Tag: Fathering

The Tiny Guide to Being a Great Dad


Leo Babauta writes:

There are only three things you need to do to be a great dad:

1. Be there. If you’re in their lives, you rock. If you’re there when they scrape their knee, lose their first tooth, need someone to cry to, need help with their school project, want a partner for playing house or hide-and-seek … you are already being a great dad. Be there, when they need you, and when they don’t.

2. Love them. They will know you love them, if you love them fully. It will show in your smile, in your touch, in your good-morning hugs. But also tell them on a regular basis. Infuse all your dad actions with love.

3. Be present. It’s great to be in the same room with them, but as much as you can afford to, be fully present with them. Shut off the mobile device, close the laptop, turn off the TV, and really pay attention. Listen to their long fragmented stories. Really watch when they want to show off their new wizard or ninja move.

That’s it. That’s all you need to be a great dad. Well, there are some bonus moves, but those are just extensions of the above three.” Get more here: » The Tiny Guide to Being a Great Dad :zenhabits.

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My favorite quote on fatherhood…

My birth father abandoned my mother and me 3 months before my birth. I was raised by my grandmother while my mother supported our family unit until the day she met my dad. They were married over 50 years ago and he formally adopted me when I was 5 — I still remember going before the judge and having him ask me if I wanted my dad to be my dad. It’s an honor and a privilege that few sons have — to actually affirm their choice of a father before a judge…

Years later as a student of German literature, I came across this quote: “Nicht Fleisch und Blut, das Herz macht uns zu Vätern und Söhnen.” I thank God every day for my dad’s heart; a heart which made him a father and me a son and gave me the courage to adopt my own son when I met the woman of my dreams like he did…

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Is This the Last Father’s Day?

Not the best picture of my ‘other dad’, but it will have to do…

The title comes from Randy Taran who writes:

My father is requesting that all family members come by… no, not for a typical family reunion, but for Father’s Day. They say that people sometimes get a sense about things, and I have a feeling that my dad knows the end is near.

I am not complaining. I have had the amazing good fortune of having him around for longer than most. He is 95.5 and pretty darn present.

It has me thinking about the various roles we play in life: child, parent, parent to our inner child, parent becomes child, and child becomes parent’s parent… it’s endless in all the possible permutations.

I recently asked my dad for his five top life lessons, and this seems like a perfect time to share them:

1. Lead your own life. Know who you are and be true to yourself.

2. Be satisfied with what you have. Don’t go looking to other people for validation or compare yourself to others — that goes nowhere.

3. Be very grateful for what you have. Appreciate everything, from nature to relationships to waking up another day. Looking at things with the right perspective allows you to see that what you have is all you need, and more.

4. It’s all about family. That is what is important, that everyone is happy and lives a good life.

5. Love is what matters most. After all the ups and down that life sends our way, after all the careers and hopes and dreams, what stands out and will always remain is love.

This may or may not be his last Father’s Day; he has surprised us before. No matter what, I will always cherish my dad’s life lessons and pass them on to my own children as the cycle continues. Happy Father’s Day to all.

For more by Randy Taran, click here. For more on happiness, click here. via Randy Taran: Is This the Last Father’s Day?.

I curated this article for multiple reasons; not the least of which is that it makes me think about my father-in-law who is getting on in years. Throughout our marriage, my relationship with my in-laws has been strained for reasons too complicated to go into; only recently, however, I have gained a special appreciation for my father-in-law…

My ‘other Dad‘ is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for almost 50 years. The more I dig into my own ’emotional sobriety’ and recovery from codependence, the more I appreciate him as a person and his contribution to the world — especially his example as he lives out the 12th step daily. Recently, when my wife was in Italy we connected a couple of times by phone and I had a chance to tell him for the first time that I loved him as a ‘dad’ — and I don’t say that lightly; dad is a title of honor in my life — and that I appreciate his example. There are things around ‘recovery’ that he gets that my first dad will never understand and I appreciate his testimony more with each passing day…

