maria Rilke, was a Bohemian-Austrian poet.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

– Jim Morrison, lead singer of The Doors!

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”

– Richard Bach, is a best-selling author.

“If you let it, life can become a simple pattern of staying in your comfort zone and never wandering out into the unknown to see what lies on the other side of its horizon. Today is Monday, the first day of the week; change your patterns, even slightly today, so that a new world can find you. Do ONE thing that scares you today, ONE thing that makes you a little nervous, ONE thing that you never thought you would do. If you do ONE thing every day you will have done 365 NEW THINGS in a year! Today, don’t try to tackle everything, but please do ONE thing!”

– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

via Today’s Quotes: Expose Yourself To Your Deepest Fear!.

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Friday the 13th Book icon
Image via Wikipedia

Cute! Heidi Cohen has 13 ways social media scares marketers for Friday the 13th. The first one comes up in every social media class and preso her in Northeast Wisconsin…

Social media is scary for marketers. Used to controlling their brand and messages, they feel most comfortable using one-to-many media for distribution. By contrast, social media allows for multi-directional socializing and interaction.

As a result, marketers only control one aspect of the current communications ecosystem while consumers and the public have media platforms that provide low cost content creation and distribution.

Here are thirteen ways social media instills marketers with fear and actionable marketing tips to help your firm overcome it.

  1. People can say bad things about us. With social media, every consumer has a media platform, a built-in audience and a megaphone to amplify their message. A disgruntled customer can use his smartphone to capture an incident and quickly distribute it. Actionable Marketing Tactic.  Use social media’s public forum to engage customers and determine how to improve your offering, gather insights for future improvements, and provide additional service where needed.

Source: 13 Ways Social Media Scares Marketers | Heidi Cohen

Go to the source if you want the other 12. Comment, call or ‘connect’ so we can talk about how this applies to you and your organization…

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Let Your Own Light Shine!!!

Lighthouse

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

– Marianne Williamson, is a best-selling author and speaker.

via thedailylove.com
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Conquer the Fears Lurking in the Dark Corners of Your Mind

one of the most laughter inducing photos i've ...
Image via Wikipedia

I was reading Confessions of a Shopaholic recently and ran across a passage that struck a chord with me … the main character is avoiding thinking about increasingly urgent letters from banks and creditors, trying to push these worries out of her mind:

“I’m well aware that at the back of my mind, thumping quietly like a drumbeat, are the twin horrors of Guilt and Panic.

“Guilt Guilt Guilt Guilt.

“Panic Panic Panic Panic.

“If I let them, they’d swoop in and take over. I’d feel completely paralyzed with misery and fear. So the trick I’ve learned is simply not to listen. My mind is very well trained like that.”

This passage struck a chord because I’ve been there. I’ve had those horrors of guilt and panic at the back of my mind, many times.

I’ve done it with debt — I let the letters from creditors pile up, trying to ignore them, not wanting to face them.

I’ve done it with my health, knowing I was growing overweight, not wanting to think about the things I was eating.

I’ve done it with smoking, knowing it was bad for me, but trying not to think about it, puffing away.

I’ve done it with projects that I knew I should be working on, but didn’t want to think about them … because I was afraid, for some reason, to face them.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you have fears lurking in the deepest, darkest corners of your mind? Fears you don’t want to face and try to push back, closing your eyes so you don’t have to see how horrible they are?

If so, I highly recommend you face them now. Be bold and brave. Bring them out into the light of day.

It’s an amazing relief when you actually do face these fears. They actually turn out to be not so bad, not so overwhelming or intimidating. It’s a huge load off your shoulders — you’re liberated from your fear!

via zenhabits.net

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like the rest of Leo’s thoughts…

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