My second dad is now 79 and time is catching up with him. I cherish the help he has given me in my recovery and his lack of judgment toward me. Whether this is the last Father’s Day or the first of many we have in this ‘new’ relationship — God knows there are no guarantees in this life — I’m glad we had a chance to connect in his living years…

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Thoughts on How To Be A Dad

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. -Mark Twain

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to, but she’s certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. -Anonymous

The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat. -Robert Frost

A father is a banker provided by nature. – French Proverb

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’ – Jerry Lewis

Small boy’s definition of Father’s Day: It’s just like Mother’s Day only you don’t spend so much. – Anonymous

When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry. -Jewish Proverb

How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted. -Voltaire

My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. -Clarence B. Kelland

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. -Mark Twain

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.” -Harmon Killebrew

One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters. – George Herbert

You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular.-Robert Frost

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. – Red Buttons

It’s a terrible thing to raise your own to disown you -Sippican Cottage

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. -Jimmy Piersall

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. – Spike Milligan” via Sippican Cottage: How To Be A Dad.

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10 TV Rules You Must Have

Did you ever walk into a friend’s home for coffee and conversation and feel overwhelmed by the distraction of a big honking TV, right there in the living room, running some mindless show and competing for everyone’s attention?

Are you constantly worried about what kind of trash Junior might be watching at all hours on the TV in his room?

Is TV the dominant social presence in your home?

Are you afraid to limit your kids’ usage because you’ve tried to go down that road before and it was nothing but whining and complaining and breaking the rules?

If you answered “YES!”, or have any other TV issues constantly in the back of your mind, then it’s time to step up and establish manageable standards and limits in your home. There’s nothing to be afraid of, and a whole lot to look forward to once you get over the hump and introduce protocols that are fair and consistent.

Here are “10 Rules” from All Pro Dad that should help right the ship just in time for the summer break from school.” Get more here: 10 TV Rules You Must Have | All Pro Dad.

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Enjoying the Little Things

Happy Family
“Author Dan Millman says, “The key to happiness isn’t in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”  How true!  Enjoying the little things and teaching your kids to do the same enlarges the soul and uncorks the wellspring of joy.  Some examples are:

  • Taking in a sunset as a family
  • Going on a picnic
  • Fishing
  • Bike riding
  • Looking at leaves under a microscope
  • Laying out in the backyard and identifying the constellations

The possibilities are endless.  Commit to do one simple and fun thing with your kids for the next four weekends…and enjoy!” via Enjoying the Little Things | All Pro Dad Blog.

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10 Tips on Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

Friends.
Image via Wikipedia

Sibling rivalry has been described as a shoot-out between Siamese twins. When your children are in conflict, it’s not fun to watch them take out their hurts and anger on one another. As Barbara and I watched our six children struggle through hundreds of squabbles, conflicts, disputes, and divisions, we would wonder, Are we being successful as parents? Is there something we’re doing wrong? Are we raising a group of juvenile delinquents?

The truth is that conflict is common to all interpersonal relationships, and every parent knows that it’s especially true between siblings. Children are going to struggle with one another, compete with one another, irritate one another, and have conflict. As parents we came to the conclusion that if we are going to have to endure these conflicts, we would turn them into training opportunities. As a result we repeatedly taught our children to honor one another, to begin to speak well of one another, and to resolve disputes as they occur.

In the process, Barbara and I learned a few lessons that we’d like to share with you. If you are like we were in this phase of parenting, you can use every shred of help you can get!

via familyminute.com

Right now, this issue is driving me absolutely nuts in our family! I’m over the top tired with the way our boys treat one another and I’m grateful this post appeared when it did. If you want help in this area, follow the ‘via’ link to get all 10 tips. Thanks for sharing, Mark!

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10 Things to do for a Child Who Has Rejected You

The father and his son.

“When we think of parenthood, we idealistically dream of wonderful moments and strong happy families. Sometimes life has other plans and challenges for us. Parents can struggle to connect with their own children. Step-parents can be resented and rejected by the children of their new spouse. In all such cases, an unhealthy living situation can evolve. Direct and patient steps must be taken to create a loving and functioning family that will thrive. Here are some ideas to help with this difficult task…” via allprodad.com. Follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read the list…

